Looking for classic jokes that can be used in articles and the like

[ There was a child selling tofu who always thought that a nun was a monk’s wife. One day, a nun went to buy tofu, and the child called her "monk's wife." This made the nun so angry that she left without giving her any money.

The child cried while sitting on the floor. At this time, a monk happened to be passing by. The child stepped forward and grabbed him and said, "Your wife doesn't pay for tofu when she buys it!"

The monk said, "Where do I have a wife?" "It's that nun." "If you call her aunt, she will give you the money." The child happily went to the nun: "Aunt, please give me the tofu money."

The nun stopped calling her when she saw the child. "Monk's Wife" happily gave the money and asked: "Who asked you to call me that?" "Uncle."]

[ Late at night, a bus was about to be handed over after the last one. , the driver looked back and saw a lady in white sitting in the last row. The driver continued to drive and looked at the rearview mirror. He was shocked to see that the woman was gone again. He quickly braked and looked back. He was sitting there again. The driver felt guilty and turned around to continue driving. He carefully looked at the rearview mirror again. The woman was there. No more, huge surprise! He quickly braked and looked back, and the woman appeared again. Facing collapse, the driver turned around in a cold sweat and continued driving. The third time the driver looked at the rearview mirror, the woman was gone again. The driver had collapsed and braked hard again, but did not turn around. At this time, the woman walked slowly in front of him, with messy hair and full face. His face was covered with blood, dripping on his feet. The driver's body had stiffened, and he did not dare to turn his head to look at her. The woman said in a very deep voice: "I have a grudge against you! As soon as I knelt down to tie my shoelaces, You brake suddenly, and as soon as you squat down, you brake again"]

[When I was in middle school, I fell in love with a beautiful girl in the Italian liberal arts class. Although we knew each other, I had no chance to get closer. For a long time, They can only be viewed from a distance and nothing can be done. I have discussed numerous ways to get close to beautiful women with my deskmates, but most of them are too shameless and few are feasible. Later, I came up with a simple idea, which is to strike up a conversation with her when you meet her. The content of the conversation is: Hey, what a coincidence, you also XXXX. The content of XXXX depends on the specific situation. For example, if we meet by chance in the library, we will say: Oh, what a coincidence, you also come to the library. If we meet by chance at the station, we will say: Oh, what a coincidence, you also take this bus. Then you can expand the topic and continue the conversation.

After pretending to be this in my heart, I thought about meeting her every day. Finally one day: I came out of the toilet and saw her washing her hands by the sink. I was so excited that I hurried forward and turned on the faucet to wash my hands too. She smiled at me, and I said excitedly: Hey, what a coincidence, you peed on your hands too? ]

[ When I first graduated: Brothers, there will be a wife in the future; One year after graduation: Brothers, there will be a wife in the future; Later: Brothers, I regret having a wife; And later: Brothers, there will be a wife in the future A step-wife; finally: Brothers, I regret having a step-wife~]

[The kid next door finally vowed to lose weight - at the graduation job fair, someone said to him: "Brother, let For a moment, you are blocking my mobile phone signal."]

[You are not the little novice monk adopted by the mentally retarded master of the Shaolin Temple who was unparalleled in the world in swordsmanship and martial arts in Huashan. A dung ball that Xiaoqiang, a cockroach that was crushed by his pet dog Wangcai, once rolled over? ]

[Money can buy a house but not a home, it can buy a marriage but not love, it can buy a clock but not time. Money is not everything, but the source of pain. Give me your money and let me bear the pain alone! ]

[The fish said: I keep my eyes open all the time so that I can’t bear to leave you. Water says: I flow tirelessly all day long just to surround you and hold you tightly. Guo said: It’s almost cooked and there’s still so much nonsense. . ]

[One day there was a mother-in-law riding in a car... She didn't know the road halfway through the ride... She spanked the driver with a stick and said: Where is this? The driver said: This is my butt...]

[The baby asked her mother: "How to make a sentence using ABCDEFG?" Mom: "A! Is this child B from C's family? Standing barefoot on D I didn’t even wear EF, and my little GG was still exposed..."]

[The thief who stole my wallet opened it and saw only five dollars, and sighed with tears: "It's not easy!"

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[It is said that a farmer drove a cattle cart into the city and was stopped by the police because he did not have a license plate. The farmer found a broken board and wrote a plate on it and hung it up. The policeman fainted immediately after looking at the plate. The plate said: Cow B-74110]

[Two dumplings got married. After seeing off the guests, the groom returned to the bedroom and found a meatball lying on the bed! The groom was shocked and asked where the bride was. Meatballzi said shyly: "I hate it. You won't recognize me when I take off my clothes!" ]

[A group of ants climbed onto the elephant's back, but were shaken off. Only one ant held on to the elephant's neck tightly. The ants below shouted: strangle him to death. Choke him to death, little boy, and you fucking did it the other way! ]

[A puppy climbed up on your dining table and crawled towards a roasted chicken. You said angrily: I will do whatever you dare to do to that roasted chicken. The result is small. The dog licked the chicken's butt and you fainted. The dog happily said: Let's see who is cruel. ]

[You were walking on the road, and a female dog pounced on you, bit a piece of meat from your foot, and swallowed it quickly. When you stretched your foot and was about to kick it, the dog said with tears in her eyes: You Fight, I already have your flesh and blood in my belly anyway! ]

[The mouse was very depressed without a girlfriend. Finally, a bat agreed to marry him, and the mouse was very happy. Others laughed at his lack of vision. Mouse: What do you know? She is a stewardess after all.

[Yesterday I dreamed that God said he could grant me a wish. I took out the globe and said I wanted world peace, but he said it was too difficult to change it. I took out your photo and said I want this person to be beautiful. He thought for a while and said he would better take the globe and I will take a look at it. ]

[A girl is so ugly that she cannot marry and hopes to be trafficked. My dream finally came true, but I couldn’t sell it for half a month. The kidnappers sent her back, but she refused to get out of the car. The kidnappers gritted their teeth and stamped their feet: Let's go, I don't want the car anymore. ]

[A little mouse on the cliff waved its short front paws, jumping down again and again, trying to learn to fly.

The female bat next to her saw her head smashed and bleeding, and said worriedly: Its father, if you don’t tell it, it is not our biological child...]

[Yes It was my first time selling popsicles at the market. I was embarrassed to shout out. There was a person next to me shouting: Selling popsicles! , he had to shout: Me too. ]

[A man fed peanuts to a monkey. The monkey always stuffed peanuts into its butthole and then ate them again. The man didn’t understand and asked the administrator. He replied: It ate a big peach last year and it took a lot of effort to remove the core. Pulled it out, so now it has to measure everything it eats. ]