Topic discussion: How should parents deal with children's "lying"

When parents first hear untrue words from their children, they will have such doubts: "How can such a small child' lie'? Where did you learn it? " Then, ask the child angrily. Wait a minute, before parents blame their children, they must first understand why their children "lie". Yu's words are inconsistent with the facts. There are reasons for their cognitive and thinking styles, and they will also be influenced by their parents' unconscious "role models" or improper parenting styles. "Parenting" requires "nurturing oneself". Before labeling children as "lying", parents should enter and understand their children's spiritual and emotional world. At the same time, we should be good at summarizing, reflecting and changing our parenting methods in time. Adult lies have a negative impact ■ Liu Yahua's parents are the best teachers for children. The best way to teach children honesty is to set an example. For young children, parents' random lies often bring children cognitive and behavioral disunity, as well as the unfairness of being cheated. My son has lived with his grandmother since childhood. I brought him to me a few months ago. My son saw my newly dyed yellow hair and asked me curiously, "Mom, why did your hair turn yellow?" How beautiful black is. " I didn't want my son to know that I dyed my hair, so I casually said, "You are not with my mother, and my mother misses you, so my hair turns yellow." My son touched my hair to comfort me: "I'm back now, and my mother's hair will turn black!" " "A few days later, my son asked me doubtfully," Mom, didn't I come to your side? "Why is your hair still yellow?" I've been thinking for a long time, and I don't know how to answer. In the face of my son's questioning, I had to make up another lie: "Although my hair doesn't miss you, I miss my father again." A few days later, the child's father also came back. My son was puzzled to see that my hair was still yellow. "Mom, dad is back. Why hasn't your hair changed? " Are you still thinking about him? "I told my husband the cause and effect, and the husband told his son," Your mother didn't miss us because she loved beauty, so she dyed her hair yellow. "After being exposed by my husband, every time my son asks me a question, he always adds,' Mom, you're not lying, are you? "I didn't know that children are very simple and sincere, and take adult jokes, prevarication and appropriate remarks as truth. My husband and I don't want to confuse our son, and we don't want him to use us as a "lying template". So we explained it clearly to our son and promised him that we would tell the truth in the future. This episode has always reminded us to pay special attention to the communication attitude and language with our son. Children's words include imagination ■ Parents around Chen Meng often complain to me that their children are "lying". As a kindergarten teacher, I think what many parents call "lying" is the child's whimsy and inner desire. When my son was over 4 years old, I bought him a kitten named Tu Tu. For more than a year, my son's paintings were all about him and Tu Tu. Once I went to pick up my son, and the teacher told me that my son said that he would go to Singapore with Tu Tu in the summer vacation, take the Ferris wheel together, watch the underwater world together, and give Tu Tu fishing to eat. I smiled and explained to the teacher that I did promise my son to take Tu Tu to visit his aunt in Singapore, but I couldn't go because of work. When I got home, my son and I talked about the arrangement of going to Singapore and asked him. My son burst into tears: "I really want to take Tu Tu to Singapore. My mother said that there is a Ferris wheel in Singapore, but Tu Tu has never seen it ... "How simple and profound children's feelings for small animals are, and how tolerant children's promises to adults are! Children express their inner needs through their own imagination and make up for their unfulfilled wishes. If I judge my son and Tu Tu's "Singapore Tour" from an adult's point of view and think that my son is "lying" and "cheating" the teacher, how stupid and narrow-minded it will be! My son and I sincerely apologize and understand him. However, as an educator, I also know that only by letting children gradually understand the difference between imagination and reality and express their wishes in an appropriate way can they get further growth. I told him, "You can make up a story to tell the teacher or tell your mother directly. Mom is very willing to listen to your heart. If she makes a mistake, she will admit it bravely like you. " Pressure will also "force children to lie" ■ Liu Chang has worked in a kindergarten for more than 0 years 10, and she often encounters parents' confusion: "It is obvious that the child has broken something by himself, but he refuses to admit or push it to others or even small animals. "Some parents will also use some methods to' extort confessions'. If children don't tell the truth, parents will react more strongly, as if their children are liars. According to my observation, these parents are usually strict with their children and lack the necessary tolerance and understanding for their children's minor mistakes. This kind of parents often adopt unilateralism, have no habit of listening to their children's thoughts, and have no empathy for understanding their children's feelings. When children occasionally make mistakes, even many of them are unintentional, they will be criticized and blamed by their parents and even lead to corporal punishment. Seeking advantages and avoiding disadvantages is an instinctive reaction of children in a state of tension and depression, and "lying" is also produced as a means to avoid negative evaluation and punishment. Faced with such parents, I usually ask directly: "Are we adults' lying' because we are afraid of criticism from the leaders?" Many parents will be embarrassed to nod after thinking about it, and then they will find reasons for themselves: "The working environment is different, and sometimes it is a last resort." "Adult lying, we blame the environment. In fact, children "lie" precisely because adults have not created an environment for their children to tell the truth, so that even if they have to "lie". Therefore, before criticizing children, adults must change the family's parenting environment and change our self-righteous' leadership' attitude towards children. Let the children realize that telling the truth honestly can get the understanding and tolerance of their parents. " When parents change their attitude towards their children, they need to realize that instead of correcting them with negation, it is better to strengthen their honesty with encouragement. When children make mistakes carelessly, let them analyze the reasons and find solutions, such as not knocking over the bowl while eating; When children admit their mistakes, they should also be given trust and support. Children's mistakes are very valuable assets in their growth. If parents only give pressure and blame, it is "forcing children to lie" and "forcing children to evade responsibility". However, if parents handle it properly and give their children full understanding and necessary inspiration and promotion, they can teach their children responsibility, integrity and problem-solving methods. Sometimes children want to get rewards ■ Nie Tianxin's son Beibei has just entered the park for less than three months and is the oldest child in the class. I often say to him: "Beibei is the big brother in the class and should be a good example for children." In order to encourage my son, I imitated the teacher's method and made a reward book for my son. Every time I help my mother do something in kindergarten and behave well, I will reward him with a star. If I save enough 10 stars, I can get a bigger reward. One day, I went to the kindergarten to pick up my son and found him wearing spare pants. I asked him, "Beibei, did you pee your pants?" Beibei immediately shook her head: "The teacher spilled water on my pants." As soon as Beibei got home, she immediately said to me with a reward book: "Mom, I am fine to eat, sleep and go to the toilet today. Can I have stars? " "Of course!" After I gave him a star, I found that the 10 space in the third line was full. As agreed, I will take my son to the zoo at the weekend. However, I was surprised to call the teacher at night and learn that Beibei did wet her pants. When the teacher asked him, he cried and said that it was not urine, but water spilled on it. After listening to Beibei's situation at home, the teacher communicated with me that children naturally like to be praised and rewarded. What we call "white lies" happens not only to adults, but also to children. Sometimes, in order to win the appreciation of others, they will lie to please others. At the suggestion of the teacher, when I went to bed at night, I held my son and chatted with him about today's events. Beibei was a little embarrassed, hiding in my arms, nodded and acquiesced in today's mistake. "Beibei, thank you for trusting your mother and telling her what happened. Mom wants you to tell me the truth in the future, just like now. It doesn't matter if there are not enough little stars. Mom will work hard with you. " With these words, I kissed Beibei on the forehead.