Why do I feel like I'm in a microwave every time I take the elevator and hear the "ding" sound of the door opening?

A friend was so drunk that he could not stand or sit down, and could only make a "bump" look.

When everyone was helpless, he suddenly patted his body three times and shouted, "Wallet! There! Keys! There! Cell phone! There! They are all there!!". Everyone is cold!

That night, he repeated it every 10 minutes! ! ! ! Strong man!

Afterwards, I was nicknamed "×Three Beats"

When I was in college, I danced a terrible group dance that required violent movements such as falling down quickly and raising my legs high. Everyone fell into disuse after just a few days of practice. They were covered in bruises and some leg muscles were strained. I was injured more severely.

I went to class in the afternoon. On the third floor, I couldn't lift one of my legs at all. I just had to walk up, which was like sending the leg straight up. As I was walking, I heard a girl behind me saying to her boyfriend: "Schools in big cities are more formal. In our hometown, people with this kind of polio cannot go to school at all."

I fainted... < /p>

The dormitory management department suddenly came to the dormitory to check whether there were any illegal electrical appliances. My two buddies were so frightened that they hurriedly put away the electric stove and hid under the mosquito net, while the other got in with the hot milk boiling on the stove.

The inspector pushed the door open and came in. When I turned on the light and saw that no one was there, I was about to leave. Suddenly, a brother in the mosquito net was burned by a milk cup. He knocked over the cup and let out a horrifying scream...

Su The management teacher was startled, and opened the mosquito net to take a closer look: two boys, disheveled, hugging each other, and a large patch of white on the sheets...

My deskmate had a cold and a runny nose, but he forgot Wearing a handkerchief, I kept sucking the mucus into my nose. The Chinese teacher who was writing on the blackboard suddenly turned around and shouted: "That's enough! Stop it! It's so noisy!" The whole class was silent. The teacher then said: "Who is eating noodles secretly in class and making such a loud noise?"

A question requires connecting the following four sentences with related words:

1. Sister Zhang Haidi is paralyzed. ;

2. Sister Zhang Haidi studied tenaciously;

3. Sister Zhang Haidi learned many foreign languages;

4. Sister Zhang Haidi learned acupuncture.

The correct answer should be: "Although sister Zhang Haidi was paralyzed, she studied tenaciously and not only learned many foreign languages, but also learned acupuncture.

As a result, one child wrote: Although sister Zhang Haidi tenaciously learned acupuncture and many foreign languages, she was still paralyzed

Another more powerful child wrote: Sister Zhang Haidi not only learned foreign languages, but also learned acupuncture, she is so. I studied tenaciously and finally became paralyzed!

When I was in high school, there was a buddy in my class. He was born in 1981. He was not very young, but he was very old...

The following is how he took the bus Something happened when I was a sophomore in high school:

When I was a sophomore in high school, this buddy took the bus to school. Because of the long journey, when he was bored, a man of about 35 years old sitting next to him talked to him. The man opened his mouth and said something : "Brother, where are you going?

This guy may have encountered this kind of treatment many times, so he was not extremely surprised and answered calmly: "Three middle schools." The man's second sentence: "Oh, let's go see the child? It's hard for the child to go to school..."

The man's face twitched and he said nothing.

The third sentence: "Brother, how old is your child?" The guy was really annoyed and didn't explain, so he said casually: "First year of high school"

At this time, the classic appeared.

The man looked at the man with wide eyes in great surprise, and after looking at him for ten seconds, he said: "Brother, you got married quite late!"

I remember when I was in high school. At that time, I saw a good friend of mine buying pancakes to eat outside the school gate. As you know, in high school, I would often get hungry if I used my brain too much, so I immediately ran up to him, punched him first, and then grabbed his pancake and ate it. After taking a bite, he cursed and said, "I'm really not happy. I didn't buy a cake with me. As a result, before I could swallow the cake, I looked up and realized that I had mistakenly recognized the person. It didn't matter. I actually said I'm sorry later." At the same time, he stuffed the big pancake I took a bite into the man's hand and ran away. The whole process was completed in one go! ! !

I remember when I ran back to the school gate and looked back, the man was still standing in front of the stall, holding the big cake with a gap in his hand in a daze. Even now, sometimes I can’t help but beat myself up when I think about this! ! ! !

In my freshman year, I went to the cafeteria to make buns. Unexpectedly, there was something wrong with the card slitting machine. I scratched out 150 yuan 3 in one stroke. The brother who sold the buns after tinkering for a long time couldn't add it back, so he pathetically He said: "It's okay. I remember you and will come here often until the extra money is used up." I had no choice but to agree.

It’s a pity that I ate steamed buns one meal after another for a whole semester. Brother Baozi still owes me 2 yuan and 3 yuan... The most annoying thing is that I didn’t find a girlfriend in four years of college! ! !

Until graduation, one day I was walking on the campus boulevard, and I heard a group of girls behind me pointing and whispering: "Yes, that's him! Don't find a boyfriend like this every day in the future. You don’t get paid to eat steamed buns in the second cafeteria!”

A girl in our class put a packet of milk on the heater when it was cold in winter.

2008-12-19 16:05 Reply

60.4.40.* 2nd Floor

When class was about to begin, I was crazy about a boy sitting next to the heater. Called: "***, help me turn the milk over.

The whole class laughed and there was no class in the morning.

Not long ago, a friend gave me a dog named Lele I have a Pekingese puppy. This puppy is pure white and is very hygienic. He never urinates anywhere at home. Every time he has an urgent need, he will bark "woof woof" twice in advance and then go to the tray I prepared for him. This saves a lot of trouble; on Sunday morning, I took Lele to the bank. Just after withdrawing money in the bank's business hall, "Woof woof..." Lele suddenly shouted at me. I knew it was going to happen again. Although this is not our family, we still have to abide by social ethics! I quickly took out the newspaper I just bought at the newsstand and gave it to Lele. After that, I carefully wrapped the pile of waste into a paper bag, holding it in one hand and holding Lele in the other, and walked out, ready to throw it into the trash can on the street. As soon as I walked to the side of the road, I heard "Gah." "With a sound, a motorcycle braked suddenly and stopped beside me. At the moment when I was in a daze, the young man wearing sunglasses sitting in the back seat snatched the paper bag from my hand, accompanied by a strong roar of the motor. The motorcycle sped away. I stood on the roadside for a long time and vaguely heard a few passers-by who had just witnessed this scene whispering: "This guy is really unlucky. He just walked out of the bank." Just let people rob it... How many thousands are there, right? "

Guo Degang: "Hey, old man, look, do you know me?", "Degang~~", "It's okay, old man, don't take it to heart, you are tough and down-to-earth. Really, you can live for more than a hundred years, ah." "What should I do? I'll get you something." "I want a lady~~", "Hey, you should have died a long time ago, you know", "I I need to free my little hands~~".

A man and woman were having dinner

The girl kept asking the boy: Do you love me?

The boy glanced at the girl and continued to eat dinner.

The girl was very angry and asked again: Do you love me?

The boy finally said: Love

The girl asked again: How do you prove it?

Suddenly the boy took out thirty yuan from his pocket.

Ask the girl: Do you have ten yuan?

The girl took ten yuan and gave it to the boy...

The boy put forty yuan on the table

After a while... ...

The girl asked the boy angrily: Do you want to prove that you love me?

The boy said: I have proven it! Forty is right in front of you!

Walking around the snack street one day

I found a shop selling egg tarts

Each one looks very delicious and I want to buy one to try

p>

I asked the clerk: Is this sold individually?

Shop clerk: No, this is Japanese.

A friend of mine once took a taxi home from the station and asked the driver: "How much is it to XX town?"

Driver: "150." My friend asked: "100 Are you leaving?"

Unexpectedly, the driver's attitude was extremely bad: "If you don't have money, why would you take a taxi? What will happen? )

My friend walked away silently.

A few days later, my friend saw the driver and many other drivers waiting for passengers at the station.

My friend walked over and asked another driver: "How much does it cost to go to XX town?"

The driver: "150." My friend asked: "200 or not?" Driver: "Let's go, of course!"

My friend said: "But you have to let me put the sock in your mouth when we are halfway there."

Driver: "Are you sick? I let you do this just to earn you 50 more yuan? Damn it!"

My friend found another one next to him: "How much does it cost to go to XX town?"

Driver: "150." My friend asked: "Can we go for 200?" Driver: "Let's go, of course!"

My friend said: "But when we walked halfway You have to let me put socks in your mouth."

Driver: "Are you mistaken? I let you do this just to earn you 50 more yuan?"

< p> Just like that, my friend asked all the other drivers in a while. Except for the driver who insulted him last time, everyone knew that my friend was willing to pay 200 to go to XX town, but he had to stuff his socks into the driver's mouth on the way.

Finally, my friend came to the driver who had insulted him: "How much is it to XX town?"

The driver: "150." My friend asked: "200 to go. Don’t want to go?” Driver: “Let’s go, of course!”

My friend said: “But when you leave, you have to shout to everyone, ‘I’m going to XX town for 200 yuan’.” /p>

Driver: "What's the point? Let's go!"

Then he heard shouting: "I'm going to ×× town for 200---"

One day the lame man and the blind man were riding together in a carriage.

The blind man was riding, and the lame man was watching the road. Suddenly, the lame man found a deep ditch in front of him and shouted: ditch, ditch, ditch! The blind man sang back: Ole, Ole, Ole! They both fell into the ditch together!

When I was in school, I lived in the dormitory of the school. Every night after self-study, I could always see the men and women on campus together. I was very envious!!!

I was even more envious of the girls who often came and went. Men in the dormitory (some old and some young).

It is said that one day after class, I was invited to the girls’ dormitory (I didn’t want to go). I ate and chatted, and in a blink of an eye it was past 10 o’clock. I was about to leave, I heard the aunt downstairs who was the janitor shouting from downstairs:

"It's getting late!!! Girls, it's time to see off the guests!!!"

Thinking about giving it to my mother While on the phone, the boss suddenly came in and said to him: Mom, I found the materials and here they are for you!!!!!!!! --!!!!

Put the money in your hand and rub it It formed a ball, caught it in my hand, felt very uncomfortable, and threw it away

I went to a good friend's house. During the chat, her father came back and opened his mouth to call "Auntie". In embarrassment, her mother appeared again and opened her mouth. Also called "uncle"... and then I doubted my own IQ

After swimming yesterday, I opened the trunk directly, threw the key in, and then closed the trunk... I waited in the wild for an hour and a half wearing a three-point jumpsuit. .

Once when I was cooking, after washing the rice, I poured it directly into the rice cooker without the inner pot... Then I blew it around with a blower...

This happened At noon, it’s so embarrassing. I planned to ask the restaurant downstairs to send me a bowl of shaved noodles at noon. I didn’t know what to think. After the phone call, I said directly: "Hello, please send me a bowl of shaved noodles." My mother's voice appeared: "Daughter! You want to eat noodles for lunch!" My mother felt a little confused at first, but when she came to her senses she laughed~~I was also stunned for a moment~ My face turned red, so embarrassed~~

On my first day at work, someone called the manager (female). I gave the phone to the manager and said, "Mom, someone is looking for you to answer the phone."

A good friend got married and I went there the day before. She took a photo of me when we were at her house. I didn’t look at the photos in her camera at the time and forgot about it later. When we were having a wedding the next day, she took out her camera and I said, look what you took. When I was flipping through the photos, I found that the person in one of the photos looked very much like me. I didn’t realize it in my mind. I even yelled stupidly at people to see that there was a girl who looked very much like me. When I realized it, I felt that I looked very much like me. Silly, how could you not recognize your own photo? The second one was even worse. I was riding a bicycle quickly passing by a van, and the door just opened~~ I bumped into the door, miserably~

The most embarrassing time , I don’t know what I was thinking when I was washing my feet. I was about to take off my socks, but I almost took off my pants...

As I walked from the podium to the seat, a classmate stretched his feet out into the aisle. I originally wanted to say "please give up", but ended up blurting out "thank you" -_-#

Once in a photoshop class, I was texting my boyfriend and bravely shouted to the teacher loudly: "Husband !My computer is not connected!" The noisy classroom fell silent for an instant. Five seconds later, everyone burst into laughter. The teacher was an old man in his 50s. He pushed up his glasses and stared at me. This Lushan Waterfall is so sweaty

I called my girlfriend’s house, and her father answered the phone and said, “Hello?” I answered in her father’s voice: “Hello, aunt, is *** here?” Can her father agree to us being together? What a miracle!

I threw out the garbage in the morning, and it was very easy to hold. I got on the bus and drove for an hour. When I got to the company, I got off the car and found that the garbage bag was still in my hand. I carried it around half of the way. City,,, ended up throwing it into the trash can of an office building

One night after a party late at night, I went home. I didn’t know what I was thinking about. After I got into the elevator, I waited and waited and waited for a long time, but I still didn’t reach my floor. I started sweating violently in my heart. Could it be that there was something wrong with the elevator? No one was here. I shouted for help and no one dumped me. At the same time, the scenes from the ghost movie flashed one by one. I suddenly felt chills all over my body. I was about to make a phone call. Give it to BF, ask him to come and save me. Suddenly I found that I didn’t press the floor button for the elevator and had not moved on the first floor...

I took my school meal card to the ICBC staff to withdraw money. Others looked at it. He threw it out neatly, and I stuffed it back and said loudly that I wanted to withdraw money. He threw it out neatly and said lazily that the card was wrong. I took it back and took a CCB card from my wallet and handed it to him. He...

Once I went to buy hot dry noodles. There was a couple in front of them who were buying. The boss asked them if they wanted to put coriander. The man said no, and the woman said why not.

I was thinking "cilantro, why do men want coriander and women don't want coriander..." I was lost in thought when the boss asked me, what should I eat? I answered loudly without hesitation: "Cilantro!!!" The boss + the couple next to me looked at me in confusion!

I bought a new microwave oven at home, and I was very excited to use it to cook fish. I set the time, adjusted the heat, and excitedly opened the microwave after fifteen minutes. I fainted and found nothing. The fish was still on the table. . I operated it again depressingly. When the time was up, I found that the fish was still on the table before I opened the microwave. So I decided not to eat fish for a week.

Once, I went to buy a fruit knife and took it. I looked at the knife again and again, and then asked the knife buyer to find something for me to try to see if the knife was fast. As a result, I cut my big finger with the knife and blood spurted out. ````I said happily, "Yeah, hurry up." I was shocked that the knife buyer refused to accept the money and insisted on giving me this knife. `````` When I turned around, it hurt.`````` Diamond

I forgot what grade I was in elementary school. One time I was not paying attention to self-study, so I used scissors to cut off the front end of the ballpoint pen refill, blew out the oil in the refill, and played with it. I just sucked the oil into my mouth

When I was very young, we had to burn coal at home. The rice cooked by my mother was placed in the kitchen. I took a small shovel and got a shovelful of coal. He opened the lid of the pot holding the rice and poured all the coal in at once. . . . #￥%……※×(

When I was in college, I was having dinner with a group of friends. I was thinking about the exam in the afternoon and was absent-minded. After eating, I took a tissue from the bag and wiped my mouth as usual. I wiped it unconsciously for a long time. , suddenly realized that my friends were silent and looked at me, and then I realized that the thing I was holding to wipe my mouth was a sanitary napkin! My friends were both male and female! I really didn’t want to live anymore! It’s for daily use! What’s incomprehensible is that I even took off the pink packaging!

I got up for breakfast (cakes and porridge) one morning and ate it while watching the news. There was an accident over there. I looked at it very seriously, so I picked up the remote control and chewed it, and chewed a piece of the remote control cover. I chewed it for a long time, and almost died of depression when I spit it out. I still don’t understand how I managed to bite it off=

Another time I went with my girlfriend when I was traveling. There were so many people in the scenic spot that I grabbed my girlfriend’s hand. He said, "Honey, hold me tight." Then I felt my girlfriend's hand loosening. I thought she was embarrassed, so I pulled her tighter. Then I turned around and saw that it was a man. Yes. Then there was a woman next to me who looked at me very strangely. I was so frightened that I laughed a few times and ran away with a red face. `````

After running, I was out of breath. I was drinking water and preparing to leave. But I didn’t press the end button and the treadmill couldn’t stop. I slid out and the water in the cup spilled all over the floor. The coach regarded it as a typical negative example. The people next to me said, don’t get off without stopping like her. It’s so embarrassing@@

Another time I entered the elevator on the third floor and kept pressing the 3 button. I was still wondering why it didn’t light up. . The other time was from a colleague. That day, my colleague turned on the air conditioner with the remote control and asked me to pour her a glass of water. The combination made the scene I saw very strange: I saw her pressing the remote control at me and mouthing. Li said: Please pour me a glass of water! I swear it's not an angle error, the air conditioner is in the opposite direction.

Go shopping for clothes, go to the fitting room to try on clothes, take off your shirt as soon as you enter. I got a bra and then put on clothes. After putting it on, I felt weird. I realized it when I saw the bra next to me~~sweat~