Little jokes about Mandarin

1. Kill the panda and I will be a national treasure!

2. Urgent notice: Please prepare a one-inch color photo, a copy of your ID card, a copy of your academic qualifications, and your resume and send them to the National Space Administration. According to reliable information, in order to celebrate the Mid-Autumn Festival, Chang'e will be recruited! (Bring your own rabbit)

3. Asking what love is in the world, it’s just one thing that comes down to the other~

4. Question: What do you like about me? Answer: I like you to stay away from me!

5. The one riding the white horse may not be a prince, he may be Tang Monk; the one with wings may not be an angel - my mother said, it is a birdman

6. Listen It is said that women are like clothes and brothers are like brothers and sisters. Looking back, I actually ran around naked for 19 years!

7. If the tiger doesn’t show off its power, you think I’m Hello Kitty! If the little donkey doesn't show off his power, you think I'm Snoopy!

8. If you fall down, get up and cry again~~~

9. First line: Reminiscing about the past, red rice, pumpkin soup, a wife, and a bunch of children. Second line: Look Nowadays, white rice, tortoise soup, one child, and a bunch of wives

10. Above the bachelor's degree is the master's degree, after the master's degree is the doctor's degree, and after the doctorate is the post-doctoral fellow. What about the post-doctoral degree? If you are brave enough to study for two more years, you will be a warrior. If you study for another five years, you will be a strong man. If you study for another seven years, you will be a martyr. What happens after you become a martyr? The Ministry of Education will launch Saint Seiyas. After 2 years of study, they will be bronze, after 5 years, they will be silver, and after 7 years, they will be gold. Girls who are willing to continue studying after graduation have a chance to pass the Athena exam! ! !

11. When you wake up today, there is a mosquito lying on your pillow, and there is a will next to it: I struggled all night, and your shamelessness makes me ashamed to live in this world. Lord! Forgive him, I committed suicide!

12. Notice: The autumn cold has arrived recently. Comrades, please take precautions. Those who have a husband hug their husbands, those who have a wife hug their wives. Those who don’t have a thermos bottle for the time being, please hold a thermos bottle. If you really don’t have a thermos bottle, please Hold the gas tank (make sure to light it). Please do not hug chickens, ducks and other animals to prevent bird flu. Fly south when it’s time to fly south, moult when it’s time to moult, and hibernate when it’s really not possible

13. If God wants to make people perish, he must first make them crazy; if God wants to make people crazy, he must first make them crazy. Buying a house

14. Money is not the problem, the problem is lack of money.

15. Diamonds are forever. One diamond will make you bankrupt.

16. Water can carry a boat and cook porridge.

17. One mountain cannot accommodate two tigers unless there is one male and one female.

18. Fire can test gold, gold can test women, and women can test men.

19. The person burning incense may not necessarily be a monk, but it may also be a panda.

20. When I’m drunk, I don’t accept anyone, so I hold the wall.

21. I am like a fly lying on the glass. The future is bright but there is no way out

22. Question: Among all cartoon characters, who is the darkest and darkest?

Answer: Doraemon.

Question: Why?

Answer: Because it can’t see its fingers.

23Q: Among all cartoon characters, who is the most helpful?

Answer: It’s still Doraemon.

Question: Why?

Answer: Because it always likes to lend a helping hand (round hand) to people.

24. "Wo Chun" "I'm Stupid"

Dark Plum Blossoms, I Have No Culture

My IQ is very low. ,

I hear it lying like water in the distance, and you want to ask me who I am,

It is easy to reach the spring green. A big stupid ass.

The shore seems green, I am a donkey,

The shore seems green, I am a donkey,

The shore seems green, I am a stupid donkey< /p>

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1. A bear is coming/come prepared (BEAR is coming)

2. The tenth A book/incredible (BOOK11)

3. The sheep stopped breathing/feeling proud (the sheep did not exhale)

4. The mobile phone cannot be dropped into the toilet/the opportunity must not be lost (wet) )

5. The dog stopped barking after crossing the single-plank bridge/photographic memory (passing the tree without barking)

6. The bee stopped on the calendar/the wind was harmonious and the sun was beautiful (beehe) Calendar)

7. The painter likes to draw thick ropes and does not like to draw thin ropes/superb (thick ropes enter the painting)

8. There are ten sheep, nine of them squatting in the sheepfold , a squatting in the pig pen/cadence (one sheep squatting wrong)

9. The sheep called the eagle, and the eagle answered the phone and said "Hey"/it was a double act (the sheep PHONE the eagle "feed")

10. If a hat is dirty, you should turn it inside out before wearing it/wear it with the crown inside the hat (wear it inside the hat when it is dirty)

11. Whose house doesn’t have a phone? /天衣(天衣无码)

12. Who knows the birds best? /Frightened Bird (Frightened Bird) Zhiniao

13. How to make a sparrow quiet? /Squeeze it (squeeze the bird silently)

14. Which kind of snake has many mouths? / Chatterbox (snake)

15. What medicine is not poisonous? /Yam

16. Why is there only the tip of the iceberg? /The other corner was broken by the Titanic

17. When Xiaobai, Xiaohuang and Xiaolan take a long-distance bus, who will get motion sickness? (Little White Rabbit, Dusk)

18. Little White + Little White =? Answer: Little White Rabbit (Little White TWO)

19 Which animal is most likely to fall down? The fox, because he is the cunningest

20. The spider fell in love with the butterfly, but the butterfly rejected it. Spider asked: Why? why is that! Butterfly said: My mother said that those who hang out online all day long are not good people.

21. One day Xiaoqiang asked his father: Dad, am I a stupid boy? Dad said: Silly boy, how can you be a stupid boy?

22. As for Xiao Ming, he has to take the exam tomorrow, but he is watching TV at night.

Xiao Ming’s mother asked worriedly: Have you finished reading all the books? There is an exam tomorrow

Xiao Ming replied readily: Mom, I’ve finished reading.

Xiao Ming’s mother happily praised Xiao Ming: Good boy, you will definitely do well in the exam tomorrow

Xiao Ming cried and said: Mom, I mean, ‘Mom, I see , finished'.

23. One day Xiao Ming was walking on the road! As I was walking, I suddenly felt my feet were sore! Why is this happening? Because Xiao Ming stepped on a lemon!

24. One day, a university teacher asked a student, there are ten birds in the tree, if one is shot and killed, how many are left?

The student asked: Is it a silent pistol? Wasn't the gunshot loud? 80-100 decibels. Is it illegal to hunt birds in this city? Don't commit. Are you sure that bird was really killed? Sure. At this time, the teacher was already impatient: "Just tell me how many birds are left, okay? Are there any deaf birds in the tree? No. Are there any that are locked in a cage and hung on the tree? No." Are there other trees nearby? Are there any other birds in the trees? If a bird is pregnant, does it count as a baby in the belly? Are there any flowers in the bird's eyes? Ten. The teacher was already sweating, and the bell rang, but the student continued to ask: Are there any birds that are so stupid that they are afraid of death? Can the student be confident? Say: If your answer is not deceptive, "If the bird that was killed hangs on the tree and does not fall off, then there is only one bird left; if it falls off, there is no bird left." "The teacher immediately foamed at the mouth and fell to the ground!

25. There was a fat man who jumped from a tall building and turned into a dead fat man.

26. There was a boy who was crossing the road and was accidentally crushed by a truck. When he was dying, he looked at his body and said: "It turns out that I am a bean paste stuffing, not "Meat stuffed"

27. Two people fell into a trap. The dead ones were called dead people, and the living ones were called "help."

28. There once was a swordsman. He was very cold, his heart was very cold, his sword was very cold, and he died of coldness in the end.

29. A deer ran on the road, running faster and faster. , it became a highway

30. There was a tomato that was hit by a stone and smashed, another tomato fell to pieces again, and there was another tomato that smashed. Countless tomatoes fell to pieces and the last tomato also fell over, ah-ta-yeah! Ketchup

31. The soldier asked the company commander: What should I do if I step on a landmine during combat? The company commander was very angry: Damn, what can we do? If you step on it, you will be compensated according to the price.

32. I haven’t heard from you for a long time, and I feel very sad. When I thought about death, I cut my veins with potato chips, hit my head with tofu, jumped over a building with a parachute, and hung myself with noodles. But even if you don't die, just treat me to a meal and wear me to death.

33. The elephant defecated in the middle of the road. An ant happened to be passing by. It looked up at the mist-shrouded peak and couldn't help but sing: Yalasuo, this is the Qinghai-Tibet Plateau! ~~~~

33. Two counterfeiters accidentally made counterfeit bills with a face value of 15 yuan. They decided to take them to a remote mountainous area to spend them. When they took a 15 yuan bill and bought 1 Yuan's candied haws were so good that they cried, and the farmer gave them two pieces worth 7 yuan.

34. Portrait of your life: When you are ten years old, you learn to take a bath by yourself, and you are clean; when you are twenty, you are shining brightly, and you are prosperous; when you are thirty, you find a job, and you are successful; when you are forty, you hire a servant, Pigs get servants; learn to play basketball at the age of fifty, and pigs shoot!

35. A person climbed the wall and left the school. He was caught by the principal. The principal asked: Why don't you leave through the school gate? The answer is: Metersbonwe does not take the usual path. The principal asked again: How can you climb over such a high wall? He pointed to his pants and said: Li Ning, everything is possible.

The principal asked again: What does it feel like to climb over the wall? He pointed to the shoes and said: Xtep, it feels like flying. On the second day, he entered the school through the main entrance. The principal asked: Why didn't you climb over the wall? He said: Anta, I choose, I like it. On the third day, he wore a gangster costume, and the principal said: You can't wear a gangster costume! He said: You are what you wear, Semir clothing. On the fourth day, he wore a vest to school. The principal said he could not wear a vest to school. He said, men, keep things simple and love Dengbao clothing. The principal said I'm going to give you a serious offense. He said: Why? The principal said, M-Zone, I have the final say on my territory.

35. Note to robbers: Our bank staff only understand Spanish. Please be patient when robbing. It is best to bring a translator with you. Thank you!

36. Beautiful hair No trace left, dandruff will be better!

37. We should keep quiet when listening to sermons in church. It is very impolite to disturb others' sleep.

38. Thief A: Count how much money you robbed today? Thief B: No, you will know after reading the newspaper tomorrow.

39. Go your own way and let others take a taxi.

42 Wear other people’s shoes, walk your own path, and let them find it.

43. At a literary evening, the host came to the stage to announce: Please enjoy the following: Xinjiang singing and dancing, lift your skull! Creepy! ! ! ! !

44. If a tiger does not send a cat, you think I am critically ill!

45. Once at a ktv, when I asked for a song, a girl shouted loudly: Order me a song called "Double Jay Chou" by Zhou Jiejun

46 The ancient poem actually predicted last year's super girl Four

(Yu) The rain knocks the dream into pieces and sighs in wasted time

(Spring) When spring comes, the flowers bloom and fall

(Yes) It is still unknown whether it is a dream or waking up< /p>

(1) It’s been a hundred years since I smiled and sighed

(Pen) I have been tired of state affairs all my life

(Chang) Drink away my heartbreak

(No.) The emperor is not afraid of others if he is not angry

(2) Why should you be so humble

(Beautiful) The cool breeze is not intoxicating of others

(Ying ) No one in the shadow doubts himself

(It should) be a good time

(3) Ask the sky three times if he is coming back

(Why) Why bother? The gods are already mourning

(Jie) It’s all about lovesickness

(Part 3) I laugh to myself when the world is old

(IV) It seems to be lingering with the clouds and mist

47 The head coaches of the football teams of China, Japan and South Korea came to heaven together and asked God when their respective football teams would win the World Cup. God said: South Korea will need 50 years. The Korean coach burst into tears: I can’t see him anymore. God said again: Japan needs 100 years. The Japanese coach burst into tears: I can’t see him anymore. The Chinese coach quickly asked: Where are we? God cried loudly: I can’t see him anymore.

48. Three little white rabbits picked a mushroom

The two older ones asked the younger one to get some wild vegetables to eat together

The younger one said I If you don’t go, you will eat my mushrooms when I leave

The two older ones said they can’t do it and don’t worry, so the little white rabbit went~~~

Half a year passed. The little white rabbit hasn't come back yet. The big one said it won't come back. Let's eat it.

The other big one said wait a little longer~~~

A year has passed and the little white rabbit has come back. The white rabbit hasn't come back yet, so the two big ones agreed not to wait for us to eat.

At this moment, the little white rabbit suddenly jumped out of the jungle next to it and said angrily: Look! I knew you were going to Eat my mushrooms

49. Many things will have various aromas when cooked... So cooking?#123; has always been very particular.

But ... On the contrary... there is something; if you take it and freeze it, it will be more fragrant. What is it?

Electricity. Because... Refrigerator->Electricity-Ice-(Fragrance) .........

50. Cars can fly. Please guess a drink... coffee...

Because...(Car)- (Fly)

51. Once upon a time, there was a medium-rare steak and a medium-rare steak. Why didn’t they say hello when they met on the street?

Because: they weren’t familiar with each other. ...

52. Q: Which chicken is the fastest in the world? What kind of chicken is slow?

A: KFC Chicken Nuggets (fast)

Nicole Kidman (slow)

53. On the plane, a stewardess asked a little girl Said: "Why does the plane fly so high without hitting the stars?"

The little girl replied: "I know, because the stars will 'flicker'!"

54 .Excuse me: Who gave me Wangqing Shui?

Answer: Aha~~~

Reason: "Aha, give me a cup of forgetful water~~~~"

55.Q: What animal Easiest to be posted on the wall?

A: Poster Leopard

56Q: Who will refill your meal when you are full?

A : The flying dragon, because the flying dragon is added to the (sky)

57. Which one is dumb, the stars, the moon, or the sun?

Stars, because: There is a line in Lu Binghua's song "The one in the sky" The stars don’t speak

58. What’s the name of the pencil?

Xiao, because: sharpen (Xiao) pencil

59. Four people were playing mahjong in the house, the police Why did you take away 5 people?

Because the person they were playing was called "Mahjong"

60. Let me tell you a touching story

Get out of here ! The story of driving people away

61. Woman: “It would be better for me to marry the devil than to marry you. ”

Male: “This is impossible because close relatives are prohibited from marrying.” "

62. Once upon a time, there was a white cat and a black cat. One day the white cat fell into the water. The black cat rescued it. The white cat said something to the black cat

Q: What is this sentence?

............"Meow"

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Four surgeons sat around and talked about them Who do you like to operate on?

The first doctor said: "I like to operate on librarians the most. When you open their bodies, everything inside

is arranged alphabetically. "

The second doctor said: "I like to operate on accountants the most. When you open their bodies, everything is in

numerical order. "

The third doctor said: "I like to operate on electricians the most.

When you find their bodies, everything is coded with

colors. "

The fourth doctor said: "I like to operate on Japanese people the most. "The other three doctors looked at each other and expressed

suspicion

. One of them asked what. The fourth doctor said that it was because they had no heart, liver, spine, and their butt and head could match each other. Exchange.

The five most hated jokes in Japan (2)

A man called a Japanese businessman and said: "I'm looking for Mr. Taro." "The operator said: "I'm sorry, he passed away last week. "The next day, the man called again and wanted to talk to Taro. This time the operator was a little bored and said: "I've been telling you that he died last week. Why are you still on the phone? "The man said: "Because I

just like to hear about it. "

The five most hated jokes in Japan (3)

A Japanese was eating in a restaurant in China. When the waiter brought a plate of lobster, the Japanese asked: What do you do with the leftover shrimp shells? "Of course," the waiter said. "NO! NO! NO!" The Japanese shook their heads and said, "In Japan, leftover shrimp shells are sent to the factory to be made into shrimp cakes, and then sold to you in China.

"After a while, the waiter brought another plate of fruit. The Japanese pointed at one of the lemons and asked: "How do you deal with the leftover lemon peel?" "Of course? It's been thrown away," the waiter said. "NO! NO! NO!" The Japanese shook their heads and said

, "In Japan, leftover lemon peels are sent to the factory to be made into fruits, and then sold to you in China." < /p>

When checking out, the Japanese chewed gum and asked the waiter with a smile: "What do you do with the leftover gum?" "Of course I spit it out," The waiter said. "NO! NO! NO!" The Japanese shook their heads and said proudly, "In Japan, the chewed gum is sent to the factory, made into sets, and then sold to you in China.

"The waiter asked impatiently: "Do you know how to dispose of used condoms in China?" "Of course, throw them away

" said the Japanese. The waiter shook his head and said: "NO! NO! NO! In China, used condoms are sent to factories, made into chewing gum, and then sold to Japan."

< p>The five most hated jokes by Little Japan (4)

A taxi was driving on the road leading to the Chicago airport, and there was a Japanese tourist in the car. At this time, a taxi passed by, and the Japanese shouted: "Look, Toyota! Made in Japan! How fast!" After a while, another taxi came over. The taxi passed. "Look, Nissan! It's made in Japan! It's too fast!" Another taxi passed by.

It passed. "Hi! It's Mitsubishi! Made in Japan! It's so fast!" The taxi driver is 100% American. Seeing so many Japanese cars passing his own American car, coupled with the Japanese's arrogant language , can’t help but feel a little annoyed.

As the taxi entered the airport parking lot, another taxi passed by.

"It's a Honda! Made in Japan! It's fast

Excellent! There's no cure!" The taxi driver stopped the car, pointed at the meter angrily, and said: "1,500 US dollars

. "It costs 1,500 U.S. dollars!" "It's so fast!"

The five most hated jokes in Japan

There was an American, a German, a Japanese and a Chinese on a plane. The plane was halfway through the flight

Suddenly it ran out of fuel. The captain announced that one person must jump off the plane to reduce the weight. So the American showed his personal heroism and walked to the hatch of the plane and shouted: Long live the United States and the nations! ! Then he jumped! The plane continued flying... At this time, the captain announced again: The weight was still too heavy, so I had to jump off alone! So the Germans

stood up, walked to the hatch of the plane, and shouted: Long live the German Empire! He also jumped down! The plane continued to fly... At this time, the captain announced: No, it's still too heavy, and one more person must jump out! The Chinese glanced at

the Japanese, stood up and walked to the plane hatch. The Japanese quickly came over and held the Chinese's hand tightly:

Good brother, I don't know how. Forgot yours! The Chinese people shouted: Long live the Republic of China! ! Then he kicked the Japanese down with a kick! ! ......