How to improve the effect of a sentence?

I once read a very ironic story, the main idea of which is as follows:

A young clerk, because of carelessness, made a mistake that he didn't even find himself. When the boss knew about it, he called him to the office and said only one thing to him:

"Sit down first!"

Then he looked at the young man silently without saying a word. Until the young employee couldn't resist it, he said to the boss:

"Excuse me, do you know that I snuck into a coffee shop during working hours?"

"oh? So you've done this before. "

"So, is it because I was late the day before yesterday?"

"Oh, there is this thing!"

In this way, in the face of the silent boss, the young staff members have repeatedly said what they have done wrong.

This situation often happens between mothers and children.

Imagine if the boss or mother kept cursing like a barrage from the beginning. Then, subordinates or children, I'm afraid I won't be afraid at all! This shows how powerful silence is!

You are silent, please be brave! In addition, let's give another example.

At a banquet, several people get together to discuss literature, philosophy and so on, and more importantly, brag about their own advantages to others.

The more you talk, the happier you are. They flatter each other, and their words are sometimes mixed with English and technical terms. It's really a big compliment.

After about an hour or two, everyone suddenly found that one of them had never said a word from beginning to end and had been listening to everyone's conversation with a smile.

So, somebody else asked him:

"You have been listening to us silently, but you don't even talk. Do you think we are naive? "

He just smiled and nodded. Another person said:

"What a pity! We pretend to know everything, but in fact we only speak superficially and have no in-depth opinions at all. You've been listening quietly for so long, would you please tell your opinion objectively? "

He only replied: "You are all very good, so let me make a reference."

His few words and smiling face won everyone's respect.

Later, someone came to ask him, and he honestly said:

"Everyone's standards are too high. I have no idea what they said. I can't get a word in, so I have to be silent. "

Even so, he always listened calmly and quietly, smiling and making people sit up and take notice of him.

After the poet Tennyson reunited with his long-lost friend, they sat in a chair silently without saying a word. After a few hours, it's time to break up. Tennyson simply said to his friends:

"Well, we haven't had such a pleasant conversation for a long time."

How's it going? Have you doubled your courage? Do you want to enjoy the taste of silence?

Someone summed up the top ten skills of conversation, as follows:

The first trick: stimulate others' dialogue and show interest in others.

When talking with people, besides people's interest, there is also a responsibility to arouse them to participate in the conversation. Did it hurt people's confidence? Do you give people an opportunity to express their opinions? Or exclude them? Most importantly, do you show that you are interested in them-not just yourself?

Talking is like catching a ball, you can't be one-sided. If someone misses the ball, there will be an awkward silence until the ball is picked up and thrown again.

Some younger students often complain to me that they can't keep the conversation lively and interesting when dating. In fact, this conversation skill is very simple: ask some questions that need to be answered and let the conversation continue. If you just ask, "Nice day, isn't it?" The other party can answer in one sentence: "Yes! The weather is really good. " Once, Mark Twain heard the same thing 12 times in one day. "It's a nice day, isn't it? Mr. Clemens. " He replied, "Yes, I have been praised." )

"Nice day, isn't it?" It may be a deadlock problem, but it does not necessarily lead to a deadlock answer. After all, the weather is still eye-catching, otherwise the TV news will not be broadcast for five minutes, and there are charts and illustrations.

If you find it difficult to make your interlocutor speak freely, you can start with the following sentence:

"Why ..."

"What do you think ..."

"What's your opinion ..."

"How can you just ..."

"How do you explain ..."

"Can you give me an example?"

"How, what and why." What's the problem

Of course, a fast-track answer, like a fast-track question, can't lead to further dialogue. You must try to keep the ball in the air.

If your partner doesn't react well at first, it may be because he is shy, indifferent, or stupid-or you haven't touched his interest yet. It would be helpful if you could get some information about your partner from the host or hostess before going to the party. But even so, it may not break the reserved atmosphere and prompt the other party to speak.

Maybe you have to sit with an arrogant lawyer at dinner, but despite all your efforts, you still can't get him to talk. Nevertheless, please continue your efforts. Maybe he didn't respond when you mentioned that Mexico was in illegal territory, but maybe he would be interested when it came to mink diving. Maybe you can also mention the living habits of whales.

If all else fails, you can take the last resort. You can always pour a glass of water on his leg. If even this can't lead to a lively conversation, at least you can vent.

Sir Neil Ke Hua once said, "I am of little importance to the world, but on the other hand, I am of great importance to myself. I must work, play, share my troubles and have fun by myself. "

That's right. Man must be self-centered. Frankly speaking, it's good for you to talk about topics that others are interested in, although their preferences may not be exactly the same as yours. In this way, you can satisfy others' self-esteem first, and then satisfy your own self-esteem.

Is that irony? Never! If you treat your family and friends with respect as if they are important to you, you will find that they are really important to you. Besides, you are more important to them. Everyone expects to be praised and will be more motivated. Maybe one day you will find this lovely fact: there are some beautiful things in every imperfect, confused and changeable human being.

Psychoanalysts believe that once mental patients begin to be interested in people and things outside their own world, they embark on the road of rehabilitation. If focusing on yourself to some extent is a reflection of madness, then no one is completely normal. However, the more contact we have with others-giving rather than receiving-the more normal we will become. In addition, there is a private interest. The more you care about others, the more they will care about you. The more you respect others, the more they will respect you.

If you are really interested in a person, your interest will be expressed in words. You will share your troubles and happiness with them and try your best to help them when they need it. You will find that he can teach you more than you can teach him. So don't worry, throw the ball out quickly, and then throw it until someone catches it and then throw it back. The more skilled you are at pitching, the more exciting the game will be.

The second key: speak in an orderly way.

"Don't let weeds cover the plants you want to grow." I tell my students that losing control is the worst language habit. Those who don't know how to control, repeat, ramble and repeat will soon find that they are just talking to themselves. Their audience has long been like the snow cat in Alice in Wonderland, losing its shape and soul.

General Alexander Smythe is famous for his long speeches in Congress. On one occasion, he said to henry clay, a political party, "Sir, you speak for the present and I will speak for future generations."

Mr. Clay replied, "Yes, but it seems that you waited for the audience to arrive before deciding to speak temporarily."

Idleness is an insurmountable habit. When Don Quixote complained that Sankoh Panza's story was full of repetition and complexity, Panza said to himself, "This is the way my people tell stories. It is unfair for adults to ask me to change my old habits. " Most people must have some sympathy for him.

Whether you are just chatting with a friend or talking to thousands of listeners, if there is an important message that should be marked in red, it is: "Get to the point."

Almost everyone in our class mentioned that the most disturbing thing in the shopping mall is the lack of organized conversation habits. Countless people's time is wasted because of this-wasted on those nonsense, nonsense, nonsense, repeating the same sentence.

One of the students is an engineering consultant. His job is to persuade manufacturers to reduce production costs. He found that people often spend five or more drops of glue on things that can be done well with two drops of glue. Not only wasting glue will increase the cost of the factory, but workers also need to spend time wiping off excess glue.

Similarly, there is often redundancy in conversation, but it takes 12 words to explain it in one sentence. Especially some women who have grown up and have a lot of free time often spend a lot of time and breath on unimportant details, which only hairdressers or manicurists will listen to-because this may be one of the reasons for paying them.

"John," said Mrs Smith, "I know it was 1 1 last Tuesday, because just before you called, Mrs Jones came to me to borrow flour. I remember very clearly, because she wore a new dress with rose gold buttons ... "

I hope this Mrs. Smith won't remind you of yourself. If the main purpose of your conversation is to get to the point, just say it-needless to say.

Slowness may also be a manifestation of unclear thinking, or it may be a means of twists and turns to reach the center. However, it is more likely that it may just be a bad habit, and it is much easier to quit this habit than old smokers.

If you realize that you tend to talk endlessly, you think you are making a long-distance call at daytime prices.

The third trick: avoid the word "I"

"I" is the smallest letter in English. Don't make it the biggest word in your vocabulary. Learn from Socrates, don't say "I want to", but say "What do you think?"

At a gardening club party, a gentleman used "I" 26 times in the first three minutes of his speech. He either says "I" or "my garden … my fence … my bush." Then an acquaintance went up to him and said, "It's a pity that you lost your wife." "Lost his wife?" The man said, "No! She is very good! " "Oh, isn't she related to the garden?"

Henry Ford II described a boring person as "a person who opens his mouth but hides all the advantages in his mouth." A boring person is a person who monopolizes the word "I" and says "I" anytime and anywhere.

Shakespeare's monologues are wonderful. At that time, actors stood on the stage and talked alone, but it was not suitable for groups. Dominators don't like jokes and stories, and they have no other opinions except their own. If someone tries to interrupt, he will say, "Yes! My child, "and then immediately went on to say" but ... "Exclusive conversation is self-indulgence, and he is indifferent to topics such as sighing, misty eyes and frowning denial. Sadly, the narcissism of monopolists is usually just a lifelong affair.

However, there is an important exception. Some people are very skillful, interesting and attractive leaders in conversation. It is a sin to make everyone want them to continue talking and not let them. Senator Eugene Magasi was scheduled to talk about politics with a group of people during the presidential campaign in 1968. As a result, he forgot the election because he saw a stone bomb on the table. He spent half an hour talking about the origin of the game here, its popularity in various countries, why most stone bombs are made of bakelite, porcelain or glass instead of marble, and what are the popular shooting methods. In that half hour, he completely attracted the audience and made everyone think only of stone bullets.

The speaker, like a car driver, must always pay attention to the red and green lights. For him, traffic lights are a signal of joy, concentration and general acceptance of the audience on the one hand, and may also be a signal of annoyance, impatience and frustration on the other. If he doesn't see the red light, go on talking, and he will find that he is the reason that hinders the conversation.

Maybe sometimes the audience opens their mouths out of real joy, rather than trying to interrupt. Even so, remember the traffic lights and give priority to others. You haven't lost anything. If your audience is really attracted by your wit and wisdom, they will keep flashing the green signal of "continue".

Jokers are no exception. Although it is not wonderful, many people have a strange impulse to tell jokes. The person who keeps joking may be the one who really murdered the conversation.

Once, an old friend who had not seen me for five years was about to meet me 2000 miles away. I have been looking forward to it for a long time. As a result, she brought a new husband back to the city. He monopolized the whole conversation from the beginning, laughing and knowing one after another-not good, but she encouraged him to continue. After they left, my understanding of her five years was almost the same as before.

In previous juggling performances, if the program dragged on for too long, the manager standing on one side of the stage would hook the offender with a 25 cm long bamboo pole and then drag him out of the audience's sight.

We should also have a hook to save us from those men and women who suffer from "me" and "monopoly".

The fourth key: don't interrupt.

One of the problems is interruption, but interruption should be used as a last resort. This treatment is sometimes worse than the disease itself. "Interrupting others is the rudest behavior." John Locke said.

Suppose a person is talking in high spirits, and the enthusiasm of the audience is like a group of bridesmaids chasing the bride to hold flowers. At this time, you suddenly interrupted: "Hey, was this the week you first arrived in new york?"

The speaker will never have a good impression on you, and probably no one will.

So: Don't interrupt others' conversation with irrelevant questions. Don't interrupt others with irrelevant words.

Don't rush to finish speaking for others. Don't argue about unimportant details and interrupt others (this often happens between husband and wife). In short:

Don't interrupt. Apart from ...

If the speaking time obviously drags on for too long ... when the speaker is not noticed or makes others sleepy ... he gradually leads the topic to extremely unpleasant things ... He has become a public nuisance ... then it is kind and generous to interrupt him!

The fifth key: avoid boring topics

Few people will be interested in hearing the following examples:

Dogs, children, recipes and food, health problems, golf and other sports achievements, family troubles. Leave your health problems to the doctor … mail your recipes … play golf on the court instead of playing in the living room … stay at home and do housework.

Dogs and children will take away the charm of famous actors, but they are not a good topic to start a conversation. I remember sitting next to a clever lawyer once. He could have relaxed and talked about important events in new york. Instead, he spent half an hour describing how to find a missing long-haired dog. When he finished, I thought I knew every crack he walked through. All the listeners are a bit like the missing long-haired dog, so sad, depressed and listless.

Winston Churchill thought that children were not an appropriate topic. Once, an ambassador said to him, "You know, Sir Winston, I have never mentioned my grandson to you." Churchill patted him on the shoulder and announced, "I understand, dear partner, I really can't tell you how grateful I am for this!" " "

The sixth trick: don't offend others.

In today's society, it is popular to equate politeness with hypocrisy. If this equation is correct, then I have more to say about hypocrisy.

The best manners never come from hypocrisy, but from "God Man", which is very important for actors, which means putting yourself in others' shoes as if you were the one involved. The so-called politeness is keen, and it is a person's high respect for others.

Try to keep a keen observation of the surrounding environment. Of course, you can't get it right every time.

Once, I was introduced to a reporter of a big newspaper, Mr. Gan. He looks very eye-catching in a suit and striped trousers with a red rose in his buttonhole. I did read his name on the signature of the headline report, and I told him how much I appreciated his report. "Oh," he said, "you are the first person to say that to me. I write obituaries. "

Whether the topic is suitable or not depends on the people around you and the atmosphere at that moment. Such as politics, horse racing and religion, may be very suitable for some groups. But it is a fatal topic in other groups. In the run-up to the election, people's mood may be very high. In those days when the generation gap was prevalent, there should be a fierce reaction to the activities of some young people. Jane Coteau said, "Being tactful means knowing what to do." Be tactful Unless you have quarrelsome friends (they do), avoid topics that will make both sides angry or argue.

Don't invade others' privacy. The FBI may have to, but you can't. Avoid personal, trivial and prying questions. I'm surprised that so many people always ask a lady how much her husband earns or how old she is. I know an old lady who has a wonderful solution to the latter problem. "Can you keep a secret?" She asked each other. "Of course!" "Well," said the old lady, "I can keep a secret."

If you have just lost 10 kg or given up smoking, it may be a good thing to tell a fat person or a heavy smoker how you achieved your goal. But if you obviously embarrass the other person, you don't have to tell all the details.

Moreover, please remember: don't use words that hurt your feelings, although your intention may not be evil.

Don't use language that will create estrangement. Like frivolous waitresses, foul language has an increasing trend, but it is not easy for people to accept. What once frightened dockworkers can easily slip out of the mouths of well-dressed men and women-not to mention some dramatic actors who deliberately attract attention.

Stiehler's "subtle impulse in human nature" is a good taste, but it seems to be in trouble at the moment. Some people say it will disappear like Stella's Siberian manatee. But I still have faith in people. People are still people, and there are hearts. Most conversation mistakes are simply caused by lack of thinking or ignorance. People still think that it is something to be proud of to think of others. It must be, because it is the touchstone of civilized communication.

The seventh trick: don't say the length of people.

"You shouldn't give false testimony to your neighbor." The Bible says so. However, many people like to spread some suspicious rumors-and rumors are as easy to disperse as cream.

According to Webster's dictionary, "small talk" means "running up and down to chat and spreading some boring rumors, especially those involving personal interests." In other words, talk behind people's backs.

What we are talking about here is hurtful gossip. Some small talk is very interesting. People may say something nice behind their neighbors' backs, which I often hear myself. However, sometimes patting the back just wants to know where to cut in. Whether intentionally or unintentionally, hurting others is unforgivable. Intentionally, it is despicable, unintentional and careless, which is what we said earlier. Telling the truth that hurts people, or out of jealousy, malicious empty talk or trying to improve their self-worth by revealing secrets that others don't know, these people are biting people.

During the question-and-answer period after giving a speech to women, I often ask them if they agree that men think that chatting is mainly a female activity, or if men also have this hobby. The answer is similar. Men talk less than women. But women are kind to men. Everyone agrees that men's gossip is usually less vicious than women's.

90% of the conversation is small talk, people-oriented, libel and slander. Most people will find that a conversation lacking slander is like a half-cooked salt-free egg or a glass of light wine with water, which is boring and unusual. People's greatest interest is others besides themselves-what's wrong with that?

So I'm not asking you not to mention the absentees at all, you can. But once you find yourself wanting to say something unpleasant, I suggest you recite the following golden rule as soon as possible:

"Don't do to others what you don't want them to do to you."

You can apply this golden rule according to the situation. If you mention to Ann that Sally has gained weight, you are not unfair to Sally. The fact is that she should start dieting. But if you show the effect of slapping her on purpose, it is much more honest for you to slap her directly.

If you publicly slander others, you are likely to reap the consequences.

Eighth measure: discuss rather than argue.

"In conversation," essayist joseph addison said, "good nature is more pleasant than wit."

As long as the intention is good, discussion is equal to conversation. On the contrary, an angry argument, in which one side fiercely attacks the other side and enthusiastically defends itself, is the enemy of good conversation.

The difference between faith and long live is that faith can be made clear without a knife. There is a saying in China: "Whoever calls first loses." It's not that an angry person must be wrong, but that he doesn't know how to express his opinion at all. The golden rule of discussion is: try to provoke or silence others with undeniable facts and gentle voices, and try to convince them.

As long as you are calm and humorous, as long as you are willing to listen to me, I will listen to you. As long as we guide ourselves to face problems, not emotions or prejudices-then discussions will not be reduced to quarrels. If the voice rises gradually, "I think that's a stupid statement!" "This became a hurtful retort. It is not surprising that our friends are hiding behind potted palm trees when we find that bystanders become restless. Winning an argument and losing a friend can be said to be "penny wise and pound foolish".

Argument can separate people, but discussion can unite people. Quarrel is barbaric and discussion is civilized. Sometimes quarreling or even quarreling is inevitable, and quarreling in friendship and marriage is inevitable, but it will leave scars. Emotional outbursts in the family may clear away the gloomy atmosphere, just like a thunderstorm in August summer, but even so, quarrels and mediation should be carried out in private.

A friend joined a lunch club, and they talked about a wide range, and differences of opinion occurred every day. Is Gary James Hope the vice president of William Ma Jinli or Grover Cleveland? Where was the cave mural first discovered?

Usually some members will give appropriate answers to such questions, and then the topic will change. Occasionally at the lunch table, the problem can't be solved immediately. There will be bets at that time, and the controversial events and betting times will be recorded in the club's gambling book. Then officially check, the loser has to pay, and the result is found in the login book.

The exchange of views before betting can be quite strong. However, this is not a quarrel, nor is it a heated argument. This is a discussion because it is purely for fun. Moreover, both sides try to pursue the truth instead of arguing. They are all bound by empirical evidence, and the loser accepts the result as happily as the winner.

The ninth trick: accommodate others

Rejecting others in a conversation is as incredible as missing a guest at a dinner party.

If you don't think much, most people will easily ignore the quiet person sitting in the corner and chat with some interested audience or some attractive conversationalists. We often concentrate on trying to impress big shots at parties.

So, don't ignore anyone, contact everyone, your eyes take turns to have warm and friendly exchanges with everyone, and pay attention to everyone's reaction to your speech.

I know a lawyer who only talks to one person in a group. He talked happily, but only to one person. The rest of the people were actually left out, and they were eliminated. In most social groups, at least one person is out of place-a person who looks and acts like an outsider and is therefore regarded as an outsider. No matter how boring he looks, you shouldn't treat him like this. Everyone will feel like an outsider at some point. You should put yourself in the other's shoes. Let him feel at ease and let him participate!

The tenth trick: listen.

"Learn how to listen," Bruda said. "Then you can even learn from people who are not good at words."

Half of a good conversation depends on listening-not just your ears, but all your senses: not only your mind, but also your heart. Listening is often as important as speaking. When the conversation is boring, you often find yourself absent-minded, missing important keywords and misunderstanding what you hear. Even the ancestors decided other people's arguments. Omitting that argument is totally different from what you think.

Are your eyes dull and depressed when people are talking? Is indifference and boredom clearly written on the face? Will you wait for the speaker to stop to catch his breath? Is your whole attitude negative? Is it because you want to speak there that you show disappointment, frustration, disobedience and destruction to the speaker? Then, when it's your turn to speak, no matter how successful you are, you are still not a talkative person. In my course, there is a lesson in which students take turns to give speeches and then other students analyze them. I noticed that all the speakers avoided looking at a young man sitting in the front row, which I found strange. When it was my turn to make a summary, I noticed him. His face was cold and isolated, and his eyes were fixed on the ceiling. Later, I pulled him aside and said, "You are a very attractive person. As long as you show a little appreciation, you will increase the interest of the speaker. Why not pay attention to them? "

He was shocked: "I am not like this!" " "He retorted," I've been listening. I didn't see them. "Because I am afraid that watching them will distract me, I can't pay attention to what they say. I have been asking myself, is this statement true? Is it too exaggerated? Can this theory stand the test? I am really listening! " I told him it might be so, but I didn't concentrate. If you completely ignore the speaker, it is as if you are wearing earmuffs or covering your ears when he is talking. Do you want others to do this when you speak?