Super classic funny duo: Zhao Benshan’s apprentice Tian Wa’s speech (full version 1) speech script

Ladies and gentlemen, Lei Desen, and the special ones. Uncles and aunts, aunts and husbands, old and young men, ladies. Come ten o'clock, everyone, ha, ha.\\

Ah! The summer is hot, the night is silvery, passing through the bustling city, you and I are separated again on the Liu Laogen stage, this knot. The sun is shining brightly tonight, no, the stars are shining tonight, the lights are brilliant tonight, here It's the world of flowers, ah! This is the ocean of dancing. Okay! I forgot the words... Ocean. Vast sea of ??people, all living things, ordinary you and me, are looking for happy things. Your arrival will make our Liu Laogen big stage tent , there is dust on the tent wall, your arrival is like returning home. No, warm, warm... Here, on behalf of our boss, together with all the boss ladies, oops, and all the actors, I would like to express my deepest heartfelt condolences to you. Sorry - warm condolences, no, hot. Good! Thank you all for your long endurance, compassionate eyes, and sympathy to enjoy the performances of a group of mentally ill people. The actors in our troupe are all mentally ill, and I am the only one who They are normal because I just took the medicine..

First of all, if new friends don’t recognize me, please allow me to introduce myself. I am from the People’s Republic of China and I am a human being. , I am a new student of Teacher Zhao Benshan, my name is Tian Wa, Tian is Tian Wa’s Tian, ??and Wa is Tian Wa’s baby. I am 23 years old this year, and I am born in the year of Ox, Bull. It was the middle of the night on September 24, 1985. It was the day I was born. It rained the day I was born. My education is a small one, with a bachelor's degree in elementary school and no education. I only went to school for two days and rushed for a week. I didn't know what to say. Gorgeous language, but I promise that what I said is true, and my words are open. I wish all my friends who applauded me tonight a long life! I deceive others and make up for it. Those who don’t applaud, I wish you to play mahjong and light up the cannons. , forgetting to bring toilet paper when going to the toilet, disconnecting from the Internet, getting caught for prostitution, you deserve it! My friends who applauded me, I will never forget you in my life, I will never let you go, I will always keep you in my heart ,.I won’t say anything, but if you look at my appearance, I know my appearance is a bit surprising, right? Just wait and see. My mother studied me and I look like a bear. My master Zhao Benshan said that , I sincerely feel that every Tianjin audience who came to the Liu Laogen stage, my master Zhao Benshan said, you are the Lord, God, Amen, Jesus, etc., very important, especially important to us actors, if you don’t come to see Errenzhuan, we make a lot of money, right~! We wear clothes, trousers, trousers, and socks, all of which are taken out of your pockets. As the saying goes, if the mountain is not high, there will be fairies, and if the water is not deep, there will be dragons... As long as the audience is not large, just spend money, no You are not allowed to buy a ticket. If you are happy, our boss is happy. Our boss is happy, and the boss’s wife is happy. If the boss’s wife is happy, the manager is happy. Only when the manager is happy can actors have this (referring to money). With this, they can do it at night. Go out, don’t look at me. I look sad, but I am quite talented. I am the best actor in our troupe. Don’t look at my appearance. There is a saying in China: People cannot be judged by their appearance. The sea water is getting cold. , still salty, I am the most talented actor in our group, integrating multiple arts into one (the latter is imitation, so I can’t write lines, I hope everyone will take it for granted!)