Kosaka Kiyoshi

Memories are always melancholy, pleasant and regrettable, unpleasant and sad.

0 1

My mother didn't come to my father's birthday party.

Lin Qinghuan looked at his father who was chatting with others. Several deep wrinkles climbed on his forehead, and the hair on his temples was mottled and white, which reminded her of the eroded lime shell in the corner of the old house and made her feel sad if she didn't sleep. My once omnipotent father is really old.

Many guests who come to dinner are unknown to Lin Qinghuan. When her father asked him to call those people uncles and grandfathers, someone would look at her and say that they were just like Xiao Zhang when he was young.

Chen is her mother. A year ago, she divorced her father Lin. Lin Qinghuan did not participate in the distribution of their property. She is an adult, and she thinks that her parents' choices should be respected. During that time, she didn't shed a tear in front of her parents, and her naive childishness became rigid and stubborn, which made people feel distressed.

She doesn't want her parents to get back together. The quarrels in recent years have made the whole family tired. Both parents who are desperately venting and Lin Qinghuan who are trying to save her feel that the end is a relief. However, people who have lived together for more than 20 years say goodbye, just like a one-size-fits-all separation of flesh and blood, forbearing and sad. Lin Qinghuan and his mother took down the family photo on the wall at home, and his father took his things and moved to other places. There is one person missing at home, and it is empty enough to hear the echo of their conversation.

After separation, parents rarely communicate with each other, as if they had never appeared in each other's lives. Strangely, the town is really small, but the separated people seem to be at the two ends of the earth, living separately day and night. Sometimes Lin Qinghuan thinks, if she can show weakness to her parents, can they also give her some imaginary reunions because they cherish themselves? She wants to know why her temper is not as indecisive as her mother's because of her father's refusal.

In the early summer, my father's 50th birthday, and my grandparents set up more than a dozen tables for my 500-year-old son. Very glamorous. I hope everything goes well for the rest of his life. My father is a little unlucky. He has been engaged in many industries and crisscrossed the north and south, but he still didn't make any money in the end. He lives in poverty, as bleak and cold as the tea he has brewed many times.

02

At the age of 20, my mother was introduced to my father and married him with his sweet words and care. When she got married, the bride price was just a few new quilts, a few brand-new lacquer wooden boxes and an heirloom bracelet. The two families had a simple meal and settled for life. A few years later, the family conditions were slightly better, and grandparents made up several tables for them. Parents wear old-fashioned dresses to take wedding photos, and the old photos that have been put for many years turn yellow, and they can clearly see their sweet smiles.

Mother never doubted that her father was poor. Although they worked hard in a pharmaceutical factory, the attention and care of the leaders filled them with hope. When they had enough confidence for a better life, the factory closed down. Mother went to Guangdong with her father, but she was a few years late. Without the big pattern, the coastal areas were carved up, and the rich people grew up quietly, occupying one side of the land like the roots of towering trees. So the two of them can only be the most ordinary workers.

Work together, upside down day and night, and go back to the rental house to sleep when you are tired. Occasionally, on some holidays, I will choose a cheap place to eat, and going for a walk in the park is a date. It seems that they were thrown into a rolling life before they had time to talk about a love. Only firm love can support each other in the long and difficult years.

Lin Qinghuan was born before his parents went south. They want to take good care of Lin Qinghuan, but when they can't accompany her, they have to try their best to give her material compensation. Not long after Lin Qinghuan was born, her grandparents took care of her and spent a long time with the elderly for more than ten years. During this period, she spent little time with her parents. Sometimes her parents are like guests when they come back, and it's like traveling when she goes to her parents' house. Maybe her perseverance and stubbornness were developed from a very young age.

Lin Qinghuan gets along well with his grandparents. Both old people are retired teachers, gentle and democratic in education. They are very good to themselves and take good care of them without any negligence. Nevertheless, Lin Qinghuan often misses his parents who are far away from home. She has many new ideas that her grandparents don't understand, such as Taobao, video games and McDonald's. No amount of money can make up for the lack of love. In this way, Lin Qinghuan gradually grew up, from babbling to graceful, and his parents' guilt and innate love for his parents ran through a clear vein of growth.

The time spent really living with parents adds up to only a few years, but even in these short days, parents' quarrels are full of destructive agitation and never stop. Their love was probably eroded by the rough life a long time ago. Family ties and responsibilities can bind them to go on, but they may not be able to go well. When I realized this, Lin Qinghuan was only 14 years old, and there was no boy with the same heart as other friends.

Premature maturity is cruel, and adults know how to dodge, but in children's world, head-on collisions are hard to prevent, and they will in turn promote your growth. This is a painful process.

But at that time, Lin Qinghuan still loved his parents deeply. She feels that no one in the world is more important than them.

03

When Lin Qinghuan was ten years old, his younger brother was born. No matter why this little baby was born in an era when the second child policy has not been opened, people around him are willing to welcome him with love. In summer, the sun is warm and flowers are in full bloom. This little life is as vibrant as this season. Lin Qinghuan likes this little guy very much. She believes that parents should love each other, and the person who loves each other can give birth to a life and be responsible for him.

Unfortunately, this is not the case. When she arrived, she felt sorry. His arrival didn't change her parents' feelings. Without feelings, it is a very light sadness, and thousands of troops can't pull back the initial throb. It took her parents half her life to prove this sentence, which she understood easily, but she didn't want to face it.

When Lin Qinghuan graduated from junior high school, in order to take care of her and her brother wholeheartedly, her mother went home, dragging a car full of luggage and piling up like a mountain. But considering that she has lived in that city in the south for decades and is a small family, these things are not much. They didn't give up at all when her father sent her back. Because of their indifferent attitude, Lin Qinghuan was a little sad. She dreamed that her parents were separated many times, and neither of them chose her.

When I left the place where I lived for many years and returned to my hometown, my mother seemed a little nervous. Walking in the street, she will subconsciously hold Lin Qinghuan's hand, relying on the weak sense of security that her daughter can give. If I meet an acquaintance and talk to others about the current situation, my mother's arms will be tighter. She clearly understood her mother's deep inferiority complex, struggled for many years without success, and thousands of days and nights went down the drain. No one will regret it.

Lin Qinghuan also gradually understood that it was from that time that the mother began to sprout the complex emotion of love for her father. Over the years, she and her husband have worked hard together, moved more than ten times and changed jobs many times. Strangely, luck never befalls them. People around you are getting richer and richer. They still live in a small house full of cockroaches as before, wear clothes bought in the night market and compete for promotional goods in the supermarket. She never blamed him for not working hard, but now she can only blame him for his bad luck. Curse is very low, no self-confidence, like a withered cotton pillow that has been sleeping for many years, worn out and broken.

Mother began to tell Lin Qinghuan what had happened to her. She feels that her daughter is old enough to face an unhappy life. Lin Qinghuan listened silently without taking a stand. Sometimes he feels sorry for his mother and sometimes for his father's bad luck. In this way, day after day, the life soaked in unwillingness and complaints became sour, and he knew it was broken without tasting it.

At this time, my brother is ten years old, tall and has good grades, but he is silent and doesn't like to talk. I didn't expect this to be the same as Lin Qinghuan. But he is much warmer than Lin Qinghuan, caring for his family and caring for others better than children of his age.

04

Father and mother finally separated, and it was the winter of reunion when the wanderer returned. I don't know if my mom heard my dad's thoughts at the party outside, or if my dad decided that my mom didn't have feelings for him. Lin Qinghuan listened to the leftovers for many years, just like a pot of constantly stirring food, which lost its taste and color and made people unwilling to touch it again.

Father called her calmly to tell her the news. Lin Qinghuan wanted to call her mother, but she gave up because she was afraid of hearing her endless crying. She just sent a short message telling her that she would go home for a holiday in a few days.

After the final exam, she went home soon. In the evening, she called her parents out for dinner and arranged for her brother to have dinner at a neighbor's house. Three people sat quietly around the square table, and several dishes came up one after another. The chandelier overhead wobbled, shaking out some imperceptible dust.

Lin Qinghuan dreamily thought of the winter and summer vacations more than ten years ago, when she went to the place where her parents worked. After work, the family just sat around the square table. At that time, it was just a few simple dishes, and she could finish all the dishes at every meal. When I was a child, I was more lively than I am now, and my parents occasionally quarreled. Now a lot of things have changed, as dim as washed and faded clothes.

When parents talk, they don't look directly at each other's direction, which is embarrassing and embarrassing, but there is no tit-for-tat taste, which is a bit like two young people dating each other. Lin Qinghuan said, I hope that this meal, everyone can explain everything clearly, so that we can get together and leave. The two adults seemed a little flustered about their daughter's too calm response.

The topic of discussion set the tone of the dinner, which was stiff and heavy as a cold night outside the window. My father is not as humorous as he used to be, and he can't tell simple jokes. My mother is still weak, with dry tears on her face. Parents agreed to * * * share the living burden of Lin Qinghuan and his younger brother, and the house was still owned by four people * * *, which sounded a little TV drama. Lin Qinghuan's younger brother is the reason for pulling the three people together, and everyone decided to wait until he really grew up to tell him the news.

I didn't eat dinner for long. In the end, everyone seems to have a feeling of relief. Once familiar with the family, now sit down and become a task, somewhat sad, indescribable.

The days do not seem to have changed much. Mother takes care of Lin Qinghuan and her brother's life. Father is away all the year round, and it is rare to get together several times a year. On New Year's Day, Lin Qinghuan called his father home for dinner, in order to make his brother's lies complete. They don't know how long this illusion can last, but they just think that this is the last remaining warmth, and they are willing to work hard to show it.

The days do not seem to have changed much. Mother takes care of Lin Qinghuan and her brother's life. Father is away all the year round, and it is rare to get together several times a year. On New Year's Day, Lin Qinghuan called his father home for dinner, in order to make his brother's lies complete. They don't know how long this illusion can last, but they just think that this is the last remaining warmth, and they are willing to work hard to show it.

05

On my father's birthday, my brother was at school and couldn't come back. What puzzled Lin Qinghuan was that even in the name of a friend, his father didn't invite his mother to attend. She can't understand that people who have been together for half their lives are not so heartless no matter how resentful they are. However, she didn't ask her father anything. Love and hate should be their own business.

After the birthday party, my father sent the guests away and sat alone on a stool by the window smoking. The sun was covered by clouds, and the sky was a little dark. Father's back looks solemn and heavy, like a stone statue.

Lin Qinghuan took a closer look and saw the smoke ring he spit out slowly rising. She hadn't seen her father smoke for many years, thinking that he had given up smoking long ago, only to find that she had never seen him smoke just because she spent too little time with her father.

Lin Qinghuan added him, and the deep middle-aged man looked back. He didn't see much emotion in his wrinkled eyes, just a slightly wider face stretched tightly and tried to smile at her, but the corners of his mouth were a little stiff because he couldn't open the right radian.

She saw her father holding a sapphire velvet watch box with a gold watch in it. Even if there is no light shining, you can see its splendor and preciousness. There is a small card on the table, which belongs to Chen's mother. Lin Qinghuan recognized it easily. Although her mother doesn't read much, her handwriting is exquisite and neat, and the font is often very thin, like an elongated figure in the moonlight. A few simple lines were written on the card: "Happy birthday, Dad, happy and healthy".

Lin Qinghuan remembered that a few years ago, when the family went shopping, his father always remembered to buy a watch. When a person reaches middle age, he always wants something external to support his vanity, such as a garage tie and a watch. The more people feel inferior, the more so. But the prices of those watches are so high that some of them can't even count the zeros at the back. Many years later, my father still can't afford a watch like that. Many years have passed, and my mother still remembers my father's wishes.

Lin Qinghuan suddenly realized that people who have been together for half their lives may really have no way to be friends like ordinary people.