Ten funny jokes about Yue Fei

The Encyclopedia of Stories and Folk Stories column organizes and collects some folk stories for readers to read online. Here I have compiled for you a folk tale about ten funny jokes about Yue Fei. Please follow my steps and read the ten cold jokes about Yue Fei.

1. Nursing Home

Yue Fei's family is poor, but he has shown abilities that are not commensurate with his age since he was a child. Before he reached adulthood, he could pull a three-hundred-jin bow and fire an eight-stone (one-thousand-jin) crossbow.

Yue Fei had a fellow countryman named Zhou Tong who was good at shooting from a distance. Yue Fei studied with him and quickly learned all his skills. After that, Yue Fei learned the skill of Chen Guang, a famous gunman. The only people who can lift a sedan chair are those who are sitting on the sedan chair. They hold their feet firmly on the sedan chair and walk without resting. After walking for a while, the county magistrate himself made his legs numb and sat on his back. I was sore and wanted to get off the sedan to stretch my waist and legs before I could rest: "Okay, you guys need to take a rest first, rest." "Hit", and soon became "invincible in one county" in terms of gun skills.

In order to make a living, Yue Fei went to work as a nurse in the Han family of Zhujintang in Anyang County, Xiangzhou. The Han family is the hometown of Prime Minister Han Qi, and is a famous family compound in the local area.

On one occasion, a group of about a hundred peasant thugs headed by Zhang Chao surrounded the Han family compound and wanted to rob it. Yue Fei climbed up the high wall, drew his strong bow, and shot Zhang Chao to death with one arrow, scaring the others to flee.

This incident made Yue Fei different from ordinary nursing homes in the eyes of the Han family children. They were willing to contact and talk with Yue Fei. Yue Fei also came into contact with this group of strong men at the intellectual level, controlled by a leader. The big leader has a strong back and a thick beard, and is known as Boss Chen. The leader has a short stature and a good spear that can shoot through the poplars at any time. Not only does Mei Zhu not have children, he also hates Xiao Hua. He always feels that Xiao Hua is an eyesore. He picks on Xiao Hua every day. The corners of his mouth were bleeding and he was crying loudly. Zheng Debiao thought that it was not good to keep doing this. It was time to find a good family to marry Xiaohua. Dharma, known as Guan Yanwang. Although the leader is blind in his left eye, he has superb martial arts and is known as the life-threatening Zhao Shenquan. People make alliances based on blood and worship as sworn brothers. They were active in the northwest of Liaoning Province. They ate wine and meat from large bowls and divided gold and silver on large scales. At their peak, there were hundreds of people. However, after many rounds of encirclement and suppression by the army, their vitality was severely damaged, and only a few dozen people were left. In desperation, they came here in an attempt to make a comeback. This time the bandit leaders got the news and decided to rob the sedan chair and beat the ticket hard. A higher class broadens your horizons and your conversation.

2. Alcoholism

Yue Fei's alcoholism was contracted when he was working as a nurse in the Han family. When he was twenty years old, he left the Han family and worked as a tourist in a town in Xiangzhou. Xi (archer). But one time when he was drunk, he made a mistake and lost his position, so he enlisted in the army.

After becoming a general, he was drunk and beat Jiangxi official Zhao Bingyuan who was drinking with him so hard that he almost died. When Emperor Gaozong Zhao Gou met Yue Fei for the first time, he warned Yue Fei to stop drinking. Yue Fei obeyed and never drank alcohol again.

One time when it rained during the march, Yue Fei and his men went to the temple to take shelter from the rain. During the chat, Yue Fei said: "I used to like drinking and made some mistakes. My mother and the emperor both told me to stop drinking. I am now Although I have quit, when we reach Huanglong City, I will definitely quit drinking and have a drink with you guys!" Mr. Jin returned to the hall and drank tea with Mr. Huang outside, chatting. While chatting, the topic turned to the coffin in the back garden. Mr. Jin cupped his hands and said, "Brother, I was walking in your back garden just now and saw a coffin parked in the garden with the body of a young man lying inside. I want to buy his heart."

3. Killing his uncle

When Yue Fei was stationed in Yixing, some people complained that he went to the hut outside the city again that night and still talked to the old man as usual. Who was he talking to? Chess, bad Song Yu was arrogant. Seeing that his physical illness was no longer serious, he wanted to show off his chess skills in front of the old man. The black stones on the chessboard were aggressive, and all the white stones were eaten were only corners. The old man was calm and leisurely, put away the chess pieces, and said : "After today, you don't have to come again."

Song Yu was puzzled, and the old man sighed helplessly: "Young master can't keep his promise, and I can't do anything about it. The secret of heaven has been leaked, and I can't go against it anymore. I originally cherished my talent of Qilin, and came to rescue you. But I don't know how hard I worked. That's all, everyone has their own destiny, the young master can go back and prepare for the funeral." As soon as he finished speaking, he disappeared. , his uncle Yao caused harassment to the local area. Regarding this violation of military law, Yue Fei told his mother: "A son can tolerate it, but military law cannot." However, after his mother's strong dissuasion, he still let his uncle go.

Unexpectedly, Yao had a grudge and secretly fired a cold arrow at Yue Fei on the way out. Fortunately, he missed Yue Fei and only hit the horse's saddle bridge. Yue Fei immediately captured Yao on horseback, ordered Wang Gui and Zhang Xian to seize his hands, and took his own sword to cut his heart.

After returning home, the mother cried bitterly and said that her son should not have killed his brother. Yue Fei knelt on the ground and said: "He violated military discipline. They trekked for a whole month and finally found the Demon Palace. After resting for a while, Lei Bao took the vanguard and led Fairy Yun into the Glass Palace. The Demon King was naturally very angry when he found out that someone had broken in. , roared and rushed over, Lei Bao rushed up to fight, and told Fairy Yun behind him to take care of himself. , He almost shot me to death. If I die, who will support my mother? It’s God’s blessing that he didn’t shoot me today. Me, if I don't kill him, I will be killed by him sooner or later." 4. Niu Gao

Niu Gao is Yue Fei's good brother in the storytelling novels, but he is not actually Yue Fei. Direct lineage, but was later allocated to Yue Feijun as an external force.

Niu Gao fought bravely and never cared about merit. Yue Fei's army attacked Suizhou of the puppet Qi Dynasty. Zhang Xian and Xu Qing, two generals who were experienced in fighting, led their troops to fight for many days without success. However, Niu Gao captured Suizhou in less than three days. All the credit was given to Zhang Xian, saying: "Everyone is serving the country, there is no need to care about whose contribution."

During the battle to rescue Luzhou, Niu Gao and Xu Qing led the cavalry to defend against the enemy. When the enemy came, Niu Gao led a small number of cavalry to meet him, shouting: "I am Niu Gao, how dare the enemy come here!"

As a result, his reputation and bravery frightened the enemy, and the Yue family The army was victorious. Afterwards, Yue Laolu smiled slightly: "You don't know this, don't worry, you will be full of praises later. Lu Ming, hurry up and ask someone to bring the boiling water." When Fei went up to report his military achievements, he The biggest credit went to his beloved general Xu Qing, who was promoted from a martial arts master to a martial arts doctor. On Niu Gao Day, the villagers were going to Laohu Cave to give away pigs again. In the early morning, two strong men walked towards the Tiger Cave carrying the fattest pig. When they arrived in front of the Tiger Cave, the two men put down the fat pig and left. Only Guan Yi was promoted by two levels.

Everyone who knew about this incident, Jin Xigeng said: "I died of illness. The rental car couldn't wait for me, so I went by myself. Is there a rental car here?" Do you think Yue Meiniang Hotel hired one? Young man. Someone calculated an account for her. Since she made this weird rule, not only has she not made any money, but she has to pay a lot of money every day to pay the wages of the clerks. What is she trying to do by leaving such a prosperous business unfinished? Everyone was puzzled. Although others are talking about it, Mei Niang still goes her own way. In order to prevent someone from secretly stealing the "rosé" wine despite clearly not being able to get it, she specially arranged for staff to patrol around the hotel day and night. Niu Gao was the only one who didn't care about Fei's selfishness.

5. Zibi Guanzhang

Although Yue Fei had repeatedly made military exploits, he was still under Zhang Jun's restrained command until the fourth year of Jianyan. He very much hoped to show off his talents.

Yue Fei's staff included many scholars. Once in a conversation with these scholars, Yue Fei confided: "If I can be like several generals, directly dispatched by the imperial court and act independently, I can be unchecked. I am dedicated to making contributions to the country, and I want my Yue Fei's name to be written in the history books of future generations, just like Guan Yu and Zhang Fei during the Three Kingdoms period. "

6. Seniors

Liu Guangshi, Han Shizhong, Zhang Jun and Yue Luqiao were not in a hurry at all. When it was time to eat and sleep, they called the brothers up when nothing happened and told them about the past. He said that when Wang Yi ran a wine shop, his life was very good. But his family was very poor, but Wang Yi didn't think he was poor and even made friends with him. He needed money, and Wang Yi gave it to him before he could ask for it.

After borrowing money, Wang Yi never opened his mouth to fly and became known as the Four Generals of ZTE. However, these three people had higher qualifications than Yue Fei. When the Song Dynasty moved south, they were the highest military commanders.

Especially Zhang Jun. A few years ago, Yue Fei was a general in his army. Unexpectedly, Yue Fei, with his continuous military exploits, soon became equal to him in official positions, but surpassed him in reputation. This made him Very jealous.

It’s not that Yue Fei doesn’t understand the world. During his tenure, he kept writing letters to Han Shizhong and Zhang Jun. Although he rarely received replies, he still insisted on writing to the two senior generals. Within a year or two, I actually wrote more than thirty letters.

After putting down Yang Yao's uprising, Yue Fei's army obtained a large amount of loot. He selected two vehicles and ships, along with combat personnel and combat equipment, and gave one to Han Shizhong and Zhang Jun respectively.

Han Shizhong was very happy to see him and cleared up many misunderstandings; but Zhang Jun was even more jealous because he thought this was Yue Fei's deliberate display of military exploits.

7. Sour stuffing

Whether in wartime or in peacetime, Yue Fei always kept himself humble. His usual diet was only a plate of fried pork and pasta, and he never had any second meat.

One time when a chicken was served, Yue Fei was very surprised and asked the reason. The chef said that it was a gift from an official in Ezhou. Yue Fei immediately told him not to accept such expensive gifts in the future.

A troop not affiliated with Yue Fei was also stationed in Ezhou. Its general Hao invited Yue Fei to his camp for dinner and served him a bowl of "sour stuffing".

Yue Fei had never eaten sour stuffing before. He only ate one and asked his men to pack it up. He said: "Don't eat such a delicious thing all at once. Save it for dinner." Hao After hearing this, I was very ashamed.

8. Not taking concubines

Yue Fei got married when he was fifteen years old. His wife Liu was slightly older than him, and they gave birth to a son, Yue Yun, the following year. But during the war, Yue Fei's hometown of Tangyin in Henan Province fell. After a few years, Kou Zhun didn't know what happened, so he asked the villagers why. The villagers said that every spring, two young children in the village would be killed and sacrificed to the white tigers in the mountains. Otherwise, a big disaster will happen and the entire village will suffer. This custom has been followed for many years. Kou Zhun was furious when he heard this, and said: "The world is peaceful, the world is bright, everything in the world is not the imperial land. Such a matter of human life is so important to heaven, how can we act arbitrarily and disregard human life!" When the villagers saw that Kou Zhun's tone was not small, they were afraid of getting burned, so they hurriedly He stopped him and said, "Guest, keep your voice down. If the village owner hears it and blames it, the common people will not be able to afford it!" When he found his mother and son, Mrs. Liu had already remarried.

After crossing to the south, Yue Fei married Li from Yixing. Li was very virtuous, served her mother-in-law, raised her husband and raised her children. The couple had a good relationship and gave birth to several more children.

As a general, Yue Fei did not take concubines or concubines like other people of similar status, which was very rare at the time.

Wu D, a famous general and envoy of Xuanfu in Sichuan and Shaanxi, once sent an envoy to Yue Fei's Ezhou army. During the reception, the envoy was surprised to find that there was no dancing girl music at the banquet, and was only accompanied by the general and staff. After returning, he told Wu Dang the news.

In order to please Yue Fei, Wu D spent 2,000 yuan to buy a noble woman and sent two of his wives to escort her to Ezhou.

Yue Fei arranged the three women in the room, stood in front of the screen and told them: "My family wears coarse clothes and eats coarse vegetables and pasta. If you ladies can endure hardship, please stay here." If you can't bear the hardship, Yue Fei won't dare to stay." At that time, the woman in the room didn't reply, but Yue Fei heard laughter. It is obvious that this woman has a mocking attitude towards simple life. So, this woman was sent back by Yue Fei without even seeing her.

9. Only go

The imperial court wanted to get rid of Yue Fei and sent people to summon Yue Fei who was in Lushan to return to Hangzhou. At that time, Yue Fei had been falsely accused and the imperial court had arrested him. Zhang Xian and Yue Yun, although Yue Fei had doubts in his heart, he still followed the order and returned to Hangzhou. On the way, he only brought a few men with him.

One night, he stayed overnight at an inspector's house by the river, insisting that he would not bother others and would only sleep in the doorway.

The famous Yue Shaobao was allowed to spend the night in the doorway. The inspector was very uneasy and went to spy on him at night.

He saw several of Yue Fei's men trying to persuade him under the candlelight. Their voices were so low that they could not be heard. They were probably trying to persuade him not to fall into a trap, but Yue Fei's expression was very serious. Wave your hand and say, "You just have to go!"

① When a child is born, believers in Europe and the United States ask a male believer to be the child's godfather and a female believer to be the child's godmother. In Yue Fei's heart, he has made great contributions to the country and is worthy of heaven and earth. Where would he not dare to go?

10. Charges

Yue Fei was tortured in prison, but he refused to admit that he had conspired to rebel. Wan Qixie and others had no choice but to collude with Wang Diao'er, a scumbag in Yue Fei's army, and concocted several major crimes:

First, when Yue Fei first served as the military governor, he proudly said: "The establishment of a festival at the age of thirty-two is rare since ancient times. Only Taizu, the founder of the country, has it." - Arrogant and arrogant, he actually compares himself to Taizu!

Second, when Yue Fei arrived from Yancheng, Shen Nong thought that he had been to the Xiangjiang River in Hunan. The environment here is as beautiful as the Xiangjiang River. I think this lake should be called "Xiang Lake"! After the imperial edict, he was unhappy. One night he stayed in a temple and had a conversation with Wang Gui, Zhang Xian, Dong Xian and other close generals. Yue Fei asked: "How are the affairs of the world going?" After a moment of silence, Zhang Xian replied: "Mr. Deal with you. "--Dissatisfied with the court and plotting evil!

Third, when the Jin army invaded Huaixi, Yue Fei refused to rescue him. When he heard that Han Shizhong and Zhang Jun were defeated, he pointed at Zhang Xian and said, "I think you only need to bring troops like the Zhang Jiajun." You can trample them with ten thousand people."

Then he pointed at Dong Xian and said, "Like Han Jiajun, you don't need to bring ten thousand troops to trample them." - Arrogant and arrogant. Kill friendly troops.

Fourth, Yue Fei convened a meeting of generals and suddenly said: "The current situation of the country is terrible, and the officials (emperors) do not practice morality!" - The following offense is inciting rebellion.

When these fabricated charges were finally signed by Yue Fei, Yue Fei angrily wrote eight words: "The sky is clear! The sky is clear!"

The above is about Yue Fei All the contents of the ten cold jokes are here. You are welcome to share the story network with your relatives and friends!

Yue Fei’s jokes