Look, look, look for jokes

1. There is a child whose head looks like a brick, and his classmates laugh at him! He went back and asked his mother, "Is my head like a brick? "Mom said you go to the well and take a look! So the child came to the well and put his head in, and he heard someone shouting below, "Don't throw bricks at the people above!"

2. A student went to see a doctor, and the doctor checked and said, "It doesn't matter, just an injection."

The doctor wiped the students' arms with cotton wool, and repeated it three or four times.

The student thought he was seriously ill and asked anxiously, "Doctor, is the problem serious?"

The doctor said seriously, "Classmate, it's time for you to take a bath."

3. The commander ordered everyone to report to the opposite mountain.

The first person was late, and he said, Report to the captain! I rode a bike, and the bike broke down. I changed cars, and the car broke down. I rode a horse, and the horse died. I walked!

The second man was late, too. He said, Report to the captain! I rode a bike, and the bike broke down. I changed cars, and the car broke down. I rode a horse, and the horse died. I walked!

The third person was late, too, and said, Report to the captain! I rode a bike, and the bike broke down. I changed cars, and the car broke down. I rode a horse, and the horse died. I walked!

the fourth man came and said, report to the captain! I rode a bike, and my bike broke down, so I changed cars ...

Before I finished, the commander roared loudly, "Don't tell me that your car broke down and you rode a horse, and you came over when the horse died!"

The fourth person who was late said: Report to the captain! No, there are too many dead horses on the road to drive ...

4. In a dormitory of Shenzhen University, classmate A is playing StarCraft, and Huawei recruiter B walks into the dormitory.

B: hello, classmate. I'm from Shenzhen Huawei. This is the introduction of our company. Can you take some time to have a look?

A: can't you see I'm busy!

(B waits for a while ...)

b: Take a look, classmate. Our company pays well ~

A: I didn't study very well. I failed several courses!

B: that's all right. we believe that you will all pass the make-up exam to get your diploma ~

a: I didn't pass CET-4!

B: it's all right. We believe that you will pass and graduate smoothly ~

Student A has no choice but to sign the contract because it won't affect playing games. . .

5. The company organized a trip to Huangshan Mountain. When passing by a toilet, my colleague wanted to go in and take a nap. It happened that several foreigners followed him. I haven't waited outside for half a minute when my colleagues ran out in a panic.

"so soon?"

My colleague looked sad and replied, "Alas, I really can't get rid of it! Avoid first, avoid first ... "

6. A novice went to collect usury. He took out the loan note and said with a smile: It is clearly written in black and white that you owe my boss 1 million! Do you want to default? !

people said that they really didn't have that much money, and he threatened: Hum! Don't blame me for not reminding you! If you can't pay the money tomorrow, your house will be just like it-he took out his lighter and burned the loan ... < P > 7. In order to prove that the spider's hearing is on his feet, a college graduate student did the following comparative experiment:

1: The college student put a spider on the experimental platform, and then shouted at it, and the spider scared away!

2: Then the college student caught the poor spider back, put it on the experimental platform, and cut off all the spider's feet!

He yelled at the spider again, and the spider stopped moving!

This proves that spiders have hearing on their feet!

8. There is a new wine in a bar. In order to attract customers, a sign was set up at the door, saying: whoever can finish our three tasks with a bottle of our new wine will drink in our shop for one month for free!

An alcoholic came to try it. After a bottle went down, he staggered and asked the boss what his task was. The boss said to him:

1. Skip a brazier we gave you

2. Pull out a broken tooth for the hippo in the opposite zoo

3. Meet all the requirements of a widow on the fourth floor next door

So the alcoholic began to work.

After a while, the drunkard came out drunk. He asked the boss: Where is that ... that ... woman who wants to have her teeth pulled out ... again?

9. One day, the biology teacher asked, "What bear has no tail?"

a student said, "koala."

The teacher asked, "What bear has no neck?"

A student said, "A bear without a neck."

The teacher asked again, "What kind of bear has no penis?"

A student replied, "There are no birds and bears."

teacher: "Wrong!"

A student replied, "Well, there are no chickens or bears."

teacher: "wrong! Alas ..... It's a female bear! ..... Today's children ... ！”

1. The teacher said, "Pig is a very useful animal. Its meat can be eaten, its skin can be made into leather, and its hair can be used as a brush. Now who can say that it has other uses?"

"Teacher," a student stood up and answered, "Its name can call names."

11. One day, a professor suddenly stopped teaching and said earnestly to everyone:

If the students sitting in the middle can be as quiet as the boys sitting in the back playing cards, then the female students sleeping in front will not be disturbed.

12. There was a pupil who had a crush on his teacher for a long time. One day, he finally got up the courage and confessed to the teacher. The teacher kept telling him that he was wrong and so on, but the pupil was stubborn and just wouldn't listen, saying that love is regardless of age. Finally, the teacher couldn't stand it.

He said, "I don't want children!"

Only the primary school students showed a satisfied smile and said, "Teacher, I will be very careful! ?”

13. One day Xiao Ming came to visit his future mother-in-law. Mother-in-law: "Sit anywhere, the food will be ready soon!" " Then I went into the kitchen and got busy. At this time, there were only nervous Xiaoming and his mother-in-law's dog Xiaobai left in the living room.

Suddenly, Xiao Ming found that his stomach ached sharply. He thought: No! I must hold back! But he couldn't help it, poof! He let out an invincible fart, and he thought, this is a dead man, and he will definitely be driven out! Unexpectedly, my mother-in-law just shouted, "Little White!" Xiao Ming was relieved to think: Fortunately, Xiao Bai is my scapegoat.

Then he couldn't help but fart a second time, and his mother-in-law still shouted, "Little White!"

When he farted for the third time, he saw his mother-in-law rush out and yell, "Little White! You don't want to run until you stink to death, do you? ！”

14. Early one morning, firecrackers sounded. I don't know who opened a small cinema. On the first day, a film was shown, and the advertisement was written "The Story of Seven Men and a Woman", with instructions: a beautiful woman fainted inexplicably, and seven men were forcibly dragged into the forest; Waiting for the beauty ... Everyone felt very attractive and bought tickets one by one. When the movie was shown, Snow White appeared on the big screen, and everyone left in a rage.

The next day, everyone passed by the small cinema again and saw that the advertisement had changed. The advertisement was written in The Story of Seven Men and One Woman, and it was explained that it was like the ecstasy of a flower beauty and seven men for several days (by no means Snow White). This time, everyone felt more attractive than last time, and it showed that it was not Snow White, so they bought tickets for admission. As a result, the words "Eight Immortals Crossing the Sea" appeared on the big screen! ! !

15. Two students with poor grades came together after the exam.

"Jack, how did you do in the exam?"

"Nothing, I handed in a blank paper. What about you, Siri?"

"Hey, me too!"

"How can that be? People will accuse us of cheating."

-----------. I'll keep making you laugh if you want.