Here are some bragging jokes

Here are two, reposted from Zhihu

①Haha~

I remember one time when I was in high school, the monitor was a funny guy. One time, a classmate in the back row annoyed the teacher. The teacher flicked his book and rushed away from the podium. . . The monitor suddenly stood up, stopped the teacher and said, "Forget it, give me some face." The teacher replied without hesitation: "Go away." The monitor stood alone in the wind, messy!

② It is said that when I was born, my father cried hoarsely for a month and a half. He would not believe that I was the child who inherited his chromosomes. Later, in order to prove her innocence, the mother took her father to the hospital for a paternity test. The doctor took off the quilt and took one look before crying. He wiped his nose and said, go back, this is not your son, and it belongs to no one else. Human life There is no such a handsome boy... A little intern nurse came over, immediately found a box of red ink pad, printed my fingerprints, spread out her braided hair, and murmured to me: I keep my long hair for you. If I don’t marry you in this life, my long hair will not be cut. The ancient Buddha with a green lantern will comb it in his boudoir. . . . . . When I was fifteen years old, I didn’t dare to go to school. It’s not that I had never been to kindergarten. When I went to kindergarten for a long time, I didn’t dare to go. All the teachers and the dean of the kindergarten went crazy. I was kissed on the face by a little girl. Swollen into a watermelon. The focus interview program team of CCTV came to interview me. The beautiful woman who resisted the camera fainted three times, and the little girl in charge of the transcripts wrote Chinese into Italian and Spanish. The United Nations allocated special funds to build me a hiding place at the top of Mount Everest in the Himalayas. I enjoyed true purity, the blue sky was extremely close to me, and God was literally within reach. Although I was clean, I was still extremely depressed. I stood at the top and shouted loudly: I am not handsome! Suddenly, God's voice came from heaven: No, you lied.