How to apply social eloquence?

In social situations, we will always encounter one scene or another. The main content of this section is to tell you how to deal with it in various situations. From the first sentence of meeting a stranger, how to continue in-depth conversation and exchange with each other, to how to praise and criticize others, there are detailed introductions.

Introduce yourself well.

Self-introduction is the most basic and routine way to communicate with others, enhance understanding and establish contact in interpersonal communication, and it is the beginning of mutual communication between people.

In social situations, if you can introduce yourself correctly and reasonably with eloquence, you can not only expand your circle of friends, but also help you to show and publicize yourself, eliminate misunderstandings and reduce troubles in communication.

In social activities, if you want to know a person or a person, and no one introduces you, you can introduce yourself directly to the other person and introduce yourself to the other person. It is considered impolite to introduce yourself if an introducer is present.

When introducing yourself, you should nod to the other party first, and then introduce your name, identity, unit, etc. Give it to the other party after receiving the reply. There are many specific forms of self-introduction. Let me give you a brief introduction:

(1) Entertainment style

Suitable for some public places and general social occasions, this kind of self-introduction is the most concise, often including only one name.

"Hello, my name is Wang."

"Hello, I'm Qiu Lei."

(2) Work style

Applicable to the workplace, including my name, work unit and its department, post or specific work.

"Hello, my name is Wang, and I am the editor of a cultural company."

"My name is Qiu Lei, and I study in the Chinese Department of Beijing Normal University."

(3) AC type

Suitable for socializing, I hope to further communicate with people I associate with. Generally, it should include the name, work, native place, education, interest and the relationship with some acquaintances of the communication object.

"Hello, my name is Wang, and I am the editor of a cultural company. He Laoshi and I are fellow villagers, both Beijingers. "

"My name is Qiu Lei, and I am a student in He Laoshi. I studied ancient Chinese in China in the Chinese Department of Beijing Normal University.

(4) etiquette

Suitable for speeches, reports, performances, celebrations, ceremonies and other formal and grand occasions. Including name, unit, position, etc. At the same time, we should add some appropriate modesty and respect.

"Ladies and gentlemen, hello! My name is Zhang Qiang, and I am an editor of a cultural company. On behalf of our company, I warmly welcome you to our company. I hope you ... "

(5) Question and answer

Suitable for examination, application and official communication. Question-and-answer self-introduction should be to answer any questions, answer any questions.

"Hello, Sir! What is your name, please? "

When introducing yourself, we should also pay attention to the principle of self-introduction:

(1) Peace and confidence

When we first met, we both wanted to know more about each other and be understood by each other. When introducing yourself, be generous, neither supercilious nor supercilious, and never be shy, coy and look around. You should be able to show yourself to him, build up self-confidence and let others have the desire to associate with you.

(2) Appropriate simplification

The complexity and simplicity of introduction should be decided according to the needs of communication. Generally speaking, attending parties, giving speeches, helping others, meeting occasionally, doing public relations for the company, etc. To introduce yourself simply, just introduce your name and work unit; Other occasions, such as job hunting, falling in love, looking for someone to do things, bidding, making friends, etc. , you can introduce it in detail.

(3) Grasp the discretion

Self-introduction should highlight personal advantages and specialties, and have considerable discretion. Especially those who have practical experience, should highlight their advantages in that respect, and it is best to verify them by what projects they have done; Secondly, to show your personality and make your personal image distinct, you can quote other people's comments, such as those of teachers and friends, to support your description; Third, do not exaggerate, insist on speaking with facts, and use less function words and exclamations; Finally, it is necessary to conform to the convention and introduce the contents and levels in a reasonable and orderly manner. At the same time, it should be logical, the introduction should be clear-cut and focused, so that its advantages can be gradually revealed naturally.

Find the topic of * * *

Most of us will say "Hi, hello!" After introducing each other, it is used as an introduction, but usually the relative silence that follows is not brilliant at all.

When the opportunity to talk comes up, some of us always don't respond quickly enough or turn a blind eye. In fact, there is no need to prepare for small talk. You can talk about some suitable topics at any appointed time. There is no need to deliberately throw out various topics, but we must break the deadlock quickly. Because the longer you stand there, the less you can say, and the sooner your new friends will leave you to find a place to talk.

(1) Seize the favorable opportunity to speak.

If the person in front of you is dressed smartly, you might as well say to him, "What a beautiful tie you have!" " If you attend a party and he is eating, you can say, "I want to try that boiled fish, but I'm afraid it's too spicy." "In fact, it is easy to get through at the beginning, and the tone should be relaxed and natural, not abrupt. Then, it is time to pass the topic on to others. Asking questions can keep the conversation going. " How do you know the master? ""What kind of dog is that? "If someone asks you, try not to answer too simply, leaving people speechless. For example, he appreciates your suit. You can say, "I'm glad you noticed. My friend brought it to me from Hong Kong. Have you ever been there? "While answering questions, we should pay attention to changing related topics and let the dialogue continue.

Keep your eyes on his face and focus on promoting chat in a natural and humble atmosphere. The worst thing is that you look around or are at a loss, and you have to devote yourself wholeheartedly. If he doesn't seem to want to continue talking, don't be sad, and don't worry that he will see that you have the slightest reaction. Maybe he is interested, but he needs some time to clear his mind. If you finish early, you will have no motivation, energy and physical strength to chat again.

(2) understand each other's ideas

If you have talked about some of your hobbies now, and you all feel quite compatible, it's time to prepare for further discussion.

At this stage, it is easy to underestimate the importance of listening attentively. It is not enough for you to keep silent when others are talking. Listen to the sound as well as the facts. What bothers your interlocutor most? For example, did he mention unemployment or recent divorce? If you find him saying "I hope you don't mind my question …" at the beginning, it's a signal that he intends to get involved in personal affairs too much, but he feels a little inconvenient. Therefore, obedient listening forces you to focus on him, not yourself. Also remember, the success of the conversation doesn't need to be earth-shattering. What is needed is active cooperation between the two sides to continue the dialogue. Investment doesn't have to be reciprocal, what matters is sincerity.

(3) Perception of words and feelings

A person's mental state, spiritual pursuit, hobbies, etc. They are all more or less reflected in their expressions, clothes, speeches, manners and so on. As long as you are good at observation, you will find your similarities. On the train, a Chinese teacher saw a young man reading a world famous book in the opposite seat, so he took the initiative to talk to him: "What's your major?" The other party replied, "I study Chinese." "Oh, we study the same major, and I also study Chinese. What version did you learn at school ... "

Since the Chinese teacher carefully observed and found similarities, he opened the other party's train of thought. This is the * * * similarity found in Chinese after observing each other. Of course, what you find by observing words and feelings must be combined with your own hobbies and you must be interested in it, so as to break the silent atmosphere. Otherwise, even if similarities are found, there is nothing to say, or a sentence or two will be "stuck".

(4) try to figure out

When strangers meet, in order to break the silence, the first thing is to talk. Some people start with greetings, and some people start with actions, while helping each other to do something that is in urgent need of help, while making a sound with words; Some people borrow books and newspapers to start a conversation.

Ms. Liu went to the hospital and sat in the waiting hall. An elder sister sitting next to her is very talkative. The elder sister asked her voluntarily, "What disease did you come to see?" You don't sound like a local. Where is your hometown? When she learned that Ms. Liu was from Qingdao, Shandong Province, she was very happy to say that Qingdao was very beautiful. I have been there many times on business before ... "Ms. Liu asked what unit do you work in? "So the two had a cordial conversation, and by the time they saw the doctor, they were already close friends. When they broke up, they also invited each other to be guests. This harmonious effect seems to be accidental, but it actually has its inevitable reasons. Only through "fire reconnaissance" can we find the similarities between * * * and communicate freely.

(5) Step by step.

It is not too difficult to find similarities, but it is needed at the initial stage of the conversation. As the conversation deepens, there will be more and more similarities. In order to make the conversation more beneficial to each other, we must dig deep similarities step by step to get what we want.

(6) avoid the trap of conversation

If handled properly, most people will talk to you for longer than you think and appreciate your manners. However, there are still some traps that will stop the dialogue.

Speed trap. When your words fly like bullets or chatter like slow trains, you can't interest others. One way to protect yourself from falling into the speed trap (too fast or too slow) is to stop often and give your friend a chance to speak.

Negative topics. If you are too enthusiastic about personal or other important issues, if you talk about unfortunate things with relish, others will become nervous. Similarly, even if he is above you, you don't have to be timid. If your job is not ideal, don't say, "I'm just an archivist. I hate this job." Being negative only means that you are useless. If you have lofty ambitions, you can boldly and frankly say, "I am studying to be a nutritionist, but I still work in an office."

It is totally inappropriate to involve direct topics such as personal relationship, property and body in personal privacy conversation. "Are you happily married?" "How much do you earn a month?" These questions not only make people think that you are meddling, but also turn a relaxed chat into a police interrogation, so it's better not to say it.

The initial conversation may be difficult, but if you take the first step, you will find it is not difficult. Showing your eloquence skills and paying more attention to others' reactions will make you gain more friendship in interpersonal communication.

Learn how to praise others.

Praise others properly with your eloquence, just like lighting up others' lives with torches, but also lighting up your own heart. This kind of praise helps to promote the good development of their friendship and eliminate contradictions and resentment in interpersonal communication. It is good to praise others with eloquence, but it is not easy. If you can't judge the situation and master certain eloquence skills when praising others, even if you are sincere, you will turn good things into bad things. Therefore, before opening your mouth to praise others, you must master the following skills.

(1) Praise varies from person to person.

People are different in quality and age. Targeted and distinctive praise can achieve better results than general praise. An elderly person certainly wants others to praise his achievements and the glory of "thinking about the past", so when talking with the elderly, he can praise his proud past more; For young people, praise his creativity and pioneering spirit with a little exaggeration, and it is best to give some examples to prove that his future can be said to be bright; For business people, you can praise him for his flexible mind and good fortune; For cadres with status, they can be praised for being honest and clean for the country and the people; For intellectuals, they can be praised for their profound knowledge, tranquility and indifference ... but one thing must be clear: all this must be based on facts and cannot be exaggerated.

(2) When praising others, be sincere.

Although everyone likes to hear others praise themselves, please remember that not all compliments can make each other happy. Compliments that can make each other happy and attract each other's goodwill in communication can only be those based on facts and from the heart. On the contrary, if you praise others without foundation and hypocrisy, no matter how good your eloquence is, it will be counterproductive. Not only will it make him feel puzzled, but what's worse, it will leave the impression of glib and deceitful hypocrisy on the other side. For example, if you meet an ugly lady, you should praise her insincerely and say, "You are so beautiful." The other person will immediately think that what you said is hypocritical, and even think that you are satirizing her. But if you pay attention to her dress, speech and manners, find her outstanding points in these aspects, and praise her sincerely with your eloquence, she will be happy to accept it. Sincere praise will not only make the person who is praised feel very happy, but also make you more comfortable in the process of interpersonal communication.

(3) The content of praising the other party should be detailed and specific.

In our usual interpersonal communication, there are actually very few great men who have made remarkable achievements. Therefore, in the process of interpersonal communication, we should start with specific details, be good at discovering even the smallest others and praise them with our eloquence. The more detailed and specific the content of praising each other, the more you know each other and the more you value his advantages and achievements. This compliment can make the other person deeply feel your sincerity, kindness and credibility, and the distance between you will get closer and closer. If you only praise each other vaguely and say something vague like "You did a good job" or "You are an outstanding leader", it will not only arouse the suspicion of the other party, but even cause unnecessary misunderstanding and trust crisis.

(4) seize the opportunity to praise each other.

The function of praise lies in sizing up the situation, just right. When we praise others with eloquence, we should also really understand that "the wine is slightly drunk and the flowers are half open." For example, when someone intends to do something meaningful, the initial praise can motivate him to make up his mind to make achievements. Praise in the process of doing things is conducive to the other party's persistent efforts. Praise at the end of the matter can affirm the achievements and point out the direction of further efforts, so as to achieve the effect of treating each other with sincerity.

(5) Praise is the most rare thing.

As the saying goes, "A friend in need is a friend indeed." What needs to be praised most is not those successful people who have achieved success, but those who feel inferior because they have been buried or are now in adversity. It is difficult for them to hear a word of praise at ordinary times. Once they are sincerely praised in public, they may cheer up and make great achievements. Therefore, the most effective compliment is not "icing on the cake", but "giving charcoal in the snow".

When we see how a mother who often praises her children creates a perfect and happy family, how a teacher who often praises her students makes a class unite and love each day, and how a leader who often praises his subordinates manages his organization into a harmonious and upward group, we may sincerely accept and understand that interpersonal praise is full of sincerity and goodwill.

Learn the method of criticism

We often see such a scene: a leader scolds his subordinates loudly regardless of the occasion, thinking that this can establish prestige and his subordinates will obey him; A parent, regardless of their children's feelings, nags about their children's shortcomings and thinks that this is their love; A teacher pointed at the students' papers with a serious face and scolded them loudly, thinking that they could study hard in this way; Colleagues, neighbors and friends criticize each other's shortcomings and faults in different ways in order to correct them. However, this way of speaking is often counterproductive. Even if the other party feels that they have done something wrong, they will argue irrationally and even leave, leading to the two sides breaking up in discord.

If you can change the way, exchange views with him privately, express your thoughts euphemistically, and reason with him. Only by analyzing the pros and cons will he be convinced and truly accept your advice and help.

It can be seen that the method of speaking is the key, and different methods have different effects.

Here are some effective ways to criticize:

(1) Heuristic Criticism

In order to make the other party realize their mistakes fundamentally, it is necessary for the critics to find out the reasons of the mistakes from the depths, convince others with reason, move people with emotion, convince people with reason, and help the other party understand and correct the mistakes.

(2) Humorous criticism

Humorous language and figurative metaphor can alleviate the tension in criticism, inspire the critics to think, thus enhancing their emotional communication, so that criticism not only achieves the purpose of educating each other, but also creates a relaxed and happy atmosphere.

Voltaire once had a servant who was a little lazy. One day, Voltaire asked him to bring his shoes. The shoes are here, but they are covered with mud. So Voltaire asked, "Why didn't you clean up just now?" "No, sir. The road is full of mud, and in two hours, your shoes will be as dirty as they are now. "

Voltaire didn't speak, but walked out the door with a smile. The servant hurried over and said, "Take care, sir! Keys? The key on the cupboard, I have to have lunch. "

"My friend, what to eat for lunch. Anyway, you will be as hungry as you are now in two hours! " Voltaire cleverly criticized the laziness of his servants in humorous language. If he scolded him and ordered him, it wouldn't have such a good effect.

(3) Warning and criticism

If the other party makes an unprincipled mistake, there is no need to criticize it with live ammunition. At this time, you can point out the problem with gentle words, or compare and insinuate with some things to play a warning role.

During the Spring and Autumn Period, the State of Qin prepared to attack the State of Zheng. When the army arrived in Wei, the news was known by Zheng Xiangao. My good nephew originally planned to do business nearby, but he couldn't bear the disaster in the country and planned to persuade the Lord of Qin to change his mind.

Stiff chord height is bound to backfire. So he brought thousands of cooked cowhide and drove a hundred cows as a gift to reward Qin Jun, pretending to be respectful and saying, "The monarch of our country heard that you were going to March through our country, and specially ordered me to prepare food and grass to entertain you and let me reward your entourage."

Hearing this, General Qin realized that Zheng was prepared for them and was not easy to attack, so he gave up the idea of invading Zheng.

Chord height cleverly warned the state of Qin and received the best effect. He saved his country without a single move. Warning criticism has played a great role here.

(4) Euphemistic criticism

Using indirect methods to divert attention from the East and give the criticized person room to think, which has the advantage of not hurting the self-esteem of the criticized person.

At a banquet, an extremely obese lady sat next to Bernard Shaw, who was thin, and asked the great writer with an attractive smile, "Dear great writer, do you know any ways to prevent obesity?" Bernard Shaw solemnly said to her, "I know a way, but no matter how hard I try, I can't translate this word for you, because the word' work' is a foreign language to you!"

Bernard Shaw's criticism is subtle, gentle and firm, and has a very strong effect.

In short, the method of criticism should focus on education, educate people with facts, inspire people with truth, remind people with consequences, and let the other side accept criticism with conviction.

Learn to comfort others.

Real comfort should be combined with encouragement, which can increase people's courage in the face of difficulties. If your friend cries because of something, don't persuade him not to cry, but let him cry to his heart's content. When he calms down a little, you can say a few words of encouragement. At this time, even a word, its effect is worth 10 thousand days before this. Therefore, for such people, don't touch their pain rashly, but be good at waiting and seize the best opportunity to comfort them.

Comfort should also be skillful, otherwise, the effect will be self-defeating. For example, if someone is worried about something, many people may comfort him like this: "What's the big deal?" Look at you, you're still so bored! "If you just say these two words without further explanation, it is better not to say. Because such words not only did not comfort him, but made him even more annoyed. He will definitely say in his heart: "Hum! It's easy for you to stand and talk! "Do you want to comfort him, the result is counterproductive.

Real comfort should be combined with encouragement, which will not only help the effect of comfort, but also increase people's courage in facing difficulties.

Here are some ways and techniques to comfort all kinds of people.

(1) Comfort patients

The time of visiting the patient depends on the patient's condition. If you visit a patient in the hospital, you should observe the visiting time stipulated by the hospital. If you visit patients at home, you'd better spend more time in the afternoon. If the patient is still in critical condition or some diseases are not suitable for visiting, he can go again after a while, or ask his relatives to convey comfort. Visiting patients should not be too long, and too many people should not visit patients together. If it interferes with the patient's rest, it is better not to go.

You can bring some gifts when visiting patients. The choice of gifts should be suitable for the patient's condition and preferences. Like flowers, fruits and books are also popular.

If you comfort those unfortunate people who are seriously ill, you can't talk too much about the illness. Because the other person is already very sad, you will only increase the mental burden of the patient. At this time, you might as well talk more about the things that patients care about and tell all kinds of news to alleviate the pain of patients; If you can tell some jokes or funny things, it will make patients feel happy physically and mentally and help them recover soon.

(2) Comfort the families of seriously ill patients.

To comfort the families of seriously ill patients, we should start from the side, talk more about ordinary little things in life, let them relax, don't immerse themselves in pain, and be mentally prepared.

(3) Comfort the disabled

In our life, there are many disabled people with serious physical defects. They lie in hospital beds for a long time, suffering from diseases, and sometimes they become very irritable and their lives are boring. So, don't comfort them with pity, but maintain their self-esteem. Say something encouraging to stimulate their desire and enthusiasm for life.

(4) Comfort the lovelorn

Men and women in love are suddenly abandoned by each other, and those who are lovelorn are confused, regretful, in a trance and deeply grieved. In order to get rid of the shadow of lovelorn, we must comfort them from the perspective of the whole life stage, make them stand up again, face the reality and persuade them to stand up again and pursue a new life.

(5) Comfort the divorcees

Divorce is an unspeakable sadness. We should persuade either side to be more enlightened and rebuild a new life. The best way to comfort them is sympathy, so that they can realize that there is still a bright side in life while tasting the pain.

(6) comfort the families of the deceased

To comfort families who have lost their loved ones, we should not only persuade them to be "sad" and "relax"; He can't help crying, because crying is a catharsis. Only by letting him get rid of his sadness will he feel better mentally. If someone in your friend's family dies, you should pay attention to the following points when you go to the funeral:

Don't wear too bright clothes at the funeral, but wear dark and solemn clothes. Keep a sad and solemn expression when attending the funeral, and don't laugh and curse. Don't talk about what happened to the deceased at the funeral, which will only increase the sadness of the deceased's family. If you can't attend the memorial service or communicate with the family of the deceased, you can call to express your condolences.

In addition, there are many people in life, such as the unemployed and losers, who need comfort from others. If someone reaches out a warm hand to relieve their pain, it will certainly make them feel great comfort. But in order to make comfort effective, we must master the methods of comfort, otherwise it will be counterproductive and worse.

People can't get rid of pain all their lives. For misfortune, they not only need to be strong, but also urgently need the comfort of others. Real comfort can not only make us feel the warmth of life, but also give us the courage and strength to overcome difficulties.

Learn how to say "no"

Saying "no" is a right, just as survival is a right.

In order to leave a good impression on others, people often accept some demands made by others indiscriminately. But there are many things that you can't do if you want to, and some things can't be done because of various conditions and abilities. Therefore, when someone entrusts you to do something, you must consider whether you can do it or not. If not, you have to say it honestly, boasting casually or being unkind will only lead to worse consequences than this.

Of course, it is not easy to refuse others. A professor said, "It is difficult to ask others to do something, but it is also a headache when others ask you to do something and you have to refuse." Because everyone wants to get the attention of others, and we don't want to bring unhappiness to others, it is difficult to say anything that refuses others. "

Why is it so difficult to say "no"? This is because "no" is negation, which means rejection, negation, exclusion and opposition. Considering that no one likes to be rejected, denied, excluded or opposed, it is still difficult for us to say "no" when it is clear that we should say "no"

Simply saying "no" or "no" means paying attention to art: it is necessary to refuse the other party's improper demands without hurting the other party's self-esteem and the normal relationship between the two. Therefore, it is not so easy to refuse others.

What do you mean by "learn" and "no"? We should make the negative "no" easier, more natural and smoother.

How can we say "no" without offending people and deteriorating public-private relations? This really requires technology and art.

(1) Say "No" humorously

Before Roosevelt was elected president of the United States, he held an important position in the navy. One day, a good friend asked Roosevelt out of curiosity about the navy building a base on an island in the Caribbean. Roosevelt looked around mysteriously and whispered in his friend's ear, "Can you keep a secret?" "Of course, who told us to be friends?" My friend answered very sincerely. "So can I, dear." Roosevelt said, making a face at his friend, and both of them laughed. It can be seen that if you say "no" in a humorous way, the atmosphere will be relaxed immediately and there will be no pressure on both sides.

(2) Say "no" for other reasons.

When someone you don't like invites you to go shopping or eat, you

You can say politely, "My dad wants me to go home and practice my cooking!" " "This statement hides personal wishes and uses other reasons as an excuse to alleviate the disappointment and embarrassment of the other party.

(3) Say "no" by rebounding.

This method requires others to ask you what reason you use to refuse, leaving the other party speechless. In the TV series "Sheriff Parsons", Sheriff Parsons' wife tried to persuade Parsons to stop investigating a case in which a great man abused and killed his wife out of consideration for Parsons' future and personal safety. At last she said, "pars, please listen to me as a wife." He replied, "Yes, it's very reasonable, especially when my wife suggested it to me. I should think it over. But don't forget, the bad guy killed his wife himself! "

(4) Say "no" to other suggestions.

You are invited to a play, and you are not interested. You are worried that it will ruin his interest. You might as well make some suggestions to express your refusal: "Thank you, but tonight's World Cup has entered the finals. Let's watch the ball game, shall we? "

(5) Say "No" warmly and amicably

If you want to disagree with others' opinions, please pay attention to distinguish between your attitude towards "opinions" and your attitude towards people. You should resolutely refuse opinions and be warm and friendly to people.

(6) Say "No" by changing the subject.

When someone makes a request to you, they often tell you the original intention in a roundabout way. If you know his intentions in the middle of his speech and know that you can't satisfy his wishes, you might as well change the subject and say something else to let him know that doing so will only put you in a dilemma and he will shrink back.

(7) Say "no" in another way.

A professor asked the little boy next door, "Xiaojun, would you like to give your uncle pears or coke?" Because Xiaojun has Sydney in one hand and coke in the other. Unexpectedly, a child under five years old said, "Go, uncle, my mother."