What is the funniest story you have ever heard?

Tell a story: There was a woman who gave birth to a son in middle age and regarded him as the apple of her eye. He is not allowed to do anything. When you are an adult, you need someone to take care of you, just like when you were in infancy. An old man suggested to the woman, "He should be taught to speak." The woman replied, "He doesn't have to talk when I'm here." A neighbor advised the lady, "He should be taught to take care of himself." The woman replied, "With me here, he doesn't have to take care of himself." This woman is dead, and her son can't do anything. Every day, he takes the dog to beg at the door. People gave him a name: Dog Man.

People are criticizing the mother because she dotes too much and her child has become a dog.

However, I think this is ridiculous! I am also a mother. I love my children very much, but I hope my children will be better because of love. I hope he studies better than others, exercises better than others and has more friends than others ... this is the mentality of being a mother! What mother would leave her child without hands, feet and language? Of course, there are also many thorny issues in children's education. What kind of parents will stop their parents from disciplining their children? Children's only weekends are used by parents to study all kinds of long classes and so on ... but we really care about our children and love them very much! A big family surrounds a child, and all kinds of reward and punishment systems are used on their own children. In fact, we grew up with children!

Thanks for reading, hilarious jokes, funny pictures and small videos.

1 My roommate's underwear has not been washed for several months, but a small mushroom has grown. What's more frightening is that my roommate has eaten it as a treasure! As a result, he was rushed to the hospital for gastric lavage in the middle of the night. The doctor on duty understood the situation and said, "Tiger poison doesn't eat children, young man, what are you doing?"

Many people say that if you get married, you will not be free at home. That's because you are not free. I can do whatever I want at home! I want to wash dishes, I want to wash clothes, I want to mop the floor, and she dare not stop me!

The monster that Tang Priest and his disciples met used his unique skills as soon as he appeared, and smashed the stones on the ground with a bang! Wukong went up and knocked the monster down with a stick. Tang Priest quickly stopped: "Wukong, why did you hit him like this?" I heard Wukong crying and saying, "He hit my mother first!" " "

Xiaoming showed Xiaohua around the zoo. When he entered the gate, Xiaoming pointed to Xiaohua and said to the doorman, "Look carefully, and we will come out soon. Don't say I stole your monkey! "

When Xiao Ming came home from school, his father asked him, "How old is China?"

Xiao Ming said, "5000 years!"

Dad was furious after hearing this: "When I was studying, it was 5,000 years. Is it still 5,000 years now?" Are you kidding? "

I feel so hungry when I come home from work and look at the rice noodle shop downstairs tonight.

I ordered a pickled ham rice noodle and looked at the bright red soup, which greatly increased my appetite.

I was having a good time eating rice noodles when I suddenly heard a sweet female voice, "You have a new order from Meituan, please check it!" Business in this store is really good. After sitting for 10 minutes, there are already four or five orders. It turns out that I'm not the only one eating so late, hahaha.

Not long after the order reminder, I heard the boss call the user and say, "Hello, the rice noodles with pickled peppers you ordered can't be spicy. The only things that can't be spicy are Sam sun and sauerkraut ... Pickled peppers can't make clear soup ... How to make clear soup with pickled peppers? ... then I'll make you a slightly spicy one ... Slightly spicy is the best effort ... Can I ... "(This?

I am tired after a busy day, and I am very happy to hear these feelings. In Chongqing, I really often hear "boss, a bowl of hot and sour powder instead of pepper and vinegar" and "er, the waiter wants a spicy beef ... the waiter wants a bowl of white water, you are too spicy and old".

I feel very funny every time I hear these words, but I finally paid a little for the sake of eating, hahaha.

I'm not hot and unhappy, I'm hungry, and I'm enjoying my food, hahaha.

In the first year of junior high school, selling erhu flutes became popular at county temple fairs. My nephew (my cousin's child is three years younger than me) and I bought one. It's really hard to let it go. One afternoon, when they were playing in the Woods, they saw a grasshopper in the grass. It was big and beautiful. They picked up their flutes and shouted, "Look at my golden cudgel". Only when they clicked, the grasshopper missed, and the flute (made of suppressed wood) broke into two parts from the mouthpiece. At that time, the conditions at home were not good, and my family scolded me, so I went to my house to align the broken places and wrap them with transparent tape. A few days later, my sister saw it and said it shouldn't be so tangled. It didn't sound good. My nephew, fearing that things would be exposed, insisted that he liked to entangle such a strong blowing sound and not let others touch it. I didn't tell my sister about it until my nephew went to junior high school. It's funny to think of the voice that loved "rough" at that time.

1 About the countryside, I was in the sixth grade of primary school, and I passed a big cesspit next to a vegetable garden after school in the afternoon. There is a dog opposite the cesspit. My classmate said, hey, it seems to be my dog! Then he called the dog's nickname ... a magical and funny scene appeared. The dog plopped into the cesspit and wagged its tail at my classmate! My classmate shouted: don't come, don't come! Then, such an unforgettable picture appeared ... My classmate ran in front of him, and a dog covered in feces wagged its tail and chased him happily. Finally, the dog got his wish and threw himself into his master's arms. .......

Tell a funny and happy story brought by a little girl

When I was watching an exhibition of Leonardo da Vinci's paintings, the conversation between three people in front of the portrait of Leonardo da Vinci gave me great inspiration.

Mom said: Da Vinci is very powerful! He can draw, physics, mathematics, anatomy, design, machinery and almost nothing.

The little girl said: Can Da Vinci cook braised pork?

Mom: ... should ... should not!

The little girl said, that's better than dad!

One day in Chinese class, there seems to be a small unit next door to hold a ceremony or something. I don't want to go to class. My Chinese is ok, and our Chinese teacher doesn't like it, as long as it doesn't affect other students. I look out of the window when I'm bored. Maybe the leader of the unit next door is too talkative. Finally, I heard the host say, please applaud General X's wonderful speech. As a result, I was fascinated by it and applauded. I will never forget the way my Chinese teacher and the whole class looked at me.

This is what I find very funny.

I also tell an interesting story.

When I was in college, the school was very strict, and the lights would be turned off at ten o'clock in the evening. Several of our classmates often sneaked out and ran to the Internet cafe to surf the Internet. But I am afraid of being caught by the counselor every time, so I am very scared when I come back.

It is said that once we ran out to surf the Internet, but when we sneaked back at night, we found a man standing at the door of the dormitory. We all thought we were counselors, and we were too scared to come in by hiding outside the wall. It was autumn and it was very cold at night. Later, almost an hour. We couldn't stand the cold there, only to find the counselor still standing there. We chose a bold one, wanted to admit our mistakes and then went back to sleep quickly.

I saw that buddy walking slowly with his head down, but I didn't expect to suddenly shout, who the fuck hung his clothes here!

There was a director of the Education Bureau who once went to the street and saw a child of school age, but he didn't go to school. I'm setting up a stall for my family to sell things. So he went up to the child and asked, "Why don't you go to school?"

The child said to him, "It's no use studying. When you come out in the future, you will not just sell things. " The director of education was very angry. He said to the child, "You said reading was useless, so who do you think killed Li Dazhao?" Hearing this, the child thought that Li Dazhao was a modern man and didn't know him. He replied, "I didn't kill him anyway." The director of education was angry and funny and ignored him. He turned to the child's father and said, "Listen, since he said he didn't kill Li Dazhao." Hearing this, the father of the child quickly shouted to the Director of Education: "Don't tell a lie. My son is still young, how can he kill people? " If you don't leave, I will be rude to you. "The director of education had to go.

Once upon a time, a man killed his dog. After the owner of the dog knew it, he took the dog to settle accounts with him ... you, you, why did you kill my dog? I saw that the man pointed to the dog and said, "Someone paid me a lot of money to kill your dog."

The funniest story dates back to ancient times.

After the creator made all the scenery and animals, he felt that there was something missing. So he made two people out of the remaining mud. Because there is no gender difference between two people, it is impossible to copy human beings and can't tell who is who. This worried the creator, so he picked up a knife and reshaped it into a male body and a female body. The woman's name is Xiao and the man's name is drunk. This creator is also careless. He thought that the most laughter would breed human beings, but it backfired. Most laughter has no desire.

The creator finally thought of some ways. He made an arrow out of clouds, called Cupid, and used it to shoot men's bodies. After shooting, it will ignite lust and give men a little strength. The greatest strength is greater than laughter. The creator called this process of human reproduction "doing things" for short. This is the most interesting story.

Later, after a while, I changed my name to two words, Adam and Eve. With the development of human society, there are more and more words in my name, even four words and five words. I changed sex to love, but until now, some people use this word again, such as having sex with women, which is actually wrong.

In fact, the funniest stories are gone. But it is still talked about by people. The funniest thing is that someone said in the comments section that this guy is really a piece of shit.