If it's still too late, let's start over

"Why don't we start over?"

Whether we all still have a chance to say this.

At this moment, is the person you love deeply still by your side?

1

That year, Yaoyao and Lu Xiao met by chance. If it had been one minute longer, or one minute later, they wouldn't have met each other. Perhaps this is the fate of love, hatred and hatred destined to be entangled throughout life.

Four years ago, Yaoyao’s best friend Xiao Le was having a dramatic breakup with her boyfriend of four years. When you are heartbroken, having someone by your side will always ease the pain. As your best friend, Yaoyao naturally wants to accompany Xiaole. On weekends, she ran from the North Fifth Ring Road to the West Fifth Ring Road to go shopping, eat and chat with Xiao Le. While Xiao Le was going on a shopping spree, he was scolding stinky men, and Yaoyao would also scold him from time to time, "That's right, such a fucking bastard" and "If he leaves you, he will never find a girl who is better or more beautiful than you." For a woman who has just lost love, don't talk to her about the principles of love, and don't say anything about the long road ahead in life. That's all nonsense. Just accompany her and scold her.

They went home after shopping until the mall closed that day. Her best friend was heartbroken, so Yaoyao didn't go back at night and planned to stay with Xiao Le. They walked to the supermarket not far from Xiao Le's home to buy some food. After paying the bill, Xiao Le stopped not far away.

"Damn it, I forgot to buy cigarettes"

If they had not turned back to the supermarket that day, maybe Yaoyao would not have met Lu Xiao.

Xiao Le lives in a private house. There is an alley downstairs, and there are several small restaurants in the alley. On their way back, they passed by two men who came out of the restaurant and smelled of alcohol. They must have gone to the toilet at the back to urinate. One of the men looked back at them from time to time. Xiaole was a brave girl with a straight temper. Xiao Le shouted to them arrogantly: "Why do you always look at me? Do you know me?"

At this time, Yaoyao grabbed Xiao Le and said, "Let's go quickly. They all drank too much."

When Xiao Le shouted, the two men stopped and looked back without saying anything. Seeing this situation, Xiao Le shouted again: "What are you looking at? Do you know me!?"

One of the younger boys smiled: "Oh, I know you. Why don't you know me? Come in. Won’t we get to know each other after having a meal together?” He walked towards them.

This restaurant happens to be downstairs from Xiao Le's house. Xiao Le often comes here to eat and is very familiar with the boss here. Xiao Le relied on his familiarity with life and decided to go in. "I'm afraid of you, you're a bear. What can I do if you just have a meal?"

Yaoyao pulled Xiao Le and whispered, "It's better not to go. I don't know Xiao Le."

He said nonchalantly, "What are you afraid of just downstairs at home?" After that, he leaned into Yaoyao's ear and whispered, "Don't you think this boy is quite handsome? I like handsome boys." After saying that, he pulled her away without hesitation. Yaoyao followed the boy in. When he stepped in the door, Xiao Le greeted the proprietress warmly.

The young man, let’s call him Chen Chao, led them into the drinking box. Chen Chao said to the five or six men sitting at the wine table, "These are two of my friends." After that, he found two seats for them to sit down.

At this time, the box was in a mess, smelling of alcohol, and there were wine bottles and cigarette ashes everywhere. A group of grown men saw the two girls coming and were particularly booing. Fortunately, Xiao Le was eloquent and not afraid of strangers. She chatted with those people as if she and Chen Chao were really close friends. Yaoyao watched them drinking noisily and just sat there awkwardly. During the conversation, I learned that they are all from the army, in different units, and they happened to come over for a gathering today.

Almost half an hour later, a very young boy opened the door unsteadily, glanced at the room, walked over to Yaoyao and sat down.

The boy held the wine glass and said to Yaoyao: "Hello, my name is Lu Xiao, you look like one of my junior high school classmates." Yaoyao glanced at him and smiled, thinking to herself that this is really incredible Cliché dialogue.

"Hello, call me Yaoyao." After saying that, he picked up the cup and took a sip of the drink, then ignored him.

Later, Lu Xiao said that they drank a lot that day, and then they couldn't hold it anymore. One of them ran to another private room and took a nap. After waking up, he went in and found that there were two more people. Beauty. He didn't know what was going on, but when he saw Yaoyao, he thought she was quite cute and couldn't help but sit next to her.

After the people at the banquet table dispersed noisily that day, Chen Chao obviously didn’t want Xiao Le to go back so soon. He pulled Xiao Le and said that the remaining few were his own and they were going to KTV to sing. . Although Yaoyao didn't want to go, she couldn't resist it. Xiaole obviously didn't want to finish it and wanted to continue playing.

In the KTV box, Chen Chao sat next to Xiao Le. The two of them didn't know what they were talking about. They were already flirting with each other and they were chatting enthusiastically. Yaoyao was sitting in the corner of the sofa, playing with her mobile phone with her head down. Lu Xiao came over to talk to her several times but ignored him. She felt a little disgusted with Lu Xiao's vulgar opening remarks just now. The other buddies were drinking at first, but later they all fell asleep on the sofa. Lu Xiao was just there by himself, ordering songs and singing.

Suddenly Xiao Le came over and lay next to Yaoyao's ear and said: "Chen Chao said that Lu Xiao told me that he liked you, but he was a little afraid of you because you didn't speak."

Yaoyao glanced at Xiao Le sideways: "Stop making trouble, how old is this kid? You should continue hooking up with Chen Chao."

Xiao Le came over again with a wink: " I've already asked, I'm an adult, I'm 20." After that, he shouted to Lu Xiao: "Lu Xiao, Lu Xiao, you sing a love song to Yaoyao, and I will give you her phone number." After that, Chen Chaohe. Another buddy also clapped and started cheering.

Lu Xiao was very embarrassed and said: "I don't know what to sing. Let's sing...sing a song called "Damn Tenderness"."

When Yaoyao heard this, she felt sad in her heart. Laughing to myself. What kind of love song is this? Isn't this a breakup song? Oh, it's Ma Tianyu. She won't listen to this kind of song for ten thousand years. At the same time, I felt that this boy was quite interesting.

2

Lu Xiao has Yaoyao’s phone number. I would call her after get off work every day and ask her questions such as "Have you eaten?" and "What did you do?" Yaoyao told him calmly and hung up in a few minutes. At that time, she never thought about any further development with Lu Xiao, although she knew very well that Lu Xiao liked her. But Lu Xiao is several years younger than her, and with this age gap, it is absolutely impossible for them to be together. But she didn't know that Lu Xiao would become so important to her later that she would get hurt easily.

After they contacted each other for a period of time, Lu Xiao stopped calling. Yaoyao thought that was the end of it. Sometimes when she picked up her phone, she would wonder why she stopped calling him all of a sudden, but then she thought, it would be okay if she didn’t contact him. She didn’t want to do anything to him anyway.

Later, Lu Xiao told her that after calling her for so long, he couldn't receive any 'signal'. He felt that Yaoyao was not interested in him, so he stopped calling. Every time she talks about this, Yaoyao scolds Lu Xiao, how can he chase girls like this? Men shouldn't be shameless and stalk them.

After losing contact, one day Xiaole called Yaoyao again and asked her to come over and stay with her. While she was still on the subway, she suddenly received another call from Lu Xiao:

"I heard you are coming here?"

"Well, yes"

"I'm on duty. If you go back early, I might not be able to see you."

"It's okay, I'm not going to see you."

Although She still said she disapproved of him and was very cold to him, but there was a hint of joy in her heart. She said adamantly and did not tell Lu Xiao that she would stay at Xiao Le's house that night and would not go back.

Xiao Le and Chen Chao are tired of being together, and I don’t know if they are in love. Looking at this attitude, the two of them are definitely getting along. That night, Chen Chao went to the KTV again and called Lu Xiao, saying in a very special tone: "Yao Yao is here too, come here quickly.

"Xiao Le also shouted from the side: "That's right, that's right, Lu Xiao, come quickly, Yaoyao is waiting for you! "

Yaoyao smiled and cursed a few times, and hit Xiao Le a few times. "Hey, what is your situation now? Are you getting better?"

"Haha, not yet , let’s see his performance. Anyway, I’m single now, so I don’t have to think about ×× (ex-boyfriend) if I fall in love again.” After saying this, Xiao Le whispered again: “You haven’t been in love for so long, you can consider Lu Xiao, whatever. It’s so old, what’s the point of being a few years younger? I heard Chen Chao say that he is still a virgin.”

After hearing this, Yaoyao blushed a little with embarrassment: “What are you talking about? It’s impossible for the two of us.” But she felt sad in her heart. I was somewhat looking forward to seeing Lu Xiao. Women are so duplicitous.

Xiao Le and Chen Chao took a taxi and had a fight. They were sitting side by side in the back. Lu Xiao was a little drunk and tilted his head to look at her face. She felt embarrassed and pulled Lu Xiao's head forward with her hands: "What are you looking at?" . "

Lu Xiao took her hand in his and turned his head again: "Let's see if it works. "

Yaoyao felt nervous. She pulled out her hand and pushed him: "You're just not allowed to look."

The driver in front drove the car very calmly. , Yaoyao saw her friend sitting in the passenger seat grinning, but she didn't say anything. She felt a little embarrassed and restless. When she was approaching the place, she felt someone kiss her quickly on the face, and her head froze. Looking back, Lu Xiao pretended that nothing happened, facing out of the car window. Before she could speak, Lu Xiao turned around and smiled at her: "We're here, get off the car. ”

After Lu Xiao secretly kissed her, her heart began to waver. For several days after coming back, she touched the place on her face where Lu Xiao had kissed her from time to time. There would also be some sweet expressions.

That day Yaoyao complained to Lu Xiao that she was going to buy a dining table in a shopping mall two stops away from home, but she couldn't move it. As expected, Lu Xiao took leave and came to accompany her to the shopping mall. .

She knew she was looking for an excuse to see him. She needed someone to help him, but it didn’t have to be him.

After picking up Lu Xiao at the subway station, they went to the mall. As they walked, Lu Xiao held her hand and looked at Lu Xiao pretending to be angry.

Lu Xiao. She smiled and didn't say anything, and didn't mean to let go. She just pulled her forward. She looked at Lu Xiao, a little helpless, but also a little happy, and stopped: "Idiot, you are holding your hand like this. It makes me uncomfortable. "As he said that, he pulled his hand out and put it back into Lu Xiao's hand. "Oh, why are your palms so sweaty? It's still spring, are you so hot?"

Lu Xiao looked at Yaoyao This move brought a bright smile on his face: "I'm so nervous."

Later they got together.

A lot of things happened in the years after they got together. Those days of repeated quarrels and mutual torture should probably be deeper and more passionate memories, but she could not remember the reason for each quarrel. The details of the first acquaintance were always as fresh in her mind as yesterday. The way Lu Xiao shyly talked to her for the first time; the way he looked serious after secretly kissing her for the first time; the way he held her hand for the first time, his nervous palms were sweaty; even their It was the first time we had skin-to-skin contact, and he didn't know how to take off his bra, looking anxious and awkward. His cautious movements, his worried and expectant expression, and every shy beat of his heart were all so clear and beautiful. If life were just like the first time we met, we wouldn't have so much pain.

She is Lu Xiao's first woman, but she is not his only woman.

Three.

It was a summer night after they had been together for two years. Lu Xiao went out to drink with his comrades, and this time he came back very late. She waited for him as usual, no matter how late they were. He would only go to bed after talking on the phone.

Lu Xiao drank too much and was drunk.

He said: "Yao Yao, if I have done anything sorry for you, can you forgive me?"

When Yaoyao heard this, her head was covered and her heart was hanging in the air. But she really wanted to know what Lu Xiao had done to regret herself. "Okay, tell me. Tell me the truth. If it happened a long time ago, I won't argue with you."

After hearing this sentence, Lu Xiao seemed to feel secure in his heart, or maybe he continued Liquor strength. He actually revealed everything. During the Spring Festival holiday, he went to KTV to sing with his comrades, and one of his comrades helped him order a lady.

As soon as Yaoyao heard that she was called Miss, she immediately knew what was going on.

"Going out to rent a house?"

"Yeah."

"How much did it cost?"

"No money. "

"No money?" she asked doubtfully.

"I spent the room fee. I said I had no money, would you like to go out with me? She just left with me."

"My husband is quite charming, miss. The money went with you. How many times did you do it?”

“Only one time, I drank too much. Then I left before dawn.”

“I went to sing. How many times have you called me "Miss"? "

"I didn't want it, but they insisted on giving it to me, and they even laughed at me. I never went out to get a room." Where did you get a room? Did you bring a condom? ..."

She kept trying to talk to him in a calm tone, and while he was drinking too much, she wanted to know more. , she wants to know everything, even all the details. I know that there are some things that the more I know, the more painful it will be, but I can't stop my curiosity.

"Why are you telling me? If you hide it from me, maybe I will never know it for the rest of my life."

"I feel sorry for you in my heart. I feel guilty every time I see you." Can you forgive me?"

They talked a lot on that phone call from midnight to early morning. Lu Xiao began to become more and more sober on the other end of the phone. It was too late and he cried. Heartbroken, he begged Yaoyao to forgive him. It was the first time that Yaoyao heard a man cry like a child. She felt a little moved in her heart, but it also made her extremely heartbroken and desperate.

Why did this happen all of a sudden? Why does a good love change beyond recognition overnight? The two people who were loving each other a few hours ago, why are they suddenly so devastated? She suddenly didn't know how to accept this fact. She didn't know what to say to Lu Xiao. Do you forgive me? Break up? How did you get to the point where you had to make a decision? After she was at a loss, a great sadness hit her. It seemed not because of Lu Xiao's betrayal, but because she saw love being destroyed and collapsing! All the good things turned into dirty and humiliating pain in an instant. It felt as if someone had squeezed my heart a few times, making it particularly painful.

She picked up the blade and began to scratch her arm, one by one, hoping that the pain in her chest could be transferred to her body. But he was so weak, and his heart still felt like it was cramping, tearing crazily. At that moment, everything existed, and yet everything seemed to disappear. Information about Lu Xiao, memories, the past, and images of him and another woman in bed all exploded in his mind. She didn't know how many strokes she made, and blood flowed down her arms to her thighs and the floor. She sat in the bathroom holding her head and crying, and just wanted to know one answer: "Why did love suddenly change?"

Four

One month later.

A group of friends accompanied Yaoyao to sing and drink at KTV. I don’t know who ordered a song that Lu Xiao liked to sing. She drank the remaining beer in the bottle, picked up her phone and sent a message to Lu Xiao: "I seem to have lost a very important person in my life." Before she could finish typing, tears fell on the screen of her phone. .

Lu Xiao sent a text message: "Do you know how much I miss you? Let's make peace."

Yaoyao couldn't help but shed more tears as she read the text message. . How much she wanted to forgive Lu Xiao, how much she wished all this had never happened, how much she wanted to go back to the past.

But the image of Lu Xiao having a room with another woman kept appearing in her mind. For the past month, thinking about this scene, she felt like she was going crazy.

But during the period when she tried to leave Lu Xiao, her life was not happy at all, and even more desperate. I tried my best not to think about anything, worked hard, went out with friends, and tried my best not to let myself be idle, but I still couldn't relieve the pain and despair in my heart. Without Lu Xiao, there was no one to share the joys, sorrows and joys of life with her. The world seemed lifeless and had no meaning to her anymore.

She wanted to lie in Lu Xiao's arms and cry, or beat him or scold him, as long as Lu Xiao was by her side.

So, they reconciled, and they quarreled, each time becoming more fierce. She tortured Lu Xiao capriciously. When she was happy, she would make Lu Xiao feel extremely happy. When she was angry, she would scold him in the most vicious words. The word "uneasy" always makes Yaoyao anxious all day long. She wants to know where Lu Xiao is, who he is with, and where he goes to eat. She wants to check his mobile phone, WeChat, QQ, and even locate his mobile phone. She went crazy and drove Lu Xiao crazy.

There were many times when Yaoyao wished that she could let go and start over. She longed to believe Lu Xiao, but couldn't convince herself. She longed to forgive him, but couldn't pretend that nothing had happened. She lived a contradictory life. One moment she felt happy, and the other moment she felt Lu Xiao was hypocritical.

She gets restless when the days are calmer. She felt that if life was too peaceful, Lu Xiao would feel at ease and do things that were sorry for her. So every once in a while, she would try her best to "make it". Even if it was a very small thing, she would make a big fuss, deliberately bring up old scores, deliberately find fault with him and scold him. She wanted to torture Lu Xiao, see him get angry and furious, see him sad, see him cry... Every time she deliberately challenged Lu Xiao's maximum tolerance, either she apologized, or Lu Xiao apologized. In the end, Lu Xiao will come back and hug her. Only then will she feel the pleasure of "he can't live without me" in her heart and feel that Lu Xiao really loves her.

Their love has turned into a twisted love. But if we say it is entangled, it is better to say that we are reluctant to let go; if we say that we are reluctant to let go, it is better to say that we love too much. No matter for Yaoyao or Lu Xiao, if there is not deep love between the two people, who would be willing to let the other party destroy them. Sometimes holding on is a harder choice than letting go.

Five

Lu Xiao: "Let's all be free. Being together is torture."

Yaoyao: "If you can let go of me, you can Let it go. I have never had the courage to make a choice. You make the decision."

Lu Xiao: "I can't make up my mind."

Yaoyao: "I hate you very much. You're talking harsh words to me now"

Lu Xiao: "My heart hurts like it's being torn apart. You're driving me crazy, I really can't stand it anymore."

At this moment, Lu Xiao is training outside and is prohibited from using mobile phones. He hides in the toilet or under the quilt and sends messages to Yaoyao every day. I don’t know why, but this time they quarreled again.

Lu Xiao sent another paragraph:

"I am not afraid of physical fatigue. You are my motivation. When I finish running three kilometers, I want to keep going. When I come back, I will I can chat with you now. My hands were scratched when I practiced shooting, and my feet were bruised. The skin above my neck was tanned like a black man, and it was burning and painful. I didn’t read or memorize questions every day, just because I wanted to. Spend some time with you, why do you have to make trouble? One moment you are loving and affectionate, the next moment you are arrogant. I really can't stand it. If you can't let go, don't torture me anymore."

When Yaoyao saw this, her heart began to soften. There is so much self-blame, even if she has a hundred reasons to get angry with Lu Xiao, should she stop. If you really can't get over the demonic obstacles in your heart, why keep struggling like this over and over again? However, Lu Xiao has long been a part of her flesh and blood. She would rather be entangled and tortured than she has the courage to say goodbye to Lu Xiao in life.

This time Lu Xiao was so solemn, saying goodbye so seriously and calmly. They had quarreled, broken up, exchanged nasty words, and even gotten physical.

Every time I shouted, we will never see each other until death. But in fact, the two of them knew in their hearts that they would eventually be inseparable and at odds with each other, and neither would leave. After two years, the day finally came when I was exhausted both physically and mentally and tired of quarreling, and everything made sense.

Yaoyao read the words sent by Lu Xiao. Although she couldn't see his expression, she felt the power that Lu Xiao wanted to break free completely. She stared at the screen in a daze, suddenly not knowing what to reply. She didn't want to lose Lu Xiao.

In the past four years, she watched Lu Xiao transform from a young boy into a man. She has been demanding him based on the standards of a mature man. Lu Xiao would scold him whenever he didn't do things well. I didn’t even think about the time it takes for a boy to become a man. Apart from the matter of "betrayal", Lu Xiao indeed gave her too much care and tolerance.

When crossing the road, Lu Xiao always asked her to walk inside and not let pedestrians touch her.

When he caught a cold, Lu Xiao went to the hospital to get back tablets, granules, and syrup. He picked up a pile of pills, granules, and syrup, enough to last for several years.

When the salary was paid, the first thing he did was to buy her a skirt.

Lu Xiao would watch any movie she wanted to watch with her, never choosing a movie. When eating, Lu Xiao agreed to whatever she wanted to eat, and never said she didn't like this or that.

When she woke up from a nightmare at night, Lu Xiao received a call from her at three or four in the morning. Although she was not very awake, she still mumbled in her mouth, "Don't be afraid, don't be afraid, I'm here."

She was the coolie during the move. She is her punching bag when things don't go well at work. Sad times are her audience.

...

If they are destined to be inseparable, why bother to embarrass themselves and Lu Xiao. If it is said that everyone has a chance to be forgiven. Then I should forgive you from the bottom of my heart, right? She leaned on the bed and thought about it, her eyes got wet, she picked up her phone and typed quickly: "Lu Xiao, do you love me?"

Lu Xiao: "We have been together for four years. You always ask me this, don’t you feel it?”

Yao Yao: “Can you clearly promise me that there will never be any betrayal again?”

Lu Xiao: "No, why don't you want to believe me."

Yaoyao: "Lu Xiao, if it's still too late, how about we start over. This time I believe you, Do you believe me too?”

I didn’t receive a reply from Lu Xiao for a while. She couldn't help but shed tears. This time she was really determined to let Lu Xiao go and let go of herself. But she felt Lu Xiao's hesitation and hesitation. She began to get scared and sent another message to Lu Xiao: "It's so annoying. You are so damn annoying. Don't treat me like this. How about we start over again? I I really want to hold you and cry."

At this time, Lu Xiao sent a message: "I want to go back to Beijing as soon as possible and hold you and laugh."

If it's still too late, While he is not far away and you are still in love, forget everything in the past, leave the past behind, and go back to the way you were when you were in love.