Funny jokes should be longer and more hilarious. No points will be given for jokes that are neither funny nor funny!

A puppy climbed onto Junjun’s dining table and crawled towards a roasted chicken. Junjun said angrily: “Whatever you dare to do to that roasted chicken, I will do to you.” As a result, the puppy licked the chicken's butt, Junjun fainted, and the puppy said happily: "Let's see who is cruel."

Jokes about teachers: (1) A boy was picking his nose in math class, and the teacher Said: "xx, don't dig any more. The more you dig, the more you dig."

(2) Chinese teacher: I killed pigs in my previous life, and I will teach in this life. I killed people in my previous life, and I will teach Chinese in this life.

(3) Let me teach you that I will live at least 5 years less. If I earn 200,000 a year, it will be 1 million in 5 years, be good! In the future you can publish a book called "How We Murdered a Millionaire".

(4) There is a saying that "there has been one road in Huashan since ancient times." This is the way up the mountain, and it is still the same way down the mountain. If there is another way, it is a free fall.

(5) Okay, everyone, take the time to smile. I will continue to talk. By the way, I want to remind some students that although the teacher teaches the class well, you must not be reluctant. Upgrade. As far as I know, there are students in this class who have been taking my class for three consecutive years and are still in their first year of high school. Do you want a signature? If you want, just say it...

(6) The geography teacher asked: Where does the river flow? A student suddenly stood up and sang: The river flows eastward. The teacher ignored him and then asked: In the sky How many stars are there? The student sang again: The stars in the sky join the Beidou. The teacher was furious: Get out of here. Student: Let’s leave if we say so. The teacher was helpless: Are you sick? Student: You have it, I have it all, teacher. : You are trying to sing a line. Student: When there is injustice on the road, roar. Teacher: Do you believe it or not?

1 There was a boy who was crossing the road and was accidentally crushed by a truck. When he was dying, he looked at his body and said, "It turns out that I am stuffed with red bean paste, not meat." "It's stuffing"

2 said that there was a polar bear. Because the snow was too dazzling, he had to wear sunglasses to see. But he couldn't find the sunglasses, so he crawled around on the ground with his eyes closed. , crawled and crawled, my hands and feet were all dirty before I found the sunglasses. I put on my sunglasses and looked in the mirror, and then I realized: Oh, it turns out I am a panda

3. A polar bear stayed alone on the ice in a daze. When it got bored, it started to pluck out its hair. Playing with one stick, two sticks, three sticks, and finally there was no one left, and then he died of the cold.

4. Once upon a time, there was a bird. He would pass by a cornfield every day, but unfortunately, one day there was a fire in the cornfield, and all the corn turned into popcorn!!! After the bird flew over... I thought it was snowing and was freezing to death.

5. Xiao Ming got a new haircut. When he came to school the next day, his classmates saw his new hairstyle and laughed: Xiao Ming, your hair looks like a kite! Xiao Ming felt aggrieved, so he ran outside and cried. As he cried, he flew up.

6. The spider fell in love with the butterfly, but the butterfly rejected it. The spider asked: Why? why is that! Butterfly said: My mother said that those who hang out online all day long are not good people.

7. On a hot summer day, two bananas were walking on the road. Banana, who was walking in front, suddenly felt very hot. He said, "It's so hot. I need to take off my clothes." As a result, he peeled off the skin. As a result, the banana behind fell down. Then the bananas that took off their clothes turned into dried bananas~

As for 8 Xiao Ming, he has to take the exam tomorrow, but he is watching TV at night

Xiao Ming’s mother asked worriedly: Have you finished reading all the books? There’s an exam tomorrow

Xiao Ming answered readily: Mom, I’ve finished reading.

Xiao Ming’s mother happily praised Xiao Ming: Good boy, you will definitely do well in the exam tomorrow

Xiao Ming cried and said: Mom, I mean, ‘Mom, I see , finished'.

9. The panda loved the deer deeply, but was rejected when he expressed his love. Panda roars ~ Why? Why is all this happening? Xiaolu said timidly: My mother said that those who wear sunglasses are all bad boys

Which of the 10 Chinese characters is the coolest? T-string (cool)

"Turban" versus "Coin" Said: Son. If you put on the doctorate hat, you will be worth a hundred times.

"Chi" said to "Jin": Sister, the results are out.

You are pregnant with twins.

"Chen" said to "Ju": The area is the same as yours. But I have three bedrooms and two living rooms

1. Don’t go to the toilet on April Fool’s Day, really! One more reminder, this is not a drill, don’t go to the toilet!

I suddenly felt upset in my stomach, so I ran to the toilet, took off my pants and squatted down to feel comfortable.

After finishing the work, I looked for toilet paper and was shocked to find an empty scroll with no paper. In an instant, I realized that today is April Fool's Day, so don't come here to scold or torment people!

I was so anxious that I suddenly found a mobile phone in my pocket and cried with joy. I was very careful because I was afraid that the mobile phone would fall into a pit and lose the last life-saving straw.

Colleague No. 1 called, "I'm in the toilet, no paper, come and help me quickly!", the colleague replied: "It's April Fool's Day, someone just called for emergency toilet paper, why is there another person? It's unbelievable. !”. After finishing speaking, he hung up and cursed.

Colleague No. 2 called, "I'm in the toilet, no paper, come and help me!", the colleague replied: "Today is April Fool's Day, I refuse to go out to work, I'm sorry!". After finishing speaking, I hung up the phone, feeling in pain.

Colleague No. 3 said on the phone, "I know today is April Fool's Day. I'm in the toilet and there's no paper. Come and help me quickly. Please believe me!" The colleague replied: "How can you imitate me? I just used this How could you use it without consulting someone?" Finished. Hang up, helpless.

Colleague number 4, dialing... There was a voice from the squatting toilet next door, "Friend, don't count on it. I've been here for three hours, the phone has run out of battery, and I'm still not out of trouble!"

Fainting.

2 Last weekend, I went to visit a museum. I was in a hurry, so I ran to the men’s room. When I got there, I locked the cubicle with a bang, unbuttoned my pants, and got ready. Suddenly, a man's question came from the small room next door:

"Hey, man, how are you?"

I usually I don’t talk to other men in the men’s room, but for some reason that day, I just casually replied, “Not bad.”

Just when I was concentrating on what I was doing, When I was supposed to do something, the neighbor next door spoke again:

"What do you want to do later?"

I felt that this guy was too friendly, how could he be like this? Is it similar to a private bathroom in a private room? Maybe he

is lonely? So, although I was reluctant, I still answered him, "I'll go home after watching the exhibition."

"Can you come to my place later?"

Now, I fully understood who I was meeting: either a perverted homosexual or a psychopath. I

couldn't stand it anymore, so I said back to him harshly:

"Boring! Please stop annoying me."

Next door The man said nothing. I finally breathed a sigh of relief. Such neurosis must be dealt with severely.

Suddenly, another voice came from the next door:

“Sorry, David, I’ll turn off the phone first and call you later.

There is a perverted person next door to me who is always there to answer my questions..."

A man was in a meeting and suddenly wanted to defecate, so he came out, but he couldn't find the toilet no matter how hard he looked, So in desperation, he put the plastic bag in a corner and solved the problem on the spot. After that, he lifted the plastic bag, looked at the window above, and threw it out with a whoosh. Unexpectedly, it got stuck on the wall. It turned out that That's the shadow reflected from the window behind! Depressed! Then a female cleaner came and greeted her with a smile: Girl, I'll give you 50 yuan, can you help me remove the shit? After a while, he took out 100 yuan from his pocket and said: Brother, I will give you 100 yuan, and you can tell me how to pull your shit up.

3 One person is awesome! , couldn't pull it out, and had been squatting in there for half an hour, very upset. At this time, there were rapid footsteps outside the door, and as soon as the door closed, there was a burst of diarrhea next door. : Brother next door, I really envy you, you pulled it out so quickly. The neighbor shouted: I didn’t even have time to take off my pants!

Celery suddenly felt sick while walking. It hurt, and then he made a "porphyry" sound. What do you think he pulled out? Answer: yellow

Because: Qin Shihuang (celery yellow)

5 A friend’s child went to elementary school, and the teacher asked him to draw pictures. The first three pictures were to the general idea of ??a lost piggy. , Mother Pig was looking for the little pig, and then she found it, so we asked her to draw the fourth picture. Using our ideas, the child must have drawn the mother pig and the little pig living together happily. As everyone knows, the child drew a bonfire, and on the bonfire There were two roast pigs, one big and one small.

6 One time, on the way to school with some classmates, classmate A accidentally stepped on a horse gourd cover and fell in. Fortunately, we were in time. I caught him, but his feet were still soaked in the poop in the horse gourd... After I got him up, I looked at the horse gourd cover. This horse gourd cover is near my house. I often walk on it and it's fine. I tentatively I stepped on it with one foot and it didn't turn over. I stepped on it with both feet and didn't turn it over. I curiously said to the classmate who was cleaning the poop on his feet: "You don't know how it grows. Look, I just came up and it didn't turn over." turn. "Then I jumped twice, and the horse gourd cover suddenly flipped over... Because other students were helping A clean his shoes, no one came to catch me...

When I was in junior high school, I lived on campus and the management was relatively good. Being strict, some students couldn't bear the loneliness and secretly went to the Internet cafe to play at night. Because the door was closed, they could only jump over the wall. Unexpectedly, the strength of the jump was too weak and he jumped directly into the cesspit. . It’s past two o’clock in the middle of the night. I walked 20 miles and returned home.

Contribute all the classic jokes I collected. ．Three little white rabbits picked up two mushrooms. The older one asked the younger one to get some wild vegetables and let’s eat them together. The younger one said I won’t go and I’ll leave, so you guys ate my mushrooms. The two older ones said no, don’t worry and go ahead, so the little white rabbit went away~~~ Half a year has passed and the little white rabbit hasn't come back yet. One of the big rabbits said it won't come back. We asked the other big one to wait a little longer~~~ One year has passed and the little white rabbit hasn't come back yet. The two big rabbits agreed that they don't have to wait. Let's eat. Just then, the little white rabbit suddenly jumped out of the jungle next to him and said angrily: Look! I knew you wanted to eat my mushrooms. 2. Many things have various flavors when cooked. ...So cooking?#123; has always been very particular. But... on the contrary... there is something; if you take it and freeze it, it will be more fragrant. What is it? Electricity. Because... electricity Refrigerator->Electricity-Ice-(Fragrance)......... 3. Cars can fly. Please guess a drink...Coffee...because...(Car)-(Fly) 4 .We say that a bear without a tail is called a koala, but what kind of bear do we call a bear without a penis? The answer is a female bear, because a female bear does not have a penis to begin with. 5. Once upon a time, there was a steamed bun that ate a piece of meat. Pills~ turned into steamed buns~ 6. Once upon a time, there was a 5-minute steak and a 7-minute steak when they met on the street. Why didn’t they say hello? Because: they were not familiar with each other... 7. Q: One day, Xiao It took 1 hour to fly from Kaohsiung to Taipei, but it took 2 hours to fly back! Why? It was raining at the time, so I had to use one hand to cover the rain and the other to fly.

8. Q: Which chicken in the world is the fastest? What kind of chicken is slow? A: KFC Chicken Nuggets (Quick)

Wish you happiness! O(∩_∩)O~