The last few humorous jokes

You can’t have too many jokes. Once you have too many, you won’t know how to cherish them. Below I have brought you the last few humorous jokes. I hope you will like them.

The last few humorous jokes

1. I drank too much last night, and when I left the ktv, I yelled the song " Beijing, Beijing". When I got into the taxi, I was still humming "Beijing, Beijing" and fell asleep. The master woke me up in the morning and said: Beijing has arrived! When I woke up, the meter showed 12,185 yuan. ?I asked the master why he came to Beijing. The master said that he had asked you so many times and you kept talking about Beijing, Beijing----

I was really scared when I thought about it. Fortunately, I didn't sing "Qinghai-Tibet Plateau" at that time. !

It’s the end of the year, so drink with caution and sing with caution!

2. I was riding a bus with my wife and accidentally stepped on a man, so I quickly said sorry. The man stared at me and yelled: Can you afford to pay for my expensive shoes?

I quickly put my hand into my trouser pocket, ready to throw money at his face. If you have money, you can capricious.

At this time, my wife hugged me and cried. While crying, she said: "Didn't you promise me not to kill anyone in the future? Why are you still carrying a gun?"

The person in the car at that time Everyone was dumbfounded. The man immediately knelt down to me and said: Brother, I was wrong. A good wife can live a tough life.

3. An old man was doing Tai Chi in the park. Each move was very powerful.

A young man was envious when he saw it: "My uncle is so good at Kung Fu. How did he practice it?"

The old man said: "Kung Fu passed down from our ancestors! I stand still and use your best strength." Try hitting me with all your strength!?

So the young man punched the old man hard, and he was blackmailed for fifty-six thousand! When you go out, remember three sentences:

1 , Curiosity killed the cat!

2. If you don’t seek death, you won’t die!

3. It’s not that old people have become bad now, but that the gangsters in the past have become old!

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As the saying goes: heroes don’t care about their origins, and gangsters don’t care about their age! Haha

4. An old man said: "When we were discussing swords in Huashan, he first broke my seventy-year-old sword with the palm of ecstasy." Erlu Kongming Fist; then I switched to the Eighteen Dragon Subduing Palms, but unexpectedly he stretched out his right index finger and middle finger, and actually used the Six Meridian Divine Sword Shang Yang Sword and Zhong Chong Sword together, which showed that everyone in the world's martial arts is better than me. Restraint, the way of martial arts is so mysterious!"

The young man was dazzled by what he heard, and just as he was about to ask, the old lady next to him cursed: Damn, you can even play rock, paper, scissors with such authority!

< p>　5. My mother called me today and asked me: My child, did you spend August 15th this year alone?

I said: Mom, can you not make trouble? Do you know how many people there are? Do you want to chase me? I still live by myself, and I do it in several batches a day!

My mother said: My son, this is what my mother cares about. You are ugly, but you want to be beautiful, and no one chases you. You can brag!

6. If you say that a female college student goes to a nightclub to accompany a drinker at night, it doesn’t sound very good, but if you say that a nightclub girl insists on going to the university to attend lectures during the day, it is completely correct. Energy.

So when speaking, the order is particularly important.

The young monk asked the master: Master, can I smoke while chanting sutras? The master replied angrily: No.

The young monk asked again: What if I chant sutras while smoking? The master was very happy to hear this.

I want to sleep with you as a gangster, and I want to get up with you as Xu Zhimo. Order really matters.

7. Reporter: Uncle, your legs and feet are so flexible and your spirit is so strong. What is the secret to staying young?

Uncle: Get up early, stay up late, and eat three meals a day. Not on time!

Reporter: Ah? Uncle, what industry do you work in?

Uncle: I am a train conductor!

Reporter: Uncle, will you live a long life this year? ?

The uncle took a deep breath of cigarette and looked at the sky: It’s almost 30!

A witty joke, the most witty humorous joke of the year

1. In the middle of the night, the customer service phone line of China Eastern Airlines was busy for half an hour, and I was in a hurry to change my ticket. Suddenly, I had an idea and chose the English service. The call was connected instantly. I calmly asked, "Can you speak Chinese?" The other party was silent for three seconds and then replied, "Can you speak?" So we completed the entire communication in cordial Chinese. Cute Mayonnaise

2. There was a sudden power outage in the morning. My mother asked me to go to the property management company to see if my appliance card was in arrears. I lay in bed, took out my mobile phone, and turned on wifi. The list was empty. of. . . ?Mom~ is everything in the community stopped? Turn over and continue sleeping.

3. I was waiting for someone on the roadside, and suddenly I saw a cute girl running towards me and timidly asked me: Excuse me, are you Gu Lei’s classmate?

I was stunned. Then, the girl was the kind I liked,

I thought for a while and replied: I can be!

Then, the girl was amused by me!

Then she became my girlfriend. We are now in our seventh year and have a lovely baby. Later I found out that that day, classmate Gu Lei was his senior brother, and she asked him to borrow books, but unfortunately I took advantage of her. I'm sorry, classmate Gu!

4. I was waiting for my roommate at the entrance of the library, and suddenly I saw a handsome guy in front of me. He was my type, but I was embarrassed to strike up a conversation.

Suddenly an idea came to him, he stepped forward and asked in a silly manner: Excuse me, are you a classmate of Gu Lei? (Gu Lei is my senior brother, just pick a name (￣_,￣))

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Unexpectedly, the other person was silent for a moment and replied: I can be!

I was amused.

Then he became my man.

Seven years later?

I am so smart.

5. I am a fire supervisor. There has been a high incidence of fires in spring recently, and I often have on-site fire investigations, so I have a dry throat and always cough. Yesterday I bought two pears to clear away dryness and moisturize the lungs. This is the background.

Carrying two pears, I walked to the work unit and met a scumbag co-worker. I usually hated him and always took advantage of him.

He asked with a mean look: Why did you remember to buy pears?

I answered: It moistens the lungs.

He asked: Why did you buy two? The implication was to ask if you should give him one.

I answered without changing my expression: One moisturizes the left lung and the other moistens the right lung.

The scumbag bitch immediately stopped smiling and left.

I remained as indifferent as paralysis during the whole question and answer process.

6. When I was a child

I scored 18 points in the math test

First I changed it to 78

Then I changed it to 98 < /p>

When I got home, my dad said that you got 78 points in the exam, so I thought I wouldn’t notice

Go out and play with your ass

I was just pissed off I went out to play

7. I went to a haunted house with my classmates! I got lost. When I was so scared that I couldn’t help it, I took out my phone and clicked on "Today is a Good Day"~

So the staff who were pretending to be ghosts along the way burst out laughing!

Jokes about strong cold wave weather, humorous quotes about cold weather

The cold wave is coming, Guangdong, Guangxi and Yunnan People say 1 degree is so cold!

Beijing people laughed: It’s minus 17 degrees here.

Heilongjiang people also laughed: Our temperature is minus 33 degrees.

The Hulunbuir people laughed loudly when they heard this: Our temperature is 43 degrees below zero.

People from Guangdong, Guangxi and Yunnan sneered after hearing this: I’m talking about indoors. . . Indoors!!

Ordinary cities rely on heating, while literary and artistic cities rely on air conditioning. People in Guangdong, Guangxi and Yunnan have always relied on their own righteousness.

They basically rely on heating. Shake!

Transportation basically relies on walking!

Communication basically relies on shouting!

Entertainment basically relies on hands!