Happy event, positive energy joke (send a joke to make everyone happy)

When the husband and wife went home at night, three masked men with knives suddenly jumped out of the roadside: "Kidnapping! You two can go home and wait for news. "

The husband pushed his wife away: "Wife, let's go!" " After the wife left, three masked men took off their masks: "Is it so difficult for Nima to find you to play mahjong now?"

Five minutes later, the husband called his wife: "Put 5,000 yuan into the card and don't call the police. They said to lock me up for one night and let me go tomorrow morning. " Ten minutes later, my husband took five thousand dollars from Cary and played until dawn.

The next day, when my husband came home, my wife rushed to me with tears and said, "I can only see that my husband is good to me at the key time." I will listen to you in the future! "

I was moved by the first paragraph! Now in the circle of friends, crouching tiger, Ren Lei duang duang! Look down:

As usual, make fun of the children first. ...

02

A popular composition for primary school students recently: My Home.

My family has my parents and me. Every morning, the three of us go our separate ways, and at night, we reach the same goal.

Dad is an architect, pointing at the construction site every day; My mother is a shop assistant and comes to the counter every day. I am a student, and I am in a daze in the classroom every day. There are three people in our family with the same rotten tastes, and the family is harmonious. But when my grades are not good, my father will also fight with each other and beat me to the ground; My mother stood by, never trying to be brave, and sometimes even helped others.

After I get the results of every exam, there are women's singles below 80 points, men's singles below 70 points and mixed doubles below 60 points.

This is my home: a vibrant home!

Teacher's comments:

The application of this idiom is not as good as that of the teacher! I deeply sympathize with you. Your parents are made of iron, and so are you!

03

There is a new student in the class. His name is "Ma Biao".

When the roll call was made, the head teacher didn't know how to pronounce it, so he said, has the horse fork arrived yet?

A Chinese teacher with a little literary accomplishment called the roll and said, has Wan arrived yet?

The PE teacher bluntly said: Have a group of horses arrived yet?

The history teacher doesn't like the name: Has the dismemberment arrived yet?

The math teacher is more direct: Has Ma 6 arrived yet?

The most vivid image of the art teacher: Has Xu Beihong arrived yet?

Finally, the director of the Academic Affairs Office unified the name: Sanma!

Universal circle of friends, who can tell me his name?

04

The son said to the father who was the director: "I like the daughter of the deputy director across the hall very much!" " "The director secretly told him," that's your half-sister. You can only be friends. " The son added, "I also like the girl in the section chief's house next door!" " The director added, "That's your other half-sister. Don't tell your mother. " The son told his mother these experiences in tears. The mother comforted her son: "You can find whoever you like. Don't be afraid, you are the mayor's son!

05

Today, I went out to meet a rich second generation and proudly said that I was the heir of a certain group. I couldn't help laughing. I am the successor of capitalism, and I didn't say anything. Be a low-key person ... I have known since I was a child that I am the successor of * * * productism, and now I am going to retire, and no one has come to talk to me about letting me take over ... but I will wait silently. ........

Making fun of children, there is regional ridicule:

06

Shanxi people joked: How nice your Henan is, with mountains or Pingdingshan? Open a shop or shop in Malaysia; Marry a wife or Kaifeng; Make a girlfriend or Jiyuan (brothel); Find a son-in-law to return Shangqiu (injured ball); It is still difficult to raise a child (Nanyang).

Henan people laughed and said: You are good in Shanxi. Do you have a mother or a stepmother (Houma)? There is a sheep, or a thin sheep (Shouyang); There is a fish, which is also a bone (Yuci); A small matter, or trouble (many); If you have a disease, you have to control it; To buy things, you have to go to the city (Jincheng); Out of the door, it is still too far (Taiyuan); Try it, it's still zero (Linfen)

Finally, look at the classic old jokes, whether you have seen them or not, watch them and laugh. ...

07

A friend divorced his daughter-in-law, who gave him a note that read:

145 x 154 \u D2: 1G

……………………………………………

It took this guy years to understand what he meant:

An idiot who has accomplished nothing and is useless.

It's too fucking profound. Being uneducated is terrible!

08

Yesterday, I asked a big boss, "Now business is sluggish, and everyone is under great pressure. How did you sleep? "

He replied: Sleep like a baby.

I said: I am a master. You can still sleep like this!

He was silent for half a ring and said, ah, I often wake up in the middle of the night, cry for a while and then sleep ... sleep for a while and then cry. ......

09

Two words confuse foreigners:

When eating, a man said that he wanted to go to the toilet, and the foreigner was puzzled. Others told him that "convenience" is: going to the toilet;

When toasting, another person said to the foreigner that he hoped it would be convenient to go abroad next time, but the foreigner was puzzled and afraid to ask;

At the banquet, the hostess of the TV station proposed to arrange an exclusive interview with a foreigner at a convenient time. The foreigner was shocked: how can it be at your convenience? The hostess said, I'll invite you to dinner at your convenience. Foreigners are dizzy!

After waking up, the beauty host said to him, let's sit together when it's convenient for you and me. The foreigner fainted again and never woke up.

Smile when it's convenient ... give it to a friend when it's convenient.