A long encyclopedia of English jokes?

Jokes are an indispensable part of national culture. Through jokes, we can see the living environment, lifestyle, social relations and psychological characteristics of a nation. I share long English jokes, hoping to help everyone!

Long English joke: I wish you happiness ... Chri *** ukah?

Continuing the current trend of large-scale mergers and acquisitions, it was announced at the press conference today that Christmas and Hanukkah would merge. An industry insider said that this transaction has been brewing for about 1300 years. Although the details are not clear at the time of press release, I believe that the expenses of 12 Christmas and 8 Hanukkah are prohibitive for both parties. We are told that through bing forces, the world will be able to enjoy the consistent high-quality service in the new holiday-15 days of Christmas.

It is expected that there will be large-scale layoffs, among which aristocrats and milkmaids will be the hardest hit. As part of the terms of the agreement, the letters on dreidel (currently Hebrew) will be replaced by Latin, which will make it incomprehensible to more readers.

In addition, the information on dreidel is not translated as "a great miracle happened there", but is more general: "a miracle happened." In exchange, it is believed that Jews will be allowed to use Santa Claus and his large commodity resources to buy and send their gifts.

One of the sticking points that has prevented the agreement from being reached for at least 300 years is whether Jewish children can leave milk and biscuits to Santa Claus after eating meat for dinner. Last year, Oreo was finally declared Jewish, which was a breakthrough. All parties seem to be very happy about this.

Fortunately, Kwanzaa will help maintain a small-scale balance, he said. Later, he led all the people present to sing an exciting song "Oy Vey, All Ye Faithful" and ended the press conference.

A long English joke: the most dangerous

One beautiful morning, a tiger was walking through the forest and enjoying the beautiful scenery of nature. ...

He looked up and saw the trees swaying in the wind above his head. ...

He saw the river shining in the sun, like a newborn star, which made him feel warm inside. ...

He thought, Mother Nature has created a real and wonderful world. ...

The man who was most afraid walked along the road he chose for a while. Suddenly, a bear jumped out of the bushes a few yards in front of him, began to growl, looked hungry, and ran quickly towards him. ...

Seeing the bear coming at him, he screamed in horror and began to run away from the bear as fast as possible. ...

Knowing that the bear would catch up with him, he had no chance. He soon ran out of breath and fell to the ground without walking a few steps. ...

When the bear's shadow fell on his face and his claws rested on his chest, the people who were most afraid screamed.

"God, help me."

Suddenly, the trees he admired very much stopped swaying. ...

The river he loved suddenly stopped flowing. ..

The sky widened and a voice began to speak. ..

"I am God, even if you don't believe me, I am here to serve everyone on earth."

The person who fears most breathed a sigh of relief and asked God ...

"I'm in this situation, I just asked if you could help me get rid of it."

God thought for a moment and said ...

"I will give you a wish to help you, that's all, you can continue this wish."

The king thought for a moment about this wish, and then said to God ..

"I really don't want to be a Christian, so I want Bear to be a Christian."

God spoke. ...

"Let's do it."

The sky suddenly closed. ...

The river has regained its flowing brilliance. ...

The tree began to sway again. ...

The bear patted his paw and said ...

"Thank God for this meal."

Long English joke: Are we in church?

Three couples-an old man, a middle-aged man and a newly married couple-want to join the church. The priest said, "We have special requirements for the new parishioners. You must abstain from sex for two weeks. " The couple agreed and came back in two weeks.

The priest walked up to the old couple and asked, "Can you stop having sex for two weeks?"

The old man replied, "No problem, Dad."

"Congratulations! Welcome to the church! " The priest said.

The priest walked up to the middle-aged couple and asked, "So, can you abstain from sex in two weeks?"

The middle-aged man replied, "The first week was not too bad. The next week, I had to sleep on the sofa for a few nights, but, yes, we did it. "

"Congratulations! "Welcome to the church," said the priest.

The priest then walked up to the newlyweds and asked, "Well, can you not have sex for two weeks?"

"No, Reverend, we can't do it without sex for two weeks," the young man replied sadly.

"What's the matter?" Asked the priest.

"My wife reached for a can of corn on the top of the shelf and dropped it," the young man said. "When she bent down to pick it up, I was carried away by desire and took advantage of her there."

"Of course you understand that this means that you will not be welcome in our church," said the priest.

"We know," said the young man. "We don't like supermarkets any more."