Don't look at it while eating. Talk funny.

Don't look at it while eating. Tell me something funny.

1. My God! I don't understand why I am always so easily worshipped by thousands of people.

2. Don't walk around in my world, because I remember you in my heart.

3. No one really cares whether you are tired or not, just whether you fly high or not.

4. Actually, the most romantic thing I can think of is watching you grow old alone.

5. You always ask what the world is like? Someone replied: waste.

6. I tell you, my sister has a smile that you can't imitate all your life.

7. I can't swipe my card if I'm handsome, but I can get credit!

8. Now I have hope, desire and extravagant hope for life, and finally I am disappointed with him.

9. Sometimes I really don't want to tell you that you look like a car accident scene!

1. Look at that silly you, still thinking silly. Silly, you are still in love with me!

11. You idiot, you are not only sick, but also your hair.

12. By the way, Qiandao Lake has no cover, so just go! I will never hold you.

13. It's not that Mrs. Shi is abnormal, but that we all understand this sad and urgent time.

15. The Association for the Blind sincerely advises you: Never drink and drive.

16. if I say I can't bear to part with you, will you look back at me again?

17. You can see that thousands of mountains and rivers are always in love. Please give one more branch.

18. Don't turn your back on me, okay? Because I can't tell if you are a prince or a frog.

19. I hope you don't call me a house girl, but please call me Madame Curie in the future.

2. Sometimes I feel like a hedgehog. When I go there, people are afraid when they see thorns all over me.

21. Don't be infatuated with elder sister in the future, or your brother-in-law will make you vomit blood.

22. Don't think that I dare not touch you. I can't beat you because I'm afraid I'll break you.

23. Don't expose your wound because others have sprinkled salt on your wound. Talk about the funny things you can't watch while eating

Talk about the funny things you can't watch while eating

1. Walking in the park, I found that the big tree trunk was engraved with those love marks by couples. . . First of all, I don't question why they want to carve words on the trunk of a tree, but I am lost in thought. Why do couples bring knives when dating? .

Second, let go of your impetuosity, laziness, three-minute enthusiasm, your brain that can't help being tempted, your eyes that are easily attracted to anything, your mouth that you want to gossip about everything, calm down and do what you should do. It's time to work hard!

Third, my husband and I are both office workers. This is the background ―― every morning when I change my clothes, I will ask him if I look good in this way. Every time, he will definitely answer yes, good-looking! At this time, his mental activity should be like this: If I say I don't look good, you bitch must change your clothes, and you will be late for work after changing!

fourth, after dinner, I walked back with a married third-term monitor and passed by a female soldier. I said this taste is quite special. I didn't see any laundry detergent with this taste in the supermarket. The monitor said, young man, you are still young and don't understand. That's the smell of fuyanjie.

5. On the girl's birthday, the boy gave her a bunch of roses, and praised the girl with a sweet mouth, saying, honey, your lips are particularly beautiful, as red as this bunch of roses. Who knows, the girl slapped the boy and turned away. The boy paused in the same place and quickly caught up with the girl and asked what happened. The girl turned around and said, You can see clearly that my lipstick is cherry red!

I'm on duty during the holiday on June and May Day. A woman I haven't contacted for a long time on WeChat kept asking me out. I said I was on duty, and she said she would accompany me! I said no, she had to come! You see, four hours have passed, and she said, I'm lost, and I haven't found a place yet!

7. A female colleague pinched my thigh and said with a smile: Hey, young man, you are in good health, and you are not wearing long pants! It scares me. If I pinch my ass, I'll find that I'm not wearing underwear!

8. I went for a walk and saw a red bill on the ground! Grandpa Mao! I can't believe I'm lucky, too! Today is really a good day! (I pick it up) Lying in the trough, 1 million yuan!

9. I rented a house outside just after I graduated from work. One morning, the landlady knocked on the door and said that I had my share of fried rice with eggs. I was told to open the door quickly. Because I was used to wearing a shirt at school, I opened the door. As a result, when I opened the door, the landlady saw me leaving with my hands. I was wondering. As soon as I looked down, I found that I slept naked last night. What should I do next?

1. Once a friend dissected pigeons in an experimental class, some girls in the class thought the pigeons were pitiful and let them go through the window. As a result, the pigeon bought by the teacher couldn't fly, and it fell directly from the fifth floor and died. < P > XI. The schoolbag was opened by a thief, but I was too lazy to pay attention to it. The thief kept turning over and over, and finally I couldn't help but shout back with Wang Ba's breath, which book do you want? I'll get it for you!

12. Eat western food on blind date and break a bowl. The waiter said, hello, sir! This bowl is 5 yuan. As soon as I rummaged through my pockets, there was only one hundred. The waiter didn't have any change, so I thought I'd pretend to be B and understand! I picked up a dish and threw it underground. This time, okay? Take it! Keep the change! The woman gave me an admiring look, and I was extremely proud. Sir, 5 bowls and 1 plates.

13th, Mother's Day, the class organized a discussion on a key word that summarized the image of mother. I asked my deskmate: My deepest impression of my mother is that she is frugal. By the way, does your mother save? She just looked up at my face and shook her head into a rattle: you are dreaming! No appointment!

14. I just got to my door after work, and it was very cold. I saw my neighbor's little girl forget her key and squatted at the door trembling. I went over and said to her, Come home and have a cup of milk tea. . She plopped down on her knees and said, Uncle, I'm still young. Leave me alone. Me:

15. My son came out of the toilet with a miserable face and asked him what happened. He said: it may be hemorrhoids! Me: How can you get hemorrhoids at such a young age? I must have eaten too much Chili recently! The son said: that's not necessarily true. Teachers often say that hemorrhoids are not old!

16. Wear a watch of 3 yuan and a watch of 3 million yuan, and the time is the same. Drinking 3 yuan of wine and 3, yuan of wine, vomiting is the same. Living in a house of 3 square meters is the same as living in a house of 3 square meters. What we need is a sense of existence, but a sense of existence, and we don't care about Mars and Lamborghini. One day you will understand that the real happiness in your heart is something that the material world can never give you.

seventeen, want to eat eggs, go to the supermarket to buy, I asked the boss: how much are the eggs? Boss: How much do you want? The more you buy, the cheaper it is! I thought about it and said, Give it to me until it's free! Boss: Call me until I die

18. My sister went back to her parents' house angrily. Asked her what happened, she said that she had a quarrel with her brother-in-law a few days ago. This morning, she found him washing his face with her basin, using her towel, brushing his teeth with her toothbrush and drinking water with her cup. . My sister asked my brother-in-law why he didn't use his own. Brother-in-law said what if you wash your feet with my washbasin, wipe your feet with my towel, brush the toilet with my toothbrush, and take a piss with my cup?

19th, I suddenly received a text message from my son today: Dad, do I still have a chance to become a rich second generation? I had mixed feelings, tossing and turning at night, then gritting my teeth and stamping my foot, picked up my mobile phone and forwarded this message to my dad.

twenty, my daughter caught a cold and was a little afraid of the cold. She refused to sleep alone. She came to the big bed at night and hugged her mother tightly. . . Me: Baby, why don't you hold daddy? Daughter: Dad has to go to work every day and pick me up and take me to school. I don't want to give him the cold! ! !

twenty-one, there is such a person in life, you invite him to eat many times, but he won't take the initiative to invite you once. It's not that he doesn't have money, but he is reluctant to use it.

Twenty-two, Lao Shi told us to write a warning about caring for grass. I said shyly: today you step on my head, and tomorrow I will grow on your grave ~

23. Have dinner with a colleague. When paying the bill, my colleague said that it was his treat today and handed the boss a 1-yuan bill. After a while, the boss came back with 1 yuan and asked, you can't change the 1 yuan. Do you have any change? Colleague said: No. Then look at me. I quickly said: I have. I counted ten 1-dollar bills from my wallet and put them on the table. Then I put the 1-dollar bill into my wallet.

twenty-four, in the morning, my wife said to me: honey, you always talk in your sleep, why don't you go to the hospital for a check-up? As soon as I heard it, I refused: how can this be treated in a hospital? If it is cured, my only right to speak at home will be gone.

twenty-five, brush your teeth in the morning, my daughter wants to use my toothpaste, I said, you can't use it, you are still young, you have to use the baby's toothpaste. My daughter gave me a cold look and said, You use my baby cream every day. Did I tell you?

XXVI. I bought a pair of pants online, but the pants were too big. In order not to waste the money on pants, I ate them desperately. After half a month, I finally put them on, and then I found that the old pants could not be worn. .

27th wedding, groom: Actually, after I fell in love with you, I loved many people. . . There was an uproar under the stage and the bride was shocked. Seeing this scene, the groom continued with satisfaction: Many people, including your parents, your family and your friends. . . The applause thundered. The bride paused and asked: Does it include my boudoir?

twenty-eight, the canteen aunt asked her roommate why she ate so many sausages every meal? My roommate told her shyly: My girlfriend told me to make up for what I eat! Then the aunt gave two pig brains to her roommate.

Twenty-nine, when we went to the canteen to eat together, a female colleague (the very open kind) looked at her breasts and said, Alas, I wonder what your men's breasts are for? Well, we were speechless, and a buddy next to us replied: Men's breasts are a measure to tell you that women should not be too small. Nima, there is wood in the group.

3. I washed my hair in the morning, and when I bowed my head to eat, my father gently stroked my hair, and my heart was warm. Only when I was in love did I have this intimate behavior. I heard my father say, I'll rub out a white hair on my head and pull it out! Dizzy ~ ~

Thirty-one, I drove to work in the morning, and the co-pilot was my girlfriend. Suddenly, my girlfriend shouted, Look out ahead! Scared me, when I looked carefully, no one ran out without a pet, so I asked her, What are you yelling about? Nothing. She glanced at me and said plausibly, didn't you see a banana peel? I'm afraid of slipping!

thirty-two, I went to the toilet in the evening, and when I came back, I saw that my wife had robbed my computer. I sighed, "It's really like a man walking away from the mountain, and the dog will take the place." Result. . . My face still hurts. . .

thirty-three, my son went to eat snacks without doing his homework after school. I said, are you ashamed to eat without doing his homework? The son said: of course, I have a thick skin!

thirty-four, my girlfriend suddenly sent a message: I was wrong about you! I suddenly panicked, and it seems that I can't hide it, so I have to confess: you listen to me! Your best friend seduced me first! At the same time as the news was sent out, I received a second message from my girlfriend: Just now, there was a man with the same back hair style as you!

thirty-five, one day, the teacher said angrily in class: Now, whoever answers my question correctly can go home from school. This is, Xiao Ming immediately threw his schoolbag out of the window. The teacher asked: Who did it? Xiao Ming replied: I did it. Say that finish immediately ran home.

female: honey, do you think I would look better if I were thinner? M: I don't know. Woman: Go to hell, how could you not know? Man: I've never seen you thin!

thirty-seven, boudoir said: Her husband loves his son very much, and he is afraid of melting it in his mouth and holding it in his hand. He likes it like hell every day. I said, isn't this a good thing? My best friend said, what a fart! I can't bear to tell him that the child is not his. I

38. The boy hugged the girl from behind and whispered in her ear: I want to taste your lipstick. The girl couldn't bear to refuse, trembling, she took out her lipstick from her bag and handed it to him: You can eat a little, and this one you used today is more expensive.

thirty-nine, my son always dawdles on his homework. Last night, I scolded him again: you said that you should either eat or pull your homework, or you were distracted. You were worried about your father. I didn't expect him to not change, but he had the cheek to smile and learn from her mother's tone: you damn fool! What's the hurry! Me. . .

Forty, my wife is a standard foodie. Today, when I was shopping, I was robbed of more than 5 yuan by thieves. When I got home, I complained to her with tears in my eyes, so I had to comfort her: thieves took your money to see a doctor! My wife got into my arms and cried, no, he must have gone to buy delicious food!

41. A husband and wife have twins. While they are asleep, oo is in the middle of a fierce battle. My daughter suddenly stands up and asks what are you doing? Her father gave his daughter a big mouth without saying anything, and the woman cried with injustice! My son spoke: I told you to lie there and watch, but you didn't listen. You had to stand up and watch, and you were beaten.

Forty-two, I went to my girlfriend's house for the first time to see her parents. I was inexpressibly nervous and asked her what she should pay attention to all the way. She seemed to be a little tired of my questions, and comforted me by saying, Don't be afraid, my parents are very nice, so you should relax, Miss Wang.

forty-three, have I been alone for too long, and I don't want to fall in love at all? I will earn money, I will make clothes, I will wash racks, I will fight, I will find a boyfriend, I will serve Lazar, and I will worry about whether I will find a mistress. It's said that men nowadays don't steal food, and I'm going to become a man. I'm a girl if I have a skill of picking up girls. < P > 44. When the courier arrived, let me get it, but I didn't have time at that time, so I was going to get it in the afternoon, but I didn't know where the courier was, and I didn't answer the courier phone. Then I called the seller, and the seller patiently explained it for a long time. Finally, he said to check it for me, but he didn't find it. He asked me what I bought, and I said bicycles. The other side was silent for a while and said that my family didn't sell bicycles. .

forty-five, on a business trip, I went to a city where I lived in a secluded room. I had nothing to do in the afternoon, so I opened a good room and had a rest. She came to my hotel after work and didn't know my room number. She called me: XX, what bed do you live in? Sleeping trough, which bed is it? What bed are you in? Your husband lives in andrology bed one! You can't be friends with nurses. Thank the leaders for being warm-hearted when eating

Thank the leaders for being warm-hearted when eating < p