Someone told a joke that you could laugh heartily. I am in a bad mood at the moment.

A jewelry store was stolen. When the police arrived at the scene, they found a drunk lying there. In order to find out the whereabouts of the jewels, the police found a bucket of cold water, pushed the drunk's head into the water and asked, "Did you see those jewels?"

The drunk opened his misty eyes and said, "Sorry, I really can't find it. You'd better change a diver! " "

A gambler took 1000 yuan from home to gamble. A few hours later, he came back.

His wife quickly asked, "Did that big bill have a baby?"

"Yes, yes," the gambler said sadly, taking out two 10 yuan bills from his pocket. "It's a pity that their mother died."

Wise move

A citizen of Moscow lost a parrot-a parrot that can swear.

Who knows what will be said outside? The shopkeeper was very nervous. In order to avoid unnecessary trouble, he specially published an advertisement in a prestigious newspaper with a large circulation: "I lost a talking parrot, and I hereby solemnly declare that I disagree with its political views."

A family gave birth to a son, a gifted baby. After a child is born, he can talk and recognize people.

Start your own family. Sadly, the relatives died as soon as the child called them.

The child called grandpa, who was drinking water and choked to death at once. The child called grandma, and grandma was crossing.

Entered the threshold, fell down and died.

The father of the child saw that the child was so old, took a look at the child and was preparing to run away from home. I didn't expect the child's

Sweep your eyes and open your mouth. Father trembled with fear. Sure enough, the child called "Dad". Father's heart

Suddenly sank to the bottom of the sea: "I can't die like this, I will die in bed!" " "Father climbed with his legs.

Get into bed and wait for death.

Waiting and waiting, my father waited for hours, but he never died. Father's loyalty jumped up: "baby!" "

Can't beat his father! "。 Father is spreading everywhere.

At this time, the neighbor's sister-in-law came to inform her father with tears: "My poor husband was fine just now and suddenly cried."

I don't know how I died! "

Someone went to the laboratory, and the nurse pointed to a sign in front and said that non-undergraduate personnel were not allowed to enter.

The visitor was furious and scolded, "I'll take a urine test and get a fucking bachelor's degree."

The wife asked her husband: Do you like my gentleness and cuteness or my cleverness and beauty?

Husband: I like your sense of humor!

One day Xiaoming and his classmate Xiaojie went to the toilet together.

Xiao Ming went straight out of the toilet after urinating.

Xiaojie asked him: Why didn't you wash your hands today? Didn't everyone wash their hands after pulling?

Xiaoming mysteriously told him: I brought toilet paper today.

A college student was caught by the enemy. The enemy tied him to a telephone pole and asked him, where are you from? I'll electrocute you if you don't tell me! The college student replied to the enemy's words and was electrocuted. He said, I'm from TV University!

During an army exercise, a shell accidentally fell into Gua Tian, and a soldier was sent to inspect it. A man in rags said with a sad face: This is not just stealing melons, but also peeling them.

X leader went to Xishuangbanna for inspection, just in time for the Water-splashing Festival. Of course, the leader wanted to have fun with the people, but in the end he became a drowned rat. Then I heard him shout: Who the fuck threw me, Lao tze xxx! ! ! ! ! ! ! The local escort immediately advised: this is a local folk custom. How can you swear like that? The leader is furious: I know this is a folk custom, but tmd uses boiled water!

A woman urinated in the toilet, and a drunk went by mistake after drinking. Hearing the sound of urinating, he quickly said, don't arrive, I really don't drink! The woman was too frightened to pee again. She couldn't hold back and farted. The drunkard said, fuck! Why did you take another bottle!

Women are so ugly that they will never get married, hoping to be trafficked. One day, her dream finally came true and she was kidnapped. The kidnapper thought she was ugly and sent her home. The woman insisted on not getting off the bus, and the kidnapper leader gritted his teeth and stamped his feet and said, fuck, let's go! No car! !

A leader visited Jiangyin in the evening and came to the door of the textile factory. There are six red lights hanging at the door: Jiangyin Wool Textile Factory. Only the word "Jiang" is not bright. After reading it, the leader asked with concern, "Are raw materials easy to handle?"