"Husband, can the child take my last name?" "No, the neighbors will laugh at my parents!" What should we do?

Should I stick to it? I'm not married yet, but I'm in the stage of talking about marriage with my boyfriend. So far, the two of us get along very well, even if there are contradictions, they are handled through communication.

Now there is a question: who is the child's surname? His hometown is Anhui, and he pays great attention to surnames. He asked all his children to take his surname. My family's custom is two families and one family, which means he wants two children, one with his father and the other with his mother. There is no bride price or anything like that.

For his family, children who don't take their surnames will be laughed at by their neighbors. For my family, children take each other's surnames, and my parents can't hold their heads in front of relatives and friends. His family is very rich. If they get married and have children, they will definitely prepare a house or even a villa for their grandchildren. My family is just an ordinary person. It is not easy to buy a house and a car for my children. Even if I did, I couldn't keep up with his family's economic level.

My parents are worried that I will not be valued by his family after I get married. His mother is very straightforward, let me wash dishes and cook at his house. I seldom stay married.

Now about the child's surname, it is very troublesome. Neither of the parents talked about it, but their parents talked to me. I agree with marriage, but I'm also afraid of what my parents are worried about. I told my parents that I was willing to get married, but I was stubbornly told that I was afraid of hurting them too much.

I am the only child in my family, and his family also has a younger brother who goes to primary school. I told him about Huoshou. After all, if this problem is not handled well, both sides will have a knot in their hearts, and conflicts may arise in their later lives. But if we break up, he won't give up, and I won't give up.

I met him online, and now we both live in Suzhou, to the west of Suzhou. "Two in one" prevails here. Last July, he talked to his family about this topic, saying that he knew the customs here and discussed it with his family, and informed me that his family wanted a boy, if the girl could take my surname. Then 10 we met each other's parents, 12 our parents had a meal together. Now that the Chinese New Year is coming, it is difficult to talk about marriage and find out who the child's surname is. How?

Marriage is a part of life, and life is an ideal daily necessities and trifles. We can't take marriage seriously, nor can we imagine it as the crystallization of love. Objectively speaking, marriage is a kind of business, a kind of contract, the separation of two families and the maximization of their interests.

China's cultural and educational system has caused a disastrous result, that is, from adolescence to adolescence, from parents, schools and society, all signs of a person becoming an adult are desperately suppressed, regardless of physical discipline or physical abstinence. But when they reach the marriageable age recognized by the masses, they mature immediately, as if overnight, they must become physically mature and have a sense of obligation. How is that possible?

To some extent, many disastrous outcomes in China's marriage relationship are the sequela of this disease. Before they mature, they are pushed into a kind of interpersonal relationship that requires mature mental talents. In other words, no one has taught children how to love and be loved, and how to really grow up. Their high dependence and selfishness have led to the increasingly obvious contradiction between young couples in China.

Except for these special immigrant cities, most young people in most other cities lack the experience of living alone. They made a direct transition from family of origin to a two-person family, but the process of living alone, trial and error, searching, self-correction and coping with the real world alone was extremely important and almost necessary, but this kind of life was artificially completely deleted. Why has the word "giant baby" become more and more popular in recent years? Because most of the only children born in 1980s and 1990s have already started to get married and become parents, their original dependence has begun to appear, and marriage conflicts have been aroused.

Sometimes it's because of economic reasons, and sometimes it's because of China's unique criteria to suppress the childishness of adults. Born into a noble family, I personally cultivated the origin of some tragedies. Let young people be thrown into marriage without experiencing the process of real jointing growth. To some extent, many tragedies of China's marriage are two children playing house, not two adults living.

In your letter, you said that you broke up with your boyfriend several times and failed, and even if you get married, you will get married, so these things happened. What's even more worrying is that it will be wronged to be born and married in the past. In fact, this is a portrayal of China's marriage.

Some people say that marriage is the second reincarnation, and the marriage bonus is to form a new interest group, and the importance of this new interest group is equivalent to the second reincarnation. For example, if you marry your current boyfriend, your life and death level will be raised to a higher level, and your children will enjoy a higher material life treatment.

Simply put, the family and the family linked by blood and marriage are the fundamental units of strength for individuals to exist in society. The stronger the power of this separation of units, the more useful it is in the ideal, and the more restrained and suppressed individuals are. Because of the same interests, each individual's economic and survival interests are finally guaranteed, and in these economic, peace, warmth and mutual assistance guarantee effects, individual freedom and individual will are minimal. In particular, we must not undermine this interest, let alone fight against this parental order and marriage order.

Simply put, you are a vested interest and can enjoy the generous treatment provided by the extended family, but only if you obey the arrangement and command of your parents in this family, and you have to give up your independence, your right to speak and your own ideas. This is what you need to face in your marriage and what you are worried about now.

Who is your child's last name? It's just a trigger for the germination of your marriage conflict. Because of your different family backgrounds, different family styles and different so-called three views, the parents of the two families will have differences and even form opposites. In ancient society, children took their father's surname, which was actually the man's surname. The so-called "water poured in by the married daughter", in ancient society, women tacitly became the man's family. Pay attention to the man's family, not just the man himself, so the child born should belong to the man's family. Under the relationship of rights and obligations in ancient times, the man supported 90% of the family's financial and material resources, and then the woman mainly acted as 90% of the fertility and baby-raising.

Nowadays, times are changing. Even if your family is not as rich as the man, it is no problem to raise children. It is under this economic condition that you have differences on the inheritance and interpretation of tradition, but what can you do if you don't follow this tradition? In fact, the key is not you, but whether parents can compromise. If you want to get married, you must let your parents communicate well so that the problem can be solved.