Several classic campus jokes

5 1 Three white rabbits picked a mushroom, and the older one asked the younger one to get some wild vegetables to eat together. The little one said, "I'm not going. When I leave, you can eat my mushrooms. " The two older ones said, "No, don't worry, so the little white rabbit went." Half a year has passed and the white rabbit hasn't come back yet. A big one said, "It won't come back. Let's eat. " Another big one said, "Wait a little longer." A year has passed and the white rabbit hasn't come back yet. The two elders said, "Don't wait, let's eat." Just then, the little white rabbit suddenly jumped out of the nearby jungle and said angrily, "Look! I knew you were going to eat my mushrooms! "

One day, noodles and steamed buns fought and the noodles ran away. The steamed stuffed bun chased him to an alley and saw the instant noodles there. He rushed up and beat them up.

Leave a sentence when you leave: "Don't think that I don't know you when you perm your hair!" " "

A rabbit races with a fast tortoise. Guess who won?

A: Rabbit ~ ~

Q: Wrong ~! It's a turtle. As mentioned earlier, it's a fast turtle. Run fast ~ ~

Q: The rabbit doesn't want to compete with a turtle wearing sunglasses. Who will win this time?

A: Mm-hmm. Tuziba

Q: Wrong ~ ~! The tortoise took off her sunglasses, too! It's the fastest turtle again.

Late at night, Bush saw bin Laden standing in front of his bed with long hair. Bush got a fright and said:

"How dare you break into the White House at night!"

Bin Laden dumped his chest-high beard, smiled coldly and said:

"Soft, so confident!"

A woman got on the bus with a child in her arms. The driver glanced at the child and suddenly said, "I have never seen such an ugly child in my life!" " "

The angry woman went to the last row, sat down and said to a man next to her, "This driver just insulted me!" " "The man replied," Go and get even with him at once, and I'll hold this ugly monkey for you! ……"

56. Two bananas are walking on the road. The banana in front of them felt very hot, so they took off their coats. As a result, the banana in the back fell down.

Since I have the habit of washing my hands after meals, do I pay attention to hygiene? Unfortunately, one day, while I was eating, a classmate asked me loudly in class, "Why do you wash your hands after every meal?" I answered him inexplicably: "Wash your hands before and after meals. . . "Suddenly, the whole class was silent. . .

58. A mobile phone was walking on the road and suddenly hung up. . .

59. In class that day, I drew a pig and stuck it on the back of my classmate in front. He found it soon, tore it off and stared at me. I was puzzled and asked him, "How do you know there is a pig behind you?"

60. I pinched a big cock by the neck but dared not go under the knife. I hesitated for a long time, and I strangled the chicken. ...

6 1.a: Is my avatar Niu B?

B: Yes.

62. When I passed a crossroads that day, I had a desire to fart. Just when a person is riding a motorcycle, I want to take this opportunity to cover my fart I don't know, the noise is too loud. The motorcyclist thinks it's started, so he puts it in gear and leaves. ...

63. His 3-year-old daughter was bathed. As soon as she put her daughter in the basin, she shouted, "Mom, look, dad is picking up girls."

One day, the bus was so crowded that it was difficult to get on and off. A gentleman wants to get off the bus, but a couple from other places are stuck at the door. A gentleman who wanted to get off the bus squeezed hard and finally got behind the couple, and the driver caught up as soon as he braked. Unfortunately, he stepped on her husband's foot, and he didn't say anything, but his wife shouted at the top of her lungs, "What are you doing?" Who knows that the woman is adamant and still shouts "You are crazy, you are crazy, you are crazy" over and over again. A gentleman endured it, endured it, got off the bus, turned to the woman who was still shouting, and suddenly came-"Repeater, you! ! "The whole car burst into laughter. !

At another stop, a little girl was getting off the bus. She passed the girl and said timidly, "I want to get off, I'm not crazy ..."

Everyone laughed.

This woman: "..."

In the laughter, a man said, "Are you out of power?"

65.

[font color=#0000ff size=4] This is a Chinese exam for primary school students.

Requirements: Connect the following four sentences with related words:

1, sister Zhang Haidi is paralyzed;

2. Sister Zhang Haidi studied tenaciously;

3. Sister Zhang Haidi learned a lot of foreign languages;

4. Sister Zhang Haidi studied acupuncture.

(Note: The correct answer should be: Sister Zhang Haidi, although paralyzed, studied hard, not only learning many foreign languages, but also learning acupuncture. )

As a result, a child wrote:

Although Zhang Haidi's elder sister stubbornly studied acupuncture and many foreign languages, she was still paralyzed.

Later, found more fierce children wrote:

Sister Zhang Haidi not only learned a foreign language, but also learned acupuncture. She studied so doggedly that she was finally paralyzed.

Sister Zhang Haidi is paralyzed, because she studies hard, not only learning a lot of foreign languages, but also learning acupuncture.

Sister Zhang Haidi studied very tenaciously, not only learned a lot of foreign languages and acupuncture, but also learned paralysis at last.

Sister Zhang Haidi learned a lot of foreign languages and acupuncture, and was paralyzed by tenacious study.

Sister Zhang Haidi learned a lot of foreign languages and acupuncture through tenacious study, and as a result, she paralyzed herself according to a foreign language version of acupuncture book.

66. One day, Cao Cao and Liu Bei were drinking to discuss heroes. After a few drinks, Liu Bei suddenly farted, which was embarrassing. When I was embarrassed, I heard Guan Yu behind me calmly say, "Don't take offense, fart comes from feather (rain)!" "

As Guan Yu's voice dropped, Zhao Yun stepped forward and said, "Don't take it amiss, fart comes from the clouds!"

After Zhao Yungang finished, Zhang Fei went on to shout, "Where did the fart come from just now!"

Everyone burst into laughter. Liu Bei has also returned to normal.

Cao Cao didn't laugh. He is deeply touched by this. After seeing Liu Bei and others off, Cao Cao said to his subordinates, "When Liu Bei's subordinates saw the master's mistakes, they rushed to take responsibility and make up for them. It's really loyal. If it is your turn, can you do it? "

Everyone was indignant and thought, "It's nothing, what's difficult!"

A few days later, Cao Cao invited Liu Bei to drink again. During the dinner, he wanted to fart and see how his men reacted. After holding back for a long time, I finally managed to hold back a small Pi. Everyone has been waiting for a long time. When they heard a "goo", the general quickly shouted: "Chu (pig) put the fart!"

The waiter Wang Lang immediately said, "Lang (Wolf) farted!"

As soon as Cao Cao stared, others thought that Cao Cao was too slow and rushed to take care of himself. Xia Houdun insisted: "Fart comes from London!"

"no!" Huang Xu heard a retort, "I'm shaking my ass!"

Xun You said, "You let the fart out!"

Man Chong said, "Fart is a pet!"

Jiang Ji said: "Fart comes from the economy!"

Guo Tu said: "Fart is a picture (vomit)!"

Zhong Youdao: "Fart is coming!"

then ....

Taurus: "Fart is gold!"

Cao Hong: "Fart is red!"

Zhang Nan: "Fart is south (blue)!"

...........

Cao Cao was already flushed and was about to get angry.

Counselor Guo Jia shouted, "None of them are right, none of them are right! Everyone is wrong! " ..... deserves to be my number one strategist. Cao Cao secretly thought.

Guo Jia went on to say: "The fart was released by Jia (clip)!"

Liu Bei and others have laughed stagger. ........

Cao Cao fainted with anger.

67. There is a man sitting in a state-of-the-art luxury jet. I suddenly have a sharp pain in my stomach and want to have diarrhea.

But all the men's toilets are full. But he couldn't hold it any longer, so he bowed to the stewardess.

The stewardess was a little embarrassed to let him use the girls' bathroom, but she promised to let him go.

I'm also worried about repeatedly telling him not to touch anything and come out with diarrhea.

So he went into the girls' bathroom in a panic.

When he finished, his mind relaxed. I found three buttons next to the toilet.

It says HW, HA and ATR respectively. He was curious and thought there must be something special about such an advanced toilet.

But again remind of the stewardess's words; But I was still curious, so I pressed the first button that said HW. ......

Hey! I cann't believe I sprayed hot water from behind to wipe my ass. Great! So it means hot water.

He thought, how advanced! ! Look at the second button at once ... it says ha, it should be hot air!

Sure enough, after pressing the button, a slow hot air came to my face.

How interesting! ! So what does the third one mean by ATR? So he pressed the third button. ............

Sudden pain ... $ @ #&; ! *, his eyes were dark and dizzy ... When he woke up, he was already in the hospital.

The nurse looked at him somberly and said, "Sir, you are awake! ! This is your XX, I'll take it.

Put it next to your pillow, I hope you are sorry for your loss! "

"Oh oh! My XX! ! ......！ ! How did this happen? " He shouted, "Am I not in the toilet?"

Why ... "

Sir, the stewardess said you touched ATR. Wrong deduction. That's an automatic tampon remover! ! ! =

-Automatic tampon extractor! ! ! =

68. Freshman: I found a bug and the whole bowl of rice fell down;

Sophomore: I found a bug and picked it out to continue eating;

Junior year: I found a bug and ate it like there was no bug;

Senior: I found no bugs, protested, how can I eat without bugs!

When I was in graduate school, I found a bug, sighing, it was too simple.

When I was reading my PhD, I found that there were only bugs, and I felt that the school food had improved. ...

69. 1. After dinner today, I found a bench on campus and took a nap. When I woke up, I found this meal.

Put a few cents into the basin.

2. Last time I helped a classmate lift the computer, I rented a scooter at the north gate. Then ride back from the south gate.

Come on, near Nengke Building, a middle-aged man quickly caught up with me on a bicycle and asked, "What do you collect?"

What kind of rubbish? "I am very depressed.

3. When we were doing the basic design, there was a senior in the opposite laboratory, with three students in our grade.

Boys go to process circuit boards. Near the southwest gate of Yike factory, it is said that he is holding a rag.

At that time, Lanqiying Community was under construction, and it caught up with the dust that day.

Suddenly, other disciples were blown to the ground. When I arrived at the gate of the factory, I was guarded by the doorman.

Don't say that. They said it was used for processing. The doorman said, "Come here, one of you will write."

Word fill in the visitor list! "

4. I just moved to the new campus that day and went out to buy lunch boxes to help everyone buy them together.

7 copies, when I entered the gate of the dormitory area, two mm saw me, and then one of them

Said to the other, "Didn't you say you couldn't deliver food?"

5. Once in front of Shuang 'an shopping mall, I put my schoolbag on my chest and waited for my classmates, and I stopped alone.

After getting off the bus, I told me from the mall and walked away. ...

6. I once sent GF home and was stopped by the doorman downstairs, saying that I would not be allowed to clean up the garbage at night. let me ...

Come back to clean up tomorrow morning.

7./kloc-When he was 0/6 years old, he went to a public toilet to pee. After paying 20 cents, I went straight to the ladies' room to get it.

Old man Qian grabbed me and shouted, "Where are you going, smelly boy?" ! "

8. Three of our classmates were walking in Zhongguancun Street when a CD seller ran over and asked:

Do you want a CD? This classmate ignored it and asked another classmate if he wanted this software. Students ignore it.

He came to me again and asked me, do you want porn? Shit, the giant lost face and was driven crazy by his classmates.

Laugh. Go back and look in the mirror. It's not like watching too much porn.

9. Also, when our family first arrived here, we didn't know the manager downstairs very well.

Later, the manager downstairs once said to my mother, Your maid seems to be punctual.

Ah. When I got home from school, it was already 4 o'clock sharp. This misunderstanding was not solved until a month later.

Yes

10, I was waiting for the bus at Princess Station that day, and an uncle pretended to know a lot and came to pick me up.

Say, "cell phone receiver, you can't fool me!" " "Go ahead.

Then I took out a mobile phone from my coat. I said I don't accept it. I'm waiting for the bus! Na Ren ju

However, he said, "What's wrong with the current mobile phone dealers? Don't be such a good thing! "

Depressed!

1 1. I didn't shave once when I was in college, and then I went to the classroom to study and was caught at the door.

People stopped, um, "Uncle, what time is it?" Suddenly petrified! ! that

So sad! I am only 20 years old! From now on, shave every day!

12, there was a red dress in the university. I wore it to Carrefour and was pulled by an uncle.

Ask me: Miss, where can I find seasoning salt? ...

13, I saw someone set up a stall in our school looking for a tutor that weekend and was about to make a phone call.

A greeting, He MM stepped forward, "Uncle, do you want to tutor your child?" I feel dizzy

14, on the eve of graduation, I accompanied a buddy to the job market and saw a normal college.

The recruitment was over, so I sat at their recruitment desk and dropped in a plmm.

Q: "What major are you looking for, teacher?" I froze at that time, you know, I

Also a graduate:-(((

15, once I was walking in the street with a classmate. We are all boys, and there is one.

Someone came to us and asked, "Do you want a couple's watch? A pair of 28 yuan. We are so much alike.

Pool?

16, when I used to have long hair, I went to my classmate's house to play and was praised by my mother: this.

This girl is really tall.

17, another time I went to the toilet and went in and saw a man with long hair, both of us.

A Surprise: I may think I went to the wrong toilet. ...

18, moved into a new home, bought a lot of things to go home, and met my neighbor at the door.

Ask me sympathetically, how did you squeeze so many things back? Gao, I think

Does it look like someone who can't afford a taxi? I told him that I drove by myself, and he was big.

Being a taxi driver is hard and has a bad waist. Tall, I look bad.

Really? I told him I wasn't a taxi driver, and he suddenly realized, "Oh, you used to be.

It is the driver of the unit who drives the leader. "Lazy said, let it go. But one day I touched it.

He asked me to give him a ride when he knocked on my door early in the morning, because most of them were on the road, and I had to calculate.

Yes, but I actually said, "it's public oil anyway."

19, I know I look old, but some ticket sellers go too far and get on the bus every time.

Stand still, the conductor shouted, that comrade gave his seat to the master. we

Only 22 years old ... my brother, with developed hair, forgot to wash his face and ride a bike one day.

The broken donkey carries a big green cloth (non-military, pure green) to go out, which is not small.

The area was asked by more than n people whether to repair gas stoves, sewers and security doors.

20. Occasionally wear a US military jungle camouflage to go to the bar, and MM drinks too much. I am at the door of the toilet.

Wait a minute. Then a GG came over and borrowed a lamp from me and asked me what time it was. When he left.

Wait, he asked me, "What time do you go to work?" I don't understand, he stressed. You're not.

Security here? * *, he has seen the security guard wearing a set of 2500 original camouflage uniforms, with

6,000 yuan Roamer, soft box Chinese safety horse? One night I told mm-hmm.

Everyone is laughing wildly. Although I am not very bookish, I am a postdoctoral fellow after all.

ah

2 1, I have the same experience occasionally. I like to wear a black bag at work and dress casually.

Then, the hair is generally messy. As a result, I went to work in the morning and entered the office building, and I was old.

Someone asked me, "What's the phone number of your courier company?"

22. A friend's colleague went to Shanghai on business and went to the director's house to ask if the director was in.

The nanny shouted in Shanghainese, "Director, there are two country people coming to see you." I don't know

Colleagues can understand Shanghai dialect, so they said helplessly, "We are from Beijing." knot

The nanny called again. "Director, there are two country people from Beijing looking for you." disordered/chaotic/confused

Go to hell! Those two guys earn more than 1 10,000 a month.

23. One summer night, our brother walked past a construction worker.

Slowly, a brother in a rotten white vest and flip-flops came slowly.

A man was left behind when a kind migrant worker walked over and patted him on the shoulder.

Say, "Hey, it's time for dinner ..."

24. Chatting with a buddy and a girl I just met. He said tax, so he cursed.

Taxes are dirty, all kinds of bad styles, and finally asked me what I do, I touched my head.

Said I was from the tax bureau. She suddenly fell silent and said after a while that the tax was ok.

Yes, the most hateful thing is the Public Security Bureau, so he said a lot, such as collusion between police and bandits, eating that.

Waiting for the card ... I really can't live any longer, pointing to my eldest brother and telling her, you know what he did.

What is that? The girl was tongue-tied and asked, he won't be from the Public Security Bureau, will he? I ordered a little

Head. She didn't say a word until my brother and I left. No taxes and public security

With such a poor image, I think I am quite upright.

70. Letter from the Tang Priest: Dear Wukong, I wrote this letter slowly, because I know you can't read it quickly. We have moved, but the address hasn't changed, because we brought the house number when we moved. It rained twice this week, the first time for 3 days and the second time for 4 days. Yesterday we went to buy pizza, and the clerk asked me whether to cut it into 8 pieces or 12 pieces. I said 8 yuan is enough, 12 yuan can't be eaten. The coat I sent you was afraid of being overweight, so I cut the button and put it in my pocket. Chang 'e was born, because I don't know if it's a man or a woman, so I don't know if you should be an uncle or an aunt. Finally, I want to send you money, but the envelope has been sealed. New Year's Day is coming, don't forget to tell the children something that happened a long time ago: at that time, the sky was blue, the water was green, crops were growing in the field, pork was safe to eat, mice were afraid of cats, the court was reasonable, marriage came first, barbershops only cared about haircuts, medicine could save lives, doctors didn't need to sleep with directors when filming, and clothes were needed for taking pictures. The school doesn't want to make money, idiot can't be a professor, selling dog meat can't be a sheep's head, getting married can't be a MM, you have to pay for things, and you have to suck up if you can't finish reading it!