Are there any horror or funny websites?

Marriage Certificate

A wife was worried that her 28-year-old daughter would not be able to find a husband, so she advised her

to place a classified ad in the personnel column: "A young, beautiful and extremely rich

interesting heiress is seeking correspondence with a cynical man

who likes to invite people to travel."

Advertisement Two days later, my mother asked anxiously: "How was it? Has anyone applied?"

"There is only one letter." The daughter sighed.

"Who wrote it?" Mom asked.

"I can't tell you." said the daughter.

"This is my good idea," her mother shouted, "I must know it

!"

"Okay!" the daughter said helplessly Said: "It's daddy."

Waiting for good luck

One day, Miss Lillian's beloved kitten climbed up and down the tree in the yard

and stopped coming. . The kitten kept meowing, but it made Miss Lillian under the tree very anxious. By chance, Tom passed by outside the courtyard wall. Miss Lillian quickly called him and asked him to help take the kitten down. Of course the young man is very happy to serve the girl. He quickly climbed up the tree and took the kitten down. Miss Lily was very happy to see that the kitten was safe and sound. She couldn't help but put her arms around Tom's neck and kissed him. Tom was really flattered by this, and a joy he had never felt before welled up in his heart.

When it got dark, Tom took a hammer, nails and a fish, and climbed up the tree in Miss Lillian's yard with his hands and feet, and nailed the fish to the tree. On the tree

he knew that cats love to eat fish the most.

Tom returned home, waiting for tomorrow's good luck...

Bah

A man ran to his pastor and complained to him about the emptiness of his life.

"What's the matter?" the pastor asked him.

"The person I love rejected my proposal."

"Oh! Don't be discouraged." The pastor said confidently: "The woman said "no"

It often means 'yes'."

"But she didn't say 'no'," the man said with a frown, "she just said 'bah'. "

Gifts return

When Mary's mother learned that Mary was going to give a pair of diamond earrings as a birthday gift to her boyfriend, she was surprised. The girl asked: "How do you give this kind of thing to a boy?"

Mary replied: "On my birthday, who asked him to give me a fishing rod?" p>

Me!”

Looking for a son-in-law

Father: “My dear child, if you want to find a satisfactory husband, then Just marry the young man next door. He truly loves you."

Daughter: "Dad, how do you know?"

Father: " I lent him a lot of money for six months, but he never came to ask for it."

When did we fall in love?

A couple. When the young people were going through the marriage registration procedures, an older staff asked: "How long have you been in love?"

"Maybe it's the same time as you and your wife have been in love. ”

“Damn it!”

“Why are you angry? Your questions are no smarter than our answers.”< /p>

Come in over the wall

The father said to his daughter's suitor: "Didn't I tell you not to

enter my house again?"

"I'm sorry, I came in over the wall this time, hee hee!"

Fifteen years later

Male: "You are the moon in the sky, I am like the moon in the sky Star."

Female: "I wish you were a comet!"

Male: "How do you say this?"

Female: "Every comet comes. It only happens once every fifteen years.

"

Male: "..."

Money obsessed

A: "When you pick and choose like this, what do you want to find?" What about women being

wives? ”

B: “My ideal wife: her hair is like gold, her voice is like copper bells, her teeth are like pearls, her cheeks are as red as clouds, and her eyes are like two diamonds. Son

..."

A: "I think you are obsessed with money! "

Stepfather

Suitor: "Dear! Please promise me. Although I am much older than you, I will love you more! ”

Girl: “Go and ask your mother!” "

The suitor (joyed): "Then you agree! "

Girl: "If mom agrees to you being my stepfather, I don't care

. ”

Penguin

A girl came to a marriage agency that uses computers

and entered her marriage requirements into the computer:

< p>“The person I’m looking for should not be too tall, like to wear dresses on weekdays, and like ice sports.

"

After the computer beeped for a while, she immediately gave her an answer: "Penguin

Goose. ”

It’s all in vain

At night, the young man sang a love song in front of the girl’s window with his guitar in his arms.

Two hours later, the window finally opened “Open, girl.” The old grandfather stuck his head out and said: "Young man, thank you for your singing. It's time for me to go to bed now."

Congratulatory letter

A mother wrote a letter To her son, congratulating him on his engagement: "Dear son

Your father and I are very happy to hear the news and feel very happy.

We are anxiously waiting for your wedding ceremony On your wedding day, thank God for giving you this wonderful marriage." When my son was reading the letter, he found a few words written on this piece of paper in another handwriting. "Your mother is looking for stamps

...Don't do such stupid things, silly boy, live a bachelor's life!"

Three Character Classic

Playboy made an appointment A young and beautiful girl goes out. The next day

Someone asked him what the result was. He said: "The 'Three Character Classic' she told me was really

too much."

"It's true. "Really?" replied Playboy, "all night long she was saying 'Don't do that' and 'Don't move' and 'Let go.' "

Fortunately, I met in a letter

A girl proposed to a young man, and she took the initiative to write a love letter: "Everyone said I am a beautiful female wolf (man), if we two

......". The young man wrote her a reply very politely and said: "Wolf Girl, thank you for your kindness. I'm very sorry that I can't agree to it. Fortunately, I'm here I met you on the letter, but if I met you on the road, I would be dead."

The girl is an aunt

A young man proposed to the girl and wrote a love letter, which began with:

p>

In the sentence, instead of writing "dear girl", write "dear aunt".

A few days later, the girl returned his letter and attached a limerick:

"It's your fault for being blind. The girl calls you aunt; if I marry you, Shame on my family."

The young man was not convinced and wrote back. He wrote: "Mom is also a mother, and mother

is also a mother; mother is also a mother. It’s the same, the girl is an aunt.”

Late for the date

A: “Why did you break off the engagement with that teacher?”

B: “Because there are Once I was late for a date, and he actually asked my father

to write a leave request."

The last resort

Manager: "The new king of the company. The lady is gentle and beautiful, how do you plan to pursue her?"

Xiao Zhang: "Please show some courtesy!"

Xiao Shi: " I want to give her flowers."

Xiao Zhao: "Well, then I will devote myself.

”

Cut yourself

A young man wrote a courtship letter to a girl. There were many typos in the letter

At the end, "kiss you" was actually written as "cut you" ".

The girl read it and couldn't laugh or cry. She immediately returned the letter as it was, and wrote a line on it

:

"I'm sorry, please still do it. Kill yourself! ”

Emergency

Ms. Chen is very beautiful, and many men are pursuing her. One day,

A man named Wu came to the office and saw He fell in love with Ms. Chen and was eager to date her. When his colleagues in the office found out, they advised him not to be impatient and to go through the "registration" procedures as usual before it would be his turn. Date. Unexpectedly, the man surnamed Wu said with confidence: "I don't need to register. I have an emergency, so I treated it as an emergency." ”

Proposal

A young man went to his girlfriend’s house to propose marriage. Afterwards, his girlfriend asked: “How did you propose marriage to my father?” ”

“I said, ‘If your daughter doesn’t marry me, I will commit suicide’. "

"What did dad say! "

"Your father said, 'Then I will bear the funeral expenses. '"

Encounter on the road

A gentleman met a fashionably dressed girl on the street.

Girl: "Sir, let's go to the park to have fun together. Is it okay to play? "

Sir: "No! When I see you like this, I think of the sea. "

Girl: "Oh, sir, I understand - the blue sea is so beautiful

It's so fascinating! "

Sir: "No! Dear Madam, I am seasick. I feel nauseous and vomiting when I think of the sea. ”

Stupid people

A young man who was not doing his job met a girl who was dressed up in a colorful way

. The two hit it off and immediately became affectionate. They started chatting

A few days later, the young man came to the girl's house and said to the girl's father: "I want to propose to your daughter. "

"Stop talking nonsense! Who doesn’t know that my daughter is not doing her job properly

? What ability do you have to support her? "

"I'm smart——"

"On the contrary, I think you are the stupidest person. ”

“How to see it? ”

“Because you proposed to my daughter! "

Suffering a loss

The mother said to her daughter: "Didn't I tell you not to go out with people who can't marry you? Being too casual will always lead to disadvantages! "

The daughter replied: "Mom, don't worry too much! The husband next door also often goes out with a girl who doesn't want to get married. What loss does he suffer? "

Beautiful wishes

Jack, a bachelor over forty years old, is describing his good wishes to his friends

Wishes: "...I will come back as soon as I get off work. A young, beautiful, gentle and virtuous wife stood in front of me, with delicious food and wine on the table... Do you think this is possible? ”

“Yes. "

"When will it be available? ”

“When you go to the wrong door. "

No problem

The son asked his father: "I like Miss B very much, please allow me

Let's get married! "

The father said with a sad face: "I tell you the truth, son! She is

the result of your father's love affair with her mother when he was young. She is your sister,

so you cannot marry her. "

After the son knew this secret, he was very distressed. The mother couldn't bear it when she saw his

sad face, so she also revealed it to her son

A truth: "No problem, you are not your father's biological child! "

Out of conscience

A young man and woman had just come out of the marriage registration office. They were talking on the road

.

The man was so proud that he said: "My dear, you are so beautiful! But out of conscience, I have to tell you now, the one I brought you to my house to see last time

I borrowed the mahogany furniture and gorgeous furnishings from other people's houses.

Female: "That doesn't matter." With conscience, I have to tell you truthfully now. The name written on the marriage registration form just now is my sister’s name.”

The man was shocked: “It was at your house last time. Is that that disgusting ugly thing you saw?"

Female: "Don't call her that, she is your wife now

!"

Troubled

The young and beautiful maid expressed her resignation to the hostess, and the hostess asked: "Why? Who treated you badly?"

"No, everyone is nice to me, but I am so embarrassed."

"What are you embarrassed about?" asked the wife. "

The maid said: "The old master wants me to be his second wife, the master wants me to be his junior, and the young master wants to take me to elope..."

Applied Mathematics

The mother said to her daughter: "You are no longer young and have reached the age of marriage;

However, there are many slippery young people today, so the mother is looking for someone for you. Are you willing to marry a five-year-old man?

"

The daughter said: "Mother! I would rather marry two 25-year-old young people than a 50-year-old man! ”

An experiment in courtship

On the street, a man with oily hair and powdery face kept staring at a beautiful

girl.

The girl suddenly stopped, turned around and asked him: "Why are you always staring at me? ”

“You are so beautiful, I love you! "He said bluntly.

"I am not beautiful. My sister is in the back, she is so beautiful. "

The man immediately turned around and left, but what he met was an old woman.

"You lied to me! "The man turned around and scolded the girl.

The girl smiled contemptuously: "You lied to me first. ”

The east is the west

A certain family has a daughter, and two families come to propose marriage at the same time.

The young man from the host family is very ugly, but the family is very rich. Money; The young man from the West family is very handsome, but his family has nothing.

The parents asked their daughter which family she would marry. She said: "I can't decide yet."

Meaning. It is best to eat at the host's house and stay at the west's house. ”

Yesterday and the day before yesterday

A: “Why did you quarrel with him?” ”

B: “Because he proposed to me again yesterday. ”

A: “What’s wrong with this?” ”

B: “But I agreed to his proposal the day before yesterday. "

Fell in love at first sight

The girl went to the matchmaker and said, "You are lying, he has a false eye

Why didn't you tell me before? "

"Why didn't you tell? The matchmaker didn't show any weakness, "When you meet for the first time, I'll tell you, 'He took a liking to you at first sight.'" "

Not afraid of suffering

A young man and woman met for the first time. The man suggested that the woman watch a movie.

The woman said: "I don't know how. It is easy to agree to go to the movies with an unfamiliar man, because this is quite a disadvantage for women. The man laughed and said: "Then, it's up to you to invite me!" Let me suffer more losses, and I will never care.

"

Bankrupt

Female: "How was your situation after I rejected your marriage request?

"

Male: "Bankruptcy! ”

Conclusion

A: “I proposed to Miss Wang and she cried. "

B: "Miss Wang will not

cry unless something extremely ridiculous happens to her. ”