Who will tell me a joke? The less people know, the better. Must be funny, not funny, no points.

1. When I was born, it happened that the midwife was lovelorn. Because I didn't cry the first time, she beat me up.

When I was one year old, I just learned to crawl and walked around the house. I found a mouse trap under my bed. It is said that the mousetrap has been bought back for two years, and no mouse has been caught. It was my hand that caught it for the first time.

I learned to walk when I was two years old. Play hide-and-seek with my parents at home. I hid under the bed and stepped on another mousetrap. It is said that this mousetrap has been bought back for three years, and it was my leg that was caught for the first time.

When I was three years old, I wanted to go down the stairs. Mrs. Zhang next door said that she would lead me downstairs in order not to fall. As a result, she fell down the stairs before she finished. From the fourth floor to the first floor, you can directly enter the stage of Alzheimer's disease.

When I was four years old, my uncle led me across the street. I didn't say thank you. He was hit by a motorcycle crossing the street and was disabled for the first time.

When I was five years old, my father sent me to kindergarten. My aunt in kindergarten praised me for my beauty. As soon as the words were finished, a vase fell from the fifth floor and directly hit my aunt's skull.

When I was six years old, I went to the zoo for the first time. I said, that male panda looks better than that female panda. The next day, the panda I praised died in childbirth.

When I was seven years old, I went to primary school. In the final exam, the math teacher said that I got 59 points, even if I got 60 points. The next day, the math teacher died in a car accident.

When I was eight years old, I praised the girls in our class for being so beautiful. Five minutes later, the girl caught a rare meteor shower.

10. When I was nine years old, I learned to rob. I robbed a five-year-old child on the road. And he beat him up. He claimed to be a lay disciple of Shaolin Temple.

1 1. When I was ten years old, I went to the toilet with Xiao Pang. Xiao Pang praised me for being handsome in the toilet. I was just about to say thank you. Xiao Pang fell into the toilet.

12. When I was eleven, my teacher asked me how much Panax notoginseng was. I said seven seven twenty one. The teacher said, you are so smart. You died of a heart attack before you finished it.

13. Twelve years old, primary school graduation exam. The invigilator said to me, hurry up, there is not much time. I said, thank you for reminding me. Just then, the electric fan above the teacher fell off. ...

14. When I was thirteen years old, I went to junior high school. My previous experience scared no one near me. Only a so-called bold classmate Wang Xing told me: I don't believe you can recite like this. In the afternoon, Wang Dan was chased by two bulls for eight blocks.

15. At the age of fourteen, our teacher asked us to write a composition entitled Our Bridge. I mentioned in my composition that the bridge in the city is magnificent ... The next day, when I went to class, I found that the bridge suddenly collapsed.

16. When I was fifteen, I fell in love with a girl. I dare not say, for fear of hurting her. But I can't help myself. Finally, I chose a sunny day and confessed to her in the open-air playground of the school. According to the weather forecast, there will never be a meteor shower that day. But when I confessed, the earthquake happened, and I watched the girl cry and fall into the crack. ...

17. When I was sixteen, I was in high school. I like playing football, and the goalkeeper praised me for playing well. So the target suddenly collapsed. ...

18. When I was seventeen, I followed the crowd to watch a scene of jumping off a building. As a result, I was crushed by him ... Two months later, he and I were both discharged from the hospital. At the gate of the inpatient department, he said thank you for saving him. So he was crushed by another jumper, and he didn't survive this time ...

19. When I was eighteen, I came of age. The first time I went to the bank to withdraw money, I met a bank robber. The counter lady said, shh … don't make any noise, or the robbers will kill people. As soon as the voice fell, the lady at the counter was twisted by the robbers. ...

20. Nineteen years old, going to college and drinking with classmates. Four of them drank two bottles of wine, and three of them followed Yan. I was expelled from school and put on probation. ...

When I was 20 years old, I told my classmates that flying is safer than taking the train. So, the plane began to descend. ...

When I was twenty-one, I told my father that if I had the chance, I would definitely visit the American Twin Towers. So, 9 1 1 happened. ...

On 23rd 22nd, I made a bet with my colleagues that China would definitely get good results in the World Cup. So ... later, I was invited to attend a national seminar on why I was so unlucky. When I submitted my story to the organizing Committee, the theme became why I was so lucky. I'll sit in.

24. When I was 23 years old, in April, I quit my job in a bank and went to an air travel company. Soon after, SARS came. The company went bankrupt. ...

25. In those days, when I was unemployed at home, I really had nothing to do. I talked about a girlfriend. After the old routine, it is ks. As a result, the mask was turned upside down. ...

I am very touched to see that many people have made a fortune by SARS. I scraped together 6.5438+0.5 million and pulled a load of vegetables. When I arrived in Beijing, someone paid 250 thousand for it. Hum! Wait, no. 350 thousand is impossible On the third day, the price of vegetables stabilized and the food began to rot. Find a buyer quickly. The other party offered 3000 yuan and sold it. ...

27. There is an old saying in China: Whoever falls will get up from there! I found that the supply of masks has been in short supply and the price has gone up, so I started to set up a factory to produce "Shuai" brand masks. It is very economical to use waste materials, earning 10 thousand a day. The next day, the Administration for Industry and Commerce and the Technical Supervision Bureau closed our factory and fined 30,000 yuan. ...

28. It seems that I am not suitable for business. Be an official! I spent 48 thousand on the director, and he promised to fix it for me! Go to work tomorrow. The next day, I went and the director was taken away by the procuratorate's car. My money not only hit Shui Piao, but also let me in. ...

29. A month later, I was released on bail pending trial. No sooner had I got home than my girlfriend collapsed in the hospital. I heard that she had SARS, and she left when I arrived. Wearing a "handsome" brand mask ...

30. I met three female netizens online: the first voice is very sweet-56 years old; The second 20-year-old is beautiful, but mm doesn't like boys. The third is 2 1 year-old, beautiful, talented, likes boys and likes me. When we met, I told her a joke, and I couldn't help laughing. ...