Want a lot of jokes and cold jokes.

1. Late at night, my husband didn't come back. The daughter is anxious to call her mother: "Mom! He hasn't come back yet, there must be another woman! " Mother comforted softly: "silly child, be good, don't think the worst, something may have happened!" "

2. An old man went to see the underwear fashion show for the first time. After seeing the thong, he was deeply touched: in the past, he could see his ass only by pulling his shorts, but now he can see his shorts only by pulling his ass.

3. One day, a couple took a bus, and the sun was bigger. The car turned a corner, and the woman was illuminated by the sun and wanted to change with her boyfriend. The car turned around again, and the woman was sunburned again, asking for another one. After going back and forth several times, the man finally got angry: I won't change, I'm not a sunflower!

There was a mental patient who always thought he was a mouse, and finally recovered under the treatment of a doctor. On the day of discharge, the doctor sent him to the door, and suddenly a cat came face to face. He was scared and pale. The doctors asked him strangely, "You are no longer a mouse, why are you still afraid of cats?" He said, "I know I'm not a mouse, but does the cat know?"

Two mental patients, one in red and the other in green, escaped from the hospital. They ran and ran, and then climbed a tree. After a while, the man in red jumped down from the tree and rolled and rolled. Then he looked up and said to the man above, "Hey, why don't you come down?" The man above answered him, "No! I haven't cooked ... "

6. Shopping with colleagues and seeing the price of baby milk powder, the girl sighed and patted her chest deeply: "Be sure to live up to expectations ..."

7. A man and a woman are in a hurry on the train. In front of the toilet, the man said to the woman, "Sister, I'll go first. I can't hold back! " The woman sent a voice close to asking for help: "Brother, I'd better go in first. At least you have something to pinch. I have nothing to pinch. My legs are sore! "

There is a small shop in front of my house. The advertisement broadcast every day is "the boss has run away, the boss has run away, and the boss has no intention to operate." It lasted for a month and was changed to: "The boss's wife came back, the boss came back, and the boss celebrated, with a big discount." The following month: "The proprietress ran away again, and the proprietress ran away again ..."

9. A girl was caught cheating in a college exam, and the invigilator ordered her to leave the examination room. The girl lay prone on the table and began to cry. The invigilator quickly comforted: "Nothing, not all subjects are not allowed for you to take the exam, go back!" The girl cried even harder, so the teacher had to say, "Don't cry, isn't this cheating?" The girl is still crying, with a runny nose and tears. The teacher is very helpless: "Why don't we copy more?" The whole class fainted!

10. Tang Sanzang: Bajie, run two steps to show the master Pig Bajie: Master, why do you suddenly want to see the apprentice run away? Tang Sanzang: Hey! Shame! I have been a teacher in a temple since I was a child. I have never eaten pork or seen a pig run.

1 1. My wife has a big breast and a small breast. B: Yes. What is that? My wife is small at the same time.

12. This morning, my boyfriend touched me in a daze. After touching me twice, he suddenly turned me over and asked me to turn my back on him and start touching, touching twice and then turning back. I was so angry that I woke him up: "What are you playing in the early morning, turning people over?" My boyfriend was completely awake and said, "I just fell asleep." I touched it and thought it was my back, so I turned it over and found that it was still my back, so I turned it over again. "

13. Two beautiful women are discussing what cosmetics have the best whitening effect in the elevator. At the same time, there was a black man beside him, listening silently. Suddenly the black man said to the two beautiful women, "It's no use! I tried, it's useless! "

Next, I'll tell you some cold jokes.

One day, when I was walking on the road, I felt very hot, so I picked it piece by piece and it was gone.

There is a steamed stuffed bun walking on the road. He felt very hungry and ate himself.

One day, there was a fudge walking in the street. As she was walking, she suddenly said, "Oh, dear! My legs are so soft! "

One day, bean paste buns were walking on the road, and suddenly they had an accident and their stomachs were broken. Before he died, he looked at his stomach and said, "Oh, I am just a bean paste bag."

There was a matchstick, and when I was walking, I suddenly felt itchy, so I scratched it and caught fire with too much force ... I went to the hospital for emergency treatment, and when I came out, it became a cotton swab. ...

One day mung beans committed suicide, jumped down from the fifth floor, shed a lot of blood and became red beans; It has been squeezed dry and turned into soybeans; The wound was scarred and finally turned into black beans.

There is a Grenade. One day, after eating, it cleaned its teeth. Suddenly, it found a thorn between its teeth. It pulled it out hard and exploded. ...

There is a polar bear playing with a penguin. Penguins pull out his hair one by one. After pulling it out, he said to the polar bear, "It's so cold!" "

Hearing this, the polar bear tore off his hair one by one and turned to the penguin and said, "It's really cold!" " "

The doctor asked the patient how he broke his bone. A: I feel sand in my shoes, so I shake my shoes with a telephone pole. I shook and shook ... a man thought I was electrocuted, so he picked up a wooden stick and gave me two.

One day, the little penguin asked his grandmother, "Grandma, am I a penguin?"

"Yes, of course you are a penguin."

The little penguin asks his father again, "Dad, am I a penguin?"

"Yes, what's the matter?"

"But ... but ... why do I feel so cold?"

In hot summer, two bananas are walking on the road. The banana walking in front suddenly felt so hot. It said, "It's too hot. I want to take off my clothes. "

Then, it peeled off the skin.

As a result, the banana in the back fell down.

One day, three little pigs built three huts to avoid being chased by wolves. Wolves easily destroyed straw houses, wooden houses and brick houses. The three little pigs tried to escape, but they were caught by the wolf.

Three little pigs said to the wolf in despair, "It's up to you. We'll give up. It's up to you."

At this moment, the wolf grinned and drooled and said, "Then tell me where Little Red Riding Hood is!" " "

A gecko got lost in front of a securities company, and a crocodile crawled over and tried to eat it. In desperation, the little gecko hugged the crocodile's leg and shouted, "Mom!" " Crocodile is stupefied, immediately burst into tears: "Son, you've just been trading stocks for half a month and you're so thin?" ! "

The stewardess advised passengers to fasten their seat belts.

"The plane made a forced landing for the last time, and everyone who didn't wear a seat belt fell bloody."

Q: "The one with the seat belt."

A: "Nothing, everyone is seated, just like the living."

Boyfriend and girlfriend go shopping together,

Girlfriend: Ouch, my feet are so sore.

Boyfriend is nervous: What's the matter? Did you step on a lemon?

Father and son take the bus.

Son: Dad, when will it arrive?

Father: Stop it.

Son: When will it stop?

Father: I stopped when I arrived.