Funny short jokes

When you feel tired, you might as well read some light and humorous words to make yourself happy! Below are the funny words I collected for you, I hope you like it!

Funny Selection of happy words

1) One day, Xiaoren picked up ten yuan at the entrance of the alley. He happily ran to tell his neighbor Xiaoyang. But Xiaoyang said firmly: I must have accidentally dropped it at the alley yesterday. Xiaoren said: Are you sure you dropped it?.... I picked up two five-yuan coins! Xiaoyang said: Then they must have broken when they dropped...

2 ) On the plane, the flight attendant is collecting the meal trays, and most passengers hand them over for the flight attendant to collect. A passenger by the window was indifferent, and the passenger couldn't reach it, so he said to him: "Can you please pass the plate?" The passenger said arrogantly: "Are you the waiter, or am I the waiter?" the flight attendant replied. : "I am a waiter, but I am not a gibbon!"

3) Once upon a time, a little fly said to the big fly and the big bear: "I have your child!" The big bear fainted with fright after hearing this. In the past, after waking up, the fly said to the big bear: "Can you give me one?" The big bear was frightened to death after hearing this.

4) One day, the king asked a minister to help him catch 100 tortoises (water fish). As a result, the minister only caught 99 of them. The king asked him: "Why is there one missing?" The minister said that the one was reading the text message

5) I happened to meet you on the street that day, and your big eyes looked at me silently. I wanted to avoid your sight, but you kept chasing me. I really understood your mood, so I shouted loudly: Whose dog is off the leash?

6 ) If there are no flowers, spring will be lonely. If there is no passion, the four seasons will be mediocre. Without me, you will lose the person who cares about you the most! Without you.

7) We can still I couldn't get a raise, so I begged for several days in front of the Buddha. I was willing to exchange a few lifetimes for a little bit of my salary, hoping to impress my boss!

8) When watching horror movies, I always regret that I didn't get a raise. Turn on the lamp; when biting an apple, I always regret not having Steve Jobs; my friend, when I am happy, I feel like I have money, and I am always quite content!

9) The boss can’t do it, my salary is getting higher and higher. It's getting lower and lower, where will my salary go, and I still pretend to be so calm! Boss, you can't do it, blame me for making you angry, and leave work in a hurry, it's not that I don't care!

10) Tired at work, promoted We stood in line, we agreed to eat but got drunk, our lover still hasn’t arrived, I don’t think about it in the morning, and I really want to sleep at night. It doesn't matter, the most intolerable thing is to charge for wishing you happiness.

11) Your place is far away from home. Those who dance with their heads towards the tiles should learn it hard. Those who dance with their heads in front of the tiles should learn the formations and formations, and wear clean clothes. Some people, those who look dirty on the outside, those who look like dancing in groups, those who are introverted, those who look awkward, and those who look like a gray pine. What kind of thing is it to dance in a group? It's so good, it makes people look at it, it's introverted, it's silly, it makes people dirty to death! This is our northern Shaanxi dialect (listen to those from other places) Stupid seeds)

12) The master asked the apprentice: Is your family rich? Apprentice: Not as rich as you? The master asked the apprentice again: How tall are you? Apprentice: Not as tall as you. After a while, the master asked the apprentice: Is your family rich? Apprentice: Less than you. The master asked the apprentice again: How tall are you? Apprentice: Shorter than you. This time the master was satisfied.

13) If one day I die on my desk, first of all I would like to thank the slave-owning real estate company that exploited thousands of people, I would also like to thank the tax bureau that exploited me, and finally I would like to thank my boss who exploited me. Thank you very much for your persistence throughout my life!

14) The most painful thing in life is working overtime! The most painful thing is working overtime every day! The most painful thing is working overtime for free every day! The painful thing about working overtime for free every day at Ha Yao is that one person works overtime for free every day! The other thing that means working overtime for free every day is watching others work overtime for free every day!

15) For money Crazy, crazy about money, my salary is not enough to buy a double bed; I go to the hall, go to the kitchen, my life is busy all the time; I don’t have a car, I don’t have a house, let alone one day I will be a groom; I know you, I can borrow some money, and my marriage and career will not be confused.

The latest funny words

1) The wife said to her husband during dinner: Today our agency invited a health expert to give a lecture.

Experts say you should eat more vinegar to prevent colds. The husband smiled: Then you won’t catch a cold. Why! You are usually too jealous!

2) A man walked into the manager’s office angrily. He wanted to ask why he was owed one month’s salary. When the manager saw him, he first spoke in shock. Asked: "Why are you still working here?"

3) There was a fat guy in the high school dormitory. One day he was lying on the bed and found a small spider on the bed, so he sold unlimited sales h?n with emotion. , Hey, why is there a spider (there is a pig) on ??my bed?..Three seconds later, the whole bed burst into laughter?..

4) The mother brought her daughter to the bank to withdraw money, and the staff handed the money to When talking to her mother, the daughter: "Mom, does she owe us money?" The mother said: "Yes, they owe a lot of people money, so they are locked up."

5) Girlfriend: Secret Love Who is Nezha’s woman? Boyfriend: I don’t know, is there such a thing? Girlfriend: Faye Wong. Boyfriend: Why? Girlfriend: Because she sang in the legend: "When I miss you, you are making waves." Boyfriend:?

6) The apprentice in the barber shop cut his boyfriend multiple times while shaving him The unbearable boyfriend shouted, "Give me a razor!" The apprentice asked, "Do you want to shave yourself?" The boyfriend said angrily, "I want to defend myself!"

7) A colleague's wife was pregnant and she was very happy. Everyone asked him to sing a song, but after thinking about it for a while, he didn't know what to sing. At this time, another colleague came in and heard that he was going to "sing". He said casually: "Sing the punishment of impulsiveness."

8) First couplet: I rushed to work in the morning and forgot to eat breakfast. Second line: Go shopping for groceries and go home calmly in the afternoon, and have a full dinner! Horizontal comment: The helplessness of office workers

9) Work pressure is high, life is too boring, reduce stress, have fun, and be in a good mood during working hours , efficiency will also follow. I wish you who read this text message will laugh heartily during work hours, be in a better mood, and have a stronger wallet.

10) A man came to the clinic for treatment. The doctor asked him: Are you feeling uncomfortable? Man: It hurts when I touch it here (he touched his index finger to his head and then his chest), and it hurts when he touches it there. It hurts (he touched his index finger to his stomach again), what kind of strange disease do I have? The doctor replied: I think you have a broken index finger...

11) Passenger: Miss, this is your plane Why is it so smelly in there? Stewardess: Sir, because our plane is crossing the ozone layer?

12) A gentleman applied for a job as an animal breeder. During the interview, the examiner asked: "When you saw a dog and a person in front of a car, did you run over the dog or the person?" The gentleman replied without thinking: "Of course it was the dog." The examiner shook his head. He shook his head and said: "You are not suitable for this position." The gentleman was very unconvinced: "I don't run over dogs, how can I run over people?" The examiner loudly reprimanded: "You should drive."

13 ) The work is hard, the work is tiring, the heart is broken, the mouth is broken, and in the end, the boss is hurt. It's good to get off work, it's great to get off work, I'm drinking a little wine, smoking a small cigarette, and my wife brings me a footbath. The troubles of work are the joys of life. One day of hardship and one day of joy!

14) The birds in the sky are chirping. Don’t always be late for work. The sun is good in every way in the morning. I wish you work hard and everything will go well. In the afternoon The wind is blowing gently, don't decide that you are tired, it's time to get off work as the sun goes down, it's not difficult to work overtime, boss, boss, can you show me a sunny day!

15) "Go to work and get off work, run enough Huan, when the time was right, I was afraid of being late, exhausted from work, just wanted to live, busy, and physically exhausted. Finally, I was commended by the leader: "I really envy you, you know me at such a young age." ””

16) If you don’t receive gifts during the holidays this year, if you receive gifts, you will receive a long holiday. Accompany dad, mom, love, send you, me, everyone. What will you give for the holidays this year, and what will you receive for the holidays this year? Whether you understand it or not, I understand it anyway.

17) The girlfriend said: "If I accidentally fall into the river, are you willing to jump in and save me immediately?" The boyfriend said: "Of course! Don't you often say that I like to do stupid things? ”

18) A: Do you have money? B: Yes. A: Lend me some. B: What did you just say? A: Lend me some. B: No, the previous sentence. A: Are you rich? B: No!

19) The sky is blue, the fields are vast, I am busy with work every day, I am in a hurry every day, and I am melancholy at night. Apart from the company, there is only a bed, there are so many people, and my heart feels cold. I always think about the year-end bonus, the wind is blowing, the moon is bright, my brother must be better than me.

20) The one who works the most overtime, the most tiring work, the lowest salary, the least bonus, the best performance, the most popular, works hard all day long, and at the end of the month, all the money is gone, work portrayal, comparison Compare, what do you think, work hard for tomorrow.

About funny words

1) Whether you do it or not, the work is there, neither increasing nor decreasing; whether you want it or not, the boss is there, never leaving. Go; you are willing or not, the salary is there, no more, no less. You like it or not, the workplace is there, it’s better to be happy and relaxed every day!

2) Boss, boss! I’m so exhausted that I don’t want to be lazy, I work hard and risk my life, just to get my salary. Don't cheat, or if your conscience prompts you to add another meal.

3) If you don’t know how to drink at a dinner party, you will have no future; if you drink nine taels a day, your future will be unlimited; if you only drink drinks, you will be relegated to the sidelines; if you fall down after drinking, you will be transferred sooner or later; if you lead the whole process, you will be a future leader. I wish you smooth sailing in the workplace!

4) Secretary’s love letter: In order to further speed up the pace of our love work and set off a new climax in our love life. I carefully sum up the past, deeply reflect on the current problems, actively change my courtship thinking, and strive to become a first-class courtship unit in the coming year.

5) Be as steady as Mount Tai, sit like a bell, hold the direction for thousands of miles, and drive safely across the river. . Why do you work hard? The little girl in your heart misses you the most! When you have more money around your waist, I will be fascinated by your smiling face.

6) A man raised a pig. He was very annoyed with it and wanted to throw it away. However, the pig knew the way home and he threw it many times without success. One day, the man abandoned the pig in his car. That night he called his wife and asked, "Has the pig returned?" His wife said, "Yes." The man was very angry and yelled, "Hurry up and let him answer the phone. I'm lost." "

7) A couple passed by on the street, and a pigeon flew across the sky. A drop of pigeon droppings happened to fall on the wife's shoulder. The wife was anxious and asked her husband to get the paper. The husband looked up and saw that the pigeon was not hygienic and pooped everywhere, but he didn't know why his wife asked him to take the paper. He said, "What can I do? I can catch up and wipe its butt!"

8) What is pride? Be awesome! What is humility? Just pretend! What is diligence and thrift? Believe! What is virtuous? Be stupid! What is smart? Blow! What kind of beauty? You are!

9) Passenger: Miss, put my luggage on it! Flight Attendant: Sir, I’m sorry, I can’t lift it by myself, can we do it together? Passenger: Aren’t you an angel?! An angel can’t put it on?! Flight Attendant: Sir, you Even God can’t fit in there, how can I, an angel, do it?!

10) There are two types of people I hate the most: one is racial discrimination; the other is black people; and the third is illiterate!< /p>

11) One day, a salesperson received a call from a customer. At the end of the call, the salesperson used to ask: "What is your surname?" The reply was: "My surname is Dad (die). What is your surname?" "The salesman replied angrily: "My surname is Ye."

12) The boss is the last person you want to see if you are late for work! The boss is the most terrifying person if you fall asleep at work! The boss is the most hateful person if you work overtime continuously. People! The boss is the most cursed person when bonuses are deducted! During holidays, the boss is the person who forgets the fastest! Therefore, the boss is the person who always has a straight face!

13) Graduation, I finally got on the job, but it turned out that it was managed by Foxconn; I finally participated in the training, but it turned out that it was run by Shan Mu; I finally learned to work in a wrangling, but in the end, I was bullied by the leader. My friend, work is not easy, so you need to be careful in the workplace!

14) I didn’t see Chang’e flying into the sky, that’s because the divine horse is also a beauty; I didn’t see the sea and stone pierce, because I couldn’t afford to be hurt by the oath of beauty. ;I didn’t see you holding hands, haha, is it because I haven’t made a move yet?

15) One day, the boss asked Zhang Bin and Wu Shan to each write an article. The next day, the boss asked: "Xiao Bin, have you brought your article?" Zhang Bin said: "Oh, I forgot to bring it." The boss said again: "Have Xiao Shan brought it?" At this time, the boss The secretary quietly said to the boss: "You can't bring the mistress."

16) A colleague squeezed into the subway to go to work every day and was squeezed into shape. Another colleague offered advice. Ask him to hold a pot of cactus in his hand, and no one will dare to come close. I did it at the same time, and the result was. . . . . As a result, the prickly pear turned into a cactus.

17) There is one man and three women in a corporate promotion office.

One day there was a regular meeting to discuss whether to post no-smoking signs in the office. Everyone argued for a long time, and then the only male colleague stood up and said: "Anyway, the office is full of lesbians, so there is no need to post these useless things." Suddenly the office burst into laughter!

18) During the meeting, the boss said: I hope everyone can be attentive when working, be attentive when working overtime, be happy when coming to the company, not feel guilty when doing things, be of the same mind among colleagues, and be careless about wages. Employees whispered to each other: I'm afraid we're just going to be sad.

19) The boss called to express condolences to the sick Xiao Li: "Are you feeling better? How did you get sick?" Xiao Li replied: "Because the company (company) is on fire." "Ah! What happened? Burning? I just left the company!" the boss asked in a panic.

20) A man and woman came to a wishing well. The husband bent down and made a wish and then threw a coin into the well. The girlfriend also wanted to make a wish, but she accidentally fell into the well when she bent down. The boyfriend was shocked, and then whispered: It's so amazing!

21) Xiao Mao: "My mother is a master's degree, and my father is a doctor." Xiao Xin: "What's so great!" Xiao Mao: "Your parents What is a scholar?" Xiaoxin: "My father is a man and my mother is a woman."

22) Girlfriend: Shave your beard. Boyfriend: What are you doing? Isn’t this great? Girlfriend: You are not suitable for taking the decadent route. Boyfriend: Then what route should I take? Girlfriend: Idiot route.

23) A man was about to jump off a building, and his girlfriend shouted: "Don't be impulsive, dear, we still have a long way to go!" After the man heard this , jumped down without hesitation. The negotiator standing nearby said, "Madam, you really shouldn't threaten him like this?

24) I just met a female colleague on the way to the toilet. She probably wanted to say hello to me but didn't know what to say. What, I made a sentence: Oh, why do you go to the toilet by yourself?

25) Once I went to dinner with my ex-boyfriend, and he suddenly said: "There is something dirty on your eyes! Close your eyes and I will remove it for you." !" Then I closed my eyes, and he took off my double eyelid tape with a swipe.

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