Why do some people "can only share happiness but not endure hardship"

I recently heard a story about an old classmate, which made me have mixed feelings. He failed the college entrance examination. As a top student in high school, he entered a university he didn't like and became obsessed with games. It gradually developed to the point where he stayed in the dormitory all day without going to class and seeing no one. Girlfriend A was confused for a while, but subsequent attempts to encourage her didn’t work, and she finally sadly chose to leave. At this time, B, who had been secretly in love with the boy for a long time, chose to start a long-distance relationship with him and accompany him through the trough period of his life. No matter whether he dropped out of school, delayed graduation, or failed the postgraduate entrance examination, he never turned around and left, and even chose to be with him when he failed repeatedly. Get the certificate. She encouraged him to choose a better school of his choice when he took the postgraduate entrance examination for the third time, and he was successfully admitted, which could be regarded as a successful escape from the slump. When we met again, he was back to the happy and confident self he was in high school.

I can understand that A chose to leave. Although they were once a well-matched couple in our eyes, and they had a good relationship foundation after being together for many years. But when you see someone you thought you knew and knew suddenly turn into another person, he is not even willing to show his true self to you, and when you try your best to save the other person from fire and water.

Disappointment and leaving are normal choices.

But the party leaving at this time needs to bear the infamy of "can only share joys and sorrows". However, for anyone who is sincere and sincere, being separated from a relationship is always painful. The end of a relationship doesn't always involve one party abandoning the other.

Sometimes, the seemingly abandoned party may, in the eyes of the other party, abandon the future of two people first, and is the real abandoner.

I thought of a joke. The first time I saw him, I already thought about what to name our child. Although it is a joke, I think that if a person wants to start a relationship sincerely, he always has good expectations for the future of the two people. I believe that the future life will be full of expectations because of the other person. Therefore, when you can't see the future, if you choose to continue with him, it may not be a sensible future.

People must learn to stop losses in time.

But on the other hand, how far into the future everyone can see is different. The same boy, in A's opinion, was decadent and unmotivated, and was completely defeated by the setbacks in life. But from B's point of view, she may have seen the things that A ignored. It was these things that made her feel that boys still have a future, so she chose to accompany him through the dark period and usher in a new dawn.

So can the depth of love be defined by enduring pain for a long time? Is it true that someone who has only been with you for one year is no better than three years? This is actually a gamble. Use your own time as a bet, bet on whether you and the people around you can meet your expectations in the future. No one can guarantee that he will win, because winning or losing ultimately depends on another person.

So what determines how big a bet we are willing to make? This not only depends on our confidence in the other half, but also on our tolerance and tolerance for the downward trend. Therefore, when a person seems to outsiders to be able to "easily" choose to leave his partner when the other half is in trouble, it does not necessarily mean that he does not love or trust him enough, but it may be that he cannot tolerate stagnation or even regression in life.

It’s like everyone chooses different financial management methods, depending on their own risk tolerance. If you have a weak ability to afford it, buy a fixed-income capital-guaranteed type, and you may be cut off quickly when you lose money; if you have a strong ability to afford it, buy an equity type, and you will be able to withstand losses for a longer period of time.

Of course everyone's life will have ups and downs, but at the same time everyone is longing for relaxed and joyful feelings. We subjectively long for our partner to be positive every day during the upswing, and we also long for the other half to stick with us during our downturn. But objectively, it is inevitable to bear the ups and downs of oneself and the other party.

We can only share the sweetness, but not the bitterness. This sentence is from the victim's perspective, blaming the person who left.

But the "suffering" of two people is still "suffering", and it is always a person's instinctive choice to leave this "suffering".

She can bear ten points of his suffering, but cannot bear three points of your suffering. It’s not her who has changed, it’s just that you’re not worthy.