Recommend some recent funny jokes! Thank you, God, please help me.

Thirty-seven annoying text messages 1. What to do if you are hungry? Have a hot pot! What to do if you are thirsty? Go to the beach! What to do if you have no money? Find a fool to cheat !What to do if you don’t have the guts? Ask Bin Laden to practice! What to do if I miss you? Go to the pig pen and have a look! 2. I met you by chance, and I was so flustered that I didn’t know what to do. I can't avoid your loving eyes. I understand your heart. I ran away desperately but you followed me closely. I cried: "Whose dog is left unattended?" 3. Measure the window, bed and wall. Jump on the bed and measure the window. Then lean against the wall and measure the bed. The wall is longer than the bed, the bed is longer than the window, and the window is longer. But the bed is not as long as the wall, so the wall is longer than the bed and the window. If you don’t read well, hit the wall. 4. Experts recently invented a multi-purpose computer disk. When the disk is soft, it is called a floppy disk. When erect, it becomes a hard disk. After taking off its outer clothes, it becomes a CD. 5. Give you the twelve zodiac signs: I wish you to be as smart as a mouse, as strong as an ox, as bold as a tiger, as cute as a rabbit, as confident as a dragon, as charming as a snake, as romantic as a horse, as docile as a sheep, as naughty as a monkey, and as beautiful as a chicken. Loyal as a dog, but as long as a pig. 6. If a star falls and hits your head tonight, please don’t worry. This is a gift I asked the fairy brother to give you. From now on, you will... live a carefree and happy life, because ——Silly. 7. A drop of water is small in the ocean, but great in the desert; a red-crowned crane is small among the cranes, but great among the chickens; you are small among the crowd, but great in the pigsty! 8. i noh ss!w I, you must not understand, you are stupid, kid! The phone was knocked down! 9. I am a lonely tree, standing by the roadside for thousands of years, waiting lonely, just so that one day when you walk by me, I will fall for you. If I can’t smash you, my life will be in vain. 10. Oh! It's snowing! I really want to turn into a snowflake and fly into your arms. I flew into your neck, into your cuffs, into your... why didn't you zip it up! 11. You and I are both single-winged angels. Only by embracing each other can we spread our wings and fly. It is said that people come to the world to find their other half. I finally found you after all the hard work, damn! But I found that our wings were aligned. 12. When you are in a bad mood, you can look in the mirror and say to yourself, "I'm beautiful, I'm really beautiful." This will make you feel better!! But don't do this often, because it's not good to lie often. . 13. In my eyes, you always look so carefree, you always eat with relish, and you always sleep soundly. . . I really envy you. Sometimes I think about it, being a pig is pretty good. 14. You are the sun in my heart, but it is a pity that it rains; you are the moon in my dream, but it is covered by clouds; you are the most beautiful flower in my heart, but it is a pity that it has bloomed; you are the Chang'e from the sky who comes to earth, It's a pity that he hit the ground face first... 15. It's just a gust of wind, but it's so eternal. It's just a dream, but it's so real. You lower your head and say nothing, but I can't calm down. I finally can't help but say to you. : Next time you fart, say it! 16. I saw you that day, in the supermarket! You quietly reached out to the barcode scanner and saw the screen display: Pig's trotters 8 yuan. You thought the machine was broken, but you turned your face over and looked at it. The screen showed pork head meat for 5 yuan! 17. Yesterday, I dreamed of you. Really, the sky was so clear and quiet, the sun was so bright, and the sea was so vast. You were standing on the blue seaside, and I poked you with a stick. Hey, you little bastard. , the shell is quite hard! 18. Your character is as strong as a plum blossom; my character is as subtle as a glacier; you have a connotation that is convincing; you have an overwhelming coolness; so we respectfully call you "Meichuan Neiku"! 19. Don’t move! robbery! All hands up! The men stand on the left, the women stand on the right, and the perverts stand in the middle. Hey! I'm talking about you, pretending to look at your phone! 20. Do you have a TV there? Look at CCTV1, the White House in the United States was bombed and the entire building collapsed. The police have sealed off the entire Washington. 19 people died, 32 were injured, and 11 people are missing. . . 1 person was deceived! 21. When I first saw you, I said to myself: You are the goal I want to strive for in this life, I want to pursue you, and I want to embrace you.

I want to declare: I love you...RMB! 22. I want to go to the sea with you, but I can’t grasp the unpredictable future; I want to go mountain climbing with you, but I am full of confusion about ideals; I want to wander with you, but I can’t reach a happy paradise; I want to go shopping with you, but the police refuse, He said: No walking of dogs! 23. Urgent reminder: Look to your left, then to your right. Please be careful of a psychopath who has just slipped out. His characteristic is: looking around with his mobile phone. 24. I told my mother that I like you very much and want you to accompany me day and night. Do you know? Through this period of dating, I found that I can't live without you now. But my mother refused. She said: "Pigs are not allowed in the house." 25. Frankly speaking, I like you very much. I am fascinated by your eyes, walking posture, happy expression, coquettish cuteness and even the way you sleep! But what makes me angry the most is that if you don’t catch the mice, you keep losing hair! 26. One day we came to a wishing well. I bent down and made a wish and threw a coin into the well. You also wanted to make a wish, but you accidentally fell into the well when you bent down. I was stunned and murmured. He said to himself: It’s so clever! 27. When we were young, we were childhood sweethearts. I would sing and you would dance with me. I could sing two hundred songs and you could dance two hundred dances, so people affectionately called me Erbai Ge and you Erbai Wu. 28. Do you know why you and I are destined in this life? In fact, we have known each other thousands of years ago. It was also spring at that time. You chased me far away and left your teeth marks on my body, creating a legend for the ages. My name was Lu Dongbin at that time. 29. I dreamed that God said he could grant me a wish. I took out the globe and said I wanted world peace, but he said it was too difficult and I wanted to change it. I took out your photo and said I wanted it to be more beautiful. He thought for a moment and said, "Take the globe and let me take a look!" 30. When you wake up, there is a mosquito lying on your pillow, and there is a suicide note next to you. It says: I struggled all night, but I couldn't pierce your face. Your face is so thick that I can't live in this world! Lord, forgive him! I committed suicide. 31. Hello, this is the 168 information station. Your friend ordered a song "Dang" by Power Train for you as a friendly gift. Next, please hit the basin with your head. Do you hear "dang"? Okay, the song request is over! 32. Fall in love! Be happy! You’ll spend a lot of money from now on! Get married! So cool! Someone should take care of it from now on! Get divorced! Be free! It costs money to have sex! He has AIDS! What a fool! Just lie in bed and wait to die! 33. Don’t be crazy with me! Easy to die! Don't pretend to be like me! Easily injured! You have no one to gang fight with! I can't challenge you alone! I'll beat you into Zhang Haidi at worst! Or I'll beat you into a mummy! Give you some face! Beat you until you can't take care of yourself. 34. Life is so tiring! Standing and thinking about falling asleep, I have to queue up to get on the bus, I suffer from unrequited love, eating has no flavor, drinking easily makes me drunk, I am very tired at work, I don’t know how to rob, I have to pay taxes to earn money, and even sending a text message to Xiaozhu has to be charged! 35. You are cool, you are cool. You drink water from the reservoir, sleep in the ancient tomb, have waterfalls flowing from your mouth, and your limbs are like sleepers. You think you are Diao Chan Lu Bu, but in fact you are an Antarctic native. 36. My admiration for you is like a surging river. The Yellow River overflows out of control... I'm having diarrhea. 37. I spend my days like this: playing ball with Jordan, boxing with Tyson, and... Weiping plays chess and chats about scandals with Clinton