National funny jokes

jokes about the whole people (popular articles)

1. On the bus, a woman quarreled with her boyfriend on the phone, and the man asked her where she was. She said that my mother was with my mistress, and you listened, and then pointed her mobile phone at a buddy next to her. The buddy conveniently took the phone and said, Well, I am the mistress, come and cut me down. Forget it, let's get a room, and then directly hung up the phone and shouted to the woman. Then, then I missed my stop ...

2. When I asked Armstrong, the first American man who died earlier, when he landed on the moon, he said that it was a small step for me and a big step for mankind. What would the first man in China say? Answer the command hall, Shenzhou X has successfully landed on the moon, and all the astronauts of the China People's Liberation Army Astronaut Brigade salute the CPC Central Committee at the landing point X, and salute the motherland and people.

3. I have a boyfriend at home. I am constipated, and I am squatting hard to wait for my convenience. The goods come over leisurely, clench their fists to make a refueling shape, and laugh evilly, and sing: The river is flowing eastward, and XX is there to untie his big hand. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, you can't pull out a roar. It's really impossible to vomit with your hands. Oh, hey, oh, hey, vomit with your hands. How should I reply to him? Say vomit and we'll vomit. Oh?

4. A beautiful woman gave me one more look in the crowd. I slipped her one hundred yuan when there were few people, and then said to her, You just discharged electricity to me. This is your electricity bill. In this way, I caught up with the girl. I found out after I got married that I often can't even pay the electricity bill.

5. In a few days, seniors in colleges and universities will replace slippers with canvas shoes, shorts with jeans and casual pants, sports vests with T-shirts, put away their obscene smiles, hide man show's eyes, turn into a mature person, help you guide the way, carry your bags, answer your doubts, call you, invite you to dinner ...... Junior girls! The seniors are all ready. What about you?

6.iphone is like a sports car, which looks fashionable and fast, but it consumes a little more fuel. Android is like a modified car, which can satisfy all kinds of DIY, but it will hang up in case it is not done properly; Windows phone, like a new energy vehicle, has been living in a myth with few people. Nokia is like an old truck. When the driver sees everyone, he says: My car is genuine; Shanzhai machine is like a tricycle, so the people who drive it really regard it as a car.

7. Armstrong passed away, and the best way for the people of China to commemorate him is to widely apply his famous saying of one small step and one big step to public toilets.

8. A man went to the hospital for a physical examination, and the test results came out. But the hospital actually took the wrong report and the pregnant woman's report by mistake, and the test result was pregnant! After reading the report, the man quickly went to his wife and slapped her in the face! The man scolded: I said I wanted to be on it, but you didn't do it! You have to be on it, and now I'm pregnant!

9. Our colleagues are away on business, so the dealer invites us to dinner. If you want to urinate during dinner, the dealer said there is a bathroom opposite. If you go, you can tell the door that we are eating opposite, so it will be free. In order to save twenty cents, our colleague went straight ahead and confidently said to the toilet manager, I'm here for dinner!

1. Why do you write these two Chinese characters on your body? Forget it! I went to the tattoo shop that day, and when I sat down, I suddenly smelled a bad smell. I tried to find out the source. At this time, the tattoo master said what you wrote, and I said it stinks

jokes of the whole people (classic)

1. Golf+Golf = Gorky. Chaikov+Chaikov+Chaikov+Chaikov = Chaikov four bases.

2. It is said that the Shanghainese in Beijing ... is called ... Fu Di Mo ...

3. A man and his girlfriend quarreled, and when they called to apologize, the phone rang for a long time and finally got through. Woman: I'm sorry. Man: (Very excited but pretending to be calm): You finally know the wrong woman: The number you dialed is busy. Man:

4. I'll spend it alone on Tanabata, Valentine's Day and Christmas. Let me take the exam alone if I can!

5. The cook said kindly to the pig: How do you want to be eaten? Don't be afraid, let a hundred flowers blossom, a hundred schools of thought contend, and speak freely. Pig: Actually, I don't want to be eaten. Chef: Look, that's beside the point, right? Pig:

6. One day, a mother and daughter in England found a turtle in the garden. They teased it carefully for a long time and finally caught it. However, the turtle didn't eat vegetables or tomatoes, so they called the animal emergency center. The doctor came to check for a long time and finally found that the little turtle. It turns out. It's a porcelain! Device!

7. Walking from the first floor to the sixth floor in the male dormitory of the university, you can hear these kinds of sounds from the computer. James has no disadvantage in contraposition Durant's body. Asia-America butterfly Asia-America butterfly let me keep you here with my heart

8. Part One: Diaoyu Island belongs to China, and Aoi sora is the second part of the world: NBA belongs to James, and the world belongs to Kobe

9. My son doesn't like taking a bath. Q: Mom, why do people take a bath? What a bother! Mom: I'm afraid of getting the quilt dirty when I sleep. The son then asked: Why do people wash quilts? Mom: I'm afraid of getting dirty when I sleep. After listening, the son clapped his hands and said, Haha, I don't take a bath or wash the quilt, so no one is afraid of getting dirty.

1. I've thought it over. If future in-laws squint their eyes and ask what you can do? At the end of the term, I said to my senior math teacher, I wish you how many points you give me and how old you live. Teacher Gao Shu gave me a contemptuous look and said, I'm over 6 this year, so I'll give you 59 points. So, I hung up

2. Diaoyu Island Real Estate: Supreme Sea View Villa, with luxury real estate. In the high-speed planning of China and Japan, the appreciation is infinite. Easily have the right to choose nationality, showing the style of successful people. Usually, we can wave flags and shout with people of insight in the two countries and four places to show our unique cultural charm. In the future missile test area, you can watch the fireworks feast at your doorstep. Watch military performances at any time without admission. In the hot booking of the new house, now the booking is even more sent to the super-large boat parking area, and the heart is not as good as the action

3. There is a sister in my hometown, and I usually wear small clothes for her. One day, she said faintly, elder sister, I can't wear your underwear for a long time.

I have classes for 14 days in April and September, 18 days in October, 18 days in November, 22 days in December and 13 days in January. It's another beautiful winter vacation.

5. Dave challenged his wife's IQ and asked, Dear, do you have the ability to say anything that makes me happy and angry? My wife was silent for a while and said, I found that among all your friends, only you don't have to take Viagra ... Comments: God, a woman with high IQ can't afford to be hurt.

6. When my daughter was three years old, she took a bus to travel. It took more than six hours by car and walked for about an hour. Suddenly, she heard a loud snoring on the bus. At this moment, my daughter asked me: Mom, why are there pigs in this car? I told my daughter not to talk nonsense. From then on, there was no more snoring in the car.

7. Why didn't God horse have a "Good Building in China"? Let Wang Shujiakun and others touch the model blindfolded, and then tell the camera with tears and runny nose, I think there are stories in this classmate's board ~ ~ Classmate, if you choose me, I will have 32 big projects nationwide next year ~~

8. My friend asked: Recently. I replied: nothing, just investing in sports or engaging in charity. Friend: Wow, successful people. I smiled without a word, turned around and left, and secretly took out a lotto and a two-color ball from my pocket. Shit, I missed again!

9. Really, let the Chinese Valentine's Day pass after , and old people like us will wait for the Double Ninth Festival. A post-9 s state. . .

1. Being late every day on purpose just to get his attention. In the middle of the night, I wrote down my thoughts about him in Weibo. After it was published, I actually replied that I love you, too. Seeing the ID, I suddenly burst into tears. Funny jokes

1. Traveling by plane, sitting next to a couple. When I handed out the set meal on the plane, I said to my husband: Look at the one next to others, the women can't finish it, and the men eat the rest. It's so loving. Husband said faintly: Will you be left?

2. My uncle came to visit, but Xiaowen said to his mother, "Mom, I'm going to the zoo to see monkeys". Mother immediately snarled, "What monkey are you looking at? Your uncle is here, what zoo are you going to? "

3. My wife bought a hamster and a cage. I asked her how much it was, and she said how many hamsters and cages there were. I complained that this cage is more expensive than hamster. The second goods replied, "Do you think you will be higher than the current house price?"

4. In high school, the penultimate one in the class never came to school and spent all day in Internet cafes. But it is strange that he comes to every exam and never misses it. Later, we discovered that before each exam, the penultimate member of the class would go to the Internet cafe to give the penultimate member 1 yuan and beg him to take the exam ... < P > 5. When I was in college, I heard a roommate say that a friend of his expressed his feelings: "Brother is getting married." Message by message: "Your boy won't get on the boat first and then make up the ticket, right? Congratulations!" Reply later: "It's not me, it's my brother ..."

6. The wife asked her husband: "If I were crazy, would you still love me?" The husband said firmly: "Love!" The wife pondered for a while and said sadly, "You really love my appearance!" "

7. The wife asked her husband, "Do you like my tenderness or are you infatuated with my sexy figure?" The husband was embarrassed for a while and replied, "I like your sense of humor!" !”

8. Walking with my boyfriend, I like to put my arm around his waist and pull his clothes by the way. One day while walking, he suddenly said, "Will you stop pulling my clothes?" I was unhappy and said, "can't you add a baby when you talk to me?" Then he said, "Don't pull my baby clothes, okay?" Me: "..."

9. After the two mice got married, the mother mouse became more and more arrogant. One night, the male mouse wanted to scare her, so he went to the door to learn to meow. Not only was the wife not afraid, but she said tenderly, "Mao Ge, stop screaming, my husband hasn't gone on a business trip yet."

1. "I like to get to the bottom of it since I was a child. When I grow up, my wish is to be a detective. Now I am the editor-in-chief of a newspaper. What about you?"

"I like playing since I was a child. When I grow up, my wish is to go shopping with a lot of money. Now I am a bus conductor."

11. When I came home at night, I heard crying in the alley. When I looked closer, it turned out to be a disheveled woman crying. Asked what happened, the young lady replied, "I was violated by a pervert!" " Me: "Are you all right?" The young lady replied, "He suddenly grabbed my chest from behind and then let me go ..." I said, "What are you crying about?" The young lady replied, "Because ... that pervert actually said that it was really unlucky to hold a man."

12. After the boss went to work, he sat there feeling depressed. The secretary asked why. Boss: "I received a letter from a guy yesterday, saying that he would kill me if I didn't leave his wife!" " Secretary: "Just leave his wife!" Boss: "but that guy doesn't have a signature!" "

13. Once, a very bad eunuch stopped Ji Xiaolan and asked him to tell a joke. Ji Xiaolan said, "Once upon a time, there was a man." Then there was a long silence, and the eunuch couldn't help asking, "What's next?" Ji Xiaolan replied, "There is nothing below!

14. One day in class, the teacher asked Xiaoli, "What is the motherland?" Xiaoli said, "Teacher, the motherland is my mother." The teacher said, "That's a good answer." Then the teacher asked Xiao Ming, "Xiao Ming, what is the motherland?" Xiao Ming said, "Teacher, the motherland is Xiaoli's mother."

15. Late at night, my husband didn't come home. The daughter was anxious to call her mother: "Mom! He hasn't come back yet, there must be another woman! " Mother comforted softly: "silly child, be good, don't think the worst, maybe there was an accident!" "

16. A new foreigner moved in next door to a buddy. One night, the foreigner knocked at the door for help and said, "My TV is broken, so I can't change the channel." This buddy looked down at his watch and said calmly, "It will be fine after 7: 3"!

17. I once borrowed a relative's loudspeaker, put out a heart-shaped candle downstairs in the boys' dormitory to express my confession, pressed the switch and was about to announce. A voice came from the loudspeaker: "Recycling, refrigerator, color TV, washing machine, gas tank. . 。" Then I began to cry. . .

18. I saw an old man carrying heavy things upstairs, and I wanted to say, Grandpa, let me help you with your things! Open your mouth and become: grandpa, I'll help you with the old things!

19. My boyfriend and I quarreled to the point of breaking up, and both sides were very excited. I sent an angry message that I would roll the parcel myself, and when I got excited, I wrote "I would roll the corn myself". My boyfriend sent a message "Goodbye hamster".

2. I went to my neighbor's house to borrow something. They were eating watermelons. When he lent me something, I said, I won't eat it ... I haven't found my lost face yet. 1. Winter: Wear as much as you can; Summer: Wear as much as you can.

2. There are two reasons for the emergence of leftover women. One is that no one despises them, and the other is that no one despises them.

3. I heard a girl calling her boyfriend in the subway. "I've arrived in Xizhimen. Come out and walk to the subway station. If you arrive and I haven't, just wait. If I arrive and you haven't, just wait. "

4. Reasons for being single: I used to like someone, but now I like someone.

5. Two kinds of people are easily dumped: one who doesn't know what sex is and the other who doesn't know what sex is.

6. There are two reasons for wanting to be with someone: one is to like others, and the other is to like others.

7. The boy the girl asked out was late for two reasons: 1. I overslept. 2. I slept.

8. Two people divorce: one is because of sexual intercourse, and the other is because of sexual intercourse.

9. There are two reasons for wanting to be with someone: one is to like others, and the other is to like others.

1. I used to like someone, but now I like someone.

family jokes _ funny jokes

family jokes _ funny jokes _

just around the corner

I've been running around for three days, and I haven't seen Halley's comet. What a pity! The husband complained wearily.

It doesn't matter. Although I can only see that jinx once in 76 years, I am by your side every day. The wife comforted.

Wedding punch line

At the wedding banquet, people must ask the groom to answer why he fell in love with the bride.

He said: I don't know, it may also make a big mistake. I just fell in love with her dimples,