A cold joke before going to bed

Cold jokes before going to bed (generally 5)

A cold joke means that the joke itself is boring, homophonic, translated, or omitting the theme, different logic, judgment or special content, or because of the performer's mood or expression, and it is difficult to make people laugh, but it does not mean that the joke itself is boring, which is also a manifestation of humor. Next, I will bring you a cold joke before going to bed. Welcome to read the collection.

Cold joke before going to bed 1 1, the hostess poured the leftover chicken, duck and fish into a bucket, and then dumped it when it was full. A black mouse and a gray mouse got into the bucket and ate and drank.

The black mouse said to the gray mouse, "This hostess is my friend. She asked me to take you to eat this delicious food. "

Grey mouse said, "You are so lucky to make such friends!" " "

Just then, a ladle of hot water was poured into the bucket, which scalded the hair of two mice and made them grin with pain.

Grey mouse asked, "What is this?"

The black mouse said, "This is the master who let us take off our clothes and eat with open arms!" " "

2. One day, two men's wives were going to give birth, and they were pacing anxiously outside the delivery room.

"It's unlucky," said one. "It happened while I was on holiday."

"You think this is bad luck!" The other snapped, "I'm still on my honeymoon!" " "

A mouse always looks sad because it is very afraid of cats. The gods sympathized with it and cast a spell to turn it into a cat. The mouse became a cat and was afraid of dogs.

God turned it into a dog, but it began to be afraid of tigers again. God made him a tiger, and he was afraid that he would meet a hunter.

Finally, God had to turn it back into a mouse. God said, no matter what I do, I can't help you, because you only have mouse intestines. . .

4. Talking to the Zen master: "I always talk to others enthusiastically ... but they don't like me at all ..."

The Zen master interrupted his chatter and said, "I think you'd better play Weibo!" "

"oh! I see, Zen master. Do you mean I should spread my ideas to more people? "

"No, I mean, then you can only say 140 words!"

A boss drinks all the year round, and his stomach is very familiar with alcohol.

That night, the stomach was ready for the arrival of alcohol. After a while, alcohol was drunk with all kinds of delicious food.

Two old friends were chatting together, chatting, and suddenly their stomachs were very uncomfortable. After a while, their stomachs fainted.

At this time, a sneer rose at the corner of the mouth next to the alcohol: Hum, you still use Laozi as ethanol. See clearly, Lao Tzu is his brother-methanol!

6. Two criminals met in prison.

A asked, "Brother, what did you do?"

B: "I saw an old man carrying a basket of money in the shop and stole it while he was not paying attention. He was sentenced to 8 years." What about you? "

Answer: "I also saw an old man in a shop, but he had no money and only had a basket on him, so he stole it."

"How many years?"

"10 year."

Cold joke before going to bed 2 1, a self-righteous nuisance saw me and my friends discussing common prosperity and common depression, and came over and said with disdain, Isn't it Jin Kemu, Mu, Tuke water, water, Huo, what's the matter! I already know.

I smiled: there is one more, you didn't mention it.

He froze: What else?

I said seriously: and FAK oil!

2. One day, it was stormy. A beggar with a plastic cover on his head was suddenly blown away by the wind. The beggar ran under an eaves to shelter from the rain. A couple are chatting in the room. Husband: Wife, is it cold?

Wife: Cool, is your husband cool?

Husband: Yes, it's as cool as flying in the sky!

Hearing this, the beggar asked, Master, did you see my plastic bag when you were flying? ......

I want you to look at me! Without the slightest freedom, don't avoid my eager eyes!

Even if it's just a look! Turn your head for a moment!

My fire of jealousy, the flame of love and hate, will burn!

I want you to be my slave and enjoy the lingering of your ice muscle jade bone!

I want you to be my king, and I admire your quick manners!

I want you to be mine! It belongs to me!

I want you to look at me! Look at me! Don't shake your head

Promise me! Electric fan!

In this world, there are people who seem to be kind to you and know you well, but what they do in the end is always quite different from your wishes and original intentions, which will bring you incalculable and irreparable losses for a period of time.

You are angry, but you are helpless. There's nothing you can do about him.

You have to rely on the passage of time to let the pain heal slowly.

This kind of person who is always against you is a barber.

Joke 3 1 before going to bed, you guys spit in the group and work too much overtime, which is worse than whose boss.

One said, "I bought a new home theater, but I'm too busy to watch movies."

Another said, "I bought a new multifunctional rice cooker and haven't come home for dinner yet ..."

A buddy said, "I rented a new house near the company but didn't go home for half a month in a row." The landlord called the police and thought I was dead ... "

everybody ...

2. Boss: "This function must be done before going to work!"

Cheng: "OK."

The next morning

Boss: "Why hasn't this function been done yet?"

Cheng: "I haven't got off work yet."

3, a female colleague gave birth to a daughter, and asked everyone for help in the office to give a good name!

a； The word "light" is excellent, water, fire and yin intersect, but the depths are indifferent!

b； What about his father's surname Ji?

C: What if his father's surname is Gou?

This woman is furious: get out of here, my husband's name is Cao!

The most beautiful girl in the bureau has a boyfriend, and Xiao Wang, who has a crush on her, is very depressed.

After work this afternoon, he felt even worse when he saw the couple hugging under the office building. ...

When he went to work the next day, Xiao Wang was listless and sighed. His colleagues asked him what was wrong.

Xiao Wang said, "Alas! The bureau flower makes people hug! "

5, the unit WeChat group, the boss is also inside, many people do not know.

Today, silly Xiao Wang played in the group: Manager Zhang is like a pig!

I was shocked and told him privately: Manager Zhang is in the regiment.

A few seconds later, Xiao Wang continued to type in the group: Teacher Zhang, like a pig, sacrificed himself and benefited the public; Teacher Zhang is like a cow, working hard and complaining. We should learn from him!

This is a god reaction!

A cold joke before going to bed 4 1. A vegetable vendor injured an old woman while delivering goods by car. The old woman appealed to the court and he paid a large sum of compensation.

A few weeks later, his van hit an old gentleman, who also got a lot of compensation in court, and the vegetable merchant almost went bankrupt.

On Sunday, the greengrocer sat idle at home, and his children ran in angrily.

"Dad!" The child shouted, "No, mom was run over by a station wagon ..."

Tears welled up in the eyes of the vegetable merchant. He said in a very excited tone, "Thank God, my luck has finally turned!" " "

2. One day, several good friends met in the street. They came to the restaurant together, ordered food, and suddenly didn't want to pay. One of them said that we all use our own surnames to say this dish. You can eat what you say right, and you can't eat what you can't say. You have to pay. Everyone else said yes.

The waiter brought the food up. Jiang said first that I was a fisherman, and then I brought the fish. The surname Huang said that I was a weasel stealing chicken, and then I brought the chicken. Qin said I was Qin Shihuang who annexed six countries, and then I took all the rest.

As a result, there was only one surnamed Sun. When he saw that he didn't have to eat and had to pay, he said I was messing with the Monkey King, and then he lifted the table.

The girl and the young man met in the park through the arrangement of the marriage agency. The two chatted for a while, and the girl got up to leave.

The young man is very interested in this girl. Seeing that she was leaving, he was very anxious and quickly asked why.

Girl: "Although you are good-looking, your stomach is empty."

Boy: "Who said my stomach was empty? I also ate a western meal and drank three glasses of wine before I came to the park. "

4. A drunken reporter went to the newspaper and asked him angrily why he didn't publish his own news and kept pestering him.

An editor who is good at dealing with difficult problems patiently asked him to open the newspaper of the day, and then asked, "Do you see any space in the newspaper where you can publish your news?"

"No." The reporter replied.

"That's why it wasn't published."

Cold joke before going to bed 5 1, cat

My wife goes abroad to study, because she is busy with her studies and writes less letters. On this day, she called home and asked her husband to be caring and attentive. Finally, she asked:

"Honey, what happened to my lovely kitten?"

"dead"

"Oh my god, this news is terrible! Why didn't you tell me such sad news gently? For example, the kitten climbed a tree to catch birds and accidentally slipped down to heaven, understand? "

"I see."

"Dear, is there any news from my hometown? Is my mother better? "

"Her old man's house also climbed a tree ..."

2. Introduce your sister

One day, my brother said that he would introduce me to a beautiful girl, dress up at home for an hour and meet that MM, the ultimate beauty, and Stephen Chow's upper body in the coffee shop. He tried his best to amuse his sister, thanked her and wanted to develop further. Brother doesn't understand the times, so he sat next to his sister and kissed her loudly in public, saying, we all know your sister-in-law. Is she beautiful? I cried. This is my own brother. No, it's a lie!

I want to count the stars

At the end of the year, a colleague who was usually very calm drank his eyes red that day. When the leader saw that the situation was not good, he quickly asked me to take him home. But when I reached for a taxi, my colleague didn't get on the bus anyway, but sat on the side of the road with great interest. He looked up at the sky and said, Who said there are countless stars in the sky? I'll count them all tonight!

4. Delicious

My deskmate fell asleep doing the paper, and put an earth-shattering fart in her sleep, which smelled extremely bad. Everyone stopped looking at him at once, but he didn't mean to wake up. Looking at the teacher's livid face on the platform, we all tried to hold back our laughter. But at this time, the deskmate actually talked about talking in his sleep, only to hear him say: it's delicious!

Step 5 change money

In the public toilet, I suddenly heard someone talking in the toilet. Friend, do you have any toilet paper? I searched my pockets. I'm sorry, I don't know. After a few seconds, the man asked again, friend, do you have a small newspaper? I smiled helplessly, sorry, no, I just came to pee. A few seconds later, a piece of RMB 10 was stuffed under the toilet door. Friend, can you break it into 1 10 pieces? Then I gave him 10 coins.

Step 6 write an article

Look at your sad face. What happened? Write an article entitled "What did I do yesterday". Well, what did you do yesterday? Have a drink. You are so stupid! Let me tell you something. If you keep writing, why don't you just change the word drinking to reading? Zhang Wen was inspired. He wrote: "I got up early in the morning and read for a long time. I thought about it and ate the second half in one breath, but I didn't think it was enough, so I went to the store and bought another one. " I met Li Da head-on on the way back. When I looked into his eyes, I knew he had read the same thing.

7. Let's talk about it again

My wife and I have been married for more than ten years, and the romantic age has been a long time! This morning, I suddenly said to my wife on a whim: Let's talk about love again and pretend you don't know me. My wife said: ok, I will tell her: hi! Little bitch, who knows that this product slaps me as soon as it raises its hand, and still curses: I'm tired of harassing my aunt!

8. Go to the bathroom

Once on a plane, the lady by the window wanted to go to the toilet and needed me to stand up and give up her seat. I was afraid she was in a hurry, so I unfastened my seat belt and stood up suddenly. However, I didn't get up, as if a powerful force had stopped me. I resisted, resisted, resisted, but was firmly locked in my seat. What's going on here? I looked down and my seat belt was tightly tied to my body. What I untied was actually a belt.

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