Fruit tells jokes.

At noon yesterday, my family had lunch, and my husband and I were chatting happily about Sister Lang. I looked up and found that it was already 12:56, and my daughter had an art class at 1.

I immediately became nervous and quickly urged my father and daughter to get off the table. I put down my last bite and went straight to the phone to see if there was anything to print in the email from the teacher.

I told my husband to work together, I'll print it, and you and Guoguo are ready. As a result, the two of them still sat leisurely in their chairs and continued to talk and laugh.

Mr. Wang also smiled and said to Guoguo, Look at your mother, she is easily nervous. Isn't there four minutes left? hahaha.

One of the biggest contradictions between my husband and me before was his carelessness. He is really basically in no hurry.

When there is no fruit, the most common quarrel we have is that everyone will put dishes and chopsticks in the kitchen after dinner.

I will put it in the dishwasher, and he always puts it in the sink. I have to talk about him every time and do the same. Why not do it in one step?

And he always comes back. Anyway, I will be responsible for washing dishes in the end. Where did you put it? But he won't clean it up right away. Every time he asks me to hurry, it takes him a long time to clean up.

Sometimes I can't stand it anymore, so I just do it myself. Of course, you know, it would be unpleasant to finish it, and then it buried the fuse of the quarrel.

Now, we have the fruit, in addition to inheriting my father's appearance, the loose personality is also like my father.

It can be said that the only progress I have made in recent years is that I don't deal with this rambler at home like I used to. Oh, no, there are two now.

2

Increase fault tolerance space

I remember one time when we had a heated argument, the two of us proposed to do a "life experiment", that is, I don't care about my husband's carelessness, just look at what will happen in a week.

A week later, I did survive, and it was quite comfortable. Mr. Wang will throw his socks everywhere, and the pool will be full of dirty cups, but he really cleans them every three or four days.

To tell you the truth, this episode in those days had a great influence on me.

I received a strict family education since I was a child, which made me pursue order, rules and hard work.

This requirement can easily become my yardstick for measuring others and the world. As a result, a large number of people naturally fail to meet the standards.

But everyone actually has their own internal order. I can disagree with Mr. Wang, but I really shouldn't have to let everyone around me meet my standards.

Later, we have been running in and really answered my grandmother's sentence, "The key to marriage being easily overlooked is to see if the details of two people's lives match."

It's too far. Let's talk about fruit.

I am now facing the loose behavior of fruit and fruit, and I will often learn from our "life experiment" of that year. I always ask myself when my teeth itch and my stomach itches.

If Guoguo throws her dirty clothes outside the basket all week, if she opens online classes at the last minute or even a minute later for three consecutive days, will it have a "devastating" impact on her future life?

At this thought, my nagging mood suddenly eased.

Friends often say, I admire you. Always in no hurry. I often catch fire.

No, I'm always in a hurry, but it's no use being really angry and anxious.

When I get old, I get two pimples and a wrinkle when I get angry. No matter how expensive the eye cream is, it is useless. The children's teammates are still like that. It's really not cost-effective to calculate this account.

This is a great feeling of being a mother in recent years. Don't have any illusions. There will be a mother who will say it gently, and the child will 100% immediately do it.

Most of the reality is that others will have a fierce collision with our inner standards, even our children, even the children we have raised for so long.

For me, it is a very good way to manage my emotions by appropriately increasing the space for tolerating other people's mistakes.

But don't get me wrong, just don't care if you feel good.

On the matter of raising children, my view has always been that I will try my best to provide and respect children, whether I choose or not.

Here's what I did for pinecones.

three

Imagine "time"

It should be said that all children's concept of "time" is vague. Is "2 minutes" sweet or salty? How empty? It's too abstract for them

I have recommended buying an hourglass to you before. The passage of sand is a specific and clear reminder to children. With a more intuitive concept, children naturally have psychological expectations.

We usually play a game called "What can we do in 5 minutes".

Fruit will say, you can put away your toys, drink two glasses of milk, finish reading a book, and so on.

I will put this hourglass aside and do these things with her to see if I can finish it. Of course, we will do nothing and wait for five minutes.

In this process, she really realized the passage of time, and more importantly, she also realized the difference in making good use of these five minutes.

You can do nothing or do so many things.

Helping children understand the importance of "cherishing time" is equivalent to giving children a chance to choose, and she can decide for herself what it is to cherish time.

It is very important to provide children with more "choices" in parenting. Children can not obey it, but we must provide it.

Of course, when the children are older, we can take them to learn how to watch the clock.

four

The game of "fast forward"

If you are impatient, you are really in no hurry. I think a lot of things can be done in a minute or two. Why did you finish them quickly?

During this time at home, we often have to perform the reading of different roles, and the fruit has also learned to fast-forward to find the scene and then perform.

I borrowed the inspiration from Fast Forward. For what I am doing slowly and procrastinating, I will say "OK, start fast forward now" and then see if the fruit can be done quickly;

Then I said "slow down", and when the fruit is ready, I will do it slowly; Of course, you can also "play normally."

The fruit of this game will also guide me to play. Through this game, I don't have to control everything, so I can finish it with high execution and neatness (although I hope so, haha).

But at least Guoguo has a chance to accomplish something she is too lazy to do more effectively.

Some things are found to be good to do quickly; Some things, fruit is still lazy. But at least, I taught her a different way.

You see, there is another option.

five

Master of life

I found that there is a kind of slackness that children deliberately do, because they lose their sense of control and feel that "doing" and "not doing" will be nagged anyway, which is an invisible protest.

All rebellions are not given the right to grow up.

I shared with you that after the outbreak began, our family held a family meeting every morning to share today's daily arrangements.

I think this way is also very helpful for this kind of slack, because we really give our lives back to our children.

Recently, we started another activity, the whole family together.

It is in the daily schedule that we will choose several activities: "I want to be super diligent in this matter" and "I want to be a lazy person in this matter".

This incident has greatly stimulated their sense of self-efficacy for both Mr. Wang and Guo Guo.

Sometimes, the two of them will be happy to do things that should be "super lazy" quickly, and they will run on each other and say, why aren't you lazy enough? We can't let mom look down on us.

(Are there two children at home? Super naive ghost, stand up ~)

This also made me realize that if a family environment only encourages the law of efficiency, then someone will rebel. After all, human nature also has a lazy side.

When the environment allows both parties to appear and everyone can choose freely, the positive side of people will be stimulated.

This epidemic is a rare day for me to recover, and it can also be said that it is the most intensive day for our family of three to get along (conflict).

But it is also during this period that I understand more clearly that the division of labor and cooperation in family parenting does not mean that "parenting behavior is completely consistent".

I talked about the importance of fruit time, and doing things in one step is to make full use of time; Teammates tell Guoguo the priority of life and spend efficiency selectively on more critical things.

The existence of these diversities is actually quite good. Worst of all, every parent has kidnapped "his own goal" as "what the child needs now".

Don't be angry because others can't be what we want, because it's hard for us to be what we want.