Good Parents Training Camp DAY1--A letter to my eldest son

Dear eldest son:

In a blink of an eye, you have grown into a 15-year-old handsome boy, and you are taller than your father. When you stand next to my mother, I instantly feel extremely safe. When you were growing up, your mother took up the job without training and made many educational mistakes. I remember having a heart-to-heart talk with you once. You felt that you were full of shortcomings. I helped you dig out them, and you only found two or three advantages. Mom also blames herself. It seems that she doesn’t blame you too much. The studies in the third grade of junior high school are very stressful. After self-study in the morning and evening, you have to go home and have homework at night. You often stay up late alone. During the winter vacation, you will also help take care of your brother at home. Did you know? In my mother's mind, you are a caring little vest. Let's polish your "golden sign" today:

1. You are very filial and know how to share. Ever since I was little, I have always shared whatever delicious food you have with every member of your family. I remember one time you came back from school and bought some roasted corn. When you knew that grandpa was unwell and had no appetite, you immediately gave the corn to grandpa. Later, I told my mother that she originally planned to buy it for me. When my grandfather was sick, I gave it to him immediately without thinking.

2. You are very careful. I remember when I was in the sixth grade of elementary school, I saw my mother drinking ginger and brown sugar water. You took a sip and found that it didn’t taste good, so you asked me why I like to drink this. After mom tells you the reason, on those few days every month, as long as you are at home, I will get a cup of love brand brown sugar water from you, with a few slices of ginger added to it. Every Mother's Day and Valentine's Day, I receive gifts bought for me with your own pocket money, which makes my life full of ritual.

3. You have a good sense of time. After entering junior high school, you would set your alarm clock in advance for morning self-study every day, get up on time, and never need us to call you. No matter how late you work on your homework, you will insist on finishing it before going to bed.

4. You love to learn cooking. In elementary school, you learned how to make fried rice with eggs and boiled dumplings. In junior high school, you learned how to cook simple dishes: fried eggs with tomatoes and shredded potatoes. Sometimes I can still eat the food you cooked when I come back from get off work, which my mother thinks is very delicious.

5. You like reading. Every night after finishing your homework, you said you couldn't sleep, so you would take a few books from the study to read. When your mother tidied the room every day, she would see many books beside your pillow.

6. You will help share the housework. For example, when entertaining guests, you take the initiative to help set up chairs, tableware, and serve dishes. After the guests leave, you help clean up with your father. Mom is particularly pleased to see this scene.

7. You are very humorous, and you often tell a witty joke that makes others laugh, but you remain serious. I will also dub the short videos I took~ For example, on the first day of school when it snowed and the road was slippery, I recorded a video of your back while walking with you, and you asked me to dub it with "Snowflakes~piaopiao, north wind~xiaoxiao..." background music. As a result, after I posted it, someone immediately commented that the soundtrack and video were very appropriate for the occasion. I was very curious about how people born in the 2000s were familiar with the old song "One Cut Plum"? You said that you all learned it online, but at the end you asked me: Do you think I only use my mobile phone to play games?

8. You seem careless, but in fact you are very thoughtful. Mom sometimes chats with you and feels that your inner world is colorful. You are also a mirror for my mother. You can see my shortcomings at any time. My mother will sometimes go crazy. You will use your way to remind her to withdraw from her emotions. I remember one time when my brother kept overtaking, my patience was exhausted, and I couldn't help but get angry for the first time. You immediately came over to dissuade my mother, "My brother is still so young and he doesn't understand anything. Mom, you can't yell at him like this." This is the only time, whenever I go crazy, I think of your words.

9. You are optimistic and broad-minded. Grandpa has a bad temper, and sometimes he will accuse you fiercely, but you are not angry or vengeful at all. Your mother will sometimes nag you for misplacing things or playing with your phone for too long, but you will accept it calmly. Of course, there are also times when you get a little bit naughty with me.

10. You will be humble to your 1-year-old brother. Since your younger brother was born the year before last, your mother has paid less attention to you. You would tease him for a while when you came back from school, and my little brother also liked you very much. But he is too young and will use weapons and even bite you during play. Just yesterday, he bit you on the face and it turned red. I saw your eyes filled with tears, almost crying.

I asked you why you didn't push him away or slap him to stop him. How could you argue with a child? I said you could hit him to relieve your pain, but you just gave him a couple of symbolic pats on his butt.

Self-reflection: I raised two children in two different ways. When raising the eldest son, she did not fully fulfill her responsibilities as a mother. She went to work when he was five or six months old. When he was ten months old, he went to work with his father in other places. He did not come back until half a year later. You don’t recognize me a little bit. Later, when I studied psychology, I learned that when a baby needs its mother the most, the only people around it are its grandparents. As a result, it feels insecure for a long time and is often laughed at for being timid and cowardly. In the subsequent education process, his father and I both copied the way our parents educated us when we were young, which was really embarrassing for him. Fortunately, it was not too late to make amends. When he was in the third grade of elementary school, I met Teacher Li Qin at a parent-child education lecture held by the school. I was deeply attracted by her knowledge and charm. It set me on a path of learning and change, and my interest in psychology has been unstoppable ever since.

When I gave birth to my second child, I was in the process of transformation. By chance and coincidence, I met Teacher Ying Tong, and followed her to continue practicing cultivation in life, cultivating intimate relationships, cultivating parent-child relationships, and cultivating relationships with myself... In addition, I was immersed in the Qin Su family. The nourishment from each family member has made me what I am today: inner peace and stability, more and more powerful, able to maintain a beautiful connection with others at any time, and fully shoulder the responsibility of a mother. Allow children to explore freely. A 15-month-old baby never needs to be fed by adults and can ride a children's electric motorcycle. He can call mom and dad, but he can't express himself in words yet - but he can use body movements and understand what adults say.

? I found that everyone in my family loved the second child very much. They all praised him for being smart and a good boy who could read. He would definitely be more promising than the eldest child in the future. Somehow, I felt very sad when I heard such praise. I understand that the order of love in a family should be top-down, especially a family with two children. It seems that I should do some work for my family and let them give more love and affirmation to the eldest brother (in fact, the eldest brother is often criticized). The elder brother is nourished by love and will love the younger brother with us.