Please make fun of Battle of Red Cliffs.

During the Three Kingdoms period, Zhou Yu and Jiang Gan had a past. ...

Jiang Gan: "Hello, Yu? 」

Zhou Yu: "Very good! Very good! 」

Zhou Yu asked, "Fuck, ok?" 」

Jiang Gan: "Very good! Very good! 」

Cao Junbing heard the coach of the other side abuse the strategist's mother in public, and the strategist accepted it gladly, and his morale collapsed by half.

Later, Cao Cao went into battle himself. ...

Cao Cao: "Hello, Yu? 」

Zhou Yu: "Very good! Very good! So, fuck, how's your family? 」

Cao Cao: "Very good! Very good! 」

Junbing heard that the other coach insulted his coach's family in public, but his coach turned a blind eye! Finally, the morale of the army collapsed.

Cao Cao was defeated in Chibi. ...

When Sun Quan was thirty-three, he received a letter from Cao Cao. Sun Quan began to think that Cao Cao invited him to dinner, and he was very comfortable on this occasion. Who knows, it's not like this once it's opened. The letter reads: "I am lonely and close to the emperor's orders, and I am condemned by words." Yao Hui guide, Liu Cong is helpless; Jingxiang people listen to the wind and move. Today, there are millions of soldiers and thousands of generals. They want to hunt with the generals in Jiangxia, * * * cut Liu Bei, share the land and form an alliance forever. Fortunately, don't wait and see, and give an answer quickly. "

Sun Quan was startled at that time and thought: There is going to be a war. What shall we do? At that time, Jiangdong had been living a quiet life since Sun Ce died. The gross national product (GNP) climbs by n percentage points every year. Sun Quan was at peace for several years and didn't know what war was. Who knows suddenly met Cao Mengde peak sexually. Sun Quan still has some brains. He knew that Cao Cao was not only a simple crusade against Liu Bei, but also the beauty and land of Jiangdong.

Sun Quan couldn't sit still and asked his ministers what to do. As a result, the civilian wanted to surrender, and the military attache wanted to fight, leaving him at a loss. Then Lu Su jumped out and said, I'll ask Liu Bei. It happened that Liu Biao died neither early nor late. Sun Quan was overjoyed, because Liu Biao had been enemies with him before, so he sent Lu Su to offer condolences. Calling for mourning is actually a cat crying and a mouse pretending to be merciful and expressing a sense of superiority in life. At this time, Sun Quan's soul forgot that Cao Cao was still staring at his ass, and Liu Biao was probably laughing in hell, thinking: You will arrive soon.

Lu Su came to Jiangxia with a fart, and Zhuge Liang gave him a scolding. Lu Su, an honest man, didn't care. He thought Zhuge had a lot of connotations, so he took him to Jiangdong. It was a hot day when Zhuge Gang arrived in Jiangdong. At that time, Zhuge was too hot. He said, "Amethyst, let's have a rest." . Lu Su nodded and bought a bottle of Nongfu Spring for Zhuge to drink. Zhuge saw a first mate's pictorial posted in the shop where he bought water. Above, a beautiful woman is holding a bottle of Nongfu Spring, with seven official characters: Nongfu Spring is a little sweet.

Zhuge thought, we don't have such a beautiful girl in Hubei, so he couldn't help asking Lu Su, who is this? Lu Su got a fright and said, You don't even know the first beauty in Jiangdong. This is little Joe! Zhuge thought: I am also one of the top ten outstanding hermits in Hubei, so it is not a waste to soak such a ppmm. Then he asked Lu Su: Ah, Amethyst, has this person ever been married? Lu Su said, Zhuge Zhuge, I think you are hypocritical and have such an idea. To tell you the truth, this person is the wife of Zhou Yu, Marshal of Jiangdong Water Army. You can dream about it.

Zhuge was ashamed and angry, and felt embarrassed. He looked up at the sky and shouted, "If you were born, how can you be bright?" . Lu Su quickly comforted him and said, "Don't forget what you came to Jiangdong for." . Zhuge thought to himself, I've heard a lot about you, Jiangnan beauty. Of course, the first purpose of this trip is to find ppmm, but it is impossible to know Lu's idea, so Zhuge sighed and felt very unhappy.

Zhuge suppressed his anger and went to stay in a four-star hotel in Chaisang. Tired from the dust, the journey is hard, not to mention. The next day, Lu Su told Zhuge that Sun Quan wanted to see him. Zhuge rushed to the door of the provincial government.

However, I saw a group of Jiangdong officials meet him at the door. The banner read: Welcome Professor Kong Ming and General Chinese Wolf to visit Wu.

Kong Ming was wrong at first sight. I am the commander of the Corps, not the commander of the Wolf. Knowing that someone was trying to frame him. So I was vigilant, stirring my tongue in my mouth 64 times, knocking my teeth 49 times, doing warm-up exercises and talking. At that time, Zhuge was 0.0 1 cm away from his seat, and after lighting a quarter of incense, a figure came out of the crowd, coughing and chanting:

The corners of the mouth are smooth and the lips are slippery.

At that time, I watched Zhongshan Wolf.

Mr Zhuge, I heard that when you slept like a pig in Longzhong, you often compared yourself to wind music. But there is such a thing.

Zhuge looked intently and saw that it was Zhang Zhao. Zhuge smiled and said, let's talk about it.

Zhang Zhao: Then didn't you beat Cao Cao to death? (The counselor yells: Yeah! Zhang Zhao bowed to all directions and fuels.

Zhuge: I defeated it on purpose. How do you know my intentions?

Zhang Zhao: You ... (I'm so angry), is this how Guan Le fights?

Zhuge: Kao, how did Guan Le teach me to fight? And wind music is not as good as mine. I burned Wang Bo with 10,000 horses and burned a new field. You didn't know where it was? what are you reading? Try it if you can. You will talk nonsense. You are a fool.

Zhang Zhao received orthodox education since childhood, but he was a bookworm. How can he stand the attack of Zhuge's saying? At that time, he was so angry that he wanted to vomit blood that he couldn't say a word. This is a man coming out from behind and saying loudly that Cao Cao is outnumbered. What else do you want?

Zhuge saw that it was Yu Fan. Zhuge Dao: I'm so scared. If you talk so loudly, Cao Cao will be scared to death. Look, your decibel value is 120. I told you not to talk so loudly. Talking so loudly will cause noise pollution. What should I do if I scare the child? Even if you can't scare children, it's not good to scare flowers and plants.

As for Cao Cao's younger brother, there is nothing to be afraid of, even if there are millions, a small case!

Yu Fan said: Steal, blow a ball, blow a big balloon. You just lost the battle, and you're starting to screw up.

Zhuge took out a small piece of paper, which read: flattery is right, bragging is not guilty. -Sun Quan gave it to me. Smile: Lao Yu, what's the matter? You can't screw this up. Your boss said he was innocent. What else can you do to me? What's more, my team has just started, with three or four thousand people and hundreds of guns. How do I call? Look at you, armed to the teeth and having to surrender. You are so powerful and cruel.

Danger turned suddenly speechless.

Someone asked: Su Qin, do you want to learn from Zhang Yi?

Zhuge said that Yi Cheung and Su Qin are real heroes, unlike you who are so afraid of death that they want to surrender before meeting Cao Cao.

Another Xue Zong asked, What do you think of Cao Cao?

Zhuge Dao: Idiot, you don't even know that Cao Cao is a traitor. How did you join our party?

Chief Xue: You are wrong. Cao Cao is mighty and magnificent. I adore him!

Zhuge's hair stood on end with fear. Yes, it turned out to be a glass. Get out. I'm afraid you don't even know who your mother is or whether she slept with your father. Shut up! Shut up, fool!

It happened that Lu Ji didn't know the inside story and said: Cao Cao is the descendant of Prime Minister Cao Can. He was born with red blood, unlike Liu Bei, a black five-category, wandering around the world.

Zhuge said with a smile, no wonder the first step is a wolf stealing oranges. Stop stealing oranges and listen to me slowly. Be a good boy, don't worry. Well, Cao Cao's roots are a little red, but the soil is a little poor the day after tomorrow, so our Liu Bei is a little taller than him. As for where it is higher? I see. So Liu Huangshu is a poor peasant, not a black five. Coupled with voluntary separation from decadent bourgeois life, it is a little higher than most people. What's more, our great leader, helmsman and banner: Emperor Gaozu was also born in a poor peasant.

You got it? If you understand, just nod. Come on, do you want to eat me? I'll tell you if you want to eat! Although you see that I am so sincere, you still have to talk. I am not an orange. Tell me if you want to eat, or take it away secretly. Who will your marquis of Wu go to?

I was very angry with my grades, thinking that I was stealing oranges for my mother, so I was also named one of the top ten outstanding filial youths in Jiangsu! Unfortunately, I didn't bring my certificate, so Zhuge caught me this time.

Seeing Wu Dong's failure, he jumped out and said, Zhuge Liang, can't you speak? What kind of talent and knowledge do you have, and you dare to mutter here after publishing several papers?

Zhuge disdains: only the stupidest people go back to publish papers, and excellent people like me have gone to politics to make money and have no time. How many millions do you earn? Who is your brother's surname and where are you an official?

Severe is an honest man, who only knows how to study all his life. In this case, he was really stunned and couldn't say a word.

However, everyone sitting on the bench abused Zhuge. Who knows that Zhuge is the main scolding hand of the scolding team in Wollongong Street. He has killed three and a half great men in his life, and he is not afraid of a few pedants in Jiangdong. Just as everyone was in a hurry, they suddenly saw a general break in. It's Huang Gai. Ask Zhuge Liang to leave. Zhuge was frightened, thinking that the people in Jiangdong were angry from embarrassment and wanted to do their own death to solve their grievances.