Dear friends, I am depressed. Can I listen to some jokes? thank you

Ladies and gentlemen, this is the captain's announcement.

Welcome to our flight. Among the flight attendants in our company,

Many of them are the most capable, dedicated and beautiful in civil aviation.

But I'm sorry, none of them are on today's flight. 」

2.

"Ladies and gentlemen, we will start playing the cabin safety video.

There are 50 ways to die suddenly,

But there are only six ways to leave a Boeing 757 in a short time.

So please put down the newspapers and magazines and concentrate. 」

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3.

"... if the plane has to land on the water, .........

But please don't inflate before you leave the plane ... If you can,

You can bring some meals provided by our company in case you catch sharks. 」

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4.

"Hello, passengers, I am your captain.

Welcome to this flight from Songshan to Kaohsiung.

Now I have a small request. The friendly flight is about to pass our right.

Please take the window seat on the right,

Let them think that we are not affected by the economic recession. Thank you for your cooperation.

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5.

"Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain's broadcast.

I'm sorry to tell you the bad news:

All our engines were shut down, so we had to land at sea.

Please sit on the left side of the plane now for the arrangement of escape.

Passengers who can't swim, please sit on the right side of the plane

Please follow the flight attendant's instructions to escape after landing on the water.

Stay away from the plane. As for those passengers who can't swim,

Thank you for flying with XX Airlines. I hope I can serve you again. 」

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6.

"... now we will demonstrate the use of seat belts for you.

Insert the metal buckle and tighten it.

If you still don't know how to use it,

Maybe you shouldn't go out without a supervisor;

When the cabin loses pressure, the oxygen mask will automatically fall off, so don't scream.

Pull it down quickly and cover your mouth and nose with a mask.

If you have children, please help others after wearing your own oxygen mask.

If you have more than one child, please decide which one to love first. 」

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7.

A friend wants to invite Mazu idol home, because he flies and his friend is a man.

If you put it on your knee, you are afraid of disrespect to Mazu, so that friend bought a seat for the idol.

Put the idol on the seat and fasten your seat belt. Everything is ready, just wait for the plane to take off!

But ... the plane didn't take off When his friend was impatient, he heard the stewardess's broadcast:

"Miss Moline Niang, Miss Moline Niang, please get on the plane as soon as you hear the broadcast."

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8.

As it is the first time to fly, Mrs. Chen's two children are on pins and needles.

Running around in the aisle, almost hitting the drinks on the stewardess's hands,

Mrs. Chen scolded the two children and said, "If you want to play, go out and play. 」

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9.

GYY news express:

"A two-seat plane crashed near Yunnan.

So far, the fire brigade in this area has found more than 300 bodies at the scene!

And it's still being excavated.

It is reported that the plane crashed near a cemetery. 」

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10.

When the plane was about to take off, the stewardess informed the passengers: "Ladies and gentlemen, please fasten your seat belts.

The plane will take off soon. 」

After flying for nearly half an hour, the voice of the stewardess came from the loudspeaker again: "Ladies and gentlemen,

Please fasten your seat belt a little tighter. Sorry, we forgot to bring breakfast on the plane today! 」

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1 1.

China Airlines flight attendants have always been famous for their beauty, while EVA flight attendants are mainly kind, but their looks are not so good.

The two airlines often compete in secret, even the stewardesses don't give in.

One day, after a flight of China Airlines completed its mission, a row of glamorous flight attendants of China Airlines pulled small suitcases through the airport lobby.

Just ahead, a group of evergreen stewardesses in green uniforms are also sitting in chairs to rest.

Opponents are jealous as soon as they meet. When he passed the EVA air hostess,

The flight attendant of China Airlines said contemptuously, "Hum, it's really ugly ~"

I didn't expect this EVA air hostess to have a glib tongue, although she is not stunning in appearance.

Immediately replied: "Hum ~ It's better to fall to death than to die ugly! 」

The stewardess of China Airlines was furious and thought I was not a fuel-efficient lamp!

But still keep elegant temperament, immediately said:

"Fell dead is a temporary thing. Ugly death is a lifetime thing! 」

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12.

The flight attendants broadcast before landing:

Please remember to take all your carry-on luggage before you get off the plane, otherwise the items you left behind,

It will be shared equally by our flight attendants.

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13.

One day, a little girl flew from Taipei to Kaohsiung, the airline where her sister worked.

And her sister happens to be the stewardess on this flight.

My sister explained to my little sister at home, "Don't make noise when you get on the plane, and don't ask for something to trouble others. 」

Little sister sat quietly in her seat, but her sister's colleagues recognized her.

In particular, I took a can of coke for my little sister to drink, and soon my sister saw it when she came to inspect.

I picked up the newspaper and rolled it up.

It was a stick on my sister's head and said, "Just shout? Don't disturb others. Still don't say! ! ! 」

Later, the back cabin of this flight was quiet, and no one asked the stewardess for drinks or newspapers.

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14.

One day, an airline stewardess was in a hurry to go out, so she called a radio taxi to call a taxi.

Driver: "Miss, where shall I pick you up? 」

Miss: "Quan Min East Road will be fine. 」

Driver: "Miss, what should I do?"? What kind of clothes to wear? 」

Miss: "? Dark green coat, white coat and dark green skirt. 」

Driver: "Where? ! 」

Miss: "... hmm (expressing hesitation, etc.) ... almost to the thigh." 」

Driver: "…"

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15.

This is a true anecdote that happened on a flight in North America.

Before the plane took off, the flight attendant announced, "Ladies and gentlemen, this flight is due to xxxx.

The departure time will be delayed. If you want to exercise, you can take a walk in the terminal ... "

The following is a general procedure report.

A famous American black blind singer was also on the plane. The captain came over and said to the black singer:

Do you need to get up for a walk? 」

The black singer said, "No thanks. But can you take my guide dog for a walk? 」

The captain is happy to help him. Later, I heard that because passengers saw the captain passing by wearing sunglasses and guide dogs,

It's boarding time, and everyone is afraid to board.

It took the ground crew three hours to persuade these passengers to board the plane again.

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16.

Engine room broadcast:

Ladies and gentlemen, please remain in your seats until the plane stops completely.

The captain turned off the seat belt indicator.

We don't want you to arrive at the apron before the plane takes off. 』

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17. Don't worry

Today's aircraft has multiple engines, and if one of them sparks,

Or a part of the fuselage falls, don't worry too much.

The only thing to worry about is that when you see the captain coming out of the cockpit and skydiving on his back,

He said, "Please wait here. I'll go down for help first. 」

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18. Would you like some wine?

Thirty thousand feet tall? On the plane, the stewardess asked the priest if he wanted to drink some wine.

The priest said, "What is the height now? Amen. 』

Stewardess: "Thirty thousand pounds? High altitude "

The priest said, "Ah! Then don't! It's too close to headquarters. 』

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19. skydiving to escape

There is a plane. The passengers on the plane are all important government officials, except a primary school student. ...

The plane had an accident shortly after taking off, and it may crash soon.

People on the plane had to escape by parachute.

But I found that there were not enough parachutes on the plane.

So the big officials, regardless of the willy-nilly, used parachutes to escape.

In the end, only pilots and pupils were left on the plane.

So the pilot said to the pupils, "You can use the remaining parachutes, and I will live and die with the plane ..."

The student said, "No, there are two parachutes. Just now, an uncle jumped off with my schoolbag on his back.