Give me something that seems serious but is funny?

My hobbies can be divided into static and dynamic. Static is sleeping, and dynamic is turning over. The following is the content I brought to you. I hope you like it.

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1*** I heard a young lady talking to a little loli on the street. The young lady said: "I will give you an ice cream, you come with me." Little Lolita: "Humph, I won't leave with you just for an ice cream!" Little Shota: "Two!" Little Lolita: "Wait a minute, I have to go home and pack some things."

2*** The aunt sprayed mosquito killer in the bedroom and took her niece out for a walk. On the way, my niece asked in confusion: Auntie, why don’t you buy two kilograms of meat and hang it at home to let the mosquitoes eat their fill, won’t they stop biting us?

3 *** A man has been secretly in love with a girl for a long time. One day he finally got up the courage to confess his love to the girl. Male: Please accept my love and be my girlfriend? Female: I'm sorry, I don't like you! Male: I had feelings for you when I first met you. Do you have no feelings for me at all? Female: Yes! Male: Thank God! Female: It just makes me want to vomit!

4*** One day, my classmate was playing with his mobile phone in class. Suddenly, his mobile phone When it rang, my deskmate quickly threw the phone into my hand. I stood up calmly and said to the class who were looking at me: "Teacher, I was playing with my phone, please smash it!" < /p>

5*** When I went to the cafeteria to eat, after the aunt finished serving the dishes, I immediately put my hands together, eyes and nose: Amitabha, thank you very much! The aunt asked: Do you believe in Buddhism? I said no. After seeing this vegetarian meal, I thought you did. Buddha! The aunt said: I don’t like the meat. I have a big face and I don’t eat well. I am short and work hard. Ugly people are more likely to study and naughty people are more vegetarian! I won’t say any more. I want to eat this meal on my knees.

6*** Today I wanted to be romantic and bought my wife a bouquet of roses. I had never bought them before. My first reaction was surprise, my second reaction was that I wasted money, and my third reaction was Are you scolding me? Have you done something to make me sorry for my mother? I don’t want to say it anymore, and you are still on the sofa and can’t sleep! It’s romantic as promised!

7*** I have a puppy at home. ! Ke screams every day, always annoying. I can't stand it today! I blocked it in a corner and asked it: "Is my love fortune good recently?" This guy hasn't barked for three days. I seem to understand something!

8*** If you were a flower, even the cow wouldn't dare to lashi.

9*** Standing at the O-intersection of life.

10*** My hobbies can be divided into static and dynamic. Static is sleeping, and dynamic is turning over.

11*** I never bully the weak. I didn’t know he was weaker than me before I bullied him.

12*** There is a second-rate person around me. In class, the teacher asked everyone whether a black cat is a cat from a philosophical point of view. The teacher asked several times and no one responded. The teacher got angry and asked loudly: "A black cat is not a cat, what is it?" Suddenly the idiot shouted: "Black cat" It’s not the cat, it’s the Sheriff”. After a few seconds the whole class burst into laughter.

13*** Love comes by cheating, feelings come by sleeping.

14*** Do a good job, teach students well, build a good website, be a good writer, and live a good life.

15*** I always kept 100 yuan in the leather case of the steering wheel for emergency use. One day I heard my son and other children say: My dad makes money when he presses the horn of his car!***, No! When I saw that it was gone, I asked him where the money was. He told me to give it to my mother and rewarded me with a dollar. After saying that, he looked at me proudly.

Son, if you see money next time, tell dad, dad will give you 10 yuan!

16*** Today’s primary school students are crazy. If you fail the exam, how can you correct it? Change your score? It’s so weak. My nephew is in the third grade. The test paper was handed out with a score of 67. He printed a copy of the paper, filled in the correct answers, scored 98 by himself, and then bought the certificate himself. The whole process cost less than ten yuan. I rewarded him with a thousand yuan. Business savvy friends analyze and analyze, what is suitable for it?

17*** A fish met a shrimp, but it was not sure it was a shrimp, so it stepped forward and said hello: "You shrimp Huh?" Xia was very angry after hearing this: "Next door to Mala, you are so damn blind!"

18*** A BMW 5 Series passed by me today, and the woman in the passenger seat said contemptuously He looked at me, and I was not happy at that time. I turned around and crossed my car in front of the BMW. At this time, I almost made the driver of the car cry. When he got out of the car, he apologized to me: You are not sensible, my brother is troublesome. You put your bike to the side and let my car pass first.

19*** "I bought a new Regal and drove it with special fuel." "Well, cars with GM origins all have this virtue." "Yes, but that is not the main reason." "Then What's the main reason?" "The main reason is that I don't know the truth."

20*** At the beginning of the new semester, the physics teacher walked onto the podium with a smile. Let me tell you: I am Li Jianmin, the emperor of the Tang Dynasty, Li Shimin, everyone knows it, right? I have never met him. He can be the emperor, but I can't. It can be said that the difference is just a hair's breadth, a thousand miles missed! Ashamed! Li Shimin's blood splattered on the Xuanwu Gate. , killing his own brother is totally unreasonable. He doesn't talk about reason, and I don't talk about reason either. I talk about "Physics". Today we will talk about the phenomenon of "physics". Zhu Bajie looks into the mirror - he is not a person inside and outside, and the imaging principle of the mirror.

21*** Over the past few days, fewer and fewer people were watching the school exercises, and there was no one in the classroom. Later, I found that they were all hiding in pairs in the small playground behind the building*** I have never used sex to talk about love, so I went to arrest them. I caught 13 of them and one of them ran away. Finally, I gave the boy who ran away a punishment. I had to abandon my girlfriend for such a small thing. Gotta teach you a lesson.

22*** In physical education class, my balls hurt. I secretly went to the door of another classroom and turned on my high-quality copycat mobile phone, and silently turned on *** after class. After I heard the teacher shouting that get out of class was over, I left at a speed of 100 meters, hiding my merit and fame.

23*** When I was in junior high school, I slept in class and did not listen carefully. The teacher called my dad over to sit next to me and listen! During class, my dad got addicted to smoking and wanted to light up a cigarette. The teacher saw my dad holding a cigarette and yelled at him: What parent doesn’t know the school rules? My dad smiled and said: I understand. Stand up and give smoke to the students around you. He also said: Come on, come on, order them all. Later, my dad and I stood outside the classroom!

24*** We were fetching water at work today. One of our big brothers fetched water. The water was so hot that the glass exploded. This was when we heard a loud bang. Boy: Big brother’s cup is blown. One day after that, someone kept asking: "Who fucked my eldest brother?"

25*** I went to school today to teach the fifth graders. The students liked me very much! After class, the students asked me to ***, I wrote my QQ number on the blackboard. Suddenly a student stood up and called me husband. I asked her what did you say? She said I am your wife in CF! If I go, I will not be able to come to this school again!

26*** Listen A friend said that she and her husband went to buy milk powder for their baby. The waiter introduced a new product, which was said to be the same as breast milk. So the friend asked her husband, "Husband, what do you think?" His husband quickly said, "I haven't tried it. What should I do?" Know.

27*** One day, the skinny Ah Jin asked the strong Ah Dai to donate blood together. When they arrived at the blood donation center, they filled out the basic information and took a blood test. The nurse looked up at the two of them and said to Ah Jin: You, two hundred five! The ruffian started to feel scared, you *** Dumb *** five hundred. After saying that, he was about to draw blood for the two of them, but the two of them stood still. After a long time, they said, "Yes, I'm sorry! We don't, we don't have any money."

28*** The son and the children are competing to see whose elder lives older. Child: My grandpa is over 80 years old. He is in good health and has a long beard.

Son: My grandma is over 90 years old, but she is still young. She has not grown a beard yet!

29*** A friend often brags that his IQ has reached 200, which was measured on a certain website. I said: Yes, you are very smart. I think this website is not accurate. Your IQ is higher. My friend was very happy and asked me: What do you think my IQ is? I said: at least 50.

30*** Not long ago, my name participated in a small military training. One day when I just came home, Xiaoming’s mother asked Xiaoming to count whether all the chickens had entered the nest. Xiaoming walked to the chicken coop and said to the chickens: Count!

31** * The boy you like walks up to you with a smile, pats you on the shoulder, bends down, gently brushes away the broken hair by your ear, and whispers: The teacher asked you to come over.

32*** I once had a female classmate who had a very boyish personality in junior high school. One day she shaved off her head. Her class teacher was furious and called her parents. Later, her mother came, and it turned out that her mother also had a short hair!

33*** In high school, the class teacher’s surname was Huang, and we called him Dahuang behind our backs. On New Year's Day, the class played a game of guessing between you and me. The competition reached a fever pitch, and the last question was "Tibetan Mastiff." The students in Group A made a dog pose, and the last student pointed at the class teacher happily and shouted: "I know, I know, it's rhubarb! It's rhubarb!" Then, nothing more happened.

34*** When Xiao Ming was in first grade, he was selected as one of the three best students and received the award. The teacher said: "When your name is called later, go forward. Can you salute?" Xiao Ming said: "Teacher, I can!" Just like that, when Xiao Ming received the award, Xiao Ming stood under the national flag and kowtowed heavily to the principal. I rang my head three times, and the principal was shocked. After that, I became famous in the whole school.

35*** I remember that when we first entered junior high school, none of us were familiar with the teacher. Once in a math class, the teacher wanted a classmate to go up to the blackboard to do a problem, but he forgot his name. It happened that the classmate was very fat. Our teacher pointed at the child and said these shocking words, "Come over and do this with that ball." question.

36*** When asking for sick leave at school, you need to submit a photo of the hospital certificate. The classmate took a photo of him with the needle inserted into the blood vessel and the hanging bottle during the injection and sent it to the teacher. The teacher went crazy. The certificate I wanted was a sick leave note, not a 45-degree tilt shot from above, and he smiled so much!

Featured:

1*** There are so many people who don’t like to study recently. The class teacher got very angry and complained angrily: “I really don’t know what fun the game is, so just say that you don’t want to play the game.” What's the use of buckling! So what if I hang up for a year, what do I get?" The whole class was silent, and a weak voice came from the corner: "One sun!" The class suddenly boiled! Brother, you are too honest, your legs still hurt. What?

2*** The forest is so big that there are all kinds of birds. Society has become complicated, and there are people of all kinds. What kind of person am I, I'm just wondering?

3*** You can't satisfy everyone, because not all people are human!

4** * Men pretend to understand when they don’t understand, while women do the opposite.

5*** Everyone says I am an actor because my eyes widen when I see a pretty girl.

6*** Don’t speak English in front of me in the future, okay?

7*** The most terrifying way to miss someone is: sitting next to her, but you Knowing that I will never have her.

8*** In the 21st century, what is most important - me!

9*** I also fell in love several times because of the unbearable loneliness. Who would have thought that after repeated defeats, I would be kicked easily!

10*** I love you not because of who you are, but because of who I am when I am in front of you! Recommended reading: