Which expert has a funny joke?

College entrance examination: [What would you do if an old lady stood next to you on the bus {you were sitting}? ]

Barry: I'll tell her, old lady, that you are so old. Don't always save money by bus and taxi.

Cars are safer.

A short joke

Teacher: You can't cheat in the exam!

Barry: Yes! You can't just sit back and wait!

Teacher: oh, my god, it's big xxxxxxxxx.

___

Geography class

The teacher asked, "Where is Brazil? 」

A Dai: "In the geography textbook, page 5 1. 」

___

mouse

A middle school computer classroom needs 100 mice to use windows. no

It has been a long time since I received the official documents from the office of the chief accountant. Because of the limited funds, please buy a pair of mice first to breed.

___

Which hole are you drilling?

Today's swimming class teacher changed the wooden ball.

Top students in our class

Is to aim at the target and prepare for a hole in one.

Unexpectedly, with a wave of his hand.

The ball went into the squatting eyebrow butt next door.

Teacher: Which hole are you drilling?

ace:！ @#$@#%%$^

Me: ... (already laughing to death! ! )

___

Sleepy ...

There are three guys in a class who can sleep well. They are nicknamed Sleeping God, Sleeping Saint and Sleeping Overlord in the class.

One day, the three decided to sleep a little longer in the competition, starting with self-study in the morning. Sleeping until noon, the sleeper gets up and knows that he is going to lose.

Yes,

I went to lunch alone. After school, the sleeping saint got up and walked home alone. Self-study early the next day

When,

I saw the god of sleep close his eyes and secretly scolded: Shit! ! I can't believe I'm still getting up early to study after sleeping for so long. ...

___

Teacher: "You have to do everything in one go to make people admire you. 」

Student: "I see. I will never fart intermittently again. " 」

___

Causes of low back pain

Students go to see a doctor because of low back pain.

After taking an X-ray, the doctor said:

Here, your liver. It didn't harden. ...

So, it's your stomach, no problem. ...

Here, it's your kidney. There are no stones. ...

Here, this is your stool. It's not clean, so my back hurts. ...

___

No one is allowed to go there.

There is a teacher who is a very devout Buddhist.

Once he told the children how good heaven was.

Ask the children if they want to go to heaven.

Only one child didn't raise his hand.

Then I told the children how terrible hell is.

Please raise your hand again if you want to go to hell.

Or did the boy not raise his hand?

So the teacher feels very strange ... why don't you go to heaven and hell?

Just ask the child, why don't you go to heaven and hell?

The children said: Mom said to go home immediately after school, and no one is allowed to go ...

___

electric shock

In medical class, gay men learned: "How can I touch your heart? 』

Female student: "Didn't the teacher teach? Use electric shock. 』。

___

surface tension

Two biochemists were sitting in front of the laboratory drinking coffee, and a beautiful woman walked by.

The old biochemist saw the dementia expression on his colleague's face.

She said, like us, more than 75% is water.

Colleagues still look stupid and say, yes, but look at the surface tension!

___

Jokes heard in class

The professor said in the highway engineering class that if the paint stops on the highway, most people will rush in, and he is no exception.

He went on to say that when overseas students are abroad, if there is paint on the ground, they will generally abide by the rules well.

Stop the car. At this time, Xiaowu made an amazing speech because he didn't know what words were on the road. He stopped to translate.

Machine, so we stopped.

___

Awakening words

Once when I was reading a reference book, I was so sleepy that I inadvertently glanced at two sentences in the book:

Why do you sleep for a long time when you are alive?

Will sleep after death.

Wake up immediately ...

___

Understand?

Once in the dormitory, I wanted to say that I haven't contacted my high school classmates for a long time, and asked him to call me (I was afraid that someone was in a hurry on the phone).

I happened to see a very introverted schoolmate who picked up the receiver and seemed to be calling him.

My opposite sex pen pal, it's rare to see him finally take the first step. I don't want him to know that I'm coming when he's finished.

Aside, let him continue to talk (ps he is a very shy person), but I didn't expect him to talk for more than half an hour.

In my opinion, he speaks for five minutes at most. I want to say that I will call my classmate later. It happened that he put down the receiver, as if

It's almost over. Just when I was about to make a phone call, he plugged in his mobile phone card, which made me confused, but he only said this once.

A minute later, when I asked him, I realized that I had been practicing how to say it for the first half hour and didn't hit me at all. A, b,

c，

…x，y，Z

___

Roman famous saying

Freshman: All roads lead to Rome.

Pingtan Tandaxue Road

Sophomore: Rome was not built in a day.

I haven't finished college for four years.

Senior: Rome has been built.

I haven't finished college yet.

Big n: Rome has collapsed

I'm still in college.

___

Examination article

The teacher said: exams are generally snacks, and they are not tired of eating;

Duan Kao is a dinner, regular and quantitative;

The entrance examination is a feast, and once is enough.

Why don't you study hard?

The student said: report to the teacher, we are losing weight! ! !

___

Son in sichuan yue:

A teacher asked his students to translate a passage from The Analects.

Zi Zaichuan said: The deceased is like a husband, day and night!

So, the talented student gave full play to the highest language level he had accumulated for more than ten years and said:

Son said in bed: sleep very comfortably, don't do your homework!

Hearing this, the teacher was surprised and touched the student's head and said:

You're only a hundred years old! I taught it in anger.

You are a fool who only appears once in a hundred years. The more I teach you, the less happy I am.

___

Team coach

This is what my professor told us. He used to teach in America. Some players never study, but neither does the university.

I want to graduate, and then I can join the professional basketball team to play nba. After retiring, I often go back to my alma mater as a team coach.

There is a student (let's call him Jordan) who will graduate soon, but calculus can't pass anyway, so he can't graduate and play nb.

Ah! So he asked his coach, who is also the coach of the school team, to intercede for him.

Coach: "Professor, please let Jordan live. The nba has been waiting for him for a long time! 」

Professor: "All right! Since the coaches have come to intercede, I will give you one last chance. "

"How much is one plus one? 」

Jordan immediately replied without thinking, "Two."

Coach: "Professor, please give him another chance! 」

___

My host. Why hasn't he come yet?

Xiaoying went to the second day of junior high school, and her family sent her to learn English. One day when she came home from class, Xiaoying shouted, Mom!

My host. Why hasn't he come yet? Everyone next door is here. Mother was startled: Xiaoying, who taught you these things?

Yao Mingdao. Some don't.

Xiaoying: It's a cram school teacher. Mom, tell me about my M.C. What took you so long?

Mom doesn't blush: ask your father.

Dad pretended not to hear, but it happened that the postman came.

Dad went on to say, ask the postman's uncle

Xiaoying had to ask uncle postman: Uncle postman, why hasn't my M.C. come yet? Do you know that?/You know what?

Postman: Don't worry. Come here. Look at this. This is what you expect at night, m. C.

The latest mail-order cartoon alarm clock morningcall is also available.

Mom and Dad: ......

___

Peek at comics in class! !

Everyone has the experience of peeking at extracurricular books in class. Especially reading comic books in class.

In high school, I liked watching cartoons in class, especially some sleepy classes. commemorate

Once, students read a new comic book in class. There are textbooks and drawers on the desk? There are comics. one

Page by page, savor it. Slowly, the teacher came up to him and said, "this classmate, you don't have to put it on the table."

It got away. Because the board in front of your drawer is missing. "At that time, the whole class burst into laughter.

___

Remember to brush your teeth! !

One day in the biological experiment, I observed my saliva cells, looked at them with a microscope and recorded them. Just when everyone was in high spirits.

I screamed when I carefully observed and studied. Ah ~ it was originally sent by the beauty teaching assistant ... the professor thinks it happened.

What happened, so he ran to look at her microscope. After that, he told her: remember to brush your teeth next time you finish your work.

Rinse your mouth! !

___

In class, the teacher asked a question that he thought no one could answer:

A tortoise walks five meters per minute, and an ant walks three centimeters per minute. Q: How old is the teacher this year?

The whole class was silent. ...

I saw Yu Gong bow his head in thought and quickly raised his hand to answer: 44 years old.

The teacher was very surprised when she heard the answer! ! Ask Dai Xiao how he knows ...

A: I have an uncle who is 22 years old and has a big brain. I multiplied his age by two, so ...

Teacher: ... # $ @% # $ #

___

Be fair! !

One day in a junior high school, the inspector came to the school to take a quiz and announced to the students at the meeting: "To be fair, I will take a quiz first this year.

Grade one, grade two next year and grade three the year after next. "After the students heard the news. ...

_____

Big?

The son asked his father, "Is one big or twenty big? 」

Dad: "Of course it's the top 20! 」

Son: "Then I'll take twenty. Is it better than the first place! 」

_____

Simple question.

A biology professor often goes to the university to teach "genetics"

Once on my way to a lecture. The driver said to him, "Professor. I have listened to your class for more than fifty times. I remember myself.

You must know everything. I dare say. I can also teach this course. "

"oh! Really? All right! Then let's switch roles later! 」

Arrived at school. The driver went to lecture. Complete the course word for word. But just as he was leaving. Suddenly there was a study.

The student asked some questions. ...

The driver couldn't answer for a moment ... but he said quietly. "This classmate. The question you asked is too simple ... to make you

I see. How simple. I decided to call my driver to answer you! ~」

___

sex education

One day. Xiaoming came home from class sadly.

Mom asked Xiaoming: What's the matter?

Xiao Ming replied: Xiaohua in the class knows where he is from. But I don't even know

Mom thinks it's time to tell Xiaoming about the relationship between men and women and make a correct sex education by the way.

Mother began to tell Xiaoming that boys fell in love with girls. Then get married ... talk about how sperm and eggs meet.

Mother told Xiaoming everything she knew.

When my mother finished the satisfactory teaching.

Xiao Ming is still at a loss. Look at mom. A little tears dripping from the corner of my eye said:

Xiaohua said that he came from Yilan. But after listening to my mother, I still don't know where I come from.