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Looking for hilarious jokes``

Little Rabbit said: "My mother calls me Little Rabbit, which sounds nice!"

Little Pig said: "My mother calls me Little Piggy, which sounds nice!"

The puppy said: "My mother calls me puppy, which sounds nice!"

The chicken said: "You guys chat, I'll leave first!"

The little rabbit said: "I was raised by a rabbit mother!"

The little pig said: "I was raised by a pig mother!"

The chicken said: "I was raised by a hen mother. "

The puppy said: "You guys talk, I'm leaving first!"

The cat said to me: "I'm your grandma's cat, nice!"

The dog said to me: "I am your grandma's dog, and it sounds good!"

The fish said to me: "I am your grandma's fish, and it sounds good too!"

The bear said: "You guys chat, I'm leaving first!"

The rogue said: "People call me rogue, it sounds nice!"

The warrior said: "People call me rogue "Martial man, it sounds nice!"

The master said: "People call me a master, and it sounds nice!"

The swordsman said, "You guys talk, I'll leave first"

p>

Jimmy Lin said: "The fans who admire me all say: My idol is named Ying"

Andy Lau said: "The fans who admire me all say: My idol is named Hua"

Jacky Cheung said: "The fans who admire me all say: My idol is called You"

Jordan Chan said: "You guys chat, I'll leave first!"

Higher mathematics teacher Said: This semester I teach advanced mathematics,

The college physics teacher said: This semester I teach mathematics,

The information management teacher said: This semester I teach asset management,

The socioeconomic teacher said: You guys chat, I’ll leave first.

The student from Peking University said: I am from Peking University.

The student from Tianjin University said: I am a great student.

The student from Shanghai University said: I am a university student.

Xiamen University said: You guys chat, I’m leaving first!

General Li Zongren said: I am a kind person!

General Fu Zuoyi said: I am a righteous person!

General Yu Dawei said: I am a promising person!

General Huo Qubing said: You guys chat, I’ll leave first!

The door of Lao Zhang’s house is made of logs. Lao Zhang said: The door of my house is wooden.

The door of Lao Li’s house is made of plastic. Lao Li said: The door of my house is made of plastic. It’s a plastic door

The door of Lao Wang’s house is made of stone. Lao Wang said: The door of my house is a stone door

The door of Lao Liu’s house is made of steel. Lao Liu said: You guys chat, I’m leaving first!

White Jade said: My name is Bai Yu.

The green jade said: My name is Biyu.

Red Jade said: My name is Hongyu.

The apricot said: You guys chat, I’m leaving first!

Students from the Normal College said: I am from the "Normal College"

Students from the Vocational College said: I am from the "Vocational College"

From the Air College The student said: I am from the "Kong College"

The student of the Technical College said: You guys chat, I'm leaving first!

2. Secretary of the County Party Committee: "Rabbits, shrimps, pig tails! No pickles, pickles are too expensive!" (Translation: Comrades and villagers, pay attention! Stop talking, The meeting is now open!) After the secretary of the county party committee finished speaking, the host said: "Pickles, sausages and pickles!" (Translation: Let's talk to the county magistrate now!) The county magistrate said: "Rabbits, the dog has eaten today's meal. Everyone has eaten." He’s a big bastard!” (Translation: Comrades, today’s meal is enough, let’s all use big bowls!) County Magistrate: “No pickles, I’ll pick up some dog poop for you to lick...” (Translation: Stop talking, let me tell you a story...) County Magistrate: Someone may eat this shit. (Translation: Someone may know this story.

) County Magistrate: Don’t be anxious if you can’t eat it (Don’t be anxious if you don’t know it) County Magistrate: I’ll tell you now——

3. One day, the teacher walked into the classroom, and the students all Stand up and shout: "Good morning, teacher!"

The teacher said angrily: "Just good morning? What about me in the afternoon? Isn't it bad?"

So the students They shouted again: "Good afternoon, teacher!"

The teacher said angrily: "What about me in the evening?"

The students shouted again: "Good afternoon, teacher!"

The teacher nodded and said: "That's it, let's shout it again!"

The students shouted in unison: "Teacher, good morning, good afternoon, and good evening!"

p>

The teacher said: "Sit down! Today we are going to review antonyms. Let's practice like this. I will say one thing and you will say the antonyms out loud. Start now."

Teacher: "The weather is very good today ."

Student: "The weather is very bad today."

Teacher: "It is sunny everywhere."

Student: "It is cloudy everywhere." p>

Teacher: "The road is crowded."

Student: "There is no one on the road."

Teacher: "Young."

Student : "Old."

Teacher: "Stand."

Student: "Lie down"

Teacher: "There is a young man standing on the road. ”

Student: “There was a young man lying on the road.”

Teacher: “I picked up a dollar.”

Student: “I lost it.” One yuan."

Teacher: "I picked up one yuan and gave it to the teacher."

Student: "I lost one yuan and stole it from the teacher."

Teacher: "Wrong, you can't say that!"

Student: "That's right, you should say it like this!"

Teacher: "Wrong."

Student: "Correct."

Teacher: "This is not okay, this is illegal!"

Student: "This is okay, this is legal!"

< p>Teacher: "I said it was wrong."

Student: "We said it is correct."

Teacher: "Listen to the teacher, what the teacher said is correct!"

Students: "Listen to us, everything the teacher says is wrong!"

Teacher: "You are stupid."

Students: "We are smart.

"

Teacher: "Stop! ”

Student: “Continue!” ”

Teacher: “Stop now!” Stop talking! ”

Student: “Let’s continue now! More to say! ”

Teacher: “You stupid pigs, I say stop!” ”

Student: “We are all geniuses, we say continue!” ”

Teacher: “You listen to the teacher!” ”

Student: “Teacher, listen to us! ”

Teacher: “Students must listen to the teacher!” ”

Student: “Teachers must listen to their students!” ”

Teacher: “Stop practicing now! ”

Student: “Now let’s continue practicing!

Teacher: "Are you done?" ”

Student: “We have a beginning and an end! ”

Teacher: “Then stop!” idiot! ”

Student: “Then we should continue!” genius! "...Then the teacher held the book angrily for a day.

4.--Aries

My mother often told Sheep: "You can't swing when wearing a skirt. ; Otherwise, the little boys will see the little underwear inside! "One day, Yangyang happily said to her mother: "Today Xiao Ming and I competed on the swing, and I won! "My mother said angrily: "Didn't I tell you? Don’t swing while wearing a skirt! "Yangyang said proudly: "But I am so smart! I took off my panties so he couldn't see my panties! ”

--Taurus

Melon vendor: “Come and eat watermelon, it’s not sweet and you don’t have to pay for it!” "

Hungry Niuniu: "Wow! Great, boss, here’s something that’s not sweet! "

--Gemini

Mom asked both to get up: "Hurry up! The rooster crows several times! "

Shuangshuang said: "What does the rooster's crow have to do with me? I'm not a hen! "

--Cancer

On the bus, Crab said: "I want to sleep with my mother tonight! "My mother asked: "Will you sleep with my mother when you marry a daughter-in-law in the future? "Xi Xia said without thinking: "Yeah! "My mother asked again: "What about your wife? Xia Xia thought for a long time and said, "It's easy, let her sleep with her father!" " Mother:"! @#$%^&*(...-"

Looking at my dad again, my eyes are filled with tears!

--Leo

Leo goes to participate Grandma's birthday banquet. When it was time to eat birthday buns, Shishi asked, "Why do we eat birthday buns that look like butts?" After hearing this, everyone's expressions changed. Then Shishi opened the birthday buns and looked at the bean paste inside. , said: "Grandma, look! There is still poop in there!" Everyone was dizzy and vomited.

--Virgo

Everyone was curious about the belly button, so he asked. Dad. Dad briefly explained the reason why the umbilical cord connects the fetus and the mother's body, saying: "After the baby left the mother's body, the doctor cut off the umbilical cord and tied a knot, which later became the belly button." Virgo: "Then the doctor Why don't you tie a bow?"

--Libra

My father said to Tiantian: "You don't have to go to school today. Your mother gave birth to two younger brothers for you. Just tell the teacher."

Tiantian replied: "Dad, I only said that I gave birth to one; I want to save the other one for next week."

- -Scorpio

Scorpio was bitten by a mosquito just as he fell asleep. He got up to drive the mosquito away, but he couldn't get it out, so he pointed at the mosquito and said, "Okay, don't go out." I'm going out!" He said as he left the room and closed the door tightly, saying proudly: "Huh! If I don't come in tonight, I will starve you to death!"

--Sagittarius

Sheshe: "Dad, why do you have so many white hairs?" Dad: "Because you are naughty, so daddy has so many white hairs." Sheshe:... (in doubt) Sheshe: " Then why do all grandpas have white hair?" Dad:!@#$%^&*(...

--Capricorn

One day, Jie Jie went to the street with her mother; On the way, it suddenly started to rain.

Mom took Jie Jie's little hand and said: "It's raining, run forward!"

Jie Jie asked slowly: "Then it won't rain ahead! ?"

(Capricorn who understands reality and is too lazy to change)

--Aquarius

Aquarius asked her mother: "Why do you call Mr. Jiang "ancestor"? ?"

My mother said: "Because 'ancestor' is a name for the dead."

Ping Ping said: "Should the deceased grandma be called "Fresh Milk"? 』?

(An Aquarius who is born to be different, and his thinking is always different from ordinary people)

--Pisces

Dad told Yuyu about how he often suffered when he was a child. Hungry thing.

After listening, Yuyu had tears in his eyes and asked with great sympathy: "Oh, Dad, did you come to our house because you had no food?" < /p>

5.

[Repost] Joke 2 (Repost)

A Chinese teacher from Shandong read aloud an ancient poem by Lu You titled "Lying" to his students. "Spring", requiring students to dictate it.

The Chinese teacher read aloud as follows and a student dictated as follows

"Wouchun" "I'm Stupid"

The dark plum blossoms smell the flowers, I have no culture

I am lying on a branch full of sadness, my IQ is very low,

I hear it lying like water in the distance, if you want to ask me who I am,

It is easy to see the spring green. A big stupid ass.

The shore seems green, I am a donkey,

The shore seems green, I am a donkey,

The shore seems green. I'm a stupid donkey

I'm stupid when I'm lying in spring,

I'm not educated when I'm lying on plum blossoms and smelling flowers.

I weave and paint the sky. I only know how to farm.

The fish kisses the water lying on the stone, and wants to ask who I am.

The lying stone answers the spring green. I am a big stupid donkey

6.

[Repost] Funny

1. Topic: While...while...The child wrote: He took off his clothes at the same time , while wearing pants. (Teacher’s comment: Should he take it off or put it on?)

2. Topic: Textbook

The child wrote: Class is inherently boring. (Teacher’s comment: Be attentive in class)

3. Topic: Innocence

Children write: It’s really hot today. (Teacher’s comment: You are so naive)

4. Topic: Among them

The child wrote: One of my left feet is injured. (Teacher’s comment: Are you a centipede?)

5. Topic: Look

Children write: What do you look at! Never seen it! (Teacher’s comment: Don’t be too cool!)

6. Make sentences as usual: You (sing) and I (dance)

Children write: You (are you okay) and I (are very good) ) Teacher comment: Are you writing an English translation? )

7. Make the same sentence example: Others praise me (), but actually I ()

Children write: Others praise me (very handsome), but actually I (wear a mask) of). (Teacher’s comment: What kind of mask is so easy to use?)

8. Topic: Continuously

The children wrote: After get off work, dad comes back one after another. (Teacher’s comment: How many fathers do you have?)

9. Topic: First... then... Example: Eat first and then take a shower.

The child wrote: Goodbye, sir!

10. Scared to the flesh

A child wrote: At night when there was a power outage, everything was dark, and I was so scared that my skin was bruised! (Teacher’s comment: After seeing this sentence, the teacher admires you.)

11. Topic: Thriving - a metaphor for beautiful growth.

A child writes: My brother is growing up and thriving. (Teacher’s comment: Son, is your brother a vegetable?)

There is another one that is even more amazing. The children wrote: Xinxin confessed to Rongrong. (Teacher’s comment: Don’t watch too many TV series.

)

12. Topic: Sure enough

The child wrote: Yesterday I ate fruit and then drank cold water. (Teacher’s comment: These are phrases and cannot be separated into sentences.) The child said again: Teacher, I haven’t finished speaking yet. Sure enough, I had diarrhea at night! (Teacher...)

13. Topic: Delicious

The children wrote: It tastes so good.

(Teacher’s comment:...)

14. Topic: Besides

The children wrote: A train passed by, besides, besides, besides, besides... (teacher...)

< p>7. A man went to the public toilet, and the person next to him happened to be on the phone, saying: "Are you here?" The man felt very strange and thought: What's going on with this man? He asked me when he went to the toilet. Come or not. So, he said: "Well, I'm here." The person next to him said: "What are you doing here?" The man thought: What else can I do in the toilet? He said: "Of course I am here to defecate." The person next to me asked again: "When are you leaving?" He said: "Of course I will leave after I have pooped." "Will you come and see me after I poop?" "You are crazy. You have to go see me after I poop." You?" "Or I can go and see you!" The man said, "You're crazy, I'll go see you when I'm done, and you'll come see me later, who are you!" The man next to him finally couldn't help it anymore. He said to the other party: "I'll hang up first. There's a lunatic next to me. If I say something, he will answer. Really!"

8. One day, the teacher asked Xiao Ming: "1+1=?" Xiao Ming didn't know, so the teacher asked him to go back and ask his parents. Xiao Ming first asked his father, who was trading in stocks, and said, "It's gone up, it's gone up!" Then he asked his mother, who was quarreling with her neighbor. "You don't have to worry about it!" Xiao Ming went to ask his grandfather again, and his grandfather was singing: "Forward, forward!" Xiao Ming then asked his sister, who was in love, and first said: "Dear, where are we going?" and then said : "Let's go, dear!" Xiao Ming had no choice but to ask his brother, who was playing with toys and said, "I am the Invincible Donkey Kong!"

The next day, the teacher asked Xiao Ming 1+1= ?, Xiao Ming said: "It's gone up, it's gone up!" The teacher said: "What are you talking about?" Xiao Ming said: "You don't have to worry about it!" The teacher said: "You stand at the back of the classroom!" Xiao Ming said: " Move forward, move forward!" After class, the teacher said: "Come with me!" Xiao Ming said: "Dear, where are we going?" The teacher said: "Go to my office!" Xiao Ming said: "Let's go, Dear!" The teacher was very angry and said: "Who do you think you are?" Xiao Ming replied: "I am the Invincible King Kong!" After saying that, the teacher fainted!!!

9 .One day, Xiao Ming’s grandfather was ill, and his mother asked Xiao Ming to write a letter to his grandfather. The characters that Xiao Ming could not write were represented by “0”,

It should have been a letter like this:< /p>

Grandpa:

If you are sick, you should eat more and take more nutritional supplements. Don’t waste the things given by your uncle, aunt, father, and mother, so that your health will be better. Get up.

Grandson: Xiao Ming

And Xiao Ming wrote:

00:

When you give birth to a child, you should eat more. Don’t waste the money given by your nutritious uncle, aunt, father, and mother, so that your health will get better.

My son: Xiao Ming

This letter Grandpa received it, and he read it like this:

Egg:

You are laying eggs, you should eat more eggs, eat more nutritious eggs, uncle, aunt, father and mother will give them to you The removed eggs should not be wasted, so that your egg body will get better.

Danzi: Xiao Ming

After reading it, grandpa thought that one day, it started to rain, and dad said: The son said: "Son, if someone comes to borrow an umbrella, you refuse him. I will hide in the room first!" As soon as the father hid in the room, a man came to borrow an umbrella. The son said: "No, if you borrow one He borrowed one, and our family has no umbrella!" After that, the man left. Dad came out and said: "At this time, you should say this: 'I have an umbrella, but the bones are broken and the skin is broken. It's broken too, so I should have thrown it away a long time ago!'" Dad said and hid in again. At this time, the neighbor came to borrow the cat, and the son said, "There is a cat, but the bones are falling apart and the skin is broken, so I should have thrown it away a long time ago. Yes!" After hearing this, the neighbor left. Dad came out again and said, "You should say: 'The cat has been weak recently and is about to give birth to kittens. It is being tied up in the warehouse!'" After that,

Dad hid in the room again. At this time, his colleague came to find his father. The son said: "Dad has been weak recently and is about to give birth to a child. He is chained up in the warehouse!" The colleague laughed and left. Dad was I was so angry that I fainted in the room!!! Xiao Ming was scolding him and he was so angry

10. There was also the death of the person copying the table and the whole family died

Reference: Adopt me! Tired (~ o ??~)~zZ