Just kidding.

I'm from the mountainous area of Sichuan: it's really weird to say.

I didn't even cry the day I was born! Grandma said there was something wrong with me. Two pigs raised by her old man died this afternoon! Veterinary diagnosis: sudden cerebral hemorrhage!

After half a year, my mother decided to buy milk powder to feed me. We went to town by tractor! The car reached a hill, and I wanted to pee, so my mother got off with me. As a result, as soon as I got off the bus, the tire burst. My mother went to town behind my back to buy milk powder!

A week later, the milk powder ran out, and when my mother went with me again, the store was closed! I asked the aunt next door. It turns out that we just bought milk powder last week and it was stolen from the store, leaving only two packs of milk powder! This thing is definitely useless to him!

I learned to walk when I was one year old. My mother often takes me out on mountain roads. Oh, what a pity! Those seniors who hugged me out of curiosity all caught a bad cold when they got home! I really want to tell them that I am a jinx!

When I was almost two years old, I learned to speak. The first thing I said was not mom, but: the house is falling down! Mother was wondering, a hurricane blew in the middle of the night and heard a loud noise! The next day, my mother found that Uncle Chen's house across the street collapsed!

From the age of two to six, other things happened because of me:

1 The village fish pond burst its banks and all the fish ran away. Because one day I peed on the pond, the whole village lost more than 8000 RMB.

The fourth aunt next door was pregnant with a son and didn't give birth for a year. Later, everyone thought that she would have a baby girl. I think I may have heard my mother say that the fourth aunt is not good, so I said that she would not have a son in the future.

PS (learn what you heard when you were a child! )

The Buddha statue of Kannonji in the village collapsed because my mother took me to the temple fair in the first month. I pointed to the Buddha and said: He is not as beautiful as Guanyin Bodhisattva!

The village party secretary didn't plant rice for a year because I was there the day he planted it. I looked and said, will these seeds germinate?

Sister Chen next door always falls on the first day of school, because once I saw that she didn't tie her shoelaces. I said, aren't you afraid of falling? She said she wasn't afraid! Now she's afraid of falling!

One month, everyone in our yard went to the river to fetch water to eat, and there was no water in the well, because once I was playing by the well and asked my mother! Is there an inexhaustible source of water in this place?

When I was six, my mother sent me to school. Wow, I found myself a genius when I got to school! Coco is a hundred points! What about the other students? The results plummeted, and finally the total score and average score of our class became the last in the whole town, and the year-end appraisal of our school was the last, and the score of the whole town was pulled to the last in the county! What about our county? For various reasons, it failed to meet the standards in the provincial appraisal. Because our county failed to meet the standards, Sichuan's education ranked first in the country! This incident touched the CPC Central Committee. The central government decided to set up a special group to investigate this matter!

They looked for various reasons, but they couldn't solve the problem. In this way, I rose from primary school to junior high school, and junior high school to high school. My grades have always been among the best. People all over the country know that education in Sichuan is so backward, but there is still a star like me who shines on the educational space in Sichuan!

18 years old, graduated from high school, and the government decided to recommend me to study in Cambridge! I said I have no money! The official said, nothing, the government will help you consider this matter. So the government paid me to study in England!

What happened after I left? Sichuan's education is advancing by leaps and bounds, as if it is taking off, and the IQ of Sichuan students has been greatly improved! A year later, Sichuan education ranks among the best in the country! Educational hardware and software facilities have been improved! Our mountain village primary school has now expanded into a self-sufficient educational unit integrating education, scientific research, production and sales. It has also received the attention of General Secretary Jiang.

And what about the official who applauded and asked the government to pay for sending me to study in Britain? The following year, he was dismissed. I heard it was because of misappropriation! Poor thing, wish you all the best in the distance! )

After studying in Cambridge, all the women in the school secretly love me, or openly or infatuated with me, because they study well and are handsome. They didn't study all day and racked their brains to win me a smile. Cambridge University has become a mess. Not only women, boys, teachers and workers are so obsessed with me! Like women, Cambridge finally closed down!

I dropped out of school, had no money, and began to wander and wander the streets of England. I am a real beggar. Sadly, the person who gave me charity either collapsed, or my wallet was stolen, or the restaurant was closed! I can't bear to kill so many British people, so I decided to go to America! So I crossed the Atlantic to America.

Just when I landed in the United States, an unprecedented tornado broke out in the Atlantic Ocean. There are 142 cruise ships, 52/kloc-0 naval ships, 3 aircraft carriers, 324 cruise ships, 152 merchant ships, 4/kloc-0 fishing boats, 32 pirate ships soaring into the sky and finally falling into the sea. This time, more than 5,700 people participated.

At the same time, the local black movement broke out, and black people attacked the government's transportation, communication and finance. Military bases and other facilities! I escaped from this riot and fled to new york!

I'm going to have a king's meal in a small restaurant in new york, but at this moment, three gangsters rushed into the store, took all the valuables and forcibly took the boss's daughter! I can't bear to watch them go so far and call them fucking animals. Go out and get killed by a car! As soon as the words were finished, a big truck that flew by killed all three people! Later, the boss decided to treat me to this meal! And bought me a bottle of brandy.

Have a full meal, go out of the store and look at a tall building opposite! I thought to myself, are you afraid of being hit by a plane at this height? At this time, something happened that I will never forget.