3000 jokes

Classic joke: One day when Xiao Ming grew taller, Xiao Ming's mother took Xiao Ming to a ballet performance. Xiao Ming, who came to see it for the first time, saw all the ballerinas dancing on tiptoe and asked his mother curiously, "Mom, why don't they find a taller actor?"

Classic joke: Xiaohong, younger than me, pointed to the map and said, "This is Guangdong, and we live here."

My 5-year-old sister said, "Guangdong is younger than me. How can I live in people? "

A homework problem in primary school, look at the children's BT answers.

Chinese in primary schools is too difficult now. Look at one of their homework problems:

Requirements: Connect the following four sentences with related words:

1, sister Zhang Haidi is paralyzed;

2. Sister Zhang Haidi studied tenaciously;

3. Sister Zhang Haidi learned a lot of foreign languages;

4. Sister Zhang Haidi studied acupuncture.

(Note: The correct answer should be: Sister Zhang Haidi, although paralyzed, studied hard, not only learning many foreign languages, but also learning acupuncture. )

As a result, a child wrote:

Although Zhang Haidi's elder sister stubbornly studied acupuncture and many foreign languages, she was still paralyzed.

Later, found more fierce children wrote:

Sister Zhang Haidi not only learned a foreign language, but also learned acupuncture. She studied so doggedly that she was finally paralyzed.

Sister Zhang Haidi is paralyzed, because she studies hard, not only learning a lot of foreign languages, but also learning acupuncture.

Sister Zhang Haidi studied very tenaciously, not only learned a lot of foreign languages and acupuncture, but also learned paralysis at last.

Sister Zhang Haidi learned a lot of foreign languages and acupuncture, and was paralyzed by tenacious study.

Sister Zhang Haidi learned a lot of foreign languages and acupuncture through tenacious study, and as a result, she paralyzed herself according to a foreign language version of acupuncture book

There was a man named Jiang who drew a circle around all the words he couldn't write. One day, when my father was ill, Jiang wrote a letter:

Dear old:

I heard that you gave birth to a baby, so take good care of it and don't give birth casually! Your dear son: Jiang Xiaoling.

Father received this letter and asked his neighbor to read it. The neighbor thought it was an egg and read aloud, "Dear old egg, I heard you laid an egg. You should take good care of your eggs and don't lay them casually! " Your dear son: Jiang. "After hearing this, my father fainted.

Walk around and start over.

Lao Wang was resting under a tree, and Lao Li came up to him and said, "Hey, why don't you go up the mountain to cut wood?" Lao Wang said, "What for?" Lao Li said, "It's easy to sell money. Selling donkeys can buy donkeys and then sell firewood from door to door. If you earn money, you can buy a truck, then buy a timber factory to sell wood products, and then buy more trucks, and you can make a fortune. " Lao Wang asked, "Why did you get rich?" Lao Li replied: "If you make a fortune, you can enjoy happiness with peace of mind." Lao Wang said, "What do you think I'm doing now?"

Turtle storm

Tortoise is also called tuanyu or tortoise, commonly known as tortoise. Delicious and expensive. "Don't buy what you eat, don't eat what you buy" is really a high-end gift, a public relations clown. Several people from a certain township brought turtles into the city to pay tribute. Due to different weights, it must be allocated by "position". In order to avoid mistakes, the official number is written on paper and pasted on the turtle's back. ..... In front of the government cadres' residential buildings, it's getting late. Unexpectedly, the bamboo basket was knocked over and the tortoise fled for its life in the dusk. The villagers exclaimed: "Director Zhao" escaped! -The biggest one. Grab "Director Qian" quickly-be careful that it bites your hand. Is that dark corner "section chief Sun"? "Secretary Li" is small and climbs fast, even if he can't find it.

evening

In the subway, a man found a pickpocket reaching for his wallet and said humorously, "Dude, you are late!" " ! Although I got paid today, my wife started much faster than you! "

love letter

The young man wrote in a letter to his girlfriend: "I love you very much, and I am willing to go through fire and water for you." I will come if it doesn't rain on Saturday.

Unreasonable complaint

Two people eat together, only two fish, one big and one small. One ate the big one first, and the other flew into a rage. "How inappropriate!" He complained. "What's the matter?" Asked the other. "You ate the big one, but I wouldn't do it if I were you." "What will happen to you?" "Of course I eat the small one first." "Well, what are you complaining about? Isn't that little fish still there? "

Keep your secret.

Answer: "I only tell you this, please keep it a secret for me." "B:" Don't worry, I will not only keep your secret, but also tell everyone to keep your secret. "

Wipe the glass

The father went into his son's room, praised him and said, "Well done, son!" " The windows are clean and bright. Did you wipe it with soapy water? Son: No, Dad, I used a hammer.

The semester begins.

The primary school started, and Dongdong, who just turned 6, refused to go to school. Mom explained to Dongdong that the child will go to school at the age of 6 until 15. Finally Dongdong sat down at his desk with tears in his eyes and asked: Do you remember to pick me up when I was 15 years old?

Joke: The rice is so hard.

Wife: "How does the fish-flavored shredded pork taste?"

Husband: "Just so-so."

Wife: "What about burning eggplant?"

Husband: "Not bad."

Wife: "What about Mapo tofu?"

Husband: "Just make do."

Wife: "Can a good word kill you?"

Husband: "The rice is so hard!"

Joke: Doraemon

I have nothing to do on the plane. I wanted to be a stewardess in Doby, but I was ruined by the stewardess.

When I delivered the meal, I said, do you have a tissue?

MM took a tissue out of her pocket and gave it to me. She asked, do you have a toothpick? She took a toothpick from another pocket.

Brother depressed asked you if you have disposable chopsticks? MM handed me chopsticks and said something that made me petrified: Do I look like Doraemon?

Joke: Who is the most sensible?

My 5-year-old daughter Fangfang followed me to my friend's company and went to the second floor. My daughter pointed to a sign on the office door and asked me what it said. I told her that she was the "chairman" and my daughter immediately asked me, "Mom, is he the most sensible person in your company?"

Joke: Examination.

At the end of the exam, a classmate really couldn't think of the last big question because it was all a guess. So I looked at the girls next to me and was delighted. Many of them were the same.

Suddenly, the girl said, no need. Yes, I copied yours.

Joke: After losing QQ number,

He is worth tens of millions, with countless luxury cars, private luxury restaurants and modern farms. Since he lost his QQ number, he has nothing. ...

Joke: composition

The fifth grade composition "Thirty Years Later": "The weather is really good today. I drove a Rolls Royce from my husband's wedding anniversary, wore a three-carat diamond ring and ruby necklace around my neck, and took my children to the Great Forest Park to play. Suddenly, a dirty, homeless old lady rushed out of the road. Oh, my God! She turned out to be my Chinese teacher! "

Teacher's comment: You are standing in class this week!

Joke: 1 children under the meter are free.

In order to attract business, Hotpot City advertised and wrote the following sentence: "Self-help Hotpot, children under the height of 1 meter, 30 yuan is free for everyone."

An aunt in kindergarten was very excited after reading it. With 30 yuan's money, she led 50 children in her class to Hotpot City.

Joke: The difference between a daughter and a wife.

A woman has no choice but to marry a creditor because her father owes money.

On the first night of the wedding, the woman said to the smug groom, I married you because my father owes you money. Don't be too proud!

The next day, the woman opened her eyes, shook her sleeping groom and said, how much does my father owe us? You can't just let it go. Joke: Buy books.

A man bought a book in a bookstore and said to the clerk, "I want to buy a book." There is no murder here, but there is a hidden murder. There is no love, but I hate it. There are no detectives, but I am always vigilant. " Can you recommend one to me? "

"Only this", said the clerk, "China stock market.

Joke: accident.

Teacher: Who can say a very unexpected thing in the simplest language?

Student: Teacher, my dog was sick yesterday, and my father invited a veterinarian ... Later, the veterinarian came. It turns out that veterinarians are human.

Joke: Elective courses don't take exams.

An optional course of Buddhism was offered in a college, and an abbot was invited to give a lecture. Before the elective course, the students will ask the teacher a few questions as usual, but this time, everyone got unexpected answers. The whole conversation goes like this-

The classmate asked: Master, does this course have a name?

A: Please help yourself.

Q: Master, did you take this course?

A: Whatever.

Q: Master, what about the final grade?

A: Let it be.

Joke: Eat grass.

A roommate in the dormitory said, "I want to eat midnight snack at noon."

A classmate at the back immediately asked, "Do you want to eat grass? Why not eat big trees (⊙o⊙)? Don't have to eat in the future ... "

Joke: Math exam.

Son: "Mom, I failed the math exam today."

Mother: "Why? What's the problem? "

Son: "The teacher asked me 2x3=? I said =6. "

Mother: "That's right, and then what?"

Son: "Then the teacher asked me 3x2=?"

Mother: "Isn't this the same?"

Son: "That's what I said ..."

Joke: Game.

Anonymous and her boyfriend go shopping and play games.

Close your eyes and your boyfriend will lead you. For a long time, I sat in the subway.

The boyfriend whispered, "Don't open your eyes, this seat was given by someone else!" " "

Joke: Wash apples.

Dad asked his son, "Why do you drink so much water?"

Son: "Dad, I just ate an apple."

Dad: "But what does this have to do with drinking water?"

Son: "I forgot to wash the apples just now."

Joke: care about it.

In class, a classmate climbed onto the table and fell asleep, which was found by the teacher.

The teacher said calmly, "Hey, deskmate, take care."

So ... I took off my coat at the same table and put it on him.

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Although not enough for 3000 articles, I typed a lot. I hope it can be adopted, and I wish you good luck in the Year of the Rabbit!