24 jokes that make your stomach ache.

1. I went from nothing to assets of over 100 million, from family to luxury villa. I didn't rely on others, I came up with it myself, bit by bit!

I don't want to show off anything from the initial 3,000 yuan to the present millions. I just want to tell you that the happiness of landlords mainly depends on luck.

After the car accident, the man held his wife in his arms. "Honey, I, is there anything else I can do for you?" The wife said angrily, "Just, just one thing, can you stop smiling so happily?"

4. People should be ambitious and don't always argue with those hundreds of dollars, so I usually have problems with 3.5 dollars, especially 10.

I'm really nervous, so nervous. What should I do? I'm going to meet my parents! Is Aunt Wen gentle and fierce? I was scared. After all, I hit his child first.

6. My son came home trembling: "Dad, I only got 60 points in the exam today". Dad is very angry: "Don't call me dad next time you fail the exam!" " "The next day, my son came back:" I'm sorry, brother! " "

7. Some people stay in bed because they have money, and they can sleep as late as they want. I stay in bed because I have no money, so I can save a meal.

7. I will go to infusion every time I get sick. Then I deliberately asked the nurse sister what the rubber tube was tied to my wrist, just to hear a "pulse pressure belt" ...

9. Watch TV with my husband in the living room at night. It's getting late. Did my husband say he was asleep? ! I carry my husband behind my back. "Husband, I want you to carry me in!" " "My husband looked at me and said," Forget it, I'll move the bed out for you! " "

1 Have you ever said the humblest thing to keep the other person in your life? What is this? "Come back, fifty is fifty, and I will sell it to you at a loss."

1 1. Seeing a couple quarreling, the man actually hit his girlfriend. I couldn't stand it any longer, so I aimed my telescope at another window.

12. Do you know? I miss you every day. I miss you every night when I eat, sleep and work. I really want to say to you: pay back the money quickly!

13. If you don't have the money or time to travel, buy a globe. The world is so big that you can not only have a look, but also look around.

14. Wandering in the first half, cooking soup in the second half, staying up late, applying eye cream, putting wolfberry in beer, putting ginseng in cola, drinking the strongest wine, and taking the most expensive ambulance.

15. Take the train. The girls sitting next to me are very cute, so I went to strike up a conversation and decided to start with the constellation. "Well, which seat are you in?" The girl looked at me and said, "You are blind, hard seat!" "

15. Get up in the morning and say to my mother, "I will also buy sunglasses tomorrow to cover my ugliness!" My mother directly replied to me: "There are not enough sunglasses. It is almost enough to buy a helmet. "

17. Why is the Monkey King always so thin in Journey to the West? The Great God replied: Because he burned his calories in the blast furnace of Taishang Laojun!

18. Last night, the battery of the battery car was stolen. Today, I got up early to buy batteries. I saved more than 300 yuan when I went downstairs. The battery car is missing. What a good mood!

19. No matter what the fortune teller says you lack in the five elements, in fact, at a certain age, you will find that what you lack most is money! Don't talk about Jin Kemu, just talk about Muketu, Tuke Water and Shuike Gold. As long as you are poor, you can have everything ... if you like someone, you have to confess. Don't worry too much. Although there is a great possibility of failure, what should I do if I become a spare tire? 2 1. Others are worried about how to make money, and I am worried about how to spend money. Friends, how can I spend 20 yuan until next month 10?

22. Failure is the mother of success. Who is the father of success? Transfer 100 yuan to me, and you will pay successfully!

23. Doctor: "Can you see the words on the wall?" Patient: "What word, where?" The doctor put a stamp on it and said, "You passed the listening test."

24. I met a couple on the road today. Men want to kiss women, and women are not allowed to say it's the first kiss. I went up and kissed her and said to the man, I can kiss her this time.