Somebody tell some jokes. Something new.

1 .. students go to the toilet during recess, only to find that they don't have any paper, they can't wait for people, and their mobile phones are in arrears. In desperation, he called 10086 for help. . . It is said that there was silence for a long time, and later ... his classmate received such a short message in class: Hello, China Mobile User, your classmate is in the toilet and asked you to send him toilet paper. For details, please consult 10086. The dormitory is on the 6th floor. I climbed up and found that I didn't have my key. I went downstairs and asked my aunt for it. Then I climbed up to open the door, went down to return the key and climbed up again. I found the door closed. A classmate next door passed by and asked, "Look at your door, I'll close it for you." At night, my girlfriend said I was too girly, so I got angry and quarreled with her. I want to be a man, but I finally can't help crying. 4. A buddy got up the courage to express his affection to MM on QQ. After a while, MM replied: I'm her mother, and I'm here to steal food. 6. On this day, I suddenly found out that I have a big aunt, a second aunt, a fourth aunt and a fifth aunt, but no third aunt. So I went to ask my dad: Why don't I have a third aunt? I thought for a moment: Did Third Aunt die when she was young? My dad said: your third aunt is your mother! Once the bell rings, everyone must go home. When I went down the stairs, my left foot stepped on my right foot and I fell into a big font in the middle of the road ... I thought at that time: No way, it's embarrassing, I pretended to be dizzy. As a result, the classmate next to me looked at me motionless, quickly helped me up, and then slapped me ... 8. A classmate, his computer automatically turned on every morning (probably because the dormitory opened instantly when he called in the morning). As a result, his old man took a symbol and posted it on the computer. . . 19. A female friend and a gay man share a house. One night she was very depressed, and that gay gave her a bowl of noodles very thoughtfully. She suddenly felt very warm and said, "Why don't we make do with it?" Unexpectedly, Guy's face changed greatly:' You don't have a man, I do! "I was rejected, and then I got a call from my mother and said,' Add me, quick! "2 1. One day, halfway through physical education class, the bathroom solved personal problems. As a result, I was so anxious that I went into the men's room by mistake. I was cheated when I saw a boy urinating in a urinal. A second later, I was about to retreat quietly, but I was found and fainted. I saw the boy shouting "rogue, indecent assault" and then covering his chest with his hand. Later, later, I said something that I found incredible. "Classmate, you built the wrong place ..." 22. Go to a restaurant bathroom to pee when you get drunk. I saw a sentence written on the wall. After a closer look, it said, "Don't look here, concentrate on peeing. "When I finished reading this sentence, I already peed my pants. 23. I am an ambulance doctor. Today, a patient told me that he had only six months to live. I want to say something encouraging! Comfort: six months, soon passed, be strong! 26. I once rented A Jin Tianyi in Mamba, and when I saw the second page, I burst into tears. I don't know which day I drew a circle on a character with a blue ballpoint pen and wrote, This is the murderer ... On the afternoon of 27th, I got on the bus. I took out my bus card and stuffed it into the slot. 28. I had a whim and used my photo as my computer desktop ... and then my computer was poisoned ... 30. Our math teacher always pretends to be humorous and tells jokes that no one laughs at. Our class discussed playing tricks on him. When he said the first sentence in class, we all laughed in unison. He came that day and said that his father had passed away. I laughed at once, and everyone else was silent. 3 1. I farted on the bus, and when I saw people around me waving with painful expressions, I waved. The lady next to me turned to me and said, don't pretend. 32. My wife and I went to the Reclining Buddhist Temple to play. My wife couldn't walk on the road, so I carried her. An old woman saw it and said seriously, you see, you are also a scholar. My wife is ill, so it's no use going to the hospital early. When I was in primary school, I only had a few cents of pocket money every day. Once I saved money for a few days and finally bought a pack of spiced melon seeds. In class, I secretly broke them all, and the melon seeds were put in the desk drawer. When I came to class in the afternoon, I looked at the melon seeds and stuffed them in my mouth. It felt good. . When class was over, a classmate asked me what to eat, so I had to say eat melon seeds. I bought spiced melon seeds specially, and only the shell without meat is delicious. . As a result, a group of classmates gathered around my seat that afternoon and ate the melon seeds I licked twice. . . . 36. Visiting the supermarket, I saw a cashier carefully counting a pile of coins. A child ran over and sang: There are a group of ducks passing by the bridge in front of the door. Come and count, 24678. . . . Then the cashier was very depressed and went back to count the half-counted coins again ... 37. There was a baby (male) in our dormitory, which was a little honest (stupid) and sometimes cute. Once after the lights went out at night, everyone was chatting again. He said, when I have money, I'll find three girls. Our tastes have been adjusted by him. When we asked him what happened, he said calmly, playing mahjong ... 38. Chatting with a sister, she said: The day before yesterday, my boss, a man, looked at my computer for a long time and said, "Xiaoke, do you grow vegetables, too?" "This is working time!" I looked at him with melon seeds and said, "Manager Zhang, this is my desktop. Where did you see Super Mary standing on the vegetable field? " 39. The funeral procession downstairs is playing "Come home often". I don't know what my family thinks. 4 1. I think of something in college. The final exam of the university is coming, and I want to fill in the exam number on the paper. I wrote the QQ number in the fucking. 42. My head teacher in junior high school is particularly fierce. I have a class meeting every Friday before school starts. Once, she was so excited that she said sternly, "Why are you so disappointing? I have racked my brains for this class. " At that time, several classmates and I tried not to laugh, so we had to bury our heads deeply. I remember a buddy lying on the table, biting his hand hard. . . 46. Dormitory buddies are violent. One day, he found a mosquito in a mosquito net. He was busy catching it for a long time, but he didn't catch it. The buddy sighed and said, "Shit, I'm starving!" Then quickly put away the mosquito net, endured it for several days and finally starved the mosquito to death. Our sweat is nothing, right? Many people have done it. One day, he found a fly flying into the mosquito net and said to us, "I must kill him." We said, "The flies are hungry. It seems that you can't beat them." "Look," the man grabbed a novel, got into the mosquito net and sealed it. I kept shaking my fan while reading a novel, just to keep the flies from landing. As a result, after two hours, the fly finally couldn't fly. He leaned down, poked the fly and said, "I haven't read enough books." 47. I remember once going to the swimming pool with my parents. As soon as I entered the gate, I saw a social youth with a tattoo, shaved head and a big gold chain around his neck! When we got into the water to get used to the temperature, we watched the brother swagger past a stop point in the water, and lightning happened. . . The thick gold chain around his neck floated on the water. . . . . On July 22, 2009, I met a buddy on a BBS and said, "TMD, the solar eclipse was in the daytime, which kept me waiting all night." 50. When my brother was on the bus, a beautiful girl in the bus kept looking at him. The younger brother thought: the girl may be interested in herself and can't help but be happy. The girl got off at the station. The younger brother immediately followed. The girl walked in front and looked back from time to time. The younger brother got up the courage to run forward and said humorously, "Miss, why do you always look at me?" Is there a grain of rice on my face? The girl glared at him and said, "Are you sick?" I know. I still don't wipe it. "