Jokes about missing hometown

A man went to the store to buy an axe, and he asked the clerk to issue an invoice for reimbursement. The clerk opened the first one for dad at a unit price of five yuan. At first glance, he was very angry. He didn't say anything except that the axe of the axe was written wrong. The clerk looked busy and said sorry, sorry, and reopened. The man looked at the ticket and said, "buy a pair of grandpa's, the unit price is five yuan." He couldn't bear it any longer and picked up an axe and hit the counter. A lawsuit has been filed.

I have a friend whose daughter is about 6 years old and knows a lot of words. One day, we worked overtime, and my friend brought her to our unit. We adults are very busy. She wanders around like a little ghost. After a while, she solemnly said to her mother, "Mom, I'm going to play in my cell!" " Her mother was surprised and said, "Where? She said impatiently, "the cell, the room opposite you." We are opposite the director's office. Due to negligence, the word "warehouse" above was written as "cell"!

Another mistake in the newspaper. A few days ago, in the last edition of Youth Daily, a communication company made a half-page mobile phone advertisement. There are more than a dozen mobile phone patterns on it, and the words 60% off and 70% off are written next to the patterns. But at first glance, I always feel as if something is wrong. Looking at it carefully, I can't help being heartless. It turns out that these "folds" are written as "demolition". "60% off, 30% off" has become "six demolition, seven demolition". It is said that the telephone of Youth Daily turned into a hotline, and 90% people reported these typos to the newspaper.

Words somewhere a county magistrate with a strong accent to the village for a report:

"Rabbit, shrimp, pig tail! No pickles, pickles are too expensive! ! "

Attention, comrades and villagers! Stop talking and have a meeting now! ! )

After the county magistrate finished speaking, the host said, "Please give me sausages and pickles!"

Now, please talk to the township head! )

The township head said, "Rabbit, the dog ate today's meal, and everyone is a big jerk!" "

Comrades, that's enough for today. Let's make a big bowl! )

"Don't pickle, I pick up a shit to lick for you. . . "

Don't talk, I'll tell you a story. . . )

Taoyuan dialect is very strange and has a high ending. For example, "ju" is pronounced "pig".

Go to the propaganda department of the county party Committee first and contact the personnel bureau for an interview. The propaganda department called me to make an appointment and put me on speakerphone.

Propaganda Department: "Hello, are you a pig? (Personnel Bureau) "

The other party: "No, you are mistaken. I am not a person, I am a pig (Personnel Bureau) and my mother is a pig (Grain Bureau). "

I tried to hold back my laughter and my stomach hurt.

The next day, I attended the briefing of the county government. Roll call before the meeting.

Moderator: "Which units have arrived?"

So the participants signed up one by one:

"I am a wild boar (Public Security Bureau)."

"My name is Pig (Education Bureau)."

"I am a pig (post office)."

Student: "Can' Ba' and' Bei' be used together?" Teacher: "No" Student: "Don't you have to fold it?" Explaining China's word "thing" to his students, a foreign professor said, "People in China call objects things, and this thing and that thing are called things. But people are not things, I am not, you are not, they are not, and we are not things! " ◆ Son: "Dad, how to write the simplified word' Hui'?" Father: "There is a cloud under the herringbone." Son: "Why?" Father: "At the meeting, just say what others say. This is called' conformity'. " Son: "Dad, what does the idiom' metaphysics' mean?" Father: "ah,' metaphysics' ... that's a lie." Son: "What can I say?" Father: "That is to say, formally, you have been to school, but in fact you are playing truant." Son: "I, I didn't play truant." I just want to play truant. " Father: "Ah, this is called metaphysics ideologically! ◆ Director Jia said excitedly: "Today, the trade union invoice saw the movie" The Story of the Api Egg ". A young man smiled: "Director Jia, you are mistaken." This is the true story of Ah Q, "What? I read it wrong! ? I have been playing cards for decades. Don't I know preserved eggs and go away? Mr. Zhou took the business card handed over by Mr. Chen, looked at it and said, "Mr. Dong, I've heard a lot about you. Mr. Chen took Mr. Zhou's business card and said, "Are you Mr. Ji?" Mr. Zhou is unhappy: "My name is Zhou." Why did you skin me? What have I done to offend you? "Mr. Chen said," my name is Chen. If you cut off my ear, you won't be interested in me skinning you? " ◆ A shop assistant wrote the words "It's on sale now" on the blackboard. A customer next to him said, "Comrade, you wrote a different word for retail zero. "The salesman glared at the customer and said," Come on, the word' no' has a vertical knife! Your poor English must have caused you a lot of trouble in England, didn't it? B: "No, I'm not in trouble. It is the British who are in trouble. " ◆ When teaching Chinese abroad, the biggest headache is that it is difficult for foreign students to master exquisite Chinese grammar. One day, after I tried my best to explain the different uses of the words "look", "look", "listen" and "hear" repeatedly, an international student happily made a sentence: "I saw your girlfriend when I arrived at school this morning, but she didn't look at me. I called her and she didn't listen to me. " After class, another international student said goodbye to me and said, "Teacher, we will watch each other tomorrow." I couldn't help thinking, "Don't look." ◆ Husband: "It depends on how you educate your son today. I care about him, but he doesn't listen at all. " Wife, "everyone else is afraid of you, isn't he afraid?" Husband: "I am a tiger and he is a cow." You forget that newborn calves are not afraid of tigers. " A bet between the pig slayer and the tea seller. The pig killer said, "You can't break eggs with a hammer." The tea seller said, "The hammer is broken!" The pig killer said, "The hammer won't break!" The tea seller was out of breath, so he brought an egg and smashed it with a hammer. The egg is broken. Said, "Isn't this broken?" The pig killer said, "the egg is broken. I said I can't hit it with a hammer!" " "Then he pointed to the hammer. ◆ Yao and Li met in the tea pavilion and had a good talk. Li asked Yao, "What's your name?" Yao said, "My last name is Yao." Li said, "But this is a bad omen.