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Collect two jokes

1, the bowl fell off, and it was a big scar.

2, a literary evening, the host came to the stage and announced: Please enjoy the following: Xinjiang song and dance, lift your skull! Creepy! ! ! ! ! 3, the tiger does not send a cat, you think I am critically ill!

When I was in high school, the classroom discipline was very chaotic. In a rage, the teacher picked up XXX and said, XXX, stand on the wall for me! ~ ~ The whole class is cold!

When I was driving, the female colleague sitting next to me suddenly asked, "Why don't you wear a condom when driving?"

Me: That's our physics teacher. . . Classmate: What do you teach? Me: Chemistry. . .

7. In the Internet cafe, a classmate suddenly raised his hand and shouted, "Teacher!"

8. One person in our dormitory drank too much urine and then brought out a cold sentence: if you drink too much urine, you will drink too much wine.

9, buy oranges, boss: one yuan and five pounds. Me: It's too expensive, five yuan and three Jin. Boss: no, no.

10, my friend asked me about the computer configuration, and I said that the monitor is a color screen. (I was going to say LCD)

1 1, junior high school art evening, grab the answering session. Hostess: "Attention, everyone, don't grab it too fast." When I finished, I began to raise my hand. "Then I began to look at the topic and said," Now. . 。” At this time, a player scrambled to answer. The host said: "This classmate is a little too anxious. I started (shit) still in my mouth, so why did you rob me? "

12 I heard a MM shouting "Give me a bowl of vipers ~!"

13, one day when I was at school, there was a phone call for me. My classmate answered, handed it to me and said, "Your mother wants you." As soon as I answered the phone, I casually said "men and women" Everyone laughed. I was laughed at for four years.

14, a classmate's high school classmate (a boy) walked into the noodle restaurant and shook his hair. "Boss, two onions don't want rice noodles!" After that, I added: "More rice noodles!" Boss: ". . . . Do you want rice noodles or onions? " 15. once my classmate's mother called me, I used to say "he's not here", and this time I want to say "he's gone". The result was: "He ... left" 16. gg handed me an ice cream, and I took a bite and shouted "I'm sorry. 17, went to Li Ning to buy shoes with my sister. My sister said, "Miss, how much are these shoes? 18, once I patted my roommate's stomach, she said loudly, "Stop patting, I have urine in my stomach. "19, everyone gave out badges in high school. . Before a physical examination, the class teacher ran to the classroom and shouted, put on your bra and come to Zara. . The audience was silent. . . 20. Go home on weekends when you are at school. After dinner, I was addicted to cigarettes and planned to go for a walk on the pretext. When changing shoes at the door, my father asked me why I wanted to go. I said casually, "Go and have a cigarette! "As a result, my father found a pack of 555 from me and gave me a good k 2 1. A leader of the Education Bureau inspected the class exercises. After the end, the PE teacher should have announced "dissolution", but in desperation, he forgot his words and held back for a long time, shouting "retreat! "22. In high school, there was a teacher named Jiang, who looked very much like (the Tang Priest who played a Chinese Odyssey). I went to ask him a question and blurted out, "Mr. Tang, this question ..." 23. One of my colleagues, when I was driving on the road, had a flat tire and asked where there was inflation. Colleague said: "The streets are full of abortions! "24. A teacher probably played mahjong all night. Seeing that the blackboard had not been wiped, he was furious: "Who is the farmer today? "Stop cleaning the blackboard!" 25. Once my uncle saw my sister-in-law wearing a big treasure and suddenly shouted, "You have such good skin, why do you still use soothing treasure?" 26. When the teacher leaves homework, I copy others' if I can't do it, and then go to the office to hand in my homework. I saw the teacher say, "I copied it!" " 27. On one occasion, when we traveled to Huangshan Mountain, the tour guide only introduced that the Hundred Steps Ladder was a scenic spot in Liu Xiaoqing. Suddenly, a member of our group blurted out: "Director …" Everyone fainted. 28. At that time, several female classmates came to my house to play. I'll get the water. They turn on the DVD player to watch movies. I heard Cantonese in the back room. Then I shouted to turn down the channel. The channel is wrong, and I am speechless. My face was red and purple ~ ~ I almost fainted ~ ~