Mom, tell me a joke.

Funny is everywhere. If you are happy, you can be happy secretly there. If you are unhappy, you can say what you are unhappy about, so that everyone will be happy. Will you be happy after reading 20 funny jokes that quickly became popular?

1, m: What would you do if I hugged you? Woman: resist! Man: What would you do if I kissed you? Woman: Resist. Man: If I ... Woman: Is it over? Women's power is limited after all!

I have watched many football matches! I know everything about football. Really? Then tell me, how many holes are there in the football net?

3. I passed a crossroads that day and had a desire to fart. A man just got on a motorcycle, so I wanted to take this opportunity to hide my fart. I don't know. It's too noisy. The motorcyclist thinks it's starting, so he's leaving when he's in gear. I was embarrassed that time.

After all, I couldn't outrun the BMW and watched it die in the sunset. It's not that my engine is broken, but that my chain has fallen off.

5. After getting up every morning, I watch the Forbes rich list. If my name is not on it, I will go to work.

6. Teacher: "The straight line between two points is the shortest". This axiom needs no proof. Everyone agrees that it is universally applicable ~ "Learn together:" Can you prove it? "Teacher:" You have to prove it. You put a bone 10 meters away, and then you let the dog go. It must go straight to the bone and cannot turn or detour. Dogs know this truth, what else do they need to prove? "

Husband: Honey, I'm going to invite a colleague to dinner tomorrow night. Wife: What? ! Are you out of your mind? The house hasn't been cleaned for a long time, and I haven't been to the supermarket for a long time. I haven't washed 30 dishes at home, and I don't want to cook anything decent in the kitchen! Husband: I know, dear. Wife: Then why did you invite your colleagues to dinner? Husband: Because that silly boy is full of thoughts of getting married.

8. The painter stared at the model girl doubtfully: "Is this the first time you took off your clothes in front of a man?" Model: "Of course not, but it's the first time a man doesn't take off his clothes."

9. Xiaomei wrote down her wishes when she grew up in her composition book: first, I hope to have a lovely child; Second, I also hope to have a husband who loves me. It turns out that the teacher wrote a comment: "Please pay attention to the order."

10, the manager is talking to a beautiful girl: "Sorry, swimming is forbidden here ..." "Then why didn't you tell me before I undressed?" "We didn't ban undressing."

1 1, you know? I really want to take you out to experience the charm of ktv! Do you know what ktv is? Then k stands for you, t stands for you, and finally I'll make a V gesture!

12, a company recruited female secretaries and hired psychologists as staff. The question is what is 2+2? The first answer is equal to 4; The second answer is 22; The third answer equals 4 or 22; The psychologist said: "The first woman is practical but conservative; The second is fantasy; The third one is the most suitable. " Then ask the general manager how to decide. The general manager thought for a moment and said, "It's better to wear tights."

13, A: "How can a beautiful young girl like you marry such an old man?" B: "It's nothing. When people need money, they never look at its release date. "

14, beheading is nothing, the head is no bigger than a bowl of scars, and after 18, it is a zombie.

15, the bear goes up the mountain to exercise every day. A turtle also wants to go up the mountain. The bear said, "well, you put your four legs in the shell, and I will catch up with you." When Xiong Gang went up the mountain, a bird saw it and laughed wildly. "Just like your bear, you have a flip phone."

Who do you think is the most influential physicist? I wrote Newton. As a result, I was the only one in the class who failed. Originally, everyone wrote the name of the tutor ......................................................................................................................................................................

Wife: Take this bottle of vitamins to your secretary. Husband: Why? Wife: She left a lot of hair on your clothes yesterday.

18, college girls: freshmen; Big focus; The Big Three pulled the alarm; Nobody wants to be a senior; Freshman girls exit; Sophomore girls are sold domestically, while junior girls are unsalable; Reimbursement for senior girls; Freshman girls are waiting to be soaked; Sophomore girls are soaked; Junior girls are waiting to be dumped; Senior girls were dumped; Freshman girls-basketball everyone is rushing to vote; Sophomore girls-volleyball to pick up; Junior girls-how much dodgeball can hide; Senior three girls-everyone kicked out of football.

19, at the party, someone introduced me to a new friend, saying that he became a millionaire by speculating in stocks. Wow! Awesome! Admire you! I sat next to him and quietly asked him to teach me the secret. He said to me blankly, "Actually, there is no secret ... I used to be a multimillionaire."

20. Make a sentence with "either ... or ...", Xiaoming: Popsicle is fifty cents! Also ... or

2 1 Xiaoming said to his mother, "Mom, I don't want to go to school."

Mother asked, "What's the matter?"

Xiao Ming said indignantly, "A chicken died in our school cafeteria the day before yesterday, so we ate chicken at noon. A cow died yesterday, and we had beef at noon. Today, our music teacher died. "

Mom: ". . . . . . "