Ask for a five-minute stand-up comedy talk show.

Thinking about writing: Crosstalk is a form of performance in which crosstalk performers tell a story to the audience in a narrative way. An actor who performs stand-up crosstalk can be called a commentator. Because the narrator tells the audience what he is familiar with in the third person, it determines that the narrator should adopt an objective attitude in the process of telling the story.

Text:

I'm kidding. Can I give you a big report? No one is more knowledgeable than me. If I want to report it, you must refund the ticket. To say that my knowledge is not even a little knowledge, nine Niu Yi hairs are not wow! When it comes to learning, I don't have much knowledge. When I said I was illiterate, I lost some heart, which was not much better than illiteracy. I know a car with two big characters and a cross, generally.

Up to now, there are many people who can read, and everyone close to them is reading a newspaper. There are too few people who can read, but one person can read, and that is a "saint". It's like posting a notice on the side of the road, and many people around you are watching. Everyone watching can read, right? No. If he can't read, what can he read? Let others understand his meaning, and others will understand him, so as to understand. This is the pain of illiteracy. It happened that someone read it out, and he didn't read it for nothing; Go to this illiterate person for fear that you will make people laugh if you read it wrong. You know you dare not look outside. This illiterate person sweats when he looks at it!

Say this man is mumbling! Don't ask him. Because of what? Although he mumbles, he may not be able to read. How should I know! In the first two years before liberation, government-run banks posted notices. A man has been muttering, but he can't read. If he can't read, how can he mumble? He bought a sesame seed cake and kept eating it, muttering! He chews cookies, chews cookies. Come on, he pretends to be loud. Come, have a bite of sesame seed cake;

"Ho, ho, yes, whatever!"

Don't hesitate is a lot of material, and there is a lot of sesame sauce in it!

"That's great! Another bite. What's wrong with "great" The sesame seed cake is very small, "great"!

No one stood around and asked around. Ask someone else, or just ask someone who eats sesame cakes. Why? He muttered to himself!

"Well, that's great, yes, haha ..."

"What?" The man asked anxiously.

He can't read, how can I say it! He put his hand out!

"Yes, where are you?"

"Do you eat sesame cakes?"

"oh! I am talking about the one above. "

"It's covered with sesame seeds."

"I said black."

"The black one is bigger and burnt!"

"I said the one in red circle!"

"I bought the red circle myself, which is full of bean paste."

The two of them have been arguing for a long time, and the donkey's lips are not right!

Said there was such a person, what kind of person? Careless literacy. He reads it as a word! This kind of thing often happens in the street: sugar-fried chestnuts, he looks at sugar-fried tickets, Beijing Wumen, he looks at Niumen, and the hospital looks at the sauce garden ... It is still very common.

I have seen such a real thing. What is this? This was before the July 7th Incident, when I turned the corner on the Guanyin old railway bridge, where there were ten neon lights-as I said, all the old residents in Tianjin remembered it. Neon lights are safe in Buddhism and bright at night. What is that line of words? "There is no Guanyin Bodhisattva in South China." A gentleman was walking there that day, and I happened to pass by in the garden. He stood there chanting loudly, "Alas, there is no pity and pity in South China to compensate for the loss." "Bodhisattva" said "compensate property". Whose property did Guanyin lose? It's true!

There's another file. There is an archway in Beijing, which is the archway on Qianmen Street. At the age of eighteen, there was a closed hotel on the south side of Wupai Building, and a note was posted on the door. After posting this note for many years, no one came to dump his business. What did he write? Supposedly, it should be written like this: "We pour out. Furniture auction. " This word "pat" is not a "handle" or a "white" word, is it? The gentleman wrote a "vertical heart" and a "white" word: "This shop is upside down. Furniture is afraid of selling. " -Don't sell if you're afraid of selling!

And writing letters. I can't write this word. When you ask others, you can't ask clearly. There is a mistake! The old lady asked her son to write a letter to his mother's brother, and the person who replied was the uncle who wrote the letter. His uncle has gone to Shanghai. His uncle likes to eat eggplant in autumn, but his eyes hurt when he eats eggplant. My sister is very concerned about her brother and asked her son to write a letter to his uncle tonight. That student was so careless that he piled a few words in his schoolbag: "Uncle, don't eat autumn eggplant, so as not to attract his attention." He wrote the word eggplant and forgot how to write it! As soon as he asked the neighborhood, a second uncle fell asleep in the yard.

"Uncle!"

Wake up uncle!

"What is it? Get up quickly. "

"You don't get up, I write, how to write the word" eggplant "for this eggplant? You tell me. "

"The word' eggplant' can't be written? The word' grass' is preceded by the word' plus'. "

This "addition" is an addition and subtraction. He wrote a "home" for his home. I forgot the word "eye" when I wrote!

"Uncle, how do you spell eyes?"

"Next to the word' eye', there is a dry word' root'."

Next to the word "purpose" is the purpose. He wrote the word "wood" in Jin Mu, so I don't mind! This letter was written by his uncle. At first glance, he didn't know what was going on: "Uncle, don't eat Qiu Zi, lest it take root." Do not eat in autumn. What? There is no such word! What hair roots? ..... without rhyme or reason.

Something happened in our neighborhood again, and it was a disaster to read a eulogy to others. In the old society, wow! There are a lot of people watching the eulogy. Our son is a dutiful son and a good wife-that is, our grandparents kneel in mourning and our relatives and friends stand outside. The gentleman held the eulogy and read it out loud. Our neighbor doesn't know the two liters in Chinese characters, but insists on pretending. Who is going to die in this eulogy? This is a dutiful son and a good wife. Wow, that couple. As soon as he read it, the words "dutiful son" and "dutiful son" were clearly pronounced. My family name is Pan, and his name is Liang Xian-Pan Liangxian. He has finished reading the dutiful son, and he didn't read any of these three words correctly! "dutiful son, somersault!"

After he finished reading, the son of this family heard: "What's the matter, somersault? What is this etiquette? How to make me somersault? "

He didn't move. The waiter came. The waiter listened to Mr. Wang's instructions and patted his son on the shoulder. "Grandpa, please turn it over. Isn't that what Mr. Wang asked you to turn over? You turn it over! "

Uncle Ben knelt down and muttered to the waiter:

"I haven't practiced!"

"Never practiced it doesn't matter. Mr. Wang asked you to transfer I hold your waist and you turn around. "

I hugged my waist here, and my family is in their thirties. Very clever, Ben. I fell down and knelt there! He went on reading: "filial wife", a filial wife is our great-grandmother! In the old society, when women didn't write their names, what was their maiden name? What is the maiden name of this great-grandmother? Even the word "ye" is not straight.

As soon as he says "dutiful son somersaults", it's over!

"Filial wife, Shi Ye."

Our grandmother knelt here and said, "Is that right? Do I also somersault? "

The waiter can't come, but the big momma is here:

"Great grandma, you turn it over, it's not, the big ye all turned it over, you also turn it over! Come, I'll hold your waist. "

This grandmother is embarrassed, she is pregnant for six months! You say somersault, but you are afraid of miscarriage; Don't somersault, for fear of rudeness! No way! Turn it over! The old lady dare not hug hard. The lady knelt on the ground and raised one leg to discuss with her husband: "Sir, I can't do somersaults. Well, I can climb with scorpions! "