Looking for some funny jokes

I want to formally warn you that my husband will be back in an hour. "

"But I didn't do anything rude. "

"I know. If you want to do something, you have less than an hour left. "

Once upon a time, there was a county magistrate who was proud of his talents. On this day, there was a gathering of villagers. He loved to express himself and said: "The Yamen is open on both sides, and the county magistrate sits in the middle; Feel free to tell me the truth. "

After hearing this, a monk immediately said: "The Buddhist door is open on both sides, and the Buddha is placed in the middle; the monk kneels on both sides, bowing in big and small, please come in." "

When the third aunt nearby heard this, she thought to herself: "Huh! I thought I couldn’t! "Immediately stood up and said: "The thighs are open on both sides, and the fragrant hole is in the middle; weeds grow on both sides, and big branches and small branches come here and there. ”

The preparations for the provincial conference have entered the sprint stage, and the conference delegate badges have not yet been completed. Several female secretaries are busy stuffing the conference delegate papers into the plastic card with an opening on the side. Then he sealed it in plastic.

The director walked over, picked up a piece of paper for conference delegates, and took a plastic card. He inserted the plastic card with only a small opening, but he couldn't insert it, so He opened the plastic card and put it in. Then he suddenly realized and said: "If you don't open the hole, how can you insert it?" ”

The real murderer and the real breasts

Watching a TV series about police solving crimes with MM, but when the real murderer was about to surface, it was gone. Then we chatted about it.

MM: "Do you know how to identify the real culprit? ”

I thought for a while: “Then it depends on the strength of the evidence.” ”

MM: “No, no, if you lie flat like me and your breasts collapse evenly, they are real breasts.” ”

When JN met his wife

Amao met a prostitute on the road. JN: Handsome guy, want to play with me? Amao: How much is it? JN: 200 yuan . Amao: It’s too expensive! How about 20 yuan? JN: You should go find someone else! On this day, Amao and his wife met JN on the street. Amao pretended not to see him and continued to talk to his wife. He walked past JN talking and laughing, and the JN woman’s voice came from behind: “Huh! The 20 yuan one is just not that good! "

This is just a head, there is still more growth at the back

The mayor was wearing shorts to give a report. When he was excited, he put one foot on the chair, and his little brother's penis was exposed. , the meeting place was in an uproar. He thought everyone was impatient, so he said loudly: This is just a head, there is still more growth on the back!

The cow is getting bigger

The bull is on a business trip, and he is afraid that there will be no one around him. Take care of her.

Then he thought: Monkeys are cunning, tigers are ferocious, but only elephants are reliable.

A few days later, the bull returned and took his wife back from the elephant. The next day, the bull angrily said: Cow *It’s too big

Clog your hole

A woman asked her neighbor for a debt,

The old man said: "His sister-in-law, I know you are tight Yes, I was holding it in too. As soon as food becomes available after autumn, I will block your hole as soon as I stand up..." (Can anyone understand this?)

Contraceptive tasks from superiors

Early 1980s Director Wang of a township family planning office was honest, not good at talking, and could not report on his work. The county leaders came to inspect the distribution of contraceptives.

Director Wang said: "Farmers are too feudal. Now, no one wants contraceptives. "The county leader was very dissatisfied and criticized Director Wang face to face.

Director Wang was very angry and pointed at the contraceptive and said: "If this is edible, I will eat it even if I am alone. it. ”

There was a rural family with many children who no longer wanted any children. After Director Wang found out, he went to the family with a box of condoms. He was afraid that people would be embarrassed to ask for them, so he would just leave after throwing them away.

The family had another baby the next year. Director Wang went to find out the situation.

A year later, this family gave birth again.

Director Wang came to understand the situation, and the host said: At night, I put on ten fingers and even my toes, but it didn't work.

Director Wang had to provide on-site guidance on how to put it on. A year later, she became pregnant again. The male host asked: Ever since you put it on, I have been wearing it all day long, but why does it work? !

The family planning cadre asked: Is there any other situation? The male host replied: I didn't think the turtle could get it, so I dug a hole in front of the condom.

Smile, my brother has been fighting for a long time

1. A female soldier dressed as a male soldier was fighting. She suddenly had menstruation and blood flowed from her buttocks. Upon seeing this, the company commander hurriedly asked: "What's wrong?" Where are you injured?" The female soldier said, "It's okay, it's okay." The company commander didn't believe it, so he took off his pants and said angrily, "My fucking penis was blown up, and you said it's okay!"

2. A woman was urinating in the toilet. A drunk man accidentally entered it after drinking. Hearing the sound of urine, he quickly said: Don't come, I really don't drink anymore! The woman was so frightened that she didn’t dare to urinate anymore. She couldn’t hold it in and farted. The drunkard said: I am CAO! Why did you pick up another bottle?

3. A man went to the hospital for a SARS examination. The nurse pricked his finger with a needle to test his blood. Because there was no cotton at the moment, the nurse dared to put his finger into his mouth in a hurry. The man was obsessed for a long time. Said: Is it possible for me to do another urine test?

4. There is a new beautiful female secretary in the company. On the third day, the manager proudly said to the deputy manager: Last night I discovered that the new secretary was in bed He is better at kung fu than my wife. The deputy manager echoed: I also think he is better than your wife.

5. A bachelor takes his wife. When they were having sex, the stickman said: One gun has two bullets, and he has not participated in the war for 27 years. My wife was not convinced after hearing this: There are two doors in a temple, and no one has entered in 31 years.

Please accept it.