Quotations from online humorous jokes

Humorous people tell humorous jokes in some boring occasions, so the atmosphere is brought up. I have carefully arranged the following for you. I hope you like it.

network humorous jokes and sentence quotations

1 Your happiness, I will build; I'll make up for your confusion; I will satisfy your greed; Your willfulness, I will give in; I am the only one who cares for you. I am a professional pig farmer.

a family was poor, and at night thieves quietly pushed the door and sneaked into the house. The wife told her husband that there was a thief, and the husband said to ignore him! The thief turned to go out with nothing, and the master said, Walk slowly, please close the door!

3 Chinese Valentine's Day, grandpa, I was worried about being harassed by the confession message, and an expert told me that as long as I turned it off, so grandpa turned it off with a try. Now that I'm turned on, there's not a message in my mailbox. I have to say, this is really effective.

4 twist, and health follows the body; Roar, you have everything I have; Take a break, refreshed and somersaulted; Receive a receipt, and receive a blessing: May you stay happy and have a happy life!

5 Feifei: You don't love me as much as you used to. Now you don't ask why when you see me crying. A Ju: I'm sorry, because my financial ability is not as good as in the past, and I have to go to a big shopping mall every time I ask questions. I can't ask.

6 I passed the dormitory building and something floated on it. Looking up all over the building, I saw tears streaming down my face. Hmm? Braised taste. Shit! Who is so unethical, pouring soup after eating instant noodles!

7 The boss remembered that he didn't bring his passport at the airport, so he said to the driver, "Go back and see if my passport is in the right drawer." The driver came back an hour later: "The passport is still in the drawer."

8 a woman got on the bus in a one-step skirt, but the skirt was too tight to lift her legs, so did she untie it? Two buckles still failed, but I saw a man looking at her later and called him a rogue! Man: You're the rogue. You've untied us all so soon!

9 In the zoo, a lady asked the keeper: Is that hippo male or female? Keeper: Madam, I don't think anyone will be interested in this problem except another hippo.

1 to show us? Z, I think it's better for the two of us to have a similar pinyin name, for example: my name is Sila and your name is Dun Dun La. This is a good example, don't you think?

quotations from online funny jokes

1 Bajie said, "Brother, please go to the hospital quickly. I heard that the hospital has opened a department specially for you." Wukong: "Oh? What department? " "Two forced monkeys!"

2 dad: I got a zero again, and you humiliated me! But the only thing that makes me happy is that you certainly didn't cheat in the exam. Son: that's not accurate. It's cheating that didn't work.

3 magpies fly in, and the mother tells the children whether it is a happy bird or a guest, swallows fly in, and the mother says it is a beneficial bird or a guest, and crows fly in. The children ask if you are my guests? The crow said, I am a hacker.

4. The college roommate hooked up with the class teacher, but the class teacher's family didn't agree, forcing her to marry someone else. The day before she got married, her roommate asked her out, and there was tears and sweat that night. All the water has drained away! What a good teacher! He taught his students everything!

5 when the wild boar got married, everyone came to celebrate. Everyone was puzzled to see the groom riding a wolf to pick up the bride. The wild boar groom said unhurriedly, "Riding a wolf" men's clothing made me more fashionable on the big day!

6 freshmen's military training, the instructor assigned tasks: class one kills chickens, class two steals eggs, and I will cook porridge for you. Do you know what that means? It turns out that class one shoots and class two bombs. I'll show you.

7 Wang Xiaoer's wife came home from playing mahjong until the early hours of the morning. In order not to disturb Wang Xiaoer, she undressed in the living room and then crept into the bedroom. Just when Wang Xiaoer woke up, he was shocked and said, Oh, my God, you lost everything!

8 Americans said: We dug out old wires in Washington, which means that we could have made a phone call years ago! China people said: We didn't dig anything, which means we started using mobile phones long ago!

9 I remember that in history class in high school, the boy in my back seat was sleeping, and the teacher called him up after asking a question. The boy muttered in a low voice, No. As a result, the teacher said it was right. Sit down. I'm dizzy. The teacher mistook "No" for "Congress", but it's all ok.

1 teacher: Xiao Li, your skill is really great, which holds up half the sky in our class. Xiao Li: Why? Teacher: If you don't talk in class, our classroom will be half quiet!

11 Xiaohua: Yes … No … Xiaoming: What is Xiaohua doing? Xiaoying: She is peeling petals to decide whether to give birth to the baby. Xiaoming: What's the other flower for? Xiaoying: It is used to decide who is the father of the child!

12 "What's the matter with you?" "I have diarrhea and go to the toilet, and my legs are running soft. What do you say?" "I have a way to come with me." "What are you doing in the bathroom?" "Why don't you just sit still on the toilet?"

13 I haven't contacted my friends for more than a year, and added my QQ to say that I was selling * * * beef offal. Quality assurance, large quantity discount. I asked if there was a bullwhip. He said yes, I asked, is it awesome? He said yes, I said, then blow me a look!

14 teacher: David, the teacher gives you yuan, and then you borrow yuan from Xiaohu, so how much money do you always have? David: Yuan. Teacher: You don't know anything about math! David: You don't know anything about yourself and Tiger!

15 I passed a shop called "Mammy Rong". Out of curiosity, the shopkeeper greeted me warmly and asked me, "Young man, are you here for acupuncture?"

16 Feifei went to a variety show, and the host saw that Feifei's fingernails were beautiful. "Look, everyone, Feifei's fingernails are colorful." Feifei: "Ah ~ I'm poisoned."

17 The house can be smaller, the furniture can be older and the electrical appliances can be less, but as long as you are there, there will be more love and intimacy, and happiness and joy will be more full. Your home is a five-star hotel.

18 In the shade of a hospital, a pair of lovers are hugging and kissing. A doctor saw it and went over to the man and said, "You are so confused. You should put her flat on the ground for artificial respiration. Go away and let me do it."

19 It is said that the middle position in the last row of the bus sits like an emperor. Today, there are not many people on the bus, so I just tried it. As a result, I suddenly braked suddenly and almost let Lao Zi die.

2 Nowadays, Chinese people are fashionable: they fell in love with Christmas and lost the Lantern Festival; Learn to be a fool and forget to be clear; I like my lover, but I snubbed Qu Yuan. But Koreans want to grab the Dragon Boat Festival. Do you agree? Forward if you don't agree!

quotations from funny jokes on popular internet

1 I always think that the mood of lifting the hijab in ancient times was similar to scratching the lottery.

I was really scared when I heard that you were trafficked! Although you have dementia since childhood, it is harmless to society! Who is so bold, dare to sell you! I'm really worried about him. It's strange to sell it!

3 what road is too narrow to walk? What road is getting dizzy? What passers-by dream of? What makes you angry? Answer: the line is lost, the money road is bageya road.

4 I know that you pay attention to hygiene, and you should wash your hands every time you go to the toilet, and wash them carefully. Suddenly you didn't wash your hands. I was surprised: Why didn't you wash your hands? You answer: I brought paper this time!

5 The imperial edict is: Fengtian carries the goods, and the emperor said: Because you look like a fairy, 3, beauties in the harem are not as good as your eyebrows. It is better for Zhaojun to shed tears and move north. The emperor Shengming specially invited you to the palace to have dinner and chat with you on March 8. I admire this!

6 two men were playing by the river when they saw a beautiful woman fall into the river. One man was going to rescue him at once, and the other man held him for a while. Now the rescue can't be artificial respiration.

7 When a beautiful figure passes by you, you always smile and look after it for a long time; Although you are very devoted and romantic, you always get complaints. No wonder girls often talk about you: it's not a discharge to me, it's just cheating!

8 tell you a top secret way to attract a thousand-year-old marriage. Please go to the nearest telephone pole and say loudly to the wild advertisement above, "My illness is saved!" "

9 There was a sloppy anorectal doctor who wrote: * * * to speak after seeing a patient. The chief doctor then angrily wrote on the medical record: Bullshit!

1 A lady came out of the bathtub and suddenly found that a window cleaner had seen her. Paralyzed with fear, he looked at the man stupefied. "What's the matter with you, madam? Have you never seen a window painter? "

11 Americans use Apple mobile phones and Apple computers. Because Americans need apples to balance their cholesterol when eating beef, the American Apple brand is easier to eat.

12 It's an old legend: at midnight, pick up the phone, press the button, and you will hear it. You. Dial. Yes. Electricity. Words. Yes. Empty. Number.

13 Xiao Ming pushed his bowl in front of Xiaojie beside him: "Try my rice …" Xiaojie scooped up a big spoon and fed it into his mouth. "Have you seen it?" Xiao Ming added.

14 The delivery room delivers good news, and people are promoted; The underpants were used as vests, and people brought them up; When the socks were put on, people jumped up; Leather shoes buckle, people's status is getting higher and higher.

15 A leader went to the countryside for a general survey and asked an old farmer: Do you know why close relatives can't get married? The old farmer replied with a simple and honest smile: Hehehe, Hehehe, the relationship is too familiar to start.

During the summer vacation in p>16, Mijia slept out for a month. When he came back, his father asked him: Is your tent leaking? Mijia thought for a moment and said, Dad, it just leaks when it rains.

17 If you hate a man, beat his woman into Chris Lee, so that he can't enjoy the happiness of the upper body; if you beat a woman, beat her man into Chris Lee, so that she can't enjoy the happiness of the lower body.

18 I found that my wife has become witty recently. She sets two alarm clocks every morning. When the first alarm clock rings, she brings her underwear in and stuffs it on my stomach. When the second alarm clock rings, she puts it on and gets up immediately, leaving me messy in the cold bed.

19 Zoo held a model contest, and Cobra won the first place. The elephant was unconvinced and said, "I am so plump, and you are so thin, which is less than one-fifth of mine. I refuse to accept it." Cobra: "Brother, you are OUT. I don't know if the society is popular with skinny beauty now?"

2 In front of the lady's door, a beggar begged the hostess to say, Madam, I haven't seen meat for a whole year. The lady called the servant and quickly brought a plate of meat to show the man.

21 I felt so hot when I came home at noon, so I turned on the air conditioner. After I turned it on for a while, I felt cold, and then I turned it off. So I turned on and off the air conditioner back and forth. Finally, I simply opened all the windows, turned on the air conditioner, and finally got comfortable. Just lying down, the alarm clock rang and it was time to go to work again!

When I came back from the National Day holiday on 22nd, the girl I liked in the company never came to work. I thought she had resigned, so sad. She came to work today! Also sent me a wedding candy ... My tears of joy came out.

23 During the exam, a candidate kept rolling his eyes on the table from beginning to end. After the exam, the teacher saw on his examination paper that it was difficult for his grandson to give a question, but his son was strict in invigilation. I can't do it, so I have to hand in a blank paper.

24 I'll tell you a story. Once upon a time, there was an idiot. He was so stupid that when people asked him any questions, he just shook his head or answered "No". Have you heard this story?

25 Lao Wang: My wife and I have been married for years, and we always hold hands in the street. Xiao Wang: Your feelings are really good! Lao Wang: As soon as I let go, she will go shopping.

26 Family outing by car. The son kept reminding his parents to look at the scenery outside the window. "Mom, look, cow!" "Mom, look, goat" "Dad, dad, look, beautiful girl!"

27 Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs are being shown in the cinema, and the audience is few. Someone told the cinema owner to change the film named "The Life of a Woman and Seven Men", and the audience was full!

28 In the past, the school said that it was necessary to have a physical examination and stool for laboratory tests, and then everyone took a little bit. Then, there was an alumnus who put it in Chow Tai Fook's bag and box. Then I walked halfway and was robbed by someone driving a motorcycle.

29 In the vast sea of people, when you receive this sincere blessing, please hit your head against the wall with all your strength-see? Countless stars in front of you are my infinite care!

I will send you an email at p>3, in case you pretend not to see it; Calling you, I don't know what to say; I have to send a short message to tell you: Are you awesome now? How long has it been since you paid my respects?