How to communicate with unreasonable people

It's no use arguing.

Carnegie can share a story in one of his books:

At the banquet, a man sitting on his right told a joke, in which he quoted a sentence and explained that it was from the Bible.

Carnegie pointed out that the sentence came from a work by Shakespeare, and the two held their own words and argued endlessly.

So Carnegie asked another friend who was very familiar with Shakespeare's works with this question.

Hearing this, my friend touched Carnegie with his foot under the table, and then agreed with the man that the sentence was from the Bible.

On the way back, Carnegie asked his friend inexplicably why he was "biased" to the wrong side.

My friend said that pointing out his mistakes would make him lose face, and he didn't ask for other people's advice, so there was no need to talk back to him. It is unwise to face people face to face.

Carnegie was impressed by this and concluded that the only way to win an argument is to avoid it.

Because there is no winner in the argument, it will only make both sides stick to their positions more than before.

Even if you have the upper hand in an argument, you will feel resentment once the other person's self-esteem is hurt.

Ordinary arguments are still so tiring, and once the object of argument is not someone at the same level as yourself, it is a waste of your life and meaningless.

- 02 -

Arguing with people at different levels,

And it is self-consumption.

I was born in a small town. Many girls dropped out of school and went out to work after junior high school. My neighbor's sister is one of them.

Working in a beauty salon, I don't work hard, I earn a lot, I dress decently, and I can win envious eyes when I go home every New Year.

During the Spring Festival of my junior year, I was sunbathing in her yard and swiping information with my mobile phone. She suddenly muttered, "Where's my cell phone?"

Then the mother next to her replied, "Look for it quickly. It's thousands of dollars. Don't lose it. "

After a while, she found it in her coat pocket. An elderly aunt in the yard asked, "What mobile phone? Worth so much money. "

As if waiting for this sentence, the elder sister said, "Hello, Apple's latest model, this brand of mobile phone is expensive, and it doesn't work very well."

I looked at my cell phone. I just exchanged it with the money from a part-time tutor, less than 1500.

I didn't answer the phone, and continued to check my mobile phone by myself.

She asked me again: "Do you college students like to play mobile phones after class?" No wonder there are so many nearsightedness now. If you ask me, it's not reading books, it's watching mobile phones. "

I said, I was nearsighted in junior high school, and I didn't need a mobile phone at that time.

She persevered and continued, are you going to graduate soon? It's not easy to find a job for such a big student, is it? Last time, a college graduate from a famous university came to my store and asked if we were hiring. I said it's no use studying now. It is better to enter the society early and accumulate work experience.

After a series of provocations, I have been filled with anger. Just as I was about to pour out all the counter-attacks I had made in my mind, my mother stood at my door and asked me to entertain the guests.

When I got home, I complained angrily to my mother, "Who are their families?" Can you talk? "

My mother said calmly, "I asked you to read more books since I was a child, just to prevent you from becoming like them." There are so many ideas that no one can compete with anyone. Let her talk, there's no need to lose her temper. "

At that moment, I deeply realized my mother's wisdom as a person.

Because of the different circles of contact, I can't agree with my neighbor's "reading is useless"

And she can't understand that the role of reading is not only reflected in being able to afford fashionable clothes and the latest mobile phones;

Those who have not found a suitable job for the time being after graduating from college will never regret going to college. On the contrary, those who drop out of school early and find that the road of life is getting narrower and narrower are more likely to regret not reading more.

People are not divided into three classes, but their cognitive level is really different. People whose cognitive level is not on the same line can't talk together.

Arguing with people at the same level is to seek truth, and arguing with people at different levels will become personal attacks. While hurting people, it also defiles their values.

- 03 -

Not everyone deserves your explanation.

On the question of whether to argue with others, Mr. Lincoln once said a famous saying:

Anyone who has made up his mind to achieve something will never waste his time arguing in private. The result of quarreling, including losing temper and self-control, is unbearable.

Instead of arguing with the dog and being bitten by it, let it go first. Otherwise, even if you kill it, it won't cure your bite marks.

Although it is impolite to compare people to dogs casually, the fact is that not everyone is worth arguing and explaining.

Not saying much is the best counterattack for yourself and the best protection for yourself.

I once saw a news: in a hot pot restaurant, a man shouted at the waiter. He glanced at the man after the next table was disturbed. The man looked a little uncomfortable and began to curse.

The people at the next table feel that they are the ones who are disturbed. He didn't say anything, but the other party was rude and dissatisfied. He argued a few words, and finally the two sides got into a fight and got hurt.

You can't escape unexpected troubles in life, but some injuries can be avoided by talking less.

Not arguing, not saying much, is not cowardice, but understanding that the cognitive gap between people can't be bridged by words, because summer insects can't talk to ice, and well frogs can't talk to the sea.

Knowing that there are many walls between people, you can't hear me clearly, but you can't understand me, so I don't have to bother to climb over the wall to come to your world and say it a few times.

I am beginning to understand that it is better to "win the championship" than to argue. Speaking fast is not a skill, but live high's life is the key.

There are many such moments in life:

You say you like the atmosphere and prospect of your work, others say you can't earn much money;

You say you are in a hurry to get married, others say you are not in a hurry and no one wants you;

You say that life should have a sense of ceremony, others say that ordinary people make a fuss. ...

Cognition is not at the same level, and it is useless to talk more.

People who know you, if you don't tell them, they will naturally understand you and support you;

For those who don't understand you, explanation means arguing, and arguing will lead to greater resentment and even disaster.

There is a saying in the Bible: "Agree with those who oppose you as soon as possible."

As long as you are right, you don't have to say much in the face of those who accuse you.

I have always believed that time will argue for silence.

For example, my neighbor's sister, when she got older, more young and beautiful girls replaced her, and because of her limited academic qualifications, her promotion was blocked, and she was considering whether to enter an adult university.

- 04 -

In The Great Gatsby, Gatsby once said a passage in the face of all kinds of bad guesses:

When I was young and inexperienced, my father gave me a piece of advice:

Whenever you want to criticize others, you should remember that not everyone in this world has the advantages you have.

These words may be self-important, but they are not necessarily used as their motto to avoid arguments.

Because everyone's three views are different, and the measurement standard of the same thing is different, "knowing" is a rare thing.

All differences of opinion should be argued according to reason, and life is a bit of putting the cart before the horse.

Former Czech President Javier has put forward eight guidelines for dialogue, five of which are:

1. The purpose of dialogue is to seek truth, not struggle;

2. Keep the theme;

3. Do not make personal attacks;

4. Try to understand each other;

5. Don't stick to your mistakes.

In the conversation with others, if you do these things, the other person will still talk endlessly, so you can silently say "I'm sorry" to yourself and then keep silent.