My classmate is about to take the college entrance examination. I want to tell some jokes to relieve stress. Please ask for all kinds of good jokes. The more the better, thank you...

Modern society is crazy. Women’s sexual desire is too strong. Sheep are beginning to eat wolves, cats and mice are sleeping with rabbits, and rabbits are eating sausages. Homosexuality is considered normal. If you don’t have an affair, your work is in vain.

My lover is a watch, the prettier the better; Xiaomi is a pocket watch, the more secretive the better; Miss is an electronic watch, the fresher the better; my wife is an automatic watch, it still runs without winding; all kinds of watches Bring them all together, control the time well, don't let them argue!

Twenty is a semi-finished product for a man, thirty is a finished product, forty is a fine product, fifty is the best, sixty is a top grade product, seventy is a waste product, and eighty is a souvenir.

A virgin is like tribute wine, and all men want to take a sip; a woman is like red wine, after one sip she wants to take another sip; a lover is like beer, after drinking it it is refreshing and refreshing; a wife is like white wine, even if it tastes bad, you have to take a sip!

The child asked: "Mom, do the heart and liver have legs?" The mother replied: "Silly boy, how can the heart and liver have legs?" The child asked doubtfully: "Then last night, why? Dad said softly, sweetheart! "How about spreading your legs?"

A man went to a brothel and asked the woman the price. The woman said: 50 yuan; the man saw it was cheap and did it; the woman said: Please pay 100 yuan. When asked why, the woman replied that it was 50 yuan each for entry and exit, and the man angrily said: You are fucking China Mobile, and you are charging both ways!

The husband was reading a book on the bed, and from time to time he would put his hand between his wife's legs, and the wife would take off her clothes and act coquettishly. The husband asked what she was doing? The wife asked: What are you doing with your hands? The husband said solemnly: Wet your hands, it will be easier to open the book!

Anhui has been famous for wine since ancient times: a girl lifts her leg, and she drinks wine; a boy lifts her leg, and she drinks gold seed wine; an old lady lifts her leg, and she drinks wine from Gujing. Liquor; when the old man lifts his leg, the holy spring drinks dry beer; when you lift your leg, the sword man springs for wine.

The father took his son to take a bath. The floor was very slippery. When the son was about to slip, he grabbed his father's penis to keep him from falling. The father cursed: You're lucky you came with me, you'd have to come with your mother. I'll kill you.

Condom said to the sanitary napkin: "I'm really afraid of you. Every time you come to work, I have no business for a week." The sanitary napkin got angry: "Stop pretending, you fucking If I was a little careless, my business would be ruined in ten months.

A lady ordered a stir-fried whipped flower dish during dinner, and accidentally dropped it between her legs while picking up the vegetables. The lady was shocked: This thing. It’s amazing! After being cooked and minced, it still knows the way!

A young man saw a beautiful woman wearing a low-cut collar on the bus, revealing her beauty, and jokingly said: “That’s really it. "A place where peach blossoms are in full bloom." After hearing this, the beauty lifted up her skirt and said, "There is still a place where you were born and raised."

The village woman reported the case and said: It's so embarrassing! I was raped last night; the police When she asked her what that person looked like, I didn’t see clearly, but he must be a novice, because he couldn’t find a place for a long time, and I helped him in in the end...

A certain poor person The village head introduced the situation of the village: food basically relies on the party, clothing basically relies on spinning, getting rich basically relies on robbing, and getting a wife basically relies on thinking; communication basically relies on shouting, transportation basically relies on walking, public security basically relies on dogs, and sex life basically relies on hands!

The gangster broke into the house QJ and the woman resisted. When the husband came back from the field, he saw his wife being held down by the gangster. He picked up a shovel and beat her angrily. Then he heard the wife curse: "Damn it, I resisted for a long time and you gave me a shovel." It was captured! ”

The unit leader summarized his speech: The reasons why our work is not good are: first, it is like a widow sleeping with no one above; second, it is like a ****, who keeps changing people above; third, it is like sleeping with my wife When sleeping, one's own people always mess with one's own people.

A Japanese woman was taking a bath in a sauna and wanted to find a Chinese hunk to give her a massage. The hunk suddenly became aroused and inserted his penis into her vagina. The Japanese woman was furious: What are you doing? live? The macho man said: Rub it inside!

Two teachers from the history department got married, and they were both married for the second time. After entering the bridal chamber, the woman asked for the first couplet in the first couplet: the night attack on Pearl Harbor, the beauty was frightened (sperm) and the man’s coincidence: two atomic bombs, the Japanese Germany surrendered and criticized: World War II!

Life is always about some philosophy... Life is like being raped: either resist or enjoy it; work is like whoring: if you can't do it, let others take it; society is like... ..Everything must be solved with your own hands!

Ni Ping went to Mengcheng as a guest and was served a beef whip. It tasted very good. What was it? Feng Gong said: There is it in the cattle! Niu Qun said, Feng Gong also has it! Ni Ping asked: Do I have it on me? Both of them answered in unison: Sometimes you have it, sometimes you don't...

The beautiful woman had an urgent need to urinate and urinate on the roadside. She had no paper and wiped it with leaves. The leaves have thorns, which cause severe pain in the vagina. The beauty said displeased: "You eat meat all day long, can't you bear to eat vegetables?"

It is said that a man and a woman had an affair. After entering, the man lay on the woman's body without moving, and said softly: Let's Now that China Unicom is connected, the woman is a little unhappy, the man attacks fiercely, and the woman shouts loudly: China Mobile is better than China Unicom!

A female soldier disguised herself as a man. One day on the battlefield, a police officer suddenly appeared. Her bottom was red. The company commander asked: "Where are you injured?" The female soldier quickly said: "No, it's okay. The company commander hurriedly took off her pants and was surprised: "Your penis is blown up and you still say it's okay."

Tang Monk went west and met a female demon. He saw her breasts and fat buttocks, so he wanted to have sex with her. Seeing this, the demon exclaimed: Elder! The little girl may have inconvenience during menstruation! After hearing this, Tang Monk put his hands together and said: Amitabha, the poor monk is here to learn the scriptures!

Mr. Wang bought a turtle on a business trip and was not allowed to take it with him on the plane. He was so anxious that he put the turtle in his crotch and got on the plane. After sitting firmly, I was afraid that the turtle would suffocate to death, so I unzipped the turtle and let the turtle's head out. The flight attendant walked by and kept turning her head to look. Mr. Wang said: Look, what are you looking at? Never seen it? The flight attendant blushed and said, I have seen this thing many times, but this is the first time I have seen one with eyes like yours!

Colleagues went to Inner Mongolia to eat milk tea and meat in a tent. Some people couldn’t get used to the taste and wanted to trade with others. A lady said to the man next to her: You eat my breasts, and I’ll eat your eggs!

A man went to his family physician and asked, "Doctor, I'm getting married, but it's my first time with my girlfriend. Can you tell us what to do?" The doctor had watched the man grow up and was a little uncomfortable hearing this question, so he looked outside and said, "Look over there, do you see the two dogs in the park? Do you see what they are doing? Reply Just follow the same instructions." Two months later, when they met again, the doctor asked: "How is your sex life?" The man replied: "It's very good, but it's a bit cold to do it in the park, and some people will steal it." Look'

There is such a couple who are very loving. One day the wife said to her husband: "Why don't we put 10 yuan in the piggy bank every time we have sex? This will not only save money, but also prove how deep our love is in the future." The husband readily agreed. Finally one day the money jar was full, so the husband smashed the money jar and started counting the money. Suddenly he found three 100-yuan notes and was very angry. He asked his wife: "What's going on? I only put 10 yuan each time, how can there be 100 yuan?" His wife said disdainfully: "Do you think every time I put in 100-yuan notes?" Everyone is as stingy as you.”

A man went to visit his friend, but only his friend’s young and beautiful wife was at home. He boldly seduced her into sleeping with him at the cost of his willingness. Give her 500 yuan. She thought about it and thought it was a good deal and it was easy money, so she actually went to bed with him. After dark, her husband came back from get off work and asked, "Has Fadi been here today?" "He has been, why are you asking him?" she replied guiltily. "Did he give you 500 yuan?" "What? 500 yuan?" She felt panicked. "Yeah!" the husband said, "I lent him 500 yuan last month and promised to pay it back to me today."

A group of women exchanged their "sex" lives. Single women are very lively and full of sexual interest, while housewives are dull and silent. The housewife asked enviously: "Are you like this every day?" The single woman said: "No.

The housewife asked: "Why?" "We have to take advantage of your free time," said the single woman. "

The person in charge of the beach implicitly said to a beautiful woman wearing a three-point swimsuit: "We do not allow two-part swimsuits here. The beauty replied: "Okay, then which part do you think is more suitable for me to remove?"

A beautiful woman was bathing in the river when a small shrimp accidentally got into her lower body. The beautiful woman was shocked and rushed to the hospital. After examination, a male doctor said: "It's very troublesome to take it out. Why don't I just do it for you?" Make it into shrimp paste! ”

A man married a woman named Dang, and the bride made demands on the groom: First, we must adhere to the principle that the Party commands the gun, and we will fight wherever the Party calls us; second, we must not establish a multi-party system; third, we must You can't work hard before joining the party, and relax half after joining the party!

The young man bought a sofa at nearly cost price, and then asked the landlady to sell him a bed at a discount. The landlady said: "You are so greedy! You took advantage of me on the sofa, and you want to take advantage of me on the bed! "

The woman asked the man: What do you think we like most in men: What is big? What is thick? What is hard? The man smiled slightly, his face turned red, and he was speechless. The woman cursed: Idiot! Tell you. Well, I like men who are rich and powerful and have a strong waist!

Beautiful women are fascinated by men, slutty women are fascinating to men, gentle women are obsessed with men, talented women are obsessed with men, and rich women are obsessed with men. Official women kill men, and it is a woman’s duty to kill men!

A man went to work the day after his wedding, and the class was unhappy. A friend asked him why. The man said, “I was used to whoring before, and I had sex with him last night.” After my wife got done, I threw 100 yuan to her. The friend was relieved and said, "It doesn't matter if you give her money!" The man said angrily, "The problem is that she got my 20 yuan back..." '

An old couple suddenly wanted to eat naked one day in order to feel the excitement of their youth. During the dinner, the old woman's eyes flashed and she said passionately, 'Old man, I feel something. It's so hot...' The old man glanced sideways and said calmly, 'It drooped into the soup...'

A boy bought back a bird that once hung in a brothel. Parrot, when my mother came in after get off work, the parrot saw it and shouted, "Wow, the boss lady has changed!" At this time, my sister also came home from work. The parrot saw it and shouted, "Wow! Even the lady has changed!" At this time, The father, the head of the family, is back. This time the parrot screams with all his strength, '**, why are you still a regular customer!...'