What do those people who “can’t eat grapes say sour grapes” think?

There is a common saying among the people, "If you cannot eat grapes, you will say they are sour grapes." This sentence can be applied in many situations in our daily life. For example, when a colleague is promoted, there are always some comments around him about how he got the job by taking advantage of his good fortune; when a friend marries a good husband, there will be speculations such as her husband is not good enough and her mother-in-law is fierce... At the most mild cases, they are just talking behind the back and making slanderous remarks. At the most serious cases, they are directly slandering and even turning into malicious attacks. Friendships may become distant or close, and there may be turmoil among colleagues.

People walking around in this society seem to be proficient in the art of face-changing. You don’t know when the smiling person next to you will turn around and reveal a hidden secret in his smile. That’s why there are so many works of art, whether comics or articles, to express this common confusion in interpersonal relationships.

So what do these people who change their faces like the sky think, and how should we guard against them and protect ourselves? In the book "The Sour Grapes Effect", there are many Introduction to related content.

The author of "The Sour Grapes Effect" is Japan's Hiroaki Enomoto. He is a famous Japanese psychologist and holds a PhD in educational psychology from the University of Tokyo. He has conducted in-depth research on human psychological behavior and has published many important works such as "Perspective on Personality", "Interpersonal Relationships in the E-Age", and "Being Good at Talking is Being Good at Listening". This book "The Sour Grapes Effect" is even known as "the communication psychology course of the University of Tokyo that has benefited 500,000 people."

"The Sour Grapes Effect" is a very practical communication psychology lesson. It reveals the answer to "Why do some people always hate you inexplicably", which is known as "the century-old problem in interpersonal communication", and also helps us to be more understanding. A good insight into those unprovoked malicious speculations in interpersonal communication teaches us to better escape from the "traps" of interpersonal communication.

This book focuses on the psychological complex of those who often hate us for no reason, and how to deal with it calmly.

1. Inferiority

The book "The Sour Grapes Effect" introduces a concept - "panic of being despised", which roughly means that those who cannot eat grapes say grapes Most sour people have an inferiority complex and are afraid of being looked down upon, so they often show arrogance to restore their self-esteem.

This kind of people usually have an arrogant attitude and behave more deliberately. They often use various body movements in their conversations to emphasize their remarks and gain the attention of the other party. You must be extremely cautious when dealing with such people, and never make random jokes. A casual remark may touch their psychological bottom line and trigger an overreaction. For example, they will take jokes such as "You don't understand this" and "Use your brain" seriously. Then he started to refute and attack the other party fiercely.

2. Acting like a spoiled child

There is another reason for treating others maliciously, which may stem from a kind of "acting like a spoiled child" emotion, eager to get the understanding, attention and appreciation of the other party. Once this happens, Expecting no response can turn into resentment, anger, or even hatred.

This kind of emotion usually occurs in closer interpersonal relationships. The following conversations should be familiar to ordinary people:

“Because you are my wife , even if I don’t tell you, you should be able to notice that my work is not going well, so you should take the initiative to comfort me."

"As my lover, you should understand my thoughts better than the average person. Do you want me to make it that clear?"

Wait.

These conversations in daily life actually contain such an emotional instigation, and once the other party responds indifferently or makes a slight rebuttal, it will trigger a war.

According to the book "The Sour Grapes Effect", coquetry is an instinct that originated in human infancy as "a behavior of escaping from the facts to suppress the pain of separation when separated from something related to human origin." " is also an instinctive emotion that everyone will have. Therefore, in order to appease this emotion, we need to be more understanding and considerate, say something nice, apologize when it is time to apologize, and stop the loss in time. Instead of using rational thinking to argue who is right and wrong.

3. Frustration

In addition to innate physiological subjective factors, objective factors are also a major source of offensive speech. That is setbacks caused by external circumstances.

This kind of frustration can be roughly divided into two categories. One is physiological frustration, such as physical discomfort caused by harsh environmental factors. The other type is social frustration, such as ridicule, cold treatment, unfair treatment, etc. encountered accidentally. Frustration will cause cognitive distortion to a certain extent, thereby misinterpreting the meaning of others and misinterpreting non-offensive words in speech conversations as offensive remarks, thereby activating the self-protection mechanism and fighting back.

Therefore, we must quickly identify this group of people, avoid risks, and avoid harm to ourselves.

In addition to the above content, the book also uses a special chapter to introduce how we can identify these dangerous elements with the risk of attack in interpersonal communication, and how to properly handle when interpersonal communication reaches a deadlock. In addition, the book also introduces the changes that modern devices have brought to our lives and the causes of online violence. These contents provide us with a good way to deal with personal emotions and avoid risks in interpersonal interactions. As for how to use it, it depends on the readers' own reading experience.