Seek a latest classic hilarious short joke,

Today, Xiaoming plays chess with his grandfather. Xiao Ming saw the car "jū", grandpa said it was a car "Chē", and Xiao Ming and his mother went to buy chicken legs. Xiao Ming saw the chicken leg talking about legs. Mom said it was a chicken leg. Xiao Ming saw ketchup again and said it was blood. Mom said it was ketchup again. One day, grandma was hit by a car. Later, Xiao Ming went home and told his mother that "a lot of ketchup was dropped from mom's grandmother's chicken leg by her uncle's car"! ! ! ! ! Today, grandma saw two people jump into the river. So, grandma called 999 dog, and grandma said, "Is this 999 dog?" 999 "Dog" said, "What happened to Grandma?" Grandma said, "two people jump into the sea, one is saved and the other is not saved"! 999 "Dog" also said, "People should have nine" dogs "and not nine" dogs ". What does this have to do with you? Master thief complained to his apprentice, "You are such an idiot! It took us all night to open all the safes, but they were empty. You didn't tell me until now that this is a factory that makes safe boxes! "4. A father teaches children to read. The day before, he wrote the word "one" with his finger and the child remembered it. The next day, when dad was cleaning the table, he saw the child standing by and wanted to test the words he taught yesterday. He wrote a word "one" on the table with a wet rag and asked the child what to read. The child shook his head and said he didn't know. His father told him, "This is the word" one "that I taught you yesterday. "The child opened his eyes wide in surprise and said," Why did he grow so big after only one night? "5. Answer:" You are a famous judge, why don't you learn some legal knowledge? "b:" I'm afraid! " A: "What are you afraid of? "b:" knowing the law and breaking the law will increase crime. "6. One day, a fly mother and son had lunch together.

The son asked the mother fly, Why do we eat shit every day?

Mother fly said angrily, don't say such disgusting things when eating, eat while it's hot! ! 7. Two spoiled brats got married. After seeing off the guests, the groom returned to the bedroom and found a meatball lying on the bed! The groom was frightened and asked where the bride was. Meatball said shyly, I hate it, you don't even know people when they take off their clothes! 8. In front of the counter of Lamian Noodles Store, a beautiful girl is waiting in line. When she arrived, Master Lamian Noodles asked, Do you want a thick one or a thin one? Girl: I'll eat whatever you pull. 9. I saw a coin by the roadside. I was just about to bend down and pick it up. It turned out to be phlegm. Shit, who threw up so round? 10, several people lined up to buy tickets, one person bent down to pick up the money, and the cigarette in his pocket fell. A gentleman behind him patted him kindly on the shoulder and said, "Sir, you dropped your cigarette." . As a result, the man turned his head angrily and said, "You have just been castrated." 9. A man went fishing by the river.

First he wore a leaf ~ no fish took the bait for a long time, then he changed a piece of bread ~ no fish took the bait for a long time ~

He had no choice but to change earthworms ~ and there was still no fish for a long time ~ ~

In a rage, he took out 100 RMB and fell into the water to curse:

"*-%#% what to eat! Buy it yourself! ! ! ! "

10, a German, a Frenchman and a Japanese are going to work in the mine.

The boss is American. He said to the Germans: You have a good physique and you are in charge of coolies.

Say to the French: You said you were an engineer and you were in charge of the mining plan.

He said to the Japanese: You are very thin. You are in charge of supply.

Then every other week, they start to work.

A few days later, the Germans and the French found that the Japanese had disappeared. After searching for a long time, they decided to go back to work first.

When the Germans started to work, the Japanese suddenly jumped out and shouted:

"surprise! 」

1 1, "I can't see things too far away," the patient said to the ophthalmologist.

"Please follow me," the doctor took the patient outside and pointed to the sun in the sky. "What do you think that is?"

"the sun." The patient replied.

"Then how far do you want to see!"

One day, the animals smelled an unpleasant smell in front of Guan Gong Temple.

The snake said: I am too young to fart so smelly. It must be a cow.

The cow said: I eat grass, and I won't fart so smelly.

The pig said: People who fart will blush.

Suddenly, Guan Gong rushed out and drove the pig away, saying, How many times have I told you, I was born blushing.

13 One day, a man met God. ......

God suddenly kindly gave the man a wish. ......

God asked ......

Do you have any wishes? ......

The man thought about it. ......

I heard that cats have nine lives. ......

Then please give me nine lives. ......

God said, ......

Your wish has come true. ......

One day, the man was idle and bored. ......

If you want to say death, forget it. ......

There are nine lives anyway

Lying on the tracks. ......

As a result, a train passed by. ......

That man is still dead. ......

Why is this?

Because that train has 10 cars. ......

14, one day, three people came to the funeral home. Strangely, their smiles after death are all ......

Confused, the funeral home manager asked the police: Why do people's faces look like this after death?

The policeman said, it's ... it's a long story ... look at the man on the left ... he and his wife are in the spring night ... at the most passionate moment ... he can't stand death.

The administrator replied, alas ... I wish I could die under the flower ... Being a ghost is also very romantic ... How did the middle one die?

Policeman: The one in the middle ... Oh, he ... is really a human tragedy ... He was walking on the road ... Suddenly, he heard that he won the lottery ... and the prize money exceeded 700 million yuan. ..

When he was laughing happily ... he was hit by an oncoming car ... and died. ......

The administrator replied: Alas ... he really didn't have enough luck to enjoy the rest of his life ... What about the rest?

Policeman: ... it's a pity that this one died ... he was killed by lightning while climbing a tree.

The administrator replied: ... This is a bit wrong. Why do you laugh when you are struck by lightning? ......

The policeman said, because he climbed the tree and thought ... suddenly there was a flash of lightning. ......

He thought ... someone was taking pictures of him. ......

15, it is said that thousands of years ago, both male and female dogs were squatting when urinating.

It was not until the Tang Dynasty that the situation changed. ...

Everyone has heard of Emperor Taizong! His old man keeps a pair of Beijing dogs. On one occasion, Emperor Taizong went to Huashan to worship heaven and brought this pair to. ...

Halfway through the sacrifice, the bitch suddenly felt anxious and ran behind a tree to solve it.

This is a very disrespectful act when offering sacrifices to heaven, which angered the jade emperor.

The Jade Emperor ordered Lei Gong to hit a thunder, and the thunder hit the tree just right. The tree fell and killed the bitch. The male dog was very scared when he saw it. ...

From then on, every time the male dog urinates under the tree, he will put out a foot and push it hard against the tree.

In case the tree falls down by itself ... six super cold jokes. . . First, when boys and girls have sex, girls receive an offer from Duke University. At the boarding gate of the airport, the girl anxiously looked at the figure of the lady here. But when the familiar body really appeared in front of her, the girl did not dare to look at the attachment in each other's eyes. "If you let me stay, I will give up studying abroad." The girl secretly made up her mind. I saw that the boy took out a beautifully packaged gift box with a mechanical watch that stopped the needle. The boy gently put the watch on the girl's wrist, wound it up, loosened it, and the stopped watch hand began to circle again. "Yes, everyone will have a new beginning. Why stick to this moment?" The girl thought about it, shook her hand and walked quickly into the boarding passage. There was no hesitation in her heart, only a glimpse of the sobbing back touched a chord slightly. Sixty years later, the girl's temples were stained with snow. She was packing at her home in Boston and preparing to move. The American wife outside is coaxing her grandchildren into the car. Suddenly, the mechanical watch at the bottom of the box suddenly appeared in front of her, and the memory suddenly returned to the airport 60 years ago. The "girl" sighed for a while, wiped the surface, wound the watch, let go, and the stopped watch hand began to turn again ... My wife shouted many times outside and didn't hear the "girl" response. When she entered the room, she saw that she was holding an old-fashioned watch with tears in her eyes. -What does that mean? . . . What the boy wants to express is that the watch is gone. . . It's freezing! ! ! Secondly, Rukawa Kaede from northern Hunan enjoys a very good reputation in Kanagawa, partly because he plays basketball well and partly because of this man, who is really cool. This gentleman treats everyone equally. Don't say it's rare to send away a smile. You can even use two words when you speak, and you should never use three words. One day, the new teacher made a mistake in English class and asked Liu Chuan to stand up and read a text. Liuchuan looked at the text, afraid that there were not a few hundred words. How does this make him shake his head? "No," the young teacher remembered the educational psychology he had studied and kindly encouraged him, "Never mind, read boldly." Liuchuan was impatient, and to tell the truth, "it's too long." The teacher was caught off guard and froze on the spot. He wanted to attack, but he was afraid of losing his manners. He said patiently, "Then you can read a paragraph and let the students behind you read the rest." Liu Chuan picked up the book and read, "Lesson Two." After reading it, he nodded to the teacher and sat down. The little girl who worshipped blindly in the classroom fell down. How can this be a cool word? In the long run, boys can't help complaining. This Rukawa Kaede is pretending to be cool without restraint, which makes the little girls in the middle school of Kanagawa, an off-campus school, nervous and distracted, and regard other boys as nothing. In the long run, how can there be a way for everyone? Xiandao in Lingnan is another handsome boy in Kanagawa, but it has adopted a completely opposite style to Liuchuan. It is kind, cheerful and helpful, and people around it are like spring breeze. One day I was hanging out with my classmates after school and heard my brothers complaining about Liuchuan. After listening carefully, Xiandao found that in Liuchuan's many acts of vomiting blood, the most hateful thing is this style of cherishing words like gold. Xiandao was very disapproving: "What's the matter? He just happened to miss the opportunity to talk more. " As soon as his voice fell, the good-hearted people made a bet to see if Xiandao could make Sichuan very talkative. It's humiliating. The probability of winning the fairy road is 1 ratio 10. Xiandao smiled: "It turns out that everyone has so little confidence in me." A few weak-willed guys, under Dawson's soft pressure, almost put their money on Dawson's winning side, but at the thought of Liu Chuan's deadpan face, they hesitated and lost to Dawson. Sendao left on the left. After school, Liu Chuan came to play ball in Xiandao as usual and said coldly, "One-on-one." Xiandao said kindly, "That's what I thought." Then I pulled Liuchuan to play billiards all night and won Liuchuan out of the water. The next day after school, Liu Chuan came to Xiandao to play ball as usual and said coldly, "One-on-one, basketball." Xiandao said very kindly, "That's what I thought." Then I dragged Liu Chuan to play a computer basketball game all night, and Liu Chuan won. On the third day of school, Liu Chuan came to Xiandao to play ball as usual and said coldly, "One-on-one, basketball, on the court." Xiandao smiled and said very kindly, "That's what I thought." Then La Liuchuan went to Aichi Middle School in Aichi Prefecture to borrow a basketball court to play. As a result, it was a long distance by bus, and it was completely dark in Aichi County, so he had to take the last bus back. But fortunately, the scenery along the way was not bad, and Liuchuan slept soundly. On the fourth day after school, Liu Chuan came to Xiandao to play ball as usual and said coldly, "One-on-one, basketball, on the court, in the small park next to your home." Xiandao was very happy: "You want to go with me." Then I rode Liuchuan's bike together. On the way, I went to the supermarket (to buy lunch), the seaside (to have lunch) and Lingnan (Xiandao later remembered that I had left something at school). When Liu Chuan rode with Sendao, Liu Chuan was too tired to walk, and Sendao won Liu Chuan again. On the fifth day, I asked them, they can't call until 6 o'clock at most, so we can pick them up. They said that the stadium was brightly lit at night, so it was no problem to hit 10. Can you go now? Have you brought everything you want to take home? Have you finished all the homework to hand in tomorrow? Think about it carefully, don't think that you have done it now, and then remember that you didn't do it later. Now that I think about it, it is not too late to borrow homework from my classmates. When you go home, you will think about it again. Where to find your classmates? They also went home. What do you want to eat tonight? I don't want to eat anything too spicy or salty today. It's better not to be too sweet. I can't go to the seaside tonight. I listened to the weather forecast, and the wind force was seven ..., ... "Description-people were forced out, and Rukawa Kaede could become a Tang Priest. Third, a group of great scientists played hide-and-seek in heaven after their death. It's Einstein's turn to arrest people. He counted to 100 and opened his eyes. He saw everyone hiding, but Newton was still standing there. Einstein went over and said, "Newton, I got you." Newton: No, you didn't catch Newton. Einstein: "You are not Newton." Who are you? Newton: "What do you see under my feet?" "Einstein looked down and saw Newton standing on a square floor tile with a length and width of one meter, puzzled. Newton: "This is a square meter under my feet, and it is Newton/square meter when I stand on it, so you don't catch Newton, you catch * * *. "........................... * * = Pascal IV. It is absolutely true that my colleague's grandmother and my colleague's parents live in a small town. One night, my colleague's parents went out after dinner. Grandma is doing housework and resting alone in the room. His parents had just gone out for a while when grandma heard a knock at the door. "Duoduo" ... Grandma went out to open the door. When she opened the door, there was no one outside ... Grandma was a little strange, so she went out to look around ... She still didn't see anyone. After entering the room, she heard someone knocking at the door, "Duoduo" and "Duoduo" ... Grandma went to open the door again and opened it! Still nobody! Grandma thought, is the child joking with her? After a while, she entered the room again, and the sound of knocking at the door rang again ... Grandma was a little panicked and lit a fire. She went out and rubbed the door open, only to find it outside! Still nobody! Grandma came into the room and thought, is it because my colleague's parents have been having trouble with others recently, and they have come to play tricks? For the next time, the knock on the door was intermittent, but grandma stayed in her room and didn't open the door. Until ... a few hours later, my colleague's parents came home, and my grandmother went to ask my parents, have you had any problems with anyone recently? There was a knock at the door tonight, but I answered it. There was no one outside! Scared me to death! Mom and dad, think about it. It seems that there is no contradiction with anyone. Are children boring people? That's not good. Knock patiently for hours. Suddenly, dad remembered something! I saw him follow grandma to the computer and turn on the screen! Looking back, he said, "I forgot to turn off QQ…… when I went out ..." One day, Mr. Wang found that his 5-year-old son Xiaoming was acting a little weird. Towards evening, he stood by the window waving his hand, as if he were still mumbling. Mr. Wang walked quietly behind Xiaoming, but he heard Xiaoming say, "Goodbye, goodbye …" Mr. Wang looked out of the window, but there was no one. It has been like this for several days in a row. At this time, Xiao Ming stood at the window, repeating the words that made Mr. Wang creepy. Finally, Mr. Wang couldn't help it. He called his son over. "Xiao Ming, who are you saying goodbye to at this time?" "Grandpa." Xiao Ming looks naive. Mr. Wang's scalp is fried. "Which ... which father-in-law?" "Grandpa Sun ~" Sixth, a person was away on business and suddenly went home. He heard a man snoring at the door. The man walked away silently and sent a text message to his wife: "Divorce!" ! ! "Then they threw away their mobile phone cards and moved away ... Three years later, they met again in a city. The wife asked: Why did you leave without saying goodbye? The man told the story. The wife turned her head and said simply that it was Rising's little lion. . . Hillbilly: Hello. Miss, how much is the steamed bread?

Attendant: Touch. 100!

Mountain Man: What's next?

Attendant: Next 200!

Mountain man: I am dizzy! No way! ? What about jiaozi?

Attendant: Sleep, 400.

Mountain Man: A bowl of 400? !

Attendant: No, one night in 800 yuan.

Mountain Man: I will! So expensive! Why does a bowl cost 800?

Attendant: All night, it's the same price, big brother.

Sandman: What if I don't get it here?

Attendant: Take it out and ask for 1000.

Mountain Man: I'm X! Is Shenzhen too fucking expensive? Jiaozi is more expensive to take out.

1. A shy boy finally got up the courage to ask his beloved girl: What kind of boy do you like? The girl said: hit it off. The boy asked the same question again and had to say sadly, can't you have a flat head?

Tomorrow, when you wake up, there is a mosquito lying on your pillow, and there is a suicide note beside you, which says: I struggled all night, but I couldn't pierce your face. You are so cheeky, I have no face to live in this world! Lord ~ forgive him! I killed myself. 3. A man and a woman had an affair, and her husband suddenly went home. The man jumped out of the window and walked in the street without clothes on. The man pretended to look at the sky as if nothing had happened: Ah, this is the earth. Passers-by said: Cao, an alien with chicken feathers.

One night, a naked man called a taxi, and the female driver stared at him. The naked man was furious and shouted: You have never seen a naked man! The female driver was also furious: I see where the fuck you lost! The teacher wanted to make sure that all the girls in the class were here after work, so he said to him, "Go and tidy up all the girls in the class." The Sports Commission was a little goat and asked, "Which one?" The teacher said, "I know I want you to go!" " "6. Four mice brag: A: I eat rat poison as candy every day; B: it itches if you don't step on a mouse for a day; C: Don't go to the streets several times a day. D: it's getting late. Let's go home and hug the cat. 7. One day, a fly mother and son had lunch together. The son asked the mother fly, "Why do we eat shit every day?" The mother fly said angrily,' Don't say such disgusting things when eating, eat while it is hot! ! '

8. A drunk accidentally fell from the third floor, attracting passers-by. A policeman, come here: What happened? Drunk: I don't know. I just arrived.

9. In front of the counter of Lamian Noodles Store, a beautiful girl is waiting in line. When she arrived, Master Lamian Noodles asked, Do you want a thick one or a thin one? Girl: I'll eat whatever you pull. 10. I said, "You are a pig." You said, "I am a pig!" " From now on, I will call you a pig. Finally one day, you can't help yelling at me in front of everyone: "I'm not a pig!" " "

1 1. White rabbit Q B ran after Big Wolf, and Big Wolf was indignant and pursued him. The rabbit dressed up as a gray rabbit and read the newspaper with glasses. The wolf asked, can you see a white rabbit? Rabbit: Is it the wolf's little white rabbit? Wolf shame: I'm KAO, so soon? 12. Do you have a TV? Now hurry to see the central Zhao Benshan killed, the police blocked the northeast, 19 died, 1 1 disappeared, 1 cheated!

13. I saw a penny on the side of the road, and I was about to bend down to pick it up. It turned out to be phlegm. Damn it, who threw up so round? 14. The chimpanzee accidentally stepped on the stool pulled by the gibbon. After the gibbon cleaned it gently and carefully, they fell in love. People ask how they are together. Chimpanzees said with emotion: ape dung! It's all ape shit!

15. The miser was on a business trip. He was afraid that others would steal the wine he just ordered, so he wrote on a piece of paper: I spit in the cup. After a while, he came back and found a few more words on the note: I vomited too! 16. A college student was caught by the enemy. The enemy tied him to a telephone pole and asked him, where are you from? I'll electrocute you if you don't tell me! The college student replied to the enemy's words and was electrocuted. He said, I'm from TV University!

17. Someone rode into the street, crossed an intersection and spread his arms. The traffic police exclaimed after seeing it: "Good palm!" Someone waved happily and replied, "Comrades have worked hard!" "18. Wolf cubs are born vegetarians. Mother wolf and father wolf racked their brains to train wolf cubs to hunt. Finally, Sirius's parents were happy to see their son chasing rabbits. The wolf cub grabbed the rabbit's fierce face and said, boy! Hand over the carrots!

19. In junior high school math class, the teacher talked about equation transformation. He rolled up his sleeves on the podium and shouted: Attention, students! I'm going to transform ... 20. Chief: Hello, comrades! Soldier: Hello, sir! Chief: comrades are all tanned! Soldier: The leader is blacker! The chief patted a soldier's chest and said, how well this muscle is trained! Soldier: Sir, I'm a female soldier.